24

Here is the situation on the ground:

There is barf on the ground. Jack Bauer emitted it last week after shooting Curtis, which Jack had to do because Curtis was about to shoot the evil terrorist Assad, or possibly Fayed. I, personally, am not 100 percent convinced that Curtis is dead -- at least not as dead as Edgar -- but Jack was so sick about the shooting that, despite his three-year contract, he was going to quit being a counter-terrorism agent right then and there, which would have meant the end of this hugely popular award-winning dramatic series. Fortunately, at just that moment terrorists working for Fayed (or possibly Assad) detonated a nuclear bomb in Valencia.This was just the "pick-me-up" that Jack needed. So tonight he's back, trying to track down the other four suitcase nukes, which we assume are located somewhere around Los Angeles, because otherwise there will have to be several episodes consisting entirely of of Jack flying to, say, Chicago ("Dammit, I'm a federal agent, and I want a second package of peanuts NOW!").

In other developments:

-- The official 24 website is conducting a poll that asks: "What other terrorist body part do you think Jack could easily bite off?"

-- Kumar is dead. He was not a very effective terrorist anyway, having been severely wounded by a coffee table.

-- According to the previews of this week's show, the creepy bald scotch-drinking puppet-master guy will return. We don't know whether he is puppet-mastering President Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, but we do know that President Payton is proving to be the least-effective president this nation has ever had since the last one.

-- There is still no sign of Audrey, knock on wood used to generate dialogue.

So that is where we stand. Everybody get ready.

UPDATE: Whoa. Some guy just shot himself on Prison Break. I'm sure I would be amazed if I had any idea what was going on.

UPDATE: They're saying Saw III is the best Saw so far.

UPDATE: The bunker!

UPDATE: The bunker looks like a steak house.

UPDATE: Does everybody inauthority seem just a little, I dunno, low-key, considering that A NUCLEAR FREAKING BOMB WENT OFF??

UPDATE: OK, who is this guy with the accent?

UPDATE: Jack knows exactly what to do with a roof helicopter.

UPDATE: The nuclear shock wave is causing extras and special effects to occur all over Los Angeles.

UPDATE: The president uses an Apple!

UPDATE: "The only language they understand is force." Thanks, dialogue generator!

UPDATE: Bill doesn't know where Assad's hand has been.

UPDATE: Blah blah. Where's Jack?

UPDATE: OK, just for the record, so far nothing has happened except a helicopter fell off a roof.

UPDATE: MIlo is falling in love with Morris.

UPDATE: Jack's FATHER???

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be cool if Jack's father turned out to be William Devane?

UPDATE: They're gonna wire Walid!

UPDATE: They're gonna give Walid a swirly!

UPDATE: I'm not sure how to spell swirly.

UPDATE: Jack's father lives with Sam. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

UPDATE: THE BALD GUY IS JACK'S BROTHER??????

UPDATE: What if Jack has a sister, and it's Princess Leia?

UPDATE: I wonder if Sam knows that Jack's dad has girlfriends.

UPDATE: The Los Angeles freeways are jammed! Wait, that's normal.

UPDATE: That's Graham's wife? Whoa.

UPDATE: She's not over Jack? And HE WAS HOT FOR AUDREY??

UPDATE: Blah blah blah, Mr. President.

UPDATE: It must take them many takes to record those presidential-advisor scenes without falling asleep.

UPDATE: OK, does anybody have a clue who this couple is?

UPDATE: At the 45-minute mark, the helicopter is still the highwater mark, violencewise. This is not acceptable.

UPDATE: The Walid subplot is slooooooooooooooooow.

UPDATE: Maybe Jack will shoot Graham in the thigh. Is that too much to ask for?

UPDATE: Do we think Jack could be... Josh's father?

UPDATE: I suppose Jack could give Graham a swirly (sp?), but there's not much to swirl.

UPDATE: Hitting! Good.

UPDATE: "Trust me... I'm not." Excellent.

UPDATE: I hate to say this, but President Payton is a bigger handbag than President Handbag was.

UPDATE: It specifically states on those plastic bags that you are not supposed to use them that way.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack's dead wife!  AND THE DAD IS THE OLD GUY FROM "BABE" THE TRAINED PIG MOVIE!

In summary: Some shockeroos, but  no shooting, no nukes, and way too much talking. We have to do better, people. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[bizrey]

Awwww, was to much to ask that they get Donald Sutherland for his dad? Or is he too big time for TV?

[insomniac]

bauer family
has old testament values
like abel and cain

[Hammond Rye]

That'll do, Jack.

[WayneHere]

OOOOhh--he hit Jack with the dead wife card-----not smart brother

[steve (not that one)]

jack's father is the farmer from Babe?!?! la la la!

[jt]

And you thought YOU had family problems...

[Steven Jens]

Oh! And there's a wildfire in Thousand Oaks! Is that the terrorists, too?

Oh, wait, the news has started...

[Waffles]

Farmer from babe, so does that amke Jack the farmer's best handle?

[glow]

So Jack\\\'s dad is that weirdo judge from Picket Fences?

[Timmay]

For the record, Josh looks nothing like Babe.

[Timmay]

For the record, Josh looks nothing like Babe.

[jobob]

Guess it was way too much to hope for to have Donald Sutherland be Jack's dad. It would have been sooo cool, though.

[Timmay]

Strange...nothing about a nuke exploding in LA on the news tonight...

[Wes S.]

Is it just me, or is President Allstate, Jr. just a fictionalized preview of a Barack Obama administration?

[Jessica R.]

YAWN...verrrry slow this week. Maybe Steve's version will be more entertaining, but he doesn't have much to work with.

[swo]

Watching on TIVO and forgot that the present was the past. But the highlight of the episode is
Sam's wife who is way to hot for him, wuss son or not.

[Ann]

I dunno where she went Sarah - she was on before!

If Jack's dad isn't some sort of cyborg, life will make no sense at all.

[jt]

Nope, Donald Sutherland is going to be playing President Baldy's dad...

[insomniac]

that would be his younger brother 'skippy' obama...

[johnnycamaro]

baa
baa
ewe

[Ann]

Wes, it's just you. Obama has this little thing called "charisma."

[abilicious]

So it's looking like Mr. Bauer will turn out to be a baaad guy?

[Sooska]

Pittsburgh native Adoni Maropis plays terrorist Abu Fayed

[Wes S.]

I'll take your word for it, Ann. It seemed to me that Obama was being bruited about as a Presidential candidate based largely on how photogenic he is...which also seemed to sum up Allstate Junior's Presidential qualifications for the "24" universe.

Although I will say this for Barack: HE ain't wooden...

[swo]

Didn't Jack talk to Sam over the phone last season and wouldn't he have recognized his voice?

[CJrun]

Must hit the refresh button. The evil 4-year old next door says the sandbox is his, whereas I judge it to be straddling the property line. I am so getting out there before him, tomorrow morning.

[OhioNora]

"charisma"? Yeah, I suppose so, but, then again, so did Jim Baker and Jim Jones...

[swo]

Jack's going to bite his tongue out. Sorry, I'm still not caught up.

[Steven Jens]

I'm with Wes on Obama; he presents well. There may be more there, or there may not be -- I haven't seen any way to tell.

[Blog Referee]

FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!

Back to the Bauer family issues.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Pretty good summary yourself there Dave.

[glow]

Can\\\'t wait to read Steve\\\'s take on the underlying Shakespearean comedic themes of mixed identities in this one....

[Timmay]

Summary: No googly eyes this week, a welcome sign. Probably more googly eyes when Jack meets up with Baldy's wife...and whoever hooks up with Nadia. We did not advance the plot much this week...would've preferred 45 min of Jack yelling "damn it" into his phone while driving around in a Ford product placement.

[Ann]

I wish people would stop making comments about real politics when we're discussing 24. I used to keep quiet but I'm sick of it. It's a FAKE WORLD we're watching. I come here to have fun watching it, and to be a little escapist. Then somebody goes and makes some rude political statement as though everyone here is going to (NATURALLY) agree with them, and my fun is over.

Please STOP. I want to keep coming back here, but I'm about ready to quit.

[Jazzzz]

thank you Ann...I wanted to say it, but I'm not as tactful

[Babe]

Bah Ram Ewe...

[BillB]

James Cromwell (?), guy who plays Jack's father was Prince Phillip in recent movie "The Queen". That's as in her royal majesty, not drag. Though come to think of it, Prince Phillip spent most of the movie in a dress, er kilt.

See you next week!

[insomniac]

he also invented warp drive...

[slyeyes]

Thanks, Ann.

And now for something completely different.

BillB, thanks! I've been trying to think of Jack's Dad's real name. Not the Donald Sutherland one. His fake dad's real name.

[Yelwrose]

Care for some cheese to go with that whine, Ann? Good grief.

[Ann]

Thanks Jazzzz. I just think...there are lots of political blogs, and I get plenty of it in my life. I just don't feel this is the forum...I tried just saying the opposite of whatever someone would say, but it didn't drop the hint and it wasn't easy for me to keep up. So I think it's best if nobody says anything at all. The show is much more fun to watch if you just pretend the real world isn't there (like Bond movies - nobody translates those into real life!).

[KDF]

sly - James Cromwell.

[jt]

slyeyes: James Cromwell, I think.

Ann, I'm with you. Which is why I'm so disheartened to hear that in three weeks, Jack will have a touching reunion with his mother, played by Rep. Nancy Pelosi.

[pete]

This is just not right being out here in fly-over country.
The show is over for all of you before it starts out here. Even worse for those on the left coast.
President Payton needs to do something!

[Jazzzz]

Ann..... "I can see the beginning of a beautiful friendship"

[goddessoftheclassroom]

I agree with Ann--let's just comment on 24, shall we?
Secondly, I'm in the Pittsbrugh viewing area--I know thaose ads!

[mcsor]

so is it Gray or Graham????.. and yeah.. the kid is...soooo Jack's!!!

[Yelwrose]

If you don't like what people post, ignore their posts! But it completely sucks to try and tell people what and how to post. What are you...commies?

[TandCinKC]

Isn't it amazing how EVERYONE was so casual about how Jack just "got back" from China - like he went there on holiday?!? Hey Jack! How was the great wall?

Fox missed a great crossover opportunity with "Prison Break"!

[Brian]

You think you have it bad, Ann? I think it's fair to say, in all modesty, that my suffering to worse than the people of Darfur, because I missed the show and I'll now have to download a torrent, and my computer might get a virus. So quit yer bitching.

[Jazzzz]

Pete...violence, intrigue, adultry, mayhem....and that's just from the bloglets... Well, maybe not adultry, but it gets you're attention

[slyeyes]

TandCinKC -- you mean when Graham (Gray for short --- who IS short, BTW) said "Oh, yeah. Dad and I tried for at least a day to get you out of China. And how did you get out, by the way?

And isn't it interesting that no one told his family he was released. Oh wait. They released him to kill him.

Nevermind.

[pete]

Yes, Jack could shoot his own father or brother. He liked Curtis.

[Edgar Greenberg]

You think Jack Baur would look cool in leggings?

[Ann]

Here's what I don't get, sly - if Dad and Bro are even a little suspicious, and have been for some time, wouldn't that have been a problem for Jack becoming and/or staying a CTU agent? Wouldn't they have transferred him to some other duty, investigating Medicare fraud or something?

[Val]

President Peyton just isn't doing it for me. And bluetooth boy is Jack's brother??? And the pig farmer is his father??? Oh man - I bet THOSE were some interesting family Christmas dinners!

[BostonPaul]

So, what about Chloe's eyes? Am I the only one that noticed stiff scowls; a distinct and unnatural lack of movement betwixt her peepers?

Has she developed an indifference to emotion or has she been botoxed?

[Jazzzz]

gee Ann, you don't look "commie" yeeeshhh..now it's name calling...g'nite folks

[pete]

I wish Jack would shoot Sandra Payton.

[slyeyes]

Ann, that's why I switch on the "believability suspension machine" when I turn on 24.

[slyeyes]

Jack Bauer in leggings? I bet he'd rather be tortured by the Chinese.

[KDF]

Steve, nobody will blame you if you fell asleep. Come to think of it, that would be a highly accurate summary.

[Siouxie]

Hey peoples!! finally caught up on the posts! I stay away from the live blogging cuz I don't want to miss ONE second of this incredible show!

My takes on tonight's show:

Chloe - what's up with her?? first she's worried about why people she knows keep dying and then she's all flirty booting up some routers with baldy.

Dr. (one-armed)Romano - He was also the gay dude in FAME (for the geezers). We know he's jealous cuz Jack got the hair and the looks. (And apparently the wife at some point.) Let's hope the knife goes to his thigh next week.

Sister Palmer/Regina King - would someone please slap her??? GEEEEZUS

President Palmer II - WAY too calm and probably on Prozac but he reads well.

Jackyver! - A man who knows how to improvise, wants more blood and may be an UncleDaddy.

Ok...now to wait for Steve!

btw, Ann...good job. I totally agree. Lets keep this on 24.

[Ann]

Oh, I do too sly (remember all those L.A. "barns?"), but I guess I didn't set mine to "Erase All Rational Thought" tonight. ;)

[slyeyes]

Steve has either

(1) fallen asleep.

(2) been blocked by the thundertechs

(3) there is no 3

(4) is struggling to come up with SOMETHING from this week's episode.

(5) Has already posted his summary while I wrote this and I now look like a LTTG dweeb.

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

Still working on it....stay tuned!

[Ann]

I think Steve is looking for Marwan to find some real action.

[Siouxie]

OH..and one more thing...no perimeters tonight?? wtf?

Jack, your brother is such a pig...just sayin'

[homeybeef]

I now have an evening class and can't get home until 24 is almost over thus explaining my absence. But my wonderful girlfriend has a DVR so I just finished it. I don't understand how I finished watching the random plot generator show before steve gave us a summary

[Jazzzz]

*zips in* Hi Siouxie!! Nite Siouxie!! *zips out*

[Ann]

Homey, do you fast forward through all the nonviolent parts? That might explain it...

[Siouxie]

nite Jazzzie!!!!

[ubetcha]

I am such a geezer - just can't get into 24 even for the goof factor. I tried last week but it was so . . . I can't find the words. *crawls into bed sucking thumb*

Siouxie - get thee to bed! You'll hate yourself in the morning.

[Jeannie]

I don't know but I think I see something comming up!! Can Graham's son really be Jacks? So who's your daddy little blonde kid???

[SallyRogers]

ubetcha,

If it weren't for The Might Steve posting his keen observations about each episode, I couldn't tolerate 24 either.... But I do have the hots for Keifer, so I might be able to just watch the eps without the sound on.

[Siouxie]

ubetcha, i will...soon ;-) I can't get to bed now...this is early for me.

[homeys wonderful girlfriend]

homeys such a suck up ... calling me wonderful and all ... I guess I'm doing something right if he thinks I'm wonderful ... like letting him name our future children Chloe :)

[slyeyes]

Good night, everyone. Tomorrow will be here sooner than I expect it.

I'll catch Steve's summary in the AM.

(BTW, I have no idea why, but I haven't had to deal with the sp@mbot all night. Last week I got it every time I posted. Go figure)

[Siouxie]

nite, sly!

shhhh! I haven't had a lot of problems with the nazi blog bot today either...I am not complaining!

[pete]

Ann,
The first real life political comment I saw was the cheap shot you took at GW. Just sayin.

[ubetcha]

Siouxie - I was only watchin' out for ya.

OT/It's actually SNOWING in CT and we have almost one inch, with nothing more than that in the forecast, and the PLOW JUST WENT BY. Our tax dollars couldn't wait to get back to work.

[homeys wonderful girlfriend]

Or he could be calling me wonderful because he wants me to be able to do this for him without holding it over his head

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/football/nfl/specials/playoffs/2006/01/21/bc.fbn.bears.earlydeliv.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

[Master of the Obvious]

Uh oh. Steve isn't downwind of Valencia, is he?

Now we know why Jack is so tough. He is a robot built by Dr. Alfred Lanning.

...and he is unique.

Jack must apply the nanites to save mankind!

[Siouxie]

((((((ubetcha)))))))thanks!!!

don't worry I'll get my beauty sleep. eventually.

awwww snow...must be purty. (no, I don't wont it)

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wow, Steve, you're setting a new snail-pace record! 8)

[Spiny Norman]

Steve? Uhh, what have you people done with the Amazing Steve?

STEVE IS MISSING?!?

HEY! Is anyone going to set up a perimeter and send in a search team???

[Siouxie]

pssst...judi?? maybe you should get Walter and poke Steve to make sure he's not dead.

[homeybeef]

will this be a moving perimeter to find steve? Those are the only ones that work you know

[mellio]

Some stuff I thought of tonight, and would have blogged it already, if I didn't have the world's slowest PC...

Not sure why some of you are surprised at the draggy pace in this episode--remember? This is normal, or what passes for it, anyway--as the initial mayhem from the first few hours dies down. We'll go through stretches where they have to set up new "plotlines" (I use that term loosely, apparently), but for these things, I heartily recommend TiVO.

Anyway, I didn't see much advance press on Jack's dad, so I thought, in that one glimpse I saw in next week's previews, that he was played by the guy who was the Governor from the old tv sitcom "Benson". Duh--not even close. So when I learned this, I also learned that James Cromwell was not only the farmer in "Babe", but he's played a bunch of great roles--most notably, he's played US President, not once, but three times (really well, I might add), all on teevee shows of some sort or 'tother.

So right away, you know he's been miscast as a BAD GUY in this teevee show, Right? Imagine--you're a whacked-out, forty-something federal agent who would at some point, very likely have to stuff the business end of a gun in Farmer Hoggit's mouth. Do you do this? Not if you want to retain one shred of HUMANITY, you don't! So...I'm going out on a limb here--to predict that, based on Cromwell's Good Guy IQ Factor (which is way better than Dennis Hopper's, you can bet), Jack's Dad may actually live after having spent roughly half a day with his son.

Talk about dysfunctional families! Get OUT, this is GREAT TEEVEE! Try and imagine, just for one exciting moment, what Jack's MOM must have been like!

Seriously, I know we all realize there's a certain amount of 'belief suspension' that needs to happen when one is watching this particular fiction, but the whole "Bluetooth is Jack's brother" is just totally NOT believable. All the STUFF that guy knew in advance last season, which allowed every well-placed minion at his command (which seemed to be virtually all of the Terrorist Underground around the free world) to do all manner of Bad-Guy Stuff--yet he had no idea that Jack was back in LA, having been sprung by the Chinese, a few hours ago?

Speaking of "dysfunctional", I would relish the end of the Palmer sister. I like the actress playing her, but no, this cannot be a Real Palmer, it just doesn't work. President Allstate would have used his clout to have this really annoying person shipped to Siberia to practice law on a llama farm before he'd take one call from her. So, since he's gone, this is likely not going to happen. Perhaps some other character (hopefully, Aaron?) will hunt her down and stuff a sock in her mouth, permanently, or at least for the rest of the day. I'm tellin' you, after her last scene of hers, I was almost ready to wish for Audrey to come back. Almost...

Sorry for whining--guess my brain melted down since 10pm Eastern, trying to process all this nonsense. I swear, I loved this show in Season One, but it's slowly morphing into "MacGuyver" meets some screwed-up hybrid of "Dallas". Jesus...Steve! HELP!!!! ;)

[homeybeef]

*nervous shaking* he's not coming,is he? this is not happening this is not happening *nervous shaking*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Maybe he got caught in the newkular blast in Valencia...

[pete]

Has everyone left or are we all waiting reverently
for the amazing Steve?

[Siouxie]

We need to get Jack to look into this...Steve may have been abducted.

[Val]

So are we going to have a cross-over with Maury? "Bluetooth boy, you are NOT the father!". That could be interesting.

Sandra Palmer - biggest PITA of all 6 seasons. I'd like to see them bring back Nina Myers just to take her out. I seriously hope Jack shoots her in the thigh.

And, another reminder.....my son just moved to Valencia 2 weeks ago! I am NOT happy with the whole "a nuclear bomb was just detonated in Valencia" line in the script every other scene!!

[Ann]

pete, you didn't read far enough up. I was responding to a cheap shot somebody else made at Clinton. My point was that not everybody on this blog sees things the same way; it was a hint to cut it out. Didn't work, so I changed tactics.

[pete]

Steve? I think everyone but three of us have been abducted. Or nuked?

[mellio]

Yeah...abducted by the show's writers, who, rumor has it, lost the memory chip out of the Random Plot Generator. There was NO TIME to find other writers. They needed someone NOW!

So they've taken Steve, I'll betcha. Either that, or his brain melted down since his last post...

[Ann]

mellio, the proof of your hypothesis will emerge if the shows suddenly start getting WAY better...

[Meditrina]

Let it be known that sometimes being a responsible parent being a grown up sucks when you don't have tivo.

That is all.

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

nearly done....couple more minutes. Sorry it's taken so long tonight.