24

Here is the situation on the ground:

There is barf on the ground. Jack Bauer emitted it last week after shooting Curtis, which Jack had to do because Curtis was about to shoot the evil terrorist Assad, or possibly Fayed. I, personally, am not 100 percent convinced that Curtis is dead -- at least not as dead as Edgar -- but Jack was so sick about the shooting that, despite his three-year contract, he was going to quit being a counter-terrorism agent right then and there, which would have meant the end of this hugely popular award-winning dramatic series. Fortunately, at just that moment terrorists working for Fayed (or possibly Assad) detonated a nuclear bomb in Valencia.This was just the "pick-me-up" that Jack needed. So tonight he's back, trying to track down the other four suitcase nukes, which we assume are located somewhere around Los Angeles, because otherwise there will have to be several episodes consisting entirely of of Jack flying to, say, Chicago ("Dammit, I'm a federal agent, and I want a second package of peanuts NOW!").

In other developments:

-- The official 24 website is conducting a poll that asks: "What other terrorist body part do you think Jack could easily bite off?"

-- Kumar is dead. He was not a very effective terrorist anyway, having been severely wounded by a coffee table.

-- According to the previews of this week's show, the creepy bald scotch-drinking puppet-master guy will return. We don't know whether he is puppet-mastering President Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, but we do know that President Payton is proving to be the least-effective president this nation has ever had since the last one.

-- There is still no sign of Audrey, knock on wood used to generate dialogue.

So that is where we stand. Everybody get ready.

UPDATE: Whoa. Some guy just shot himself on Prison Break. I'm sure I would be amazed if I had any idea what was going on.

UPDATE: They're saying Saw III is the best Saw so far.

UPDATE: The bunker!

UPDATE: The bunker looks like a steak house.

UPDATE: Does everybody inauthority seem just a little, I dunno, low-key, considering that A NUCLEAR FREAKING BOMB WENT OFF??

UPDATE: OK, who is this guy with the accent?

UPDATE: Jack knows exactly what to do with a roof helicopter.

UPDATE: The nuclear shock wave is causing extras and special effects to occur all over Los Angeles.

UPDATE: The president uses an Apple!

UPDATE: "The only language they understand is force." Thanks, dialogue generator!

UPDATE: Bill doesn't know where Assad's hand has been.

UPDATE: Blah blah. Where's Jack?

UPDATE: OK, just for the record, so far nothing has happened except a helicopter fell off a roof.

UPDATE: MIlo is falling in love with Morris.

UPDATE: Jack's FATHER???

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be cool if Jack's father turned out to be William Devane?

UPDATE: They're gonna wire Walid!

UPDATE: They're gonna give Walid a swirly!

UPDATE: I'm not sure how to spell swirly.

UPDATE: Jack's father lives with Sam. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

UPDATE: THE BALD GUY IS JACK'S BROTHER??????

UPDATE: What if Jack has a sister, and it's Princess Leia?

UPDATE: I wonder if Sam knows that Jack's dad has girlfriends.

UPDATE: The Los Angeles freeways are jammed! Wait, that's normal.

UPDATE: That's Graham's wife? Whoa.

UPDATE: She's not over Jack? And HE WAS HOT FOR AUDREY??

UPDATE: Blah blah blah, Mr. President.

UPDATE: It must take them many takes to record those presidential-advisor scenes without falling asleep.

UPDATE: OK, does anybody have a clue who this couple is?

UPDATE: At the 45-minute mark, the helicopter is still the highwater mark, violencewise. This is not acceptable.

UPDATE: The Walid subplot is slooooooooooooooooow.

UPDATE: Maybe Jack will shoot Graham in the thigh. Is that too much to ask for?

UPDATE: Do we think Jack could be... Josh's father?

UPDATE: I suppose Jack could give Graham a swirly (sp?), but there's not much to swirl.

UPDATE: Hitting! Good.

UPDATE: "Trust me... I'm not." Excellent.

UPDATE: I hate to say this, but President Payton is a bigger handbag than President Handbag was.

UPDATE: It specifically states on those plastic bags that you are not supposed to use them that way.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack's dead wife!  AND THE DAD IS THE OLD GUY FROM "BABE" THE TRAINED PIG MOVIE!

In summary: Some shockeroos, but  no shooting, no nukes, and way too much talking. We have to do better, people. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Jim M]

Oh wow. Jack shot Curtis. Can he shoot his dad?!?!

[KDF]

Not enough time!

[Eponder]

JACK! *wheeze* I am your FAAAAATHER!!!! *wheeze*

omfg will it be bald scotch guy?!?!?!?!

[Jessica R.]

Whoa! Jack's DAD!! Donald Sutherland is a terrorist! I refuse to believe it.

[BillB]

this will be rich! Jack torturing his father.

[GLow]

Chloe should so have a threesome with those two men in her life.

Hey, it\\\'s Revenge of the Senior Bauer! Send my son to China, will ya?

[Cheesewiz]

jack just threw his dad under the bus

[twiggler]

Darth Bauer

[CJrun]

"We don't have enough time"

Everybody drink!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I'm being Typepadded, too. *sigh*

My Dad? Yeah, I talked with him all the time last year, WHILE I WAS IN CHINESE CUSTODY, YOU TWIT!

[Momanon1]

Is his dad Sean Connery? It should be.

[mister9a]

isn't it funny how jck is always closer to "wherever" than the rest of the units?

[Jazzzz]

Kill her!!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

They haven't talked in nine years. Yeah, it's time to share feelings.

[JBismyhomeboy]

if it's not Donald Sutherland i am SO going to be disappointed

[abilicious]

Ooh, I've seen this one! Jack's father turns out to be Darth Vader, right?

[Ann]

Who's Jack's dad, Robocop?

Ooops, that was Jack's mentor-turned-enemy.

[Yelwrose]

Is Jack going to barf again?

[slyeyes]

Did I miss anything?

Never mind, I'll catch up.

[WayneHere]

not Donald Sutherland-didn't you watch Larry King (had he lived?)

[Jessica R.]

Uh oh another strip search!

[Ann]

*snork* @ twiggler

[GLow]

I\\\'m sort of disappointed. I thought Jack arrived fully hatched on this planet.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

And then a shot rang out...

[Jazzzz]

I will blow myself up to kill her

[slyeyes]

The Muslim community is upset because 24 keeps portraying them as terrorists.

Can white men be upset they keep getting portrayed as a$$hats?

[mister9a]

why can't we all be friends?

[Gretchen]

It's the faithful retainer! Wow.

[Jessica R.]

I don't watch Larry King. Had who lived?

[jobob]

Oh, if if were Donald S, I can see the torture scene now: "Why the hell did you give me such a weird first name?"

[Steven Jens]

I like Walid. But, then, I'm supposed to.

[Jeannie]

Is Sam the butler?

[JediRacer8]

Cripes we're getting the whole Bauer family now?

[Hammond Rye]

brother?

[Crash]

I'm still holding out hope for Donald (wearing no pants and with Karen Allen).

[Ann]

So Jack hasn't spoken to his father in 9 years but he knows his cell number?

[Sarah]

Hmm... Is Sam Jack's Dad's SO?

[JBismyhomeboy]

LOL. Uncle Sam....BROTHER? ummmmmmmm....this is too much.

[Steven Jens]

Did I just hear the word "brother"?

[WayneHere]

damn 555 number

[thylus]

wouldnt it be funny if Jacks father was scotch drinking weasel dude?

[judi]

FLYING MAN!! :)

[Gretchen]

Jack has a father and a brother! What other relatives does he have that we don't know about? I'm feeling so betrayed.

[KDF]

Dr. One Arm!

[L - Sarah L that is]

That's bad.

[Hammond Rye]

Auuuggghhh!

[OhioNora]

Dr. Romano is JACK'S BROTHER!!!!!????

[Ann]

Dude, I did NOT see that coming!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

WHOA! WHOA! WHAT?!??! BLUETOOTH GUY IS JACK'S BROTHER??!

[Wes S.]

So...basically, in "24"-land, everybody is either a terrorist, related to a terrorist, best friends with a terrorist or sleeping with a terrorist.

Let's hope the reality isn't even remotely like the fiction. Else we're all screwed.

[ChuckE]

Well, isn't this ironic.

[Ryan]

What!!?!?!?! Evil Dr. Romano is Jack's brother?

[Gretchen]

OMIGOD, OMIGOD, OMIGOD!!!!!!

[JBismyhomeboy]

you have got to be kidding me

[Bill]

Wow! DId not see that coming!

[insomniac]

it's doctor romano from er! who died in a helicopter accident!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Whut is a swirly? Never mind.

[Jeannie]

OOOHHH! Bad brother!

[Eponder]

Since when does Jack have all this family?? Why weren't THEY getting kidnapped. HOLY CRAP creepy scotch guy is his BROTHER?!?! ACK!!!!

[mister9a]

that his brother? no frickin' way?!? and he wanted to kill him? talk about sibling rivelry. that must hve been onehell of a cookie jackstole from his brother.

[thylus]

even worse its his bro!

[Jim M]

Jack's brother is so dead. He might get both thighs before he dies.

[WayneHere]

his brother--not showin the love

[JediRacer8]

Dr. Romano is his brother??

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Whut is a swirly? Never mind.

[CJrun]

And it's official! This is a comic book and Jack's brother is his arch enemy!

[Sooska]

Ok so Jack's brother was squashed by a helicopter on ER - how will he go out on 24?

[slyeyes]

I'm guessing Thanksgiving a little uncomfortable in the Bauer household.

[JBismyhomeboy]

And Augusten Burroughs thought he had issues...

[Unrealious]

Wait a minute. Jack is the brother of Ron Howard looking guy? Why do I feel like I am watching an alternate dimension tonight?

[GLow]

Obviously, Jack got the good hair and his brother was so jealous, he concocted all this to get Jack off to Gulagland in China.

[bizrey]

Is that a shark down there v_v ??

[jobob]

And evil Dr. Romano guy is now Jack's brother? Could they stop with the Bauer family tree and get back to shooting people and blowing up stuff?

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

I didn't mean to post that twice, I'm in botsville.

[Wes S.]

So Jack's brother is the evil bluetooth guy. Next we'll find out that the evil mastermind behind the whole bomb plot is Kim?

[Jeff]

Brother? You would have thought he would have mentioned that the LAST TIME!

They need SUPER NANNY!

[Scotty Doesn't Know]

Donald Sutherland has some explaining to do

[Jazzzz]

THANK YOU SLY!!

[Jessica R.]

Maybe Sam is short for Samantha, Dave. Jack's own brother wants him dead, and he was in on the plot to Shanghai Jack. With friends like that, well, he's gotta get some better friends!

[WayneHere]

way true CJrun--great to finally be bloggin with you & the other all-stars in the DaveBlog

[Varjak]

This season Jack's kill list expands to include fratricide.

[jt]

Gosh, you mean I'm the only one who noticed the family resemblence? They're like DeVito and Ah-nold in "Twins!"

I mean, come on guys, DUH!

[Suzy Q]

Holy, hell, I've been in server purgatory.

Dr. Romano is Jack's brother? (yes, I know it's already been said)

[Steven Jens]

Wes: Kim has to be evil at some point, doesn't she?

[Pak]

Could some one please buy Jack a phone with Bluetooth! He needs his hands free when driving, taking notes, or shooting people!

[hdecker44]

As usual, eponder (aka ECP) you're almost clairvoyant. The bald guy was his brother not his father.

[dantes]

The odds that Jack wakes up in a Chinese prison cell at the end of hour 24 are beginning to look pretty good.

[ASK]

okay, i was completely forgetting the computer until - THAT'S Jack's brother?! Hadda be 45th to say it.

[Brad]

with all this new disfunctional family it's time for Dr Phil

[Bill]

And I thought my family was screwed up

[Pak]

Could some one please buy Jack a phone with Bluetooth! He needs his hands free when driving, taking notes, or shooting people!

[Wes S.]

Well...Evil Kim would certainly be an improvement over Dumb Kim, Steve...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

WayneHere: Allstars? Who? Wha? You talkin' about somebody special? Where? I want to get autographs!

[Suzy Q]

Dr. Brother is lying!! He doesn't seem happy at all to hear from dear old Jack. Hopefully, he's been schtupping Awdrey, which will give Jack enough ammunition to kill them both.

[WayneHere]

Dad has girlfriends--Jack tried that a few times...

[Ann]

Sure Jack, as soon as I blow up the next nuke, I'll help you find dad.

[OhioNora]

Well, we've already had the helicopter crash so I'm guessin' Bro gets it in the thigh before the night is done!

[Timmay]

Chloe is starting to get worried about her contract too I bet...

[Hammond Rye]

Not even one "Did you hear about the nuke?"

[Sarah]

I think jack's brother is kind of jellis of his dads girlfriends.