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December 28, 2006

WE'RE CALLING OUR TRAVEL AGENT

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let it be understood that if said rat leaped from my toilet covered in sewage, or not, i would have to move. no other options.

Oh, crossgirl, you missed all the fun! Next time, get one of those glue trap things. The wittle mousey wousey gets his wittle footsies all stuck in the glue and then his tail gets stuck and eventually, after squeeking miserably and trying to free itself, from exhaustion it collapses whole body onto the glue where it slowly dies from starvation. Much better than that messy trappy thing.

sorry. I HATE rodents. I'm not scared of them, I hate them. They are vile, disgusting creatures.

I would guess this cuts WAY down on the amount of time anyone spends on the pot.

"Do you realize you have a Reader's Digest from April of 1974 on the back of your toilet?"

"Yep. I'm half way thru it."

Only encounters I've had with mice was when I lived on Cape Cod. My house was full of 'em. My departed mother's 19 year old cat would torture them and eat them, except for the liver. My mother always told me that cat hated liver. It took me a while to figure out what I was finding on the floors. Very gross.

One time he ate one whole and it came back up about 8 hours later, also whole and not in good shape.

Good thing we didn't have rats.

"Let it be understood that if said rat leaped from my toilet covered in sewage, or not, i would have A moveMENT. no other options." Fixed that for you!

OT P.S.: Anyone that followed my problems with Verizon Wireless and browsing problems [graphics, video], it is solved after 13-days and many, many hours with the Tech Support people. The problem was IE-7, not Verizon and not Java and not Flash; Mozilla is now my bestest friend. Quoth the Uber Geek of the Geek Squad "IE-7 is just too Beta." *Snoopy dances over to the Blog Bar*

...the city doesn't have numbers on how often a rat emerges from a toilet....should I be worried that they don't, or some other city might?

someone say bar? i need a moustini!

Who writes the plumbing codes, anyway?

"Cleanout valve must be no closer than 9.68413 inches to the nearest grommet flange zipper monkey dohickey, but no farther than 6.321 miles. Violators should be shot in the groin, then given a verbal warning."

"Flap valves to prevent rats popping unexpectedly from toilets, or raw sewage shooting in powerful geysers from every plumbed device in the home during floods, are optional."

*serves up a moustini in BacaRAT crystal glass*

Double Yay! The BlogBot no longer pounces every time I try to post!

Good point, Jazzzz.

Which raises the question, which piece of news do you think would be more enthusiastically received:

"Violent crime involving gasoline powered semi-automatic goats is down by 11% fourth quarter..."

or

"Number of rats emerging from toilets down for the second straight week! City credits the new program involving no longer stuffing large numbers of rats into the sewers."

* sips on Margaratia while hoping for more blogs one day*

I'm gonna go take a shower !! yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww

"Dude, I realize some people are a bad aim, but how did you get pee that far up your wall? And is that a poo stain on the ceiling?"

"Just open the lid."

And the C-bol hits just keep on coming!

Now if the female types would realize that if you kept the toilet seat up (the way the Gods intend), these attacks would not happen. (Increases in rat attacks in bedrooms, kitchen, etc., would possibly increase. you can't have everything)

Not to mention little sewage footprints.

Now I'm sorry I had a big lunch.

Inquiry. What happens if you give a rat a cookie?

Hannah - You don't give a rat a cookie - he TAKES it!

*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRK*

At.

Cbol.

Holy glue traps, dude, you're hurting me, here!

Update on this story... Apparently, the rat was a SmartRat(TM) used by the city's sewage department to remove clogs. They deploy them immediately after Christmas because citizens are drinking too much egg nog and clog up the system. The city is fining the Riches $150 for destruction of city property. Frozen rats apparently are not as effective at removing clogs in the pipes.

Oops, sorry for the extra "h" there.....

Oh, and why does the bot hate me so? It thinks I'm a spammer 100% of the time now, and I hardly EVER write p0rn or sh!t....


(I mean, I DO sh!t - I just don't write about it. Much.)

Hanna, evidently, if you give a rat a cookie, he seeks out the T!dyBowl Man and asks for a glass of beer.

Ooohhhhh, I really doubt that was beer.

Rodent Story #1:
In the last apartment I lived in, I was shaving one morning when I felt something run across my feet. The sensation of fur on flesh is not something that one expects at 6 a.m., so I looked down at the floor and saw what appeared to be a blonde rat scurrying over by the bathtub. I went after it with a broom, with the objective of simply sweeping it off the (second-floor) balcony and letting it sail through the air across the courtyard. But before I could do so, I realized that perhaps it might be a hamster, and someone's pet at that, and it managed to hide itself in a little recessed area of my fireplace.

After I got home again that night, I went and asked my neighbors behind me if 1) they had a hamster, and 2) if said hamster was missing. The answers were yes and yes. It turns out that our respective kitchen cabinets backed up to each other, and there was a hole in between them through which the hamster would pass whenver it got out of its cage.

Over the next few months, I ended up catching that thing several times, usually by scooping it up with a dustpan and into a paper grocery sack, which it never seemed to find a way to tip over and escape. One time, the neighbors weren't home, so I simplly left the upright bag on their porch, where the hamster remained until they got back.

Rodent Story #2:
When I had moved out of that apartment and into a rental house, I came back from a long weekend out of town, opened the lid to my toilet, and was quite surprised to find a mouse in there, crawling up around the rim. Needless to say, I flushed quickly and often to ensure that it made it all the way back down to the sewer. I don't know for sure if it drowned in the process, but if not, it sure had a heckuva story to tell its fellow sewer-dwellers.

Kev, I'm sorry to hear that fur on flesh is out, for you, at 6am. At least that leaves the rest of the day.

Punkin', I had the same problem amongst others; if you're running IE 7, download FireFox, from Mozilla. It takes 5 minutes, is faster, problem-free, and doesn't annoy the Bot!

Don't bots crawl up from the sewer too?

I guess we know how Richard Gere got started.

Thanks, CJ - I'll pass that on to my hubby IT department. I refrain from tinkering with anything without prior approval, as my hubby boss gets his knickers in a twist if I do. I might get cootified whoozies in his whatzits. I'm just a girl, afterall.

*skips back out to the kitchen to bake something*

mouse story #87.5 - A friend of mine had a cat that liked to play fetch at 2 am. The cat would bring a catnip toy to my friend, who, although sleeping, would toss the toy for the cat. This would go on every night for about 15 minutes or so, my groggy friend tossing the toy and the cat retrieving it. One night the cat had a new toy. My friend was too sleepy to notice.
When my friend awoke, there was, yes - a mauled, dead mouse cozied up next to her, with blood everywhere. It was like the scene from the Godfather, with the horse's head, only smaller.

"Kev, I'm sorry to hear that fur on flesh is out, for you, at 6am. At least that leaves the rest of the day"

Umm, ok, let me rephrase that: Unexpected fur on flesh is out for me at 6 a.m. That leaves room for slippers, a beautiful woman in a fur coat, etc. ;-)

pssst, Punkin, if you're baking, try those "cookies" in a can. They should be right there in the freezer!

Annie, thank you in advance for the nightmare I'll be having tonight. :)

Annie-*snork* at Gere and *eeeewww* @ mousie head

I guess this is where that movie "Flushed Away" came from.

*Maybe when Dave comes back, he'll have an interesting mouse story to add to this thread.*

*Or maybe he'll give us a less disgusting story to comment on...*

OT - I have the entire 5th season of 24 that I am watching intently.

Jack Bauer is my dream man! And FTLOG, someone please take Sam Gamgee back to Mount Doom.

And that's why, when I play fetch with a cat, it's the cat I throw.

Punk', I'm with Hubby the IT department; plus my suggestion only applies if you're running the new IE-7. I spent many hours during the last two weeks trying to resolve some problems that nobody could resolve [the Bot was a minor one]. All gone using FireFox while IE-7 gets fixed. The Uber Geek that finally ruled it could be nothing else said, "IE-7 is still too Beta." It was fine for weeks and then these problems started. Curing them also cured the Bot-ulism.

THANKS FOR THE SNORKS, C-Bol!!!

Gives new meaning to the old movie jargon "those dirty rats."

As a counselor, I once had to listen to a teenage girl confess to throwing her hamster agains a wall, and not meaning to kill it. Tears. I almost swallowed my tongue to keep from laughing, which would not have shown any empathy at all...

I kept getting this picture in my mind of a cute cuddly little furrry creature going "splat!" and then feeling guilty for thinking it was funny. Sick twisted mind that I have.

Since my hubby is a vet, I have been exposed to all sorts of unique animal situations.... like the time a rottie died of unknown causes and we had to send his head (yup, just the head) to the state lab to rule out rabies. We kept it in a box in the freezer - next to the food - until a state cop came to pick it up. When he arrived, I yelled to my hubby, who was in the other room, nearer to the freezer, "Toss it to me!" He was disgusted, but I explained, "When am I gonna get the chance again to catch a flying rottie head?!"

So he tossed it.

I wuv him.

Please don't squeeze the vermin.

(Antbody say that yet? Sorry - haven't read the whole thread and probably won't.)

"The city of Salem takes 10 to 15 complaints per year from residents about rats in sewer pipes, Public Works spokesman Mike Gotterba said."

Wonder if he knows Art Carney or Ed Norton.

The things a desperate housewife will do to get some head thrown their way.

A few years ago, I was doing laundry and accidentally turned the dryer on with a kitten in it. I heard thumping, but I just figured it was a tennis shoe. When I opened the dryer later, and saw the (obviously) dead kitten, I started screaming and crying. My daughter, who was 11 at the time, said "Let's hurry to the vet, Mom, she's still warm!" Amazing how fast hysterical crying can change to maniacal laughter...

Ghosts of Hanged witches perhaps?

REAL men know that it's called a Backflow Preventor.

OT Alert

Meanwhile, tortoises being slow and all, I have to be in Fort Liquordale tomorrow. EC, I got home last night and the books are here! Thanks a bunch. Sio and EC, if you're around give me a call or email me on my fancy wireless computer- I'll be out of meetings @ 3 to 4pm; if you want to goof off, I'll hang out tomorrow night. Otherwise, it's back to the jungle for me and yard work for Saturday morning.

On a sad but somewhat serious note, we have been told that the "automatic" cat boxes are capable of killing a kitten. Not funny, sorry.

Also, friends bought a new house and the backflow preventer was in backwards. Had to dig up the whole da** yard.

You guys need Yorkies! No not in your toilet.

I used to have a field mouse problem until I got my Yorkies. Let those suckers lose and they are better than cats. Got 4 of the furry little buggers in one day.

The only problem is that they like to present them to you as a prize. But they don't chew on 'em they do the doggie shake, break their little backs or necks (never checked) and that is that.

Yorkies can get into places that the rodents can as well. Oh and Yorkies don't claw your furniture and walk on your kitchen counter after having used the cat box.

Safety Alert:

Bloggies, the backflow preventer is on the other end, so to speak. If municipal water fails, the backflow preventer keeps water that has been exposed to a customer from flowing back into the potable [drinkable] supply. Please don't potate from the terlit end. On the business end, there are gas traps, but nothing mechanical. Even a clear path back to the road will get clogged, if there is any gadget in the line. Heck, on some mornings, no mechanical gadget is needed to clog the return line.

Or so I've heard.

CJ - I am here on Treasure Island and all I can say is - the Gulf Coast of Florida is wonderful. The beaches are so wide! Amazing. My cousin and I are going to Billy's Stone Crab House tomorrow because I want genuine Florida stone crab. We are leaving Sunday morning. I got myself a laptop for Christmas and an still trying to figure out the email stuff.
You lucky Floridians! You have all this! And swimmable! I am so jealous.

Jan: Shhhhh! We need to keep the riff raff out. I have to go to Ft. Lauderdale tomorrow. If Sio and EC want to go torture Hooters' gals, I won't be back till Saturday afternoon. If you're going to be in St. Pete [Treasure Island] Saturday, drop me a note!

OT P.S.:

For a couple of weeks, I've read things about this, but never been able to view it. I wish I had been able to access this video when I was kicked back on the couch with my niece the band teacher. In case anybody with a classical music interest hadn't seen it, the Pachelbel Rant.

CJ, my daughter, a band nerd in high school and college, sent me the Pachelbel Rant. VERY funny!

Just because I'm a pest, you should watch the Andy McKee video. Serious talent.

for whatever reason, CJ, I couldn't log on through via your link/invitation. However, being the resourceful classical music lover, youtube enthusiast, etc. (and second violinist) that I am, I had to look it up, and was successful.

Way cool.

Thanks, CJ. That was pachelbelarious.

Just in case,

Pachelbel Rant is here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

The amazing Andy McKee is here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4

That was hilarious! My punk rockstar daughter loves it, and is sending it to all her pals. Thanks for making me borderline cool CJ, for one brief, shining moment!

CJ-Those are really good.

CJ, I loved that! Pachelbel's Cannon in D is my all time favorite classical piece. THAT was hilarious!!!

btw...I'd also love to meet up with you and EC but I have my daughter down here from college and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. Maybe next time????

*tries to bow, hits same spot on head from trying to hide Mom's Christmas present behind the tree*

I wish I could have linked or played something like that when I was at home, last week. Everything works now, but I am throwing out FireFox to anyone that starts having trouble. I tried to send a nice, friendly letter to Microsoft, to explain. They want you to pay them to tell them what is wrong. I actually had a guy from Verizon ask me to send him an email, documenting the last two-week's work, so they might be able to repeat this with future customers. Once they knew that I was sitting in one of their stores [in case of a hardware problem] and down to my last days in the trial period, Verizon paid attention! It was an Internet Explorer problem, the whole time.

*Snoopy dances back to the BlogBar, for a night cap*

CJ, I usually use Firefox. It's always been very reliable.

*having my wine*

... she's still warm ...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! O!M!G! L!O!L!!!

(Sorry, that's terrible ... but it's funny!)

I love Pachelbel's Greatest Hit ... but now I'll always have an added perspective to consider, as I enjoy it ... that's ALSO funny!

Sio, just didn't want you getting bored. If I leave after meetings I will get back to St. Pete @ 10pm Friday night. Then mow the lawn, collapse, then head 4-miles west to Treasure Island to talk ShyJan into a cold beer on Saturday night!

... and McKee is outstanding!

"Why did Charlotte write 'Sump Pipe' on her web?.. Hey, Wilbur, have you seen Templeton lately?"

OtheU, I was trying not to laugh at the warm dead kitty.

*snicker*

CJ, I'm never bored when I have my girls. Between trying to spend quality time with them and being Mommy Taxi to the younger one, I'd say my life (or lack thereof) is pretty busy!

Annie!!! LOL poor Templeton.

*in best Cagney voice:*

You...you dirty rat!

LOL Ducky...I thought of Cagney too!

I gotta run [sleep]. Just a thought: yetsreday, on the way from SC, traffic just stopped around Ol' Sparky; I was in Starke. I pulled into a curb-service drive in, snorked at yall, and ordered a Superburger, all the way, with fries, a chocolate shake, and a giant Coke. As I left, I hit the waitress up not for her phone number, but some parallel back road. She gave me impossible directions that worked and took me to a part of Florida I had never seen. And I saw my dream car, a 1966 Galaxie 500, with a "For Sale" sign.

*Traipses off to bed, sprawled on a bench seat*

Niters

Niters CJ! sweet dreams...

*snork* @ JD!

Calling all geezers - remember the Tidy-bowl or Sani-flush commercial with the little man in the boat in the toilet tank? The 'house-wfe' lifts the lid on the tank and there he is, trolling for vermin, I guess.

Nighty-night, CJ & Siouxie! Time for me to flap off to bed. Sweet dreams to all!

*flaps back*

*checks geezer bus ticket*

Annie, yes, I remember! Of course, I was a small child at the time. *Whistles*

I'm pretty sure he was the Tidy-Bowl Man. And he was awfully cheerful for a guy who spent all his time in a miniature boat in a toilet tank.

Sweet dreams to you, too, Annie!

*flaps off to bed, really, this time*

I believe it was Tidy-bowl, Annie.

*hops on the geezer bus*

Next stop - all you can eat buffet @ Dennys!

I find it oddly contradictory that rats will swim thru raw sewage, but are the first to desert a sinking ship ... there's just no pleasing some critters, I guess ...

Well folks...or whomever is still around...I'm ready for bed...nite all!

*sets the coffee maker to stun...rats*

Rats are nocturnal, aren't they?
Good night!

"Rats in a Toilet" WBAGNFA Samuel L. Jackson sequel.

But you already knew that.

Does PETA know about this?

Looking forward to meeting a bloglit, hopefully another of many!

A coke AND a shake? How decadent.

I believe it was "Ti-D-Bo," or thereabouts, but hellify am gonna google it at this hour. I'm picturing him with a blazer over a godolier's type striped shirt, standing in a dinghy, with some calypso lilty thing goin' on in the background.

That was supposed to come out "Ti-D-Bol."

...and that was supposed to come out "gondolier."

What kind of cheese do Fred Gwynne and his pet rat like best?

Vermin Munster.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha oy vey.

"Hey, Rocky, watch me pull this catsh*t out of my rat."

THE END

CJ, that video was great!

And re the comedian's Taco Bell reference in the video: When I worked at a music store (in the sheet music department), we had people come up all the time and ask for the "Taco Bell Cannon" (as well as the "Bronze" [instead of Brahms'] Lullaby.

good morning ya'll. for those of us doomed to work TGIF!!!!! closes up blog bar, takes coffee off of stun and gets ready for the horde.

kudos to cj for the utube link. have fun in treasure island, shyjan, that beach is endlessssssssss. pack a lunch, you'll need it somewhere between the parking lot and the gulf.

"Oops! Wrong rat!"

(HAHAHAHAHA -- LOL! @ stevie ...)

cj-muchos gracias for the youtube link to andy mckee. had to bookmark that website to order his stuff as soon as i get over the christmas bill hangover. the guy is awesome.

Having slept on it, I had to return and officially post a *snork* for Stevie W's "Please don't squeeze the vermin."

Please read that into the record.

Thank you.

duly noted, betsy.

Caffeine....


please...


now...

Dave's travel agent must have booked a trip for him. Along with judi.

Isn't Walter in charge, then?

Why thank you, Betsy! I had no idea these matters were given such serious deliberation. Were I ever being tried by a jury of my peers, I would want soemone like you on my jury. (That is of course, unless I were not so innocent).

hooks up hamm's caffeine drip. better now?

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