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December 28, 2006

WE'RE CALLING OUR TRAVEL AGENT

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First?
Coming soon to a store near you - Clorox Automatic Toilet Cleaner - now with D-Con!

"Rich sealed the can with tape and tossed the rat in his freezer to kill it."

Hope they don't get it mixed up with tomorrow's dinner!

Another sound argument against low-flow toilets.

I'll bet it wasn't just the rat who came 'screaming out of there'.

Also, make that a closet in which they used to keep bath towels.

mmmm.....sewage soaked rat pop

JU

Did you see the Discovery Channel show on rats? They DO swim up into the sewer pipes and can hold their breath for up to 3 minutes while they do it.

'Course, I don't know how they swim AND hold that tiny flashlight so they can follow the map to Dave's house...but they sure look cute in the ski mask!

Three MInutes? Wow!

"Three minutes? Wow!"

*flashback to first honeymoon*

better than snakes in your toilet, i think.

He trapped a shi!t house rat in a coffee can and put it in his freezer??? I don't want whatever drugs he's having.

Snork at "mmmm.....sewage soaked rat pop"

"Rat on a stick, sir?"

"the screamin' toilet rats" WBAGNBFARB

It's sort of like the toilet monster from Dave's Gift Guide, only it's for real.

This sounds like another practical use for snakes - flush 'em to eat the rats.

*visions of Chloe downloading piping diagrams to their little rat sized pda's.*
*this is some really GOOD coffree*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (I gotta have some of that coffee, fivver ...)

As to the story ... thot inducin' quote: ... It really doesn't apply to a specific part of town ...

So ... the entire town is rat-infested? Makes one wonder why NEbuddy would choose to live there, mebbe the city should put in an ad for a Pied Piper?

Saaaaaaaayyyy, isn't Salem where the Legislature meets?

Boy, talk about an infestation of RATS!!!

OtU - yes that is where the leg meets, but I think the diners at the trough are a different species.

Oh, sure! nobody minds if you kill a sewer rat that way, but put your sister's hamster in the freezer and... Hoooo boy!!

LOL at Wyo...

MMM, nothing like cruelty to small animals early in the morning.

Caffeine, STAT!

... um ... Pogo? I'm sensin' here that y'all are suggestin' them leg's are more of the Sus scrofa (Suidae) than they are of the Rodenta gang ... so, would those be the rattus rattus or the rattus Norvegicus?

(One may, apparently, differentiate by examining their tails, or other anatomical characteristics ... as described here ...)

Poop Covered Ratsicle in a Can strikes me as a nice twist to the tired old Flaming Bag of Sh!t On a Doorstep for those very special neighbors.

Just sayin'. :)

Okay, how many people are wondering if the rat in the freezer would come back to life if thawed out? Also, I want to know if they threw out all the frozen food, becuase ain't no way I would touch it after a rat had been in there!

See what happens when you get rid of all the toilet snakes? The toilet rat population goes through the roof. Study your food webs, people! :P

WOWSA! Sounds like a plot for Stephen King's next novel. Oh wait! He's already written about a creature coming out of a toilet (after exploding outta someone's arse in Dreamcatcher). I have never looked at toilets the same way since.

And on that lovely note...Good morning everyone!!!

where's my coffee? bagel anyone?

I'm wondering if he mentioned to his wife what was in the can...

Morning, Siouxie! Bagels? Please!

"Maybe, if this is in the paper, people will start keeping their lid closed," he said...The Riches are going one better: they have placed a bucket of water on the lid for extra security..."

So when they need to use the toilet, they....what??? Listen carefully to make sure they don't hear splashing sounds??? Use the Ty-d-Bowl automatic cyanide toilet freshener before opening the lid??? Drive to the CitGo station??? And when they entertain, do they (a) put out the guest towels and (b) post a tasteful notice saying, "Toilet may contain live rat(s). We'll understand if you have to leave early." ???

OtU - ratus ratus, I think. The Scandinavian variety gets a lot bigger. I think the best method of control is a herd of Felis catus under the direction of a Border collie.

Sales of transparent toilet seat's/lids should improve dramaticly.

Morning, Hammie! Bagels for all! um...they were previously frozen - hope ya'll don't mind.

I know the PERFECT place for that frozen rat. Send it over to Disney and put it next to Waltsicle. Seems appropriate, no?

Just for the record, Snopes says there is no "Waltsicle." That was tough for me to take, maybe even tougher than learning there was no Santa.

I do have bunny rabbits in my freezer, however. Savin' them for our annual Easter Bunny Fry.

Pogo, do you realize how many times you'll need to flush to get a border collie down there?

Border Collies can direct (control, herd, manage) Felis catus?

Wowser! I see why y'all are so proud of your specific Canis ... That's a perty good trick ... seems as if I recall a rural adage about somethin' bein' as difficult as herdin' cats ...

Ham' -- yeah, but you could put some little goggles and fins and snorkel on them cats (and dog?) and send 'em down (?) to do the job ...

*sigh*

no Waltsicle?? Wyo, I'm crushed!

For the record, I don't eat bunnies.

Why not, they're delicious...

OMGWTFBBQ - I can't keep up at all with you funny people this morning! Oh, wait - I have a Thermos™ full of coffee right here!!

How do I get the lid off, again?

Did y'all ever notice how that first mouthful of coffee tastes like crunched-up plastic and steel? No?

Cat Herding is a serious, well-established career. I regard this as a documentary and an inspiration.

I'll just have the chilled ratatouille with a side of sewage, thank you. Say, is that comic who does cow pun jokes on tonight?

HA, Mr. Hef! I should have said... NTTAWWT.

Sioux - Wascally Wabbit is good eatin'! Especially with some frozen coffee jello. Yummy.

my coffee is sprayed all over my monitor thanks to betsy. and thank you siouxie, i've been pondering all morning, with nothing funny to say, why toilet rats seemed familiar. rats, weasels, whatever, ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

OtU - we have a bit of a problem with rats here in the fall. When the weather turns cool the woods rats come looking for a warm place to spend the winter.

A few years back, we noticed signs of rats in the house, so we "hired" 2 cats, and we already had the dog.

A few days later, the dog and one cat burst into my office. The cat started darting in and out of cabinets and boxes, and the dog chased whatever came out. They worked this way for several minutes until they trotted out side by side with the dog carrying a dead rat. They dropped it in the back yard where I later disposed of it.

We haven't had rat troubles in years.

Rats!! Lairbo...please no more cow puns!

LOL at ratatouille!

the general public thinks that the main difference between a rat and a hampster is the tail....wrong.... the biggest difference is that hampsters have more dark meat.

*Snork @ herding cats, that's how I describe the management style here, lol.

Med, I was scarred for life when back in cuba, my aunt made rabbit stew and I later on found out one of our "pet" bunnies was missing. I was told he died of natural causes...yeah RIGHT! Naturally eaten...by me.

Mrs. H. and I are at an impasse over rabbits. She won't let me get any because she knows I'll eat them. I won't let her get any because I know she won't.

Now that I think about it, rats and toilets aren't that uncommon.

When I was married, I saw a rat in the toilet every day.

Cottontails were a great help when I was growin' up. My folks split up, and without deer, elk and bunnies, I don't know how we'd have made it. I developed a method of gutting, cleaning and skining them that takes about 4 seconds. Country kids are certainly raised with a different attitude toward animals than those from the city. No judgements here, just an observation.

Hey Wyo! Did you get the card I sent ya? Sorry, I forgot to add my moniker to it, but I figgered you know where it came from. ;-)

SNORK SNORK SNORK at Hugh Hefner!

Not yet, med, but that's not surprising after the snow in Denver. We've got mail backed up for days. Still gettin' late cards everyday. I'd know you with or without your moniker.

Snorkage at all. I see y'all are on top of your game this am.

Major snorkage to Hugh Hefner.

God, I wish I was clever!

Wyo - it was an email. Snowman. Boobs. Ring any bells?

Ah, yes, the snowman tipped over, as I recall. Thanks, that was a giggle inducer.

Ok...I'm watching the news and the Mayor of Denver comes on...John Hickenlooper.

that. is. all.

We don't make fun of people's names here, remember?

A rarely installed plumbing device, called a backwater valve, can provide a barrier against rats. But the valve isn't required by the plumbing code

I see a future campaign promise here.

Totally unrelated to this blog, I'm watching Nat Geo this morning. They've got a show on about nature's extremes - with a living crash test dummy. So far they've put her in a car and had it hit by lightning, stuck her in a hot box on a treadmill and dunked her in a rushing river. Next they are going to put her in extreme cold. Lady, you really need to have a talk with your agent!

CH - LUV the link to cat herdin' ... HOWever, I'm also intrigued by the company logo/initials ... "EDS" as in ED Solutions ... wonderin' how cats can manage to ... OH! I get it!!! Nevermind ...

Pogo - good deal, about the de-ratting nature of your domicile ... we'd like to have a similar arrangement for the mice in the fall (this wuz our worst year ever ... must've caught 8-10 of them before they quit intrudin' ...) but with our "life on the road" style, pets, for either company or vermin management, are not a viable option ...

Also ... LOL @ Med's "rat in the toilet" ...

from ch's cat herding link, running with squirrels!

goin' under - rats are in the toilet
comin up now - run into the closet
soaked in sewage - drippin on my carpet
in the freezer - gonna try to kill it.

Salem, Orgeon blues
sewage on my shooooees
freezer door gets slammed
frozen in a can
be sure...
to close, the lid, better, next time

Hey WyoCowboy... Imagine some lady whose real last name is Phillips giving everyone screwy advice.

she was married to a guy named Allen, they went through a wrenching divorce...

Her favorite drink is vodka and milk of magnesia - a Phillips Screwdriver.

Makes ya wanna tie a fake rat to the inside of your toilet lid, don't it?

Punkin - I believe fivver has found a new calling for your mudda-in-law - live crash dummy...

Wyo - main difference on eating bunnies is whether they were pets or not....wild ones to get by - sure. Fluffy the lop-eared cuddler - I don't think so. Growing up on a farm, I ate delicious home-grown chicken. But when veal (formerly known as 'Wilbur') showed up on my plate, I was done with beef for-heifer.

All right, all right, rodents and snakes, you got me going this morning and I have to tell you the story. I swear, I am NOT making this up. Many Xmases ago the kid asked for a snake from Santa, she had seen and been allowed to hold and cuddle a ball python at the local pet shop and fell in love. She has a thing for frogs and lizards and snakes, anything cold blooded - eeewwwww, but I'm the mom and I have to be brave and open minded. So she got her wish - ball python (she named Monty, of course), terrarium, the works, then 2 wks later it has to be fed. You saw this coming, right?

The pet store guy sells us a rodent in a paper box and says that it is not a good idea to just dump the thing into the terrarium, that first I should hold it up by the tail and "thunk it" in the head to stun it so it won't hurt the snake. I have gullible written all OVER my face, so I go home, put on a pair of rubber gloves, get my daughter to open the lid of the terrarium and I "thunk" the thing clear across the room into my closet. Ok, I don't know my own strength.

The kid happily goes and collects the stunned furry thing from the closet and brings it back to me still wiggling and now it is pissed off. I get a much better grip on its tail and thunk it again. Now I feel cruel and heartless, but we must feed Monty. This time I manage to drop the thing in the cage and the kid pops the lid back on.

We watch and watch and Monty just doesn't seem interested in the little knocked senseless meal we have provided. I told the kid that maybe the snake is shy and is waiting for us to leave so we give it some privacy for a few hours. We check on him again and the mouse is still laying there. The pet store guy said that if the snake didn't eat the mouse within a few hours to take it out and try again in a few days. So I reach in (with the rubber gloves) and pick it up by the tail only to realize that the mouse had fallen next to the hot rock and had been cooked and stuck to the rock. EEEEWWWWWWYYUUUCCCKK!!!!

I would have ended the snake experiment right then and there if someone had not told me about "pinky" rats. Fifteen years ago and I can still see that stunned little rat flying across the room to land in my closet. The things we do for our kids.

LOL great story, Annie...yucky but good!

I like animals but draw the line at reptiles and rat-looking pets.

There is a town near me(not too near, thank God)that has a rat infestation problem every couple of years. When it happens, people find them in their washing machines, garages, bathtubs. Everywhere! I would have to move!

Wyo-I love the cat herder video!

I have lots of rat stories, because I've lived in the country alot, but my best one happened when my boys were little. I was walking past the fridge and noticed jeans crammed in back against the wall, so I pulled out the fridge and realized they were stuck in a hole in the wall. I called my hubby in and showed it to him, and he delightedly informed me we had a pack rat. So he drove to town and bought a bigassed rat trap, set it, and we waited in bed for the trap to spring. It was like waiting for Santa! We heard the snap and ran in the kitchen to find a HUGE RAT with just its nose in the trap, and it ran for the hole in the wall. Hubby grabbed it by the tail, put both feet on the wall and yelled "Get the channel-locks, Baby!" He clamped onto the tail and pulled til I thought he'd yank the tail off, but it finally let go of the wall and flew out. We ran to the porch and called the barn cats, who thought we had food. We tossed the rat amongst them and they scattered and ran. It was ONE BIG RAT!

She hath conjured a rat from the latrine! Truly she is a witch!

"Oh honey! Wait 'til those snooty French come over! Think they're so fancy with their bidets and whatnot. They'll be speechless when they see we've got a rat trained to wipe our butts!"

----

"You know, you shouldn't keep a plugged in hair dryer so close to your toilet. First, it's unsanitary. Next, it's just not safe. Third...HOLY CRAP! IT'S A RAT!"

"Quick - toss in the hair dryer!"

When I was just starting out and living in my first apartment, there was a mouse that would come up through a pipe under the fridge. For some reason, he'd always want to go under the couch.

He would come out from under the fridge and realize that if he wanted to make it to the back of the couch, he'd have to run like hell and take a big turn (at full speed) into the living room.

I'd be sitting on the LR floor, watching tv and this thing would come tearing around the corner at unexpected moments.

Eventually, I plugged the hole and he couldn't get in, but it was exciting there for a while there.

Aack!

Hi Christobol! and *snork*

casey-you ain't kiddin!

*snatches extraneous "there" from previous post*

if cleansliness is next to Godliness....then Southeast Salem resident Lee Rich is going to hell in a hand bucket (not the same one the rest of us are booked in)

OK, I was grossed out reading these stories at first, but then I remembered my own mouse story and thought I would share.

Coupla years ago when the mice were on their anual migration, my house sorta got in their way...so they ended up in my kitchen. I had traps and poison everywhere. I was thinking I had the problem mostly under control when I started hearing squeeky noises in my living room. After about two days of hearing these noises, I had it narrowed down to my couch. So, in a fit one day, I finally ripped that stupid couch to peices. I took the back off, I ripped the lining out of the bottom, everything I could think of....except take off the cushions. When one of the cushions fell off the couch (while I was standing the couch on end, shaking it) there they were. The cutest nest of nasty, hairless, pink, squirmy bugs. I mean baby mice. I sucked 'em up with my vacuum cleaner then dumped 'em in the trash can outside. Stinking filthy nasty germy disgusting snake food. I hate mice.

Well, lunch time....wonder what they have at the chinese buffet today?

Oddly, the story of the first few batches of rats to escape NIMH did not catch on as a beloved tale.

Was it the sewer swimming? The characters dying in horrific coffee-can-freezer traps?

Hard to say.

IMHO, it was the fact that they were dripping with sewage, THEN tossed in the freezer.

I used to put kittens in the freezer...
I wonder if there's a connection there?

*SNORK* @ KDF
Definatly for that special someone that you
really don't like.


Hey! what the heck was that?
Now I'm being labled as "comment spam"?

"So, why is it you're selling, again?"

"Oh, we just prefer to rent, or be homeless or something."

"Huh. It really is a nice place."

"Mmmm-hmmmm. That's the bathroom in there."

"It hardly looks like you've used it in months! Say, why is Mr. Clean curled in a fetal position sucking his thumb in a puddle of his own urine there in the corner?"

w/little rat feet prints on his head

Mr. Clean gets rid of dirt and grime and grease in just a minute,
Mr. Clean will clean even clean your toilet if there's no big fu$%in' rat in it.
Mr. Clean Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean.

"Mom, I don't think I should go to school today."
"Do you have a fever?"
"No."
"Tummy ache?"
"No."
"Does your throat hurt?"
"No."
"Well then what is the problem?"
"Apparently I just crapped a rat."
"Oh honey, those just infrequently swim up our sewer pipes into our toilet!"
"Oh, okay then!"

*takes away Cbol's coffee*


Cuz I want some!

"Do you have a bathroom?"
"Yep, right through that door, down the hall, third door on the left, next to the feral cat dispenser."

*snork*

Jebus, C-bol, you're killing me here.

Back in 1985, my first house post divorce and it is my daughter's first day of kindergarten. Lucky me, I raise the lid on the toilet and there is a rat in it. (We kept the lid down cuz the cat would fall in...stupid cat)
I called my dad, who lived 3 blocks away and he is all "you are scared of a little mouse?". He lifts the lid, slams it down and yells for something heavy to put on it. Then we called the exterminator. For 3 years this happened when school started. By then I had the city works guys on speed dial. They finally got the problem solved as I have not had the problem since (knock on wood).

One time, my husband had one of those blow guns thingys where you put a bead on the end of some wire and shoot at things. You should have seen him chasing a rat around the house blowing darts at it. Finally nailed it to the floor. YUCK! Meanwhile, I am standing on a chair refusing to come down until it was dead and I saw proof. I learned the hard way to see proof of death for icky things.

Ha, that reminds me when a friend of my parents was visiting. I was at the table eating a peanut butter sandwich. Mom, dad and friend were standing at the bar where mom was cleaning up the peanut butter sandwich fixins. A mouse ran across the floor and the friend picked up the butter knife lying there, chucked it at the mouse and nailed the mouse to the floor.

Friend was a Vietnam vet. He never talked about his experiences there. I'm glad.

My Mouse Story - by Layzeeboy

I had to do some electrical work in the house. I removed the cover from the breaker box and found a little pile of dog food inside. Apparently Mickey and friends were pilfering from our pooch and hiding it in there.

That night, I heard a mysterious noise coming from the piano. It sounded like the little ba$tards were running up and down the strings inside. I retrieved an old shoe box and patiently waited next to the piano. I'd hear the noise and quickly lift the lid..and couldn't find them. This happened every 2-3 minutes. Close the lid. Wait again. Hear the noise. Lift the lid. This went on for close to an hour. Finally I noticed my pager lying on the keyboard lid...vibrating away every 2-3 minutes.

CH and cg, I LOVED those commercials from EDS--I believe each was a Super Bowl commercial. The cat herders had me hysterical well into the next quarter of the football game.

My wonderful sister-in-law, whom I love dearly, volunteers with Wildlife Rescue, and raises baby possums, rabbits, and raccoons until they can be safely released back in the wild. Well, sometimes the animals she receives have been hurt by other animals, or are too dehydrated or malnourished to make it, so she has to put them to sleep. The bad news is, she then saves the little critters for use in training other rehabbers (don't ask me how that works), and she keeps them, yes, in: the freezer! No, I have NOT ever had a meal at her house! ;-)

mmmm, vibrating.

Oops, did I type that out loud?

My mom went out on her porch to feed the cat last weekend and noticed that she had a new black cat along with the old white one. After a closer look, she realized it was a skunk. The cat ran one way, mom ran the other and the skunk enjoyed his meal in peace. He snuffled up against the glass door a couple times, then went on his merry way. Mom was too freaked to take a picture.

"Hey! I just went to use your bathroom and got a pellet shot in my a$$!"

"Oh hey, yeah, shoulda mentioned that. Did you see a rat?"

"What? No!"

"Yeah, we've been having rats kindof pop out of the toilet sometimes, so we rigged a pellet gun to fire in whenever the lid is lifted."

"Haven't you ever heard of a rat trap?"

"After the horrific accident with Ted's dangly bits, he won't even consider letting me set another one up in there, even though I promised to change the angle. Not that it matters, since he's taken to crapping in the front yard."

confession: despite having a live-in dog and live-in cat, i once had a rat take up residence in my stove. not sure where or how, just that he did. had a big manly friend put a big snappy trap under the stove and then respond back when we checked the trap and found it had worked. confession part is that i cried. it was just horrible to see it all snapped up like that. we buried it trap and all. please don't hate me.

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