24

Here is the situation on the ground:

There is barf on the ground. Jack Bauer emitted it last week after shooting Curtis, which Jack had to do because Curtis was about to shoot the evil terrorist Assad, or possibly Fayed. I, personally, am not 100 percent convinced that Curtis is dead -- at least not as dead as Edgar -- but Jack was so sick about the shooting that, despite his three-year contract, he was going to quit being a counter-terrorism agent right then and there, which would have meant the end of this hugely popular award-winning dramatic series. Fortunately, at just that moment terrorists working for Fayed (or possibly Assad) detonated a nuclear bomb in Valencia.This was just the "pick-me-up" that Jack needed. So tonight he's back, trying to track down the other four suitcase nukes, which we assume are located somewhere around Los Angeles, because otherwise there will have to be several episodes consisting entirely of of Jack flying to, say, Chicago ("Dammit, I'm a federal agent, and I want a second package of peanuts NOW!").

In other developments:

-- The official 24 website is conducting a poll that asks: "What other terrorist body part do you think Jack could easily bite off?"

-- Kumar is dead. He was not a very effective terrorist anyway, having been severely wounded by a coffee table.

-- According to the previews of this week's show, the creepy bald scotch-drinking puppet-master guy will return. We don't know whether he is puppet-mastering President Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, but we do know that President Payton is proving to be the least-effective president this nation has ever had since the last one.

-- There is still no sign of Audrey, knock on wood used to generate dialogue.

So that is where we stand. Everybody get ready.

UPDATE: Whoa. Some guy just shot himself on Prison Break. I'm sure I would be amazed if I had any idea what was going on.

UPDATE: They're saying Saw III is the best Saw so far.

UPDATE: The bunker!

UPDATE: The bunker looks like a steak house.

UPDATE: Does everybody inauthority seem just a little, I dunno, low-key, considering that A NUCLEAR FREAKING BOMB WENT OFF??

UPDATE: OK, who is this guy with the accent?

UPDATE: Jack knows exactly what to do with a roof helicopter.

UPDATE: The nuclear shock wave is causing extras and special effects to occur all over Los Angeles.

UPDATE: The president uses an Apple!

UPDATE: "The only language they understand is force." Thanks, dialogue generator!

UPDATE: Bill doesn't know where Assad's hand has been.

UPDATE: Blah blah. Where's Jack?

UPDATE: OK, just for the record, so far nothing has happened except a helicopter fell off a roof.

UPDATE: MIlo is falling in love with Morris.

UPDATE: Jack's FATHER???

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be cool if Jack's father turned out to be William Devane?

UPDATE: They're gonna wire Walid!

UPDATE: They're gonna give Walid a swirly!

UPDATE: I'm not sure how to spell swirly.

UPDATE: Jack's father lives with Sam. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

UPDATE: THE BALD GUY IS JACK'S BROTHER??????

UPDATE: What if Jack has a sister, and it's Princess Leia?

UPDATE: I wonder if Sam knows that Jack's dad has girlfriends.

UPDATE: The Los Angeles freeways are jammed! Wait, that's normal.

UPDATE: That's Graham's wife? Whoa.

UPDATE: She's not over Jack? And HE WAS HOT FOR AUDREY??

UPDATE: Blah blah blah, Mr. President.

UPDATE: It must take them many takes to record those presidential-advisor scenes without falling asleep.

UPDATE: OK, does anybody have a clue who this couple is?

UPDATE: At the 45-minute mark, the helicopter is still the highwater mark, violencewise. This is not acceptable.

UPDATE: The Walid subplot is slooooooooooooooooow.

UPDATE: Maybe Jack will shoot Graham in the thigh. Is that too much to ask for?

UPDATE: Do we think Jack could be... Josh's father?

UPDATE: I suppose Jack could give Graham a swirly (sp?), but there's not much to swirl.

UPDATE: Hitting! Good.

UPDATE: "Trust me... I'm not." Excellent.

UPDATE: I hate to say this, but President Payton is a bigger handbag than President Handbag was.

UPDATE: It specifically states on those plastic bags that you are not supposed to use them that way.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack's dead wife!  AND THE DAD IS THE OLD GUY FROM "BABE" THE TRAINED PIG MOVIE!

In summary: Some shockeroos, but  no shooting, no nukes, and way too much talking. We have to do better, people. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[slyeyes]

And now we have extended family!!!!!

[bizrey]

Oh No! Rena Sofer - she who slays TV series!!!

[JediRacer8]

And even more Bauer relatives...

[Ann]

Jack has a NEPHEW?!?! Look out for mountain lions kid!

[Gretchen]

Rena! Oh - she's HIS wife. Yuk.

[Sarah]

Oh boy, another wimpy son? Is this really neccessary?

[Timmay]

He has a small wee wee

[insomniac]

no...that's lightning that doesn't strike twice! nukes is different...

[johnnycamaro]

rena looks like barooz's mother

[JBismyhomeboy]

that kid was SO submissive...I kinda miss the Cobain kid...

[thylus]

Nathan Patrelli's (heroes) wife is Scotch dudes wife and JACK EX????

[Cheesewiz]

too much backstory, make it stop

[bizrey]

Oh No! Rena Sofer - she who slays TV series!!!

[Bob]

Jack's sister-in-law is a babe.

Michelle's real mother?

[Eponder]

Bets: is Jack's dad evil, or did "Gray" kill him

Omg another woman in love with Jack. Scotch man is jeeaaalooouuuussss

[GLow]

Oooooh. He hates Jack because Jack and his wife were sitting in a tree! Ahhhh...the last season makes sense now. ;-P

[ChuckE]

Insecurity isn't the only thing about him that's unattractive.

[slyeyes]

"The President is in charge, and I'm going to tell him he is!"

[WayneHere]

I've been blurkin since the last season of 24-been reading you good folks since-honor to finally be off the couch & talkinng with you folks...I'll talk slower during the normal week blog...this is damn challenging

[Scotty Doesn't Know]

That must have been a crappy nuke if it doesn't knock out cell phone signals throughout L.A.

[Ann]

Yes, the terrorists hate the Constitution. And if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

[OhioNora]

Wayne, the American people EXPECT their presidents to lie to them!! See: Clinton, Wm J.

[Gretchen]

So, he's a little bit Macchiavellian, huh?

[Jeannie]

Isn't it time for something to blow up or gun fire or perimeters or something????

[Bob]

Politics of fear?

Hah!

That was one nuke ago.

[Wes S.]

Of COURSE Bluetooth Bro's wife also had a fling with Jack. Why am I not suprised...?

Nevermind that whole nuclear explosion thingie; let's deal with our petty jealousies...

...or does Bluetooth Bro's villiany stem from his resentment of Jack?

[JediRacer8]

I think John Cage gets the Emperor Palpatine role in this.

[Suzy Q]

Did Prez Palmer just rip off that entire speech from Bush? I KNOW I've heard that crap before!

[WayneHere]

see Nixon, Richard M

[Jessica R.]

Embrace the politics of fear. After a nuke explodes in LA, seems like the perfect time for fear to me!

[Sarah]

Of course she couldn't get in the car with her coat on...

[KDF]

It makes me so happy when people say "nuclear" the right way.

[Suzy Q]

Ok, who are these people?

[Timmay]

otg...thought Kim was back for a second there...

[thylus]

Aussie guy is JACK"S DAD? Can it bee

[Steven Jens]

"I'm not paying you to talk!"

[Gretchen]

Hurrah! More bombs! And I hate the bot.

[bizrey]

Wait, is Sam the butler or Daddy Bauer's "partner"???

[Jessica R.]

Laundry time; back in a flash...multitasking tonight.

[Ann]

holla Wayne, but you don't have to go that far back. See Bush, "I can't understand my own name if it's longer than one letter."

[sam]

it's jack's uncle and first cousin

[Unrealious]

Bye Buddy, hope you find your dad.

[GLow]

When a nuclear bomb goes off, don\\\\\\\'t leave me waiting at the street corner like a hooker, okay? What will every think?!

[Suzy Q]

Holy fark, Dave and judi.

This is so hard this season with the Typepad crap and the robot. And the dman proxy servers only work for a bit! Arrrrrgh!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

The bombs will go off today? Wait, FAA has shutdown the airspace...so that means that we're talking Vegas and San Fran..maybe San Diego.

Boy, the West Coast sucks...

[Bill]

Make the streets safe again?

He must be a Democratic President. Treating terrorism like street crime,

[ChuckE]

No, the Aussie guy is Chloe's old math professor. It's a rule: everyone is connected in 24Land.

[bd]

He sounds just like Robin Leach

[Timmay]

Staging week episode this week. "24" likes to alt between "action" weeks and "staging" weeks. I hate staging weeks...no gunfire, no perimeters, no overhead satellite imagery...

At least no googly eyes this week...but 15 min to go.

[Wes S.]

"It makes me so happy when people say "nuclear" the right way."

...You mean "NU-KU-LER" isn't the way you say it? Bummer.

[jobob]

KDF: What, you mean presidents aren't supposed to put three extra syllables into "nuclear"?

[WayneHere]

I know-Nixon reference in honor of Art Buchwald...I went old school

[Walter Woods]

Shut up you bloody woman!

[Suzy Q]

Heh. I'm in Miami with Dave and judi. Those terrorist types'll NEVER come all the way here to get us!

[thylus]

Haha ChuckE

[Sarah]

Ahhh, I wish you guys were in Pittsburgh - you could make fun of the local commercials with me.

[Yelwrose]

SuzyQ, try FireFox...no problems here

Where the hell is Kim? Has Jack even asked? Do we know WHY he hasn't talked to his father or brother, or dad's "partner" for years?

[insomniac]

new l.a slang - "whoa, that explosion was nubular!"

[Timmay]

Nadia is a biscuit

[Mel]

Evil Brother's wife is ALSO on Heros as a brothers wife!! Coincidence???

[Suzy Q]

Oh hot Nadia. Are you good or are you baaaad?

[Hammond Rye]

Awww...

[Steven Jens]

I assume the reformed terrorist who's working with CTU is bad again before the day ends.

[Wes S.]

Ohnoes! They just shook hands again...and we STILL don't know where that hand has been!

[Ann]

Sarah, my mom's in Pgh - Sooska come out come out wherever you are!

[Kristy]

Am I the only one thinking that Jack Bauer's "nephew" is WAY too handsome to be The Evil Brother's biological son?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I bet we'll see Evil Dr. Bashir again. I don't trust him.

[Suzy Q]

Yel: tried, failed.

[Noob]

Snork @ insom - "nubular"

[Sooska]

Did anyone read/see Big Trouble? It and they were in Miami! Where is GatorFan?

[WayneHere]

Nadia-Buscuit? Back to the yeast jokes?

[Ann]

Regina King has the ballsiest female character since Sherri. I like her.

[ChuckE]

Sister Palmer is beginning to make me miss Kim.

[Timmay]

The President's bad ass mo fo sistah you 'crat.

[Cheesewiz]

Missy Palmer is a pain in the a$$

[KDF]

Ooo! *wide-eyed look*!

[Bill]

Taser

Taser

Taser

Please

Taser Her

[Sooska]

What's in YOUR wallet?

[Steven Jens]

"You don't have any trouble bending the rules when it's to your advantage, do you?"

[Insert lawyer crack here.]

[JediRacer8]

Most gullible terrorist ever.

[Timmay]

ok, by biscuit I simply meant "HOTTIE"...

[Suzy Q]

What is this confab? Hm? Does a thigh need to be shot?

[Ann]

Kristy - it happens. I know a middle-aged bald (non-evil) guy with a beautiful wife, and their son is adorable.

[Crash]

They could never nuke Miami.
Even terrorists like Miami.
Everybody has a cousin in Miami.
And we all operate out of payphones, so shifty eyes are acceptable.

[Sarah]

That's what she said! *insert obnoxious michael laugh*

[slyeyes]

Ann, like Regina King, too.

[ASK]

shoot him!

[insomniac]

sell himself to the others ? isn't that 'lost'?

[Wes S.]

Tender family reunion coming up...hopefully Bluetooth Bro gets shot in the thigh...

[Steven Jens]

Suzy: of course a thigh needs to be shot. But it won't be.

Yet.

[GLow]

Wow, Wahid can sure tell some good lies. Prez\\\'s daughter should think about that before getting more involved with him.

[Jeannie]

Fake hug!

[KDF]

Aw! C'mere! BIG HUG!!!

[jobob]

Hey evil brother, how's it going, thought I'd stop by ... and kick your ass.

[OhioNora]

Somehow, I think Kim has a brother...

[Suzy Q]

Warm, fuzzy family reunion with Jack's bro.

Oh hell, Jack, are you ALIVE??!! Aaaieeee!

[WayneHere]

ahhhhh...buscuit=hottie

[Scotty Doesn't Know]

Most awkward hug ever

[Jazzzz]

Josh looks like JACK!!!

[Timmay]

No hard feelings about shooting you in the thigh at your prom dude...sorry about that.