24

Here is where we stand:

The federal government finally brought Jack Bauer back from China, where he spent two brutal years having makeup artists apply fake scars to his back. It goes without saying that the government brought him back for the sole purpose of getting him killed by terrorists, who are setting off bombs in various cities, including (surprise!) Los Angeles. Jack escaped by ripping out a terrorist's throat with his teeth (meaning, Jack's teeth) (at least we assume those were Jack's teeth) and immediately -- without even stopping to floss -- Jack set out to inform the federal government that it was, once again, after the wrong terrorist leader. This is understandable: in 24 World, the United States has a higher population of terrorist leaders than of squirrels. Jack contacted the president (in 24 World, it is easier to contact the president than to order a pizza) but of course the president, played by Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, did not believe him, because of the mandatory Bad Advice Advisor, played by the weenie from Ally McBeal and Numb3rs. The president now sort of believes Jack, but it May Be Too Late. Also Jack is afraid he might be going soft, because at one point he gave up on torturing a terrorist after stabbing him only once. (!) Also there is a subplot involving President Payton's sister, but it is very boring so far and mainly consists of dialogue from the Wooden Dialogue Generator, which was so active in the first two hours that many of the characters were bleeding from lip splinters. There is a more-promising subplot involving Kumar from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, who plays a terrorist stabbed in the thigh by a coffee table. (When coffee tables are outlawed, only terrorists will have coffee tables.)

We are pleased to report that Chloe is still Chloe, and Audrey is nowhere to be seen. We had one perimeter last night, but are hoping for more. Except for ripping out one guy's throat with his teeth and stabbing another guy just the one time and kicking a suicide bomber off a moving subway train and clubbing another guy with a log (possibly dialogue material) Jack has been pretty subdued, but, hey, it's early.

Carry on, people. You too, Steve.

UPDATE: OK, I am at the hotel. Either they're showing a commercial here, or Jack is selling home-theater systems.

UPDATE: OK, does the president ever talk to anybody besides these two people?

UPDATE: Hey, was that a weasel look from Tom? IS TOM THE MOLE? Don't mind me. I just got here.

UPDATE: Jack is going in!

UPDATE: They shot KUMAR!!! Didn't they see his movie, for godsakes?

UPDATE: Seriously, I don't get the feeling I missed anything here. Is that stupid?

UPDATE: It's kind of sad that the guy from "Back to the Future" is making commercials, if you ask me.

UPDATE: NO! NOT CURTIS! I am seriously starting to worry about Chloe.

UPDATE: Apparently, Jack, DOES eat.

UPDATE: OK, let's look on the bright side. This is probably covered by various homeowner insurance policies.

UPDATE: Wow. Big of the president to offer help!

UPDATE: OK, I think we can agree that this is a big step up from the cannister plot.

UPDATE: Hey! Looks like the weird bald scotch-drinking guy is back next week!

Comments

[Christobol]

Slyeyes, it might if it was a bald weird balled scotch dog.

Of course, sometimes it's best just to endure the hangover.

[BillB]

jlfintx, you said:

"BillB
Uh, look five or so posts up from that!"

Oh, piffle! You only said "Nuke". Nuke what?

The prize is MINE!

What IS the prize, anyway?

[Johnny]

QUESTION: Is Weasely Presidential Advisor Guy in this season the same CTU staffer in the last season who destroyed that evidence to protect President Evil?

[WayneHere]

The tie-in from our Fox affiliate in Philly is a report about suitcase nukes & an interview with our local CTU expert. Ahhhhh....local news. The experts say a suitcase nuke is too hard to build. He didn't watch tonight, I guess.

[slyeyes]

BillB, bald-scotch.

[slyeyes]

Johnny, no, it's a new one. Amazing, isn't it, how all of these Presidents have weasels working for them. Thank heaven it's only fiction!!!!

[goddessoftheclassroom]

johnny, I thought so, too, and lost a $100 bet with my husband.

That character's name was Miles.

[Stephen]

What is with the "Lord Of the Rings" music during the last ten minutes?

I was expecting the elve woman daughter of Aerosmith to show up in an apparition at the end and tell Jack that he was the one. So she gets him to not quit and she somehow brings back Sam/Sean Astin from last season to help Jack destroy the bad guy's cell phone which would cause all the world's terrorists to shrivel up and turn into dust and blow away.

Then Jack can get on a boat and cross over to good hands land where he can be re-united with the original Prez Palmer and Edgar (who, by the way, is real happy to see the White Castle guy).

[KOW]

So, are we taking bets on when one of the nukes will end up in CTU? If yes, I call 6PM.

[BillB]

bald-scotch? Is that, like, no-malt scotch?

[Jazzzz]

Glow has "bot bugs".... it's from hanging around this crowd. No telling what you'll catch.

[Glow]

I found a great website that tracks Jack from the very beginning!

Check out: http://www.wayfaring.com/maps/show/4698

[Jazzzz]

No ! My CAT's name is Miles!!

[ArcticAl]

Night all. I'll have to catch Steve's summary in the morning. Thanks for sharing.

[Glow]

Hah, bot bugs or not, the anonymous proxy is allowing me to post, nyah nyah. And this glass of hairy balled something is...who knows?

[Annie Where-but-here]

What did I miss? I was out watching a lovely 2nd sunset. This one was to the Northeast, near Santa Clarita. And it's warming up outside. The weird part is, most of the men are now bald and have weird accents.

[goddessoftheclassroom]

I'll catch up in the morning...g'night, all, and say a prayer of thanks that the world of 24 is not real.

(the bombings, I mean--I'd love it if Jack were real.)

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

FIRST HOUR - (Still working on the second one....about halfway through it...I'll post it when I get done)

PREVIOUSLY ON 24, WE FOUND OUT THAT:

Terrorists taste like chicken; Some people that weren’t quite done moving out of their house are going to be surprised to find a dead terrorist with a really bad knee wound has messed up one of their chairs; Jack needs hand cream; you get about three seconds to kick a guy that’s about to explode off a subway car after he hits the “explode” button; and after five really bad days when he’s always been right, no one believes Jack when he tells them important news

The following summary occurred between 8 am and 9 am

8:00 am – After detonating the subway bomber and being blocks away, Jack just happens to be exactly in the right place for Assad to pick him up with the car Assad stole.

8:01 am – Fayed calls “The Handler” (the guy who escorted “The Bomber” to the subway), to tell him that plans have changed, and tells him to pick up a few things on the way back to the Terrorist Warehouse.

8:01 am – Bombs have gone off in St. Louis and L.A., and the authorities in St. Louis are asking if L.A. has any spare Jack Bauers they can have.

8:02 am – Fayed uses his super cell phone contract to contact President Wayne via CTU. Fayed demands 110 military combatants released and sent to Hollywood for immediate acceptance as “American Idol” contestants.

8:03 am – Jack notices that The Handler’s car is headed north, which is a bad thing because as we all know, there is absolutely no traffic north of L.A. Jack wants to call CTU for support. Assad finally agrees after Jack tells him that even if he were to go to prison, they have GOT to be better than prisons in China.

8:04 am – Milo tells Morris to look at the terrorist’s resumes in case one of them slips though the “American Idol” auditions, and Morris tells him that he would do it for “Dancing with the Stars”, but not “Idol”.

8:05 am – Jack calls Chloe and asks to talk to Bill. She puts him through, and Bill takes off his glasses because he can hear phone conversations better that way. Chloe tries to reposition a satellite for tracking, but they’re all busy with TV broadcasts of all the shows that have been on hiatus since the fall.

8:06 am – Curtis gets a call from Bill who tells him that Jack and Assad are working together. Curtis can’t quite believe it and asks Bill why the people in the field are always the last to know about things like this.

8:07 am – Jack demonstrates that when he needs an SUV, he’ll be willing to push a Yuppie to the ground to do it. He’s also willing to driving like a crazy maniac, which no one in L.A. seems to notice. Jack crashes right into the side of The Handler’s car, and starts to stage part one of “Changing Lanes” right there. The place they crash looks suspiciously like the area where Jack was chained to a grate earlier. Jack and The Handler start yelling at each other.

8:11 am – Assad gets out of another car, and everyone starts arguing with everyone else. Someone tells Jack that his mother shoots with 22 caliber bullets, and he gets upset and drives away. Assad convinces The Handler that he can take The Handler wherever he needs to go, and they drive off. Assad dials his phone so whatever he says can be heard.

8:12 am – Jack calls Bill and tells him to listen in on Assad’s one-sided phone conversation, and Bill tells him he has plenty of experience with that sort of thing after listening to Madam Haig…Or should I say, Mrs. Bill? Bill tells Chloe to inform Curtis of this change of plans, because he doesn’t want to get Curtis upset again.

8:13 am – Back at Terrorist Warehouse, Fayed is informed that the future “American Idol” contestants are going to be loaded onto buses soon. They still don’t have “The Component”, which Fayed says Ahmed is going to stop off at Best Buy to pick up.

8:14 am – Ahmed and Scott go back to Scott’s house, where Ahmed informs Scott’s family that he has no medical insurance and that he wants Scott’s mom (who just happens to be a nurse) to bandage him up. Ahmed informs them all that Scott’s dad is going to have to make a drop, since Ahmed took a coffee table to the leg last hour. Ahmed says if he sees police, FBI, or anyone from the set of “Harold and Kumar Go Back to White Castle For More Burgers”, Scott and his mom are dead.

Commercial

8:21 am – Chloe finds out Curtis is WAY behind, and is still five minutes away from getting to Jack. Morris and Chloe have a nerd fight, and Chloe wins when she tells Morris he has a character flaw. Morris goes off to check with the “24” writer’s to see what can be done about that after sending the files to Milo.

8:22 am – Haig fills in President Wayne on what Jack is up to. She also tells him that the bus tickets for the prisoners aren’t quite ready yet, but they will be soon, and they’ll be ready to get to the airfield soon.

8:23 am – Assad starts reading road signs to let the people listening on the phone where he is. This makes The Handler nervous, but Assad says not to worry because he picked up that habit by reading Burma Shave signs when he was a kid, and he never broke the habit.

8:24 am – Curtis finally meets Jack. Curtis hands Jack a Babelfish that Jack puts into his ear. (Curtis, by the way, makes it there one minute ahead of schedule). Things are again right with the world: Curtis is driving Jack around, chasing terrorists.

8:25 am – Curtis calls Bill at CTU, and Bill tells them he’s going to authorize their radios to get subscriptions to XM radio. He’s also going to download some satellite information about Assad’s to their GPS.

8:26 am – Curtis nervously says that he hopes Jack can forgive him for that whole, “driving you over to be handed over to terrorists so you can be killed” thing, and laughs nervously. Jack looks like he wants to slap Curtis in the forehead, but restrains himself. Curtis presses on and asks Jack what it feels like to work with a terrorist like Assad who has killed a lot of people, and “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” Jack’s not sure, but it seems like Curtis really wants to use the words “Make My Day” when he sees Assad.

8:27 am – Over at Scott’s house, Ahmed asks for something stronger than Flintstone’s Chewable vitamins for the pain he’s having. Scott’s mom says she keeps all her really strong drugs in the cabinet over the TV, just in case she accidentally dials in and sees “Dr. Phil”. Ahmed tells Scott to go get the drugs and a glass of water, which Scott jumps up to do, but is disappointed when Ahmed says HE wants them for himself.

8:27 am – Scott gets everything. While he’s filling the glass, he sees a knife sitting in the sink, which he grabs and hides. He gives Ahmed the drugs and water, but he can’t quite bring himself to stab Ahmed with the knife. Scott’s mom looks like she wishes that Scott hung around with a tougher crowd at school.

Commercial

8:32 am – Lots of prisoners, who are dressed up as if they’re going to go deer hunting, are lined up in front of buses, while President Wayne watches on the President’s Channel. The prisoners don’t look too excited, so I don’t think anyone’s told them they’re going to be on “American Idol” soon.

8:33 am – Tom Lennox enters the room to tell Wayne that his sister Sandra is going to add to today’s problems by getting arrested by the FBI. She’s been taken to a provisional facility, which is where they keep provisions.

8:34 am – At the provisional facility, which looks like a boarded up version of Sunnydale High School, Sandra and Walid are unloaded from the car and brought inside. Walid is taken away. One of the agents hands Sandra a phone, and says, “For you”. She looks surprised at this nice gift, and answers the phone.

8:35 am – Wayne takes time out of his busy day, and tries to reason with Sandra, and they both go into highly political speeches. Wayne hangs up, and Sandra stomps off to talk to the agent that gave her the cell phone. She’s really mad because she found out that she got set up with a 30 minute per month plan. The agent doesn’t want to hear anything from her, and tells her that it’s too late since she already accepted the phone. Sandra is released and stomps off, but dumps the phone.

8:36 am – One of the soldiers looking after the prisoners at the provisional facility says that they have to take off their clothes, have a cavity search, and then they’ll get back their clothes. The prisoners look pretty upset that their dentist would treat them like this. One of the prisoners doesn’t like this too much, and decides to fight back. Walid tries to stick up for the guy but doesn’t get back in line, so they decide to use that stick on Walid instead.

Commercial

8:41 am – Assad’s driving around with The Handler still, and The Handler asks to be dropped off. Nobody notices there are two pitch black SUVs that have been following them. The Handler gets out of the car.

8:42 am – WE HAVE A PERIMETER FOR CURTIS! AND AS A SPECIAL BONUS, IT IS A MOVING PERIMETER! Even so, Curtis gives Assad the evil eye when he meets him. Curtis pulls rank and tells his men to search Assad, and won’t even listen to Jack! (Is this the first time he’s done that?)

8:43 am – Jack explains to Assad that this is all part of a CTU hazing ritual, and that Curtis is a lovable guy once you get to know him. Finding no phasers on Assad, they go to Curtis’ car.

8:44 am – The Handler goes to a “You Store It” storage warehouse that has no outer fence or guards watching anything, and opens the door to one of the storage garages while armed CTU agents walk across the top of the metal warehouse buildings without making any noise. It’s full of explosives in crates.

8:45 am – Jack says that The Handler hasn’t taken them to Fayed. Bill tells Jack that he has to run in there and start interrogating the guy right away. Jack turns him down! (Is that the first time he’s done that?? Lots of “firsts” tonight). Jack thinks this is too “risky”.

8:46 am – The Handler opens one of the boxes, and pulls out a Windows laptop, which we know all the bad guys on “24” use. Maybe this guy is really smuggling laptops. He FINALLY hears someone on one of the metal rooftops, and goes to grab his briefcase and pulls out a gun. He starts firing, and so does everyone else. Fortunately, none of the
crates reacts like any other crate of explosives in any movie before this because they don’t blow up. Curtis finally shoots the guy, who does what any terrorist would do, and pulls out a hand grenade from nowhere and rolls it six inches from his hand. The warehouse blows up, and only takes one other storage unit with it. I bet those people don’t have “We Have Stuff Next to a Terrorist’s Storage Unit” insurance. The rest of the storage units are made of anti-explosive material, and don’t blow up. Jack has a burnt up hard drive that he’s recovered.

8:47 am – President Wayne watches “Releasing the Prisoners – A Documentary” on TV, but doesn’t look happy about it. Bill calls President Wayne and tells him The Handler decided to explode, and that they have almost a 100% chance that they won’t be able to find Fayed, if you don’t count Jack, in which case there’s almost a 100% chance they will. Wayne gets off the phone with Bill, and tells Lennox that the prisoners are free to go to their “American Idol” auditions. They start loading prisoners on to the plane from the buses… including a red head? Did they just load Naomi Judd on the plane?? Don’t they know Simon doesn’t like country music?

8:48 am – Back at Terrorist Warehouse, one of the Terrorist Lackeys tells Fayed that the president has given in, and that the prisoners are being loaded onto the plane. Fayed slaps his forehead and says that he forget to demand that all the prisoners get special meals, but definitely not Kosher meals.

Commercial

8:53 am – Scott’s dad takes the package to an seemingly empty office. He finds a guy there who opens the package. The package is full of realistic looking money. The guy doesn’t think it’s enough realistic looking money, and tells Scott’s dad to get more. Scott’s dad says he doesn’t know where to get more realistic looking money on such short notice. Scott’s Dad calls Ahmed, and Ahmed says he doesn’t have any realistic looking money either, and that there might some realistic looking problems waiting at home if Scott’s Dad doesn’t bring back the item.

8:54 am – Scott’s dad asks to see “The Item”, which looks like an AM/FM radio with the front cover taken off of it. Scott’s dad grabs a lamp and bashes the guy over the head with it, and being that it’s his first bludgeoning, he doesn’t get it quite right. A fight ensues, and Scott’s dad finally figures out the whole bashing thing and kills the guy.

8:57 am – Chloe, through the magic computer she has, is able to access the burnt up hard drive remotely, and tells Jack that the guy has a portion of a screenplay he was writing on the drive, which figures because everyone in LA is working on a screenplay. She was also able to find a couple of pages in Arabic. Jack asks Assad what the plans are for, and after looking at it, they figure out that it is a nuclear device schematic, since it has a big nuclear symbol on it.

8:58 am – After some quick checking, it turns out that they guy Fayed wants is one of the prisoners who is a nuclear scientist. In thirty seconds, Chloe is able to match a guy who they already have in custody, but who is being released right at this very moment. Fayed did all these bombings so this prisoner would be released. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that someone should have checked this before Chloe. Oh, and that Chloe is WAY underpaid?

8:59 am – A couple of army guys, with guns, get on the plane, and ask to for Prisoner Amir. Every single prisoner raises his hand. They finally go down the line looking for him. Well, it’ll be a while before they realize he’s not there, because it turns out that the guy they’re looking for was hiding in the bus bathroom, and that one of the guards is in on the whole thing. The scientist they’re looking for escapes.

9:00 am – Time’s up!

[Jazzzz]

hairy balled bot bugs? yeeeooowwww

[Aaronak]

I like how the bomb goes off during the maybe five minutes Jack is off the team.

[Sean]

So... in 24World, it takes half an hour to cross the street, but 10 minutes to cross the city...

[Jazzzz]

Yay Steve!!

[Jazzzz]

well, I'm covered in hairy balled bot bugs! I've got to shower them off. Then jump off the roof. The bot HAS driven me over the edge...edge...edge...edge...ha ha ha ha ha ha ha edge...edge...edge

[Ernie G]

Why is the President and his staff not in the Sit Room?

At least they're not in the Holiday Inn From Hell™.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Why did Jack cross the road?

To get to the other thigh.

Yay, Steve - *snork* @ the Haig Hag.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Great job, guys. Better than the show for the most part.

Maybe Jack has to kill Curtis when Curtis tries to take out the head terrorist that he doesn't approve of.

Posted by: ArcticAl | 08:39 PM on January 15, 2007

Good call, ArcticAl!

ASK, to answer your question on Nadia, I said this earlier today:

NOW: what we need is a poll on Who is This Year's CTU Mole because you know there is one.

a. Maurice/Morris. The dude will clearly do anything for oney, including selling Jimmy Choos. This is unlikely as he doesn't want to lose Chloe/get tasered.
b. Milo. Has he been working the back rooms at CTU since Season 1? Again, unlikely, but who knows?
c. Nadia. A newcomer. She's hot and speaks Arabic. At the moment she's suspect #1.
d. A player to be named later.
e. there is no #3

And lastly, when Fayed gave his instructions to ACK-med was I the only one who heard, "DO you know the Rainbow Motel on Old Mill Road?"

[Masked Mouse]

suicidal suitcases!!!

[Jeff Meyerson]

And why couldn't Curtis wait until the mission was over and THEN kill Assad.

[Meditrina]

Did anyone Tivo? I just got the kids to bed, and I missed all the fun. Damn responsibilities. I hate being a grownup.

[spidoman]

It may be blasphemy but Curtis deserved it. He prove he was not actually Black Jack. Jack completes the mission before he gets revenge on the terrorists. If you can't put the mission first, you can't be called BlackJack. In my opinion it just proved that being Jack is even harder than I thought. Nobody else could handle being Jack. Tony couldn't, Chloe couldn't, and now Curtis couldn't.

Chase could, but you need two hands to be Jack.

[Gypsysoul66]

Oh my just got done watching the first 4 hours (had to Tivo last night)...a nuclear explosion- WOW - and Jack missed Curtis' thigh. I'm so glad Jack is back. Jack seems to emot a bit more this season... of course, being held/tortured by the Chinese for 20 months, being flown back home just to act as the sacraficial lamb and then being asked to save the world, all within a few hours of a flight back from China (been on that flight - jet lag is a b!tch!!) - I'd be emotional too.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Back-to-back two-hour episodes two nights in a row. Poor Steve-the-24 guy! He's gonna need whatever Kumar's having.

[AST]

I think I saw that in The Sum of All Fears.

How derivative!

But at least it got Jack back on the team. Otherwise, the rest of the day was going to be spent watching Jack get some rest and beginning therapy.

[Gypsysoul66]

Annie, I think Kumar is having embalming fluid about now :-)

[Heywood Jablomie]

I still think Al-Assad is the main bad guy in all this... and if not the MAIN bad guy, he's still a bad guy. Everybody on this show (Tony, Curtis, etc.) dies without just cause, and Assad will turn on Jack at some point.

I got chills when that mushroom cloud hit, though.

[Gypsysoul66]

'course, fluid would be leaking out of thigh wound - not caused by Jack, but rather a vicious coffee table.

[mellio]

Steve is just...amazing! He gets props from me, for having 3 of 4 episodes already summarized. Unbelievable--between that and two nights of wooden dialogue, I'm exhausted! I'll catch it tomorrow, so I have something to laugh about at the office.

Meantime, what was left of me just now fell out at why Jack crossed the road *double-snork* Har! I've missed you all so!!!

[Allen at Division]

So, terrorists have successfully set off bombs in 10 12 cities, slightly disrupted a subway (with a conductor!), and nuked Valencia...Bill's tenure at CTU is making the Hobbit look like a managerial genius, lost keycard and all!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Heywood - you got chills at the mushroom cloud? I'm 30 miles from the impact. Talk about yer January thaw.

[Gypsysoul66]

Okay - caught up on all comments now. I'm noticing a trend developing: beefstick, weenie, d!ck, wood, staff, hairy balled dogs

Just sayin'...

[mar]

steve.. i luv your updates!!!

did we only get 1 perimeter set up this time? =(
I don't think anyone opened up a socket!

[Stephen]

I am just happy I am in the Chicago area. Chicago can't be one of the target areas because even the most cold blooded terrorists have to take pity on the Cubs. If they bomb all of the other major league cities plus somehow just the south side of Chicago, then the Cubs will have a slightly greater chance of winning the World Series this year.

[amish]

"Let's look on the bright side" ????????

Oops statement of the YEAR.

[Val]

First chance I've had to get here all night...

Holy Crap! They nuked Valencia! That's where my son is living! I don't like where this is going.....

Is it just me or is this season as boring (so far) as watching paint dry?

[the brit]

Barak Obama just pops up everywhere - who'd have thunk that he would be working for Ms Palmer - any excuse to get on TV!

[the brit]

Barak Obama just pops up everywhere - who'd have thunk that he would be working for Ms Palmer - any excuse to get on TV!

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

Still working on it..... will post soon!

[Val]

Not only did we have a MOVING perimeter tonight, but Bill Buchanan asked for a parAmeter! Wow, I'm getting dizzy!

[Val]

Oh and ya gotta love Chloe. When Nadia asked for the "pre-sort" or whatever and Chloe replied...."you might like I'm already doing?" Hehehe

[fizzgig]

We have to start calling sneaky Tom "Biscuit", wasn't that his nickname on Ally McBeal?

[jlfintx]

BillB Uh, look five or so posts up from that!"

Oh, piffle! You only said "Nuke". Nuke what?

The prize is MINE!

What IS the prize, anyway?

Well, Bill, since it was a free trip to LA, I concede and you can have it!

[jlfintx]

When you have to crawl in bed with one terrorist ( who has admittedly murdered your serviceman) to save you from another terrorist, I believe you have lost the game.

Better to have killed them both with prejudice. They understand and respect only overwhelming, brutal force, both of which they richly deserve.

Sorry, I had a Bauer moment there for a sec.

[jlfintx]

Excellent wrapup there Stevethe24guy.

[L - Sarah L that is]

I don't think I've ever snorked this much in such a short period of time. It is so much more fun if you're actually watching the show and you know all the history. I recommend to anyone that they waste invest the time to watch the first 5 seasons. You can get it done before the next episode. Or at least Jack could.

[L - Sarah L that is]

Oh, and I say "Pooh on those Globe people!" They've obviously never watched 24 with Dave. But then again, if they had, 24 would have been nominated in a different category. "And the nominees for Best Television Series Music or Comedy are ..."

[baligurl]

HEY! That was fun to read! Glad we lived thru the ice storm. Sounded scarier than it was, at least for us.

[SallyRogers]

I have never seen grown men get in a cat fight over formatting -- table format versus tab delimited, I mean Really!

[RazzCat]

Honestly, this show makes a lot more sense when viewed with the aid of the Dave Barry/Snorking Bloggers/Amazing Steve Reality Enhancement Field (pat. pend.).

Plus, I haven't guffawed and snorked this much since that daydream of Jack interrogating my ex-wife's lawyer...

[Val]

And do you think it's just a coincidence that when Jack puked nuclear bombs went off?? I think not. Somebody give that man some Phenergan!!!

[Just Ducky]

*snorks* all around, and an extra one to Annie for why Jack Bauer crossed the road.

Amazing Steve, terrific as usual!

*still waiting for additional ice from the continuing ice storm*

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

The following summary occurs between 9 am and 10 am

9:00 am – Bill finds out that Namir escaped, and gives the “We have to do better than we’re doing, and we have to do it better” speech that executives given when their bonuses are on the line, and CTU people start scrambling.

9:01 am – Milo tells Bill that Namir knows a whole lot of things about nuclear engineering and is up to date, despite being held prisoner for some time now. Bill wants to make it a top priority, to find out how that kind of reading material got into the prison, but the real top priority is to find Namir.

9:02 am – Our first ANTI perimeter call, when Nadia says they WON’T be able to set up a satellite perimeter. Milo goes to talk to Morris who says he’s getting the latest shoe styles on his monitor for Chloe, and to go bother someone else. Milo then goes to Chloe, who says she’s didn’t ask Morris to do anything. Morris says, “Gotcha!”, but Milo doesn’t like that and tells him to just “process the images”.

9:03 am – President Wayne is pretty upset that there’s a rogue nuclear weapon on American soil, and wants to know if the rogue is Alliance or Horde. Lennox tells him that it would more likely be a fire-spec-ed mage, not a rogue. In any event, the nuclear device would likely be in a suitcase. Wayne wants to know why in the world the US is manufacturing suitcases for things like that. Haig says that there will be a LOT of little people icons that wouldn’t represent people anymore, unless they stop the terrorist from detonating the bomb. WAYNE SAYS, “GET ME JACK BAUER!”, which I think is safe to say is something we would all like to say at least once in a while when we’re in a bad situation at work.

9:04 am – Back at the storage warehouse, Curtis is still being really snotty with Assad, which I guess we have to give Curtis the benefit of the doubt about since Assad is, technically, a homicidal terrorist maniac. Sure seems like Curtis has some other reason for it though, and he better tell someone soon, because these little outbursts are getting old.

9:05 am – A REALLY loud ringing noise in Jack’s ear from that Babelfish he threw in there last hour, and he takes it out. He answers the phone, and it’s President Wayne, who has Jack’s phone number readily at hand. Wayne tells Jack that Jack better be right (will they LEARN?), and wants Jack to take over the search for Fayed, which as all the rest of us could point out, Jack has been doing all along without permission, thank you very much. AGAIN, Jack whines that he doesn’t think he’s up to it. Wayne promises Jack that he’ll get to shoot many people and many thighs. That convinces Jack.

9:06 am – Jack tells Curtis that he’s in charge now and that Assad is part of the team. Curtis REALLY doesn’t like this, and asks Jack what the heck happened to Jack in Chinese prison. Did they force him to make running away shoes or something? Jack asks what history Curtis has with Assad, and just as we’re about to find out….. Assad interrupts with an explosive proof PDA that’s still working. It says the nuclear device got to Fayed last Thursday, which was much too early since “24” just started last Sunday.
9:07 am – Jack calls Chloe, and uses the magic words, “I need you to do something for me”, which as usual makes Chloe say, “I’m busy”. He finally convinces her to look up anything she can find that ties Curtis with Assad, and she suggests giant rubber bands. Jack says he means information about what happened between them, and Chloe says she’ll look as soon as she can.

9:08 am – Namir arrives at the Terrorist Warehouse, and there’s typical rejoicing amongst the terrorists, which is to say Fayed tastes both Namir’s cheeks even though Namir is really sweaty.

9:09 am – They open up a suitcase, and voila, a random engine part that looks like it could be a nuclear device is in there. Namir says one of the parts he’s looking for is missing. Ahmed tells him that someone named, Ahmed is going to bring it. Namir asks “Who”? Fayed says, “Taj, from ‘Van Wilder’”. Namir says he loves that movie, and is satisfied that Ahmed is trustworthy.

9:10 am – Ahmed is popping pills like a self-medicating chiropractor, and Scott’s mom tells Ahmed that Ahmed’s dad is going to be VERY disappointed. Scott’s dad calls before Ahmed can answer, and for a brief second Scott’s dad has the upper hand in arguing with Ahmed about delivering the device to Fayed. Somehow, midway through the argument, Ahmed turns the tables and says he’ll only release one person, which makes Scott’s dad completely forget that he’s holding all the cards that Ahmed wants. Scott’s dad tells him to release Scott, so of course Ahmed releases Scott’s mom.

9:11 am - As soon as Scott’s mom gets in the car, she calls Scott’s dad. They both decide there is no reason whatsoever that Ahmed wouldn’t let Scott go after he did what they said, even though Ahmed has been spouting propaganda, killing neighbors and making them make weird pick ups and deliveries in town. Scott’s dad is going to make the delivery to Fayed.

9:13 am – Scott’s mom pulls over to call 911. She tells them that a terrorist has taken her son hostage, and just about asks for Jack Bauer, but stops herself and asks for the police.

Commercial

9:19 am – Milo must never have heard of “sed”, because he’s upset that Morris sent him a file that was tab delimited instead of comma delimited. He can’t figure out how to convert it, and Milo and Morris start getting into a nerd fight. WELL…. Chloe comes over and turns out to be a bit more socially active than we thought, although I find it hard to believe that she actually dated someone that can’t do a global replace in an editor.

9:21 am – Bill calls Jack, who puts Scott’s mom on the line. She asks for his autograph, but Jack ignores this and asks about the terrorist that’s holding her son. She’s completely unhelpful, other than knowing the name “Fayed”.

9:22 am – Jack asks Bill who the closest team is, and well, it turns out that Jack is “as close as anyone”, and that Jack should “take his team with him”. What else is he going to do, drop the team off while he goes after Ahmed? Curtis doesn’t want Assad to come with, and looks for an ejection button for the backseat, but he left it in his other black SUV.

9:23 am – The ambassador from a non-descript Mid-Eastern country comes into the oval office to meet with President Wayne. Wayne says that he hopes that the ambassador will have a candid conversation with him. The ambassador looks around for Allen Funt, but doesn’t see him. Wayne and Haig explain that Assad wants to renounce terrorism, and enter politics because there’s where the REAL money is. The ambassador thinks that Assad is right. That is where the money is. Lennox asks if Assad speaks for a lot of terrorist organizations, and whether or not those terrorist organizations would be willing to “go union”. The ambassador thinks so, and leaves.

9:24 am – Once again, they admit to themselves that Jack was RIGHT ALL ALONG. Lennox isn’t buying it, takes a play from the same cards Curtis has been reading from, and is against the whole thing.

9:25 am – Wayne calls Jack and admits, YES, Jack was right all along. Now he wants to talk to Assad, which appears to REALLY bum out Curtis, because HE’S never talked to the President before. Wayne wants to make an arrangement with Assad, and Assad says he doesn’t know a thing about flower arranging. Wayne tells him that he’ll give him a full pardon, as along as he keep following Fayed, pledges a commitment to a lasting peace, and that Assad will work to create a sequel to Deep Space Nine. Curtis catches the drift of this, and from the look on his face he’s a Babylon Five fan, and doesn’t like the arrangement Assad is getting AT ALL. Does the friction between Curtis and Assad… Could they have been dating Chloe too?

9:26 am – Sandra calls for Wayne, but Lennox takes the call instead. She starts making a political speech to Lennox too, but Lennox isn’t buying it either.

9:27 am – Back at the detention center, Walid meets the guy he helped in line that alludes to the fact that “they’ll pay”. Walid asks him if that means a nice dinner out later after they explain what happened.

9:30- am – Scott’s dad arrives at the Terrorist Warehouse, and immediately is taken hostage. Fayed takes Scott’s dad hostage, and after promising Scott’s dad that he’ll keep Scott alive, he promptly shows yet again he’s a bad guy by calling Ahmed and telling him to kill Scott. This is typical terrorist antisocial behavior.

Commercial

9:37 am – Wayne says Assad’s paperwork looks in order, and tells the attorney general to not shuffle the pages. Haig and Lennox come in and try and figure out the spin on giving Assad a pardon, and Wayne says it’s more like Twister.

9:39 am – In broad daylight, they go to surround Scott’s house. Jack’s going in alone!

9:39 am – It looks like Ahmed’s drugs are taking effect, because he’s zoning out. Ahmed starts playing “Ahmed says” with Scott, telling him to stand up, then to kneel down. Just as Ahmed is about to shoot, Curtis breaks through the door with one of his men, and with all kinds of shooting, everyone completely misses Ahmed, who goes running through the door. Someone shoots Ahmed who drops like a sack of terrorist falafel. Scott tells Jack the address that Ahmed gave his father. Jack calls CTU, and they go into Flank 2 position.

Commercial

9:48 am – At CTU, Chloe apologizes for only having satellite images of Fayed’s location from ten minutes ago. That slacker!

9:49 am – President Wayne is briefing everyone in the oval office to prepare for a really spectacular special effect in the Los Angeles area. Bill calls to tell him that the suitcase nuke might have been found, but that the images are ten minutes old.

9:50 am – Sandra goes to Walid, who tries to give her some information about words he heard which were said by some people he suspects are terrorists. It sounded something like “Ohwha tagoose iam”. She tries to blow him off, saying that the words he’s saying are a mid-eastern desert. Walid presses, and Sandra finally agrees to tell someone.

9:50 am – Jack carries in a special Get Out of Jail Free folder to Assad, with Curtis lurking in the background. Jack explains this to Curtis, and Curtis seems to accept this…. But not really, because he uses some really non-committal words.

9:51 am – Scott’s mom returns and talks to Jack. Chloe calls to tell Jack that Curtis has a history with Assad, and that Assad’s men took a squad that Curtis was in charge of hostage during the war, and beheaded a couple of his men. I think that qualifies as “has an issue”.

9:53 am – Assad signs the agreement, and leaves the house. Curtis follows. Jack goes running out of the house after Curtis, and Curtis has a gun on Assad! Jack gives plenty of chances for Curtis to put down the gun, but Curtis put his mad face on today and won’t listen to Jack. Jack shoots Curtis in the shoulder! Curtis looks at Jack like he can’t believe it! No perimeters for Curtis for a while! Who’s going to drive Jack around now? I think this is definitely going to put a strain on their relationship.

9:54 am – That terrorist Jack ate a few hours ago must not have agreed with him because Jack throws up. Shooting Curtis probably had something to do with it too. Maybe it’s the eerie music with a woman moaning that’s doing it. Whatever it is, Jack calls Bill and tells him that he’s out. Bill says, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”. Jack replies that he’s not going to do this CTU stuff anymore. We can also see Jack’s finger makeup peeling.

9:56 am – Nadia calls Bill to tell him that Ahmed is free to make the next White Castle movie.

9:57 am – A lot of army guys that are playing extras on the show start to storm the Terrorist Warehouse, so we know this won’t end well because there are no “big name” actors with them. At first, things go pretty well, with a couple of terrorists getting wiped out right away. Unfortunately, things don’t go too well after that.

9:58 am – The terrorists detonate the nuclear device using the big silver denotation switch. Jack sees it go off, as does everyone in the White House. The property values in that part of town are going to go way down.

9:59 am – Nadia is able to translate the phrase the Walid heard…. It means “five visitors”! That means there are four more nukes out there! That means the spectacular special effect we just saw might happen several more times before the day is over.

10 am – Time’s up!

NEXT TIME ON 24: JACK SAYS HE’S BACK! MORE EXPLOSIONS! HOLLYWOOD AGENT LOOKING GUY IS BACK, AND JACK CONFRONTS HIM!

Thanks again to Mary (my wife) and my friend John for proofreading this!

[baligurl]

Thank you, Val. I'm with you.

[Dave Munger]

Very dissapointed in the vampire references when what is called for is references to the end of The Brain That Wouldn't Die. Head, whatever.

[RazzCat]

Thank you, Amazing Steve (and team). Your Jack-like dedication to the task inspires us all...

[SallyRogers]

Oh Steve! Thank you so much for making my evening with 24 so much more enjoyable!

Thank you to Mary for allowing your hubby to stay up late with all of us on the Cote Gauche...

[Pontius]

It's nice to see Grima Wormtongue got himself shaved and cleaned up and landed a position as a presidential advisor.

[Bryan]

Do you ever watch the TV with the captions turned on? I do. I watched 24 that way tonight. It turns out tonight's nuke was sponsored by Ford. This is the captioning that I saw at the very end, as the mushroom cloud rose:

"Every day somebody makes a bold move.
There's a car company for people like that."

[KC Lee]

Chloe looks sexy now, but I liked her better as a
blond.

Anyone see the promo last December when it appeared that Edgar was coming back (or at least the actor was)?
I want to see Edgar back and see Chloe

and no one said good job bad job or anything bout
my post....would appreciate legendary Steve's and
most honorable Dave's feedback, if any

musing:
JACK BAUER: a force unto himself! How long will
it be before they sell JACKPACKS on late nite infomericals?,,,,

kc lee

[kimbo]

Steve,
The West Coast thanks you for keeping us entertained while we wait to "watch" it all over again. I don't really even need to watch the show now!
See you all next week. You are all a pleasure to read!

[Brad]

Well, everyone who followed the toilet terrorism in El Toro knows that Saugus and Newhall and Magic Mountain are in bad shape right now! Not to mention snow on the Grapevine isn't the major factor limiting travel on "the 7" this week.

[Annie Where-but-here]

WTG - Steve! Warcraft references at 9:03 - interesting. Many thanks to your wife for sharing you with me...er, us. You're our very own Mystery Science Theater 2000 guy, only with a shorter name. And better hair (I'm guessing).

[Master of the Obvious]

At least it wasn't a total waste of 2 hours. I recorded 24 on the DVR and skipped through the commercials. I only wasted two-thirds of 2 hours.

[Val]

"Every day somebody makes a bold move.
There's a car company for people like that."

Ha! I noticed that too. I always use the captions because I can't take the mumbling!! Why do most people on TV these days have to talk like they have rocks in their mouths? Anyway, that same "blurb" came up at the end of the first hour as well when the prison guard had just shot the driver of the bus and released the bad guy terrorist - the humor of that was not lost on me :)

[mikey]

How nice of President Allstate to remind us in the middle of 24 that we shouldn't multitask while driving...

[Val]

"Magic Mountain are in bad shape right now"

My son lives on Magic Mountain Parkway. He just called me a bit ago and said...."we're all toast!"

[Annie Where-but-here]

"Milo, Morris, Ack-k-k-kmed, Assad..." Whatever happened to "Joe, Mary, Vinny the bookie..."
it's like a freakin' uber-metro baby book barfed on the script.
ok, nighty night...don't let the pc bugs byte.

and Kiefer, for pete's sake, keep your pants on.

[Clean Hands]

Did anyone else see that Tostitos commercial with the kid's drawing of "Mommy and Daddy wrestling?" *SNORK* *SNORK* *SNOOOORK*!!!

[sister mary martha]

This just in: The Vatican has agreed to look into the Cause for Sainthood for President David AllState. The Vatican has taken note of the veneration of the dead President, the first step toward sainthood.

President David Palstate is neck and neck with Mother Teresa..she is one miracle ahead, though. You can help with his cause by writing to the Congregation for the Causes of Saints, should you spot a miracle.

[jlfintx]

Shouldn't this cell be dividing by now?

[Jeannie]

Thank you Amazing Steve!

[Siouxie]

MORNIN' AND WOWSA!! Big Kabooom!

*on the bright side,maybe they got Paris & Twatney*

R.I.P. Curtis - I'm sure you got a good deal on that farm you bought.

Chloe - YOU GO GIRL! love the 'tude.

Jack - Need some neosporin for that hand, dude?? icky.

*snorks all around* (was watching but not posting last night)

Steve - GREAT job!!!

(btw, I don't know if anyone's said this but the weird bald scotch-drinking guy was a doc on ER. Actually a one-armed doc on ER who "bought the farm" when, IANMTU, a helicopter fell on him.)

OK...time for coffee!!

[Lairbo]

Kumar Goes Nuclear...

Along with Magic Mountain, the California Institute of Arts is in that area. There goes the next generation of Pixar animators.

[Siouxie]

Oh and I forgot AAHHHHCK-Med - he shoulda been comatosed with all the pill-popping.

[lance]

4 hours and no Audrey. I am feeling satisfied.

[lance]

I thought Bill Buchanon and president manilow's wife would get together.

[lance]

Has Chloe always had that double chin? And where is her grandmothers sweater today?

[KDF]

I'm sure Chloe had a hand in this, but I was *banned* from the blog last night, mid way through the festivities! Thank you judi, for holding my hand during my time of duress!

A word for any and all who have yet to experience this pain... the good people at Pypetad (/end suckup) were very quick in getting me "white-listed" -- if it happens to you, just use the link on Dave's "WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG" post from yesterday, and you'll be back in the game in no time.

Which is good, since there's no time.

*exhales*

[Hammond Rye]

Is there any chance that Audrey was in Valencia? Visiting Kim? Oh, please, please, please...

[Joel Hess]

Fayed...Am I only thinking that this name is funny?

When Jack was torturing the traitor during Sunday's episode and asking "WHERE IS FAYED?"

I was hoping that his response was going to be "The Gynasium...?"

So now Fayed (Phy. Ed) can have a whole consortium of High School Class Terrorists - Home Eeeeck, Fee Zeeks, etc...

24 Law? From now on Fayed will be known as Gym Class...

and Don't Fruit the Beer...

Joel

[AST]

I watched this show for about four episodes of Season 1, then quit, because, well, I just couldn't suspend my disbelief any more. That's what I get for being an English major.

But, now that I've found this site, I'll be tivoing the rest of it. Just to read the comments here. I'll just be sure I'm not trying to eat or drink while I'm reading.

And I thought *I* was the only one who ever watched Millennium. I so wanted it to be good, but . . .

I guess my age shows when I keep thinking "Catherine Black," "Dr. Bashir," "President Military Channel," etc. I remember Millennium, Deep Space Nine, etc. I even watched Star Trek when it was first on the air.

What I don't understand though is how Peter McNicol is a regular on two hit series at once. Does he get paid for the weeks Dr. Fleinhart is in space, or does he get to pick which show he'll be in?

[jon]

I'm so going to be playing bingo next week!

[Blader]

I'm convinced the Chinese programmed Jack to drop to all fours and act like a chihuahua on a cue. We just haven't seen it yet.

I've run the calculations, and there is high probability that the 'cue' will be the first time Jack see's Chloe back in CTU. Think about it. It's just too frigging obvious!!

So I'm predicting she'll be busy redirecting the NAS satellite when they make eye contact for the first time, triggering him to immediately fall to the floor snarling, as he attempts to mount and hump her leg.

Everyone in CTU will be embarrassed...for the both of them. Except Miles, who will find the scene strangely erotic.

JMO

[Blader]

SPOILER:

(folks, I'm new here and please beware, as you don't know me well.

I specialize in 24 prognostication. For your own protection, you may not wish to read much further. I've never been good at predicting sports scores, but I have developed proprietary java-based software that allows me to generate scientifically-generated foresight into the coming scenes of 24. These predictions are quite accurate and my track record is impeccable. The only thing I got wrong in the last episode was that it was a kiloton, rather than megaton, device. But I've managed to repair the rouge code that generated this mistake)

I don't want to give away too much more, but, as my calculations clearly indicate, Fayad is merely a loose cannon puppet of a group of neocon dominionists led by a former ER surgeon.

Fayad has no philosophical interest in striking a blow against American hegemony. He's out to settle personal scores, he has many to attend to in the LA region, and he's just tickled pink to be doing it all on someone else's dime.

So anyone who thinks he's on his way to blow up Ames IA later in the day is only partially correct.

Next on his list is Jack's former nanny, a cousin and temptress who goes by the name of Afifah bin Carmel. At 11:00 am, we will find Fayad traveling west on the Ventura highway, hoping to catch her sleeping late.

My calculations indicate a high probability that he will terminate her using extreme prejudice in the form of his second kiloton device.

[ArcticAl]

Great job as usual Steve. Only one teenie-weenie mistake. Jack shot Curtis in the throat not the shoulder and that's got to hurt. Another regular is gone.

[Veronica]

Kudos to the amazing Steve (and Dave!) for another superb commentary. I watch '24' just to read your reviews!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Siouxie: someone (slyeyes?) did mention Dr. Romano. It may have been after the first day's episodes. First he got his arm sliced off by a chopper, then another one fell on him.

Let's hope for a similar spectacular finish for him on 24.

[Gord]

Just like every other season this one starts off asking everyone to just believe. The Chinese have had Jack for two years supposedly and the US has done absolutley nothing about it until now. We all know the USA has no problem with a foreign country kidnapping their citizens - right?

On top of this we are told the President paid big time to get Jack back when we all know that all he would have to do is close the US ports to Chinese goods and he would have had him back in 15 minutes with a secheuan takeout for two thrown in.

Next we have the quintissential middle class redneck contractor just when we need him. All middle class neighbourhoods have them. They also have truck drivers but the writers were afraid of the teamsters. Why not a redneck dentist or librarian?

Big mistake with Ahmed. When Scott went to get the painkillers in the kitchen he should have noticed a vial of sleeping pills right next to them and switched the pills. Ahmed was popping the things like peanuts and would have passed out in ten minutes. Then Jack could have captured him and offered him a Presidential blanket immunity just like every other bad guy gets and after Ahmen had his team of lawyers check it out, he would have spilled the beans. That way they could have saved the character so that he could have later turned against Jack and become the necessary mole. Geez, do I have to write this stuff for you?

So it all plays out to result in an atomic bomb going off in LA. An atomic bomb folks - shock waves, radiation, the whole nine yards. Jack looks at the mushroom cloud with an expresion on his face that shows he's wondering if he can get in a round of gold before the shock wave hits.

I'd put money on next week's dialogue telling us that it was a tactical nuke and had a limited blast radius. No mention that everyone down wind would be growing a third eye.

This show jumped from improbabitlity to impossibility fast enough to make my head spin.

Next season they can't use Muslims, Russians, Mexicans or Chinese. They've been there done that. It will have to be North Koreans or better yet aliens. We'd all buy into that wouldn't we? ALiens that look like swarthy Sino-muslim-ruskie-chicanos who speak flemish?

I'm going out to resusitate my fallout shelter.

[Siouxie]

Ahh...ok, wasn't sure, Jeff. That would be him, Romano. Thanks ;-)

He should be very afraid of helicopters by now.

[Cookie]

*zips in*

As a first time 24 watcher (and loving everyminute of it thanks to the blog, I have a question:

Does Chloe always have that dour look on her face? Has anyone ever seen her smile?

Random observation: Jack Bauer looks pretty hot in that sweater! I think they should have a commercial about where you can buy one for The Men In Your Life.

[Gabriel]

We all know the USA has no problem with a foreign country kidnapping their citizens - right?

JACK WAS NOT KIDNNAPED. THERE WERE CHARGES AGAINST HIM. THAT IS THE REASON HE FAKED HIS DEATH TWO SEASONS AGO.