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December 13, 2006

WE CANNOT IMPROVE UPON THE GIZMODO HEADLINE FOR THIS ITEM

Dorks Read Vows....

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Ahhhhhhh First

Congrads Chloe and the late Edagr on your nuptuals. In honor of this occasion I have shot 20 people in the thigh.
Many Happy Return,
Jack

How awful that somebody chose to steal one of their vowputers!

CH, perhaps only you would have read far enough to find that out. They must adopt or the children might as well just beat each other up in the mornings!

I'm sending them a humping dog USB device as a wedding present.

Hey now! Chris may be a nerd, perhaps even a dweeb. But he is certainly NOT a dork!

I don't want to hear about any interfacing on the honeymoon.

"With this file, I thee share."

Hmmmm. Is this his second wife? I used to sub to his newsletter and I don't recall him being single this long... I thought his wife was named Debbie or something like that...Could be wrong, I usually am, but something tells me he's on his second vows....

Pastor/ Administrator:

"Dorkette; will you link yourself with Dork,
Networking only with him,
Through viri and health,
Till battery-fire you part?"

I was right - his first wife's name was Gretchen, though and she was from Iowa...Just if you were curious...

Sounds like Gretchen lost a catch! OK, geeks need love too, my bad. Besides, I'm a geek.

It's wedding v 2.0.

http://maryamie.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!9592F3DEF41537A3!2771.entry

Moron.....everyone knows you read wedding vows from a palm. Wait......that's if you're single

Yeah K-bear, I remember this guy too- he was on one of them reality shows like COPS or something. They didnt really need to taser him, but they did it alot and it was funny!

Speaking of morons.....I'm not smart enough to hide my secret identity

"I now pronounce you Dual Core."

ch, you're not alone. i read far enough to find out the ghastly news. not only is he a freak, his friends are thieves.

You might also remember Chris from this which in September was voted #25 in PC World's 25 worst websites.
(MySpace was #1) Beside Lockergnome and hosting the Gnomedex conventions he was on TechTV's Call For Help.

If the dork squad used their palms, couldn't they just "beam" their vows and go straight to the reception?

Sounds like the new millenium wedding to me. Skip the pleasantries, straight to the booze and calling the cops.

I keep a pen handy at all times and frequently jot the most important notes of my day on my "palm pilot".
The memory of this low tech device only lasts til the next time I wash my hands but, writing on my hand is a far more cost effective system than the latest techno-gadget and far less likely to be stolen...

Med, I'm with LV. Besides, if the Dork Squad uses their palms, that wouldn't quite be monogamous.

CJ - good point. Then again, isn't monogamy an old school idea? Don't get me wrong, I am all old school. Hence, the reason I am single, 40, and completely Fabulous right now.

Time Out!

*listening to Public Radio International, the Evolution of the Concerto with Karl Haas, plus doing other things*

You know why the computer crashed--while the groom was saying his vows, the bride was trying to sell her wedding ring on ebay, check her email, and break 1000 on copter.

As I listen to Christmas Carols, Update my computer, realize the person that takes care of my machinery is amazing, I think of the time I went to IT Guy's house and liked a painting so much, I asked his wife if it would be OK for me to offer to buy it. She explained that for the right price, I could have him too; my IT guy.

By the way, a technical post for Neil G: I have carefully listened to A-to-D music, and there is no hope. Nothing I hear comes close to the vinyl. I have been hearing similar complaints from my friends in mapping and photgraphy. This CD or DVD storage is not archival, to begin with, much less something that can be trusted for an archive in the future. Tag, we're it. Somebody else has to maintain these archives until better technology comes along. Digitally, music becomes so compressed that it unfolds as a shadow.

Gotta run; have an idea for tomorrow. Tonight I flexed new speakers as they haven't been. Christmas Carols, the earliest concertos. There was a reason. They were speakers I had never really tested before. I tried lots, but I am shaking my walls with the first Alanis Morrissette, Jagged Little Pill cd; what a voice! I couldn't be happier with these speakers and won't take a jagged little pill.

Niters, Bloglits.

OK I think I'm caught up now. Would have been home earlier but my car wouldn't start after going for drinks with my friends. Got a ride home and will have it towed to the dealer in the morning. For a second there I told my friends...sheesh..this is when I need a guy around. BUT, luckily my brain cells woke up and I came to my senses!!! My gf gave me a ride home...her bf has a tow truck and my daughter's friend's single mom is taking her to school in the morning.

YAY for womanhood! (sorry guys...you're still needed for other more important things like sex taking out the garbage.

long day...nite all! will have coffee ready in the morning.

*turns off blog lights..leaves nite lite on
for west coasters*

Sweet dreams!!!

I'm pretty sure Dave wanted us to click on the "Gizmodo" link at the top of this entry... surely it fits his comment about the headline much better ("Japanese Extreme Wake Up Service Vacuums Your Face, Shoves Wasabi Up Your Nose")

I enjoyed this article because it added to my meager knowledge of useful Japanese phrases. To wit, I now know that "Avoo daemos" (forgive my poor transliteration) means "I hope this starts your day off as crappily as mine did, you rich bastard you."

Domo arigato,
Neb

Good morning blogsters!

*sets out the coffee & leftover cybersnacks from the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Dork*

*gets ready for yet another day of blogless fun*

Ya'll have a great day!!!

Hi Neb..I had to go back to check the Gizmodo link...you have to watch the videos of the different wake up methods. Is it just me, or does it look like he's enjoying the shaved ice a little too much?

Hey, sxi, are my huevos ready??

Don't ya think that guy has a clue, after being awakened for the umpteenth unconventional time? He's gotta be an actor - I think it's Quincy's assistant.

stevie, how ju wan dose huevos?


*does happy dance*

I am back...for now...I think...I hope...

OTA

Man, I'm so disappointed! Why oh WHY won't the bocken burn???? I've been waiting and waiting....am I gonna have to do it myself?

Stoopid flamskyddsmedlet

casey, I propose we send out a burning squad to torch that darn goat.

pictures the mob scene from frankenstein.

so I finally have a slow morning, and the blog's takin some time off. figgers.

Boss! Deplaned, deplaned! Jack Bauer gets deplaned one month from today!

....ahem....good morning everyone

sheesh, Wyo...I thought you\'d at least be happy that I am here!

But of course, Sioux. your restored presence has kept me from dispair. yet again. (note the lack of a $)

G'morning all.

The funny thing about the Gizmodo link is that it keeps changing, so we don't really know for sure which headline Dave meant. When I looked at it yesterday, it was something about "fused plugs and conspicuous consumption."

Mornin Lisa and Steve!!

Wyo, I am always happy to save a soul from the depths of despair... ;)

How\\\'s the plans for moving going?

wow, now that made more sense. I got one that said something about torturing some poor guy to get him to wake up.

Thanks Steve. I looked for that one yesterday, but I didn't do a search.

you're welcome, Lisa!

That guy with the goo on his face.... I thought he just sneezed really hard in his sleep and didn't wake up.

Yay, Siouxie!! Glad to see you rewired the system to escape the clutches of the bot.

*pictures the Binford 5000® Bot Destrangulator and hears a hearty grunt*

yo, blurkie! how far is it from G Falls to Billings? (too lazy to look it up.)

ahem. i have an important announcement to make.
*i have successfully removed the holiday decorations from the attic.*
drum roll, please.
you may now return to your regularly scheduled blogging.

*shyly waves to cg as her pronghorn skull is still sittin' on my desk*

I'll get it there.

Yay, CG! Would you get mine next?

Hola blurk!! Glad to be free!! (thanks to CH)

Now now...dontcha go spreading vicious rumors about me torturing the bot. he did not fair so well with the hot wax.)


cg, you make me proud.

Wyo, it's about 3/12 to 4 hours.

*for all you city folks: here in the West we don't measure distance in actual distance

make that "3 1/2" not 3/12 which is 1/4 which would mean you'd have to drive rrreeeaaalll fast

Hi all, there was also a great story about the 10 deadliest toys ever...

http://www.radarmagazine.com/features/2006/12/toys.php

Sorry, I'm in the midst of changing computers and can't find my instructions for making a link thingy.

blurk,
In rural Florida I learned country directions:
up = north
down = south
over = east
across = west

For example, from where I lived you would tell folks to go up to Valdosta, down to Gainesville, over to Jacksonville and across to Tallahassee.

fivver, I tried to set up the link but since I\\\'m here via some proxy server, it doesn\\\'t work...sorry.

cg - are you planning to work the skull into your christmas display this year? just wondering how that'll work.

oh and it also adds a few \\s just for the hell of it.

\\\s are always welcome!

wyo, no rush. i'd loose it in the clutter right now and you've got enough to deal with.

wicked, it would look good with some lights though!

sorry hamm, you're on your own.

*flaps in for a brief moment*

link thingy for fivver

I miss y'all! Hope I can blog again soon!

*flaps away to take Mom to her hair appointment*

Siouxie, \\\\\ just so you don\\\\t feel singled out.

y'all have a good day. I've gotta git some work done.

here are my \\\\\\s

makes ya feel kinda dirty.

Hey Ducky!!!

awww thanks Layzee ...I believe it\\\'s only when the apostrophe is used.

byeeeeee Wyo!!! have a good one.

Almost forgot: *snork* @ fivver's directions

That sounds like a roundabout way to get there, though.

blurk, you are dirty now...#69

Here in Miami, most of us Cubans get very descriptive with the directions. We go out of our way to point out EVERY single shop/building/gas station/house/railroad track/bag lady...etc. in the near vecinity of the ACTUAL location.

so there is not possible way to get lost with our directions...so we think.

typical directions to MY house: (from the east)

Go west on kendall drive past the highway and rr tracks where there is a Shell Station on the right. Keep going past the strip mall where DiPapa\'s restaurant is and turn at the light where Imagos Spa and the Amoco Station meet...etc...

and that only took you about two blocks.

Siouxie, out here there's usually only one or two roads so travel time will usually suffice.
For example when your destination involves getting on the interstate you don't have to ask which one.

wow...not here, blurk. we are truly cursed blessed with an array of highways and byways and freeways...you name it. We got it. I love Wyo\\\'s little town with the one traffic light LOL

i worked 911 for a time back when it was first implemented. back before mandatory house numbers. we got very descriptive directions involving places that used to be there, places that are known by someones name who hasn't lived there in 20 years, livestock and trees.

Well, Siouxie, I'm sorry that TypePad and the proxy browser aren''t getting along as well as possible, but I am very glad to see that you're at least back in the game. :-D

(((((((((((CH))))))))))))) my heroooooooooooo!

so who cares about a few \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s right??

I m just glad to be here ;-)

CG my sister is a social worker for the state of Georgia. Once she took over a route for another counselor and had the same thing. 'Turn left at the fallen tree and then right at the pasture with the cows.'

CH, Siouxie's been showin' her \\\\\\\s all mornin'. Can't take that girl anywhere.

Honest to goodness directions to the ranch where I work.
Get on the interstate, head toward Helena. Get off at Ulm and take a left at the grain elevator. There'll be a John Deere swather parked there. The next spread over raises Herefords so if you see red cattle you went too far.

blurk, you don\\\'t have to look at my \\\\\\\'s...sheesh!

Blurk, answer carefully, you haven't fully healed yet.

Well, Siouxie, when ya flop 'em out there for everyone to see ya can't expect us not to look.

blurk, that sounds like the directions to a client we have here in central florida. It involves a mailbox, some tree (elm I think), a dirt road and someone s farm.

Whups, too late...

*makes mental note to get support for my \\\\\\\'s so they don\\\'t flop as much*

Ham...you tried ;-)

Wait, I'm confused. Does this mean that we've been oggling LayzeeBoy's and blurk's \\\\s, too?

NTTAWWT, but it ain't my preference, ya know?

CH, you're expected to turn your monitor away when my \\\\\\s pop out.

CH wouldn't that be more in the line of => => =>

*goes and washes hands*

since blurk has already been hot waxed, he and Siouxie can both use duct tape to keep 'em from flopping. don't know about Layzeeboy though. maybe just rubberbands for him.

ww, hot wax or not, don't be volunteerin' me to be duct taped. That stuff takes skin off when you remove it.

ouchie, ww!!

my \\\\\\\'s are oh so sensitive.

lunch time!

please take care of my \\\\\\\'s while I\\\'m gone...

Doncha use rubberbands to perform an orchiectomy sometimes?

On CATTLE, CH!!

*backs slowly away from CH*

*looked up orchiectomy*

yikes LOL

I had to google it too, siouxie.

Involuntary flinch when the results popped up, too.

Be careful with orchiectomies. If you use the wrong size rubber band, it won't work.

Don't ask me how I know that.... :)

Sorry I haven't been around - super busy at work.

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