Dave Barry's Blog

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now they're using toilets.

2006

It's almost over. And that is a good thing.

FOR A HAPPY, HEALTHY NEW YEAR'S CELEBRATION, WITH THE ADDED EXCITEMENT OF POSSIBLY INGESTING GLASS

Champagne sabering.

(Thanks to my son)

WHAT MOM REALLY WANTS¹

Shoes that do housework.

¹...Dad to wear.

(Thanks to DavCat)

LIKE, HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS, DUDE

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)

TRAVEL UPDATE

Here at the Secret Undisclosed Location they have some pretty scary wildlife.

TODAY'S "SCIENTIFIC" RESEARCH REPORT

Conceived of, conducted by, reported on, and sent in exclusively by men.

BEES

...and guys. Need we say more? Oh, yeah: that this happened in Florida. Of course.

(Thanks to Straw)

TIS THE SEASON

...to buy a new calendar.¹

¹...while The Blog's away.

WHILE WE WAIT FOR CORNCAM SEASON

Let's watch cheese!

(Thanks to annette gaudreau)

WE BLAME LOW-FLOW TOILETS

(Thanks first to DavCat)

POST-CHRISTMAS LETDOWN

It hits when you realize you didn't find what you really wanted under the tree.

(Thanks to Douglas Seeley)

DUH

(Thanks to Casey J.)

UPDATE from Jeannette Hughes

UPDATE from many alert readers

STEPFATHER OF THE YEAR SO FAR

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

AT LAST

...a practical use for snakes.

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to DavCat)

GOOD NEWS FOR THE BLOG

They may have found your luggage.

(Thanks to Foghorn Leghorn)

GOOD NEWS FOR CLASSMATES OF TEN-YEAR-OLD BOYS

You can charge them with assault.

(Thanks to Mike Pontillo)

WE NEED TO TAKE UP A COLLECTION

First Leslie Sloane Zelnick splits, and now Sonia Muckle.

WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN ENJOYING THE HOLIDAYS

...the Massachusetts legislature has been hard at work.

IF THEY HELD A CONTEST FOR THE BEST OFFICE PARTIES IN THE WORLD

South Korea would win.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

HAPPY BOXING DAY

Let's be careful out there.

(Thanks to DavCat)

HAVE JOY

I'm taking off to spend Christmas week at a Secret Undisclosed Location that might not have the Internet, which as you know requires a series of tubes. Judi is also out o' town, so for a while there may be sporadic posting here, or even no posting. But before I go, I want to wish you all happy holidays, on behalf of our entire staff.

UPDATE ON SNOWPERSON, SANTA ATTACKS

Things are getting very ugly.

THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN

Snake rustlers.

JAPAN

Land of Mystery

(Via Gizmodo)

IGNORE THIS

As is so often is the case, I am testing  a new way to post to the blog.  I don't think it's gonna work.

UPDATE: Whoa, it did. This is very exciting. Everybody take the rest of the week off.

WHY THE HELL NOT?

(Via Gizmodo)

CRIME UPDATE FROM WISCONSIN

Moo.

UPDATE: It's crazy up there.

THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR

Be thankful you're not flying out of Heathrow.

WHERE ELSE?

A tree-stump Virgin Mary is found in New Jersey.

ASSAULTS ON SNOWPERSONS

The crime wave is spreading.

TYPICAL MIAMI STORY

"Anyone seen grandma?"

WHEN MINCE PIES ARE OUTLAWED

...Santa will feel safer.

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)

GET THE MANGER READY

Flora the virgin Komodo dragon is going to give birth.

(Thanks to many people, sthnbelle first)

WE-DID-NOT-NEED-TO-KNOW-THIS HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

CAN'T-FAIL PICKUP LINE

"I'm a Mexican sewage diver."

(Thanks to DavCat14)

LAME

If this were authentic, Santa would shoot the little girl in the thigh.

(Thanks to Steve the 24 Guy)

AND MILLIONS OF GUYS GO, "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?"

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

URGENT BREAKING TASTEFUL CHRISTMAS GIFT ITEM

We just received this breaktaking snake tie from Linda and Marilyn Stout.

THIS JUST IN FROM HOLLAND

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO PROBLEM IF SHE HAD PUT IT IN A ONE-QUART ZIP-TOP CLEAR-PLASTIC BAG

(Thanks to Jennifer Oldham)

HALLELUJ ALELLLU ALLELLU HOORAY!

They found Baby Jesus! All 32 of him!

(Thanks to Siouxie)

VAGUELY RELATED UPDATE

(from many alert readers, and posted by the s.b.)

POSSIBLY RELATED POSSIBLE REPOST

(ditto)

THE NATIONWIDE CRIME WAVE GROWS WIDER

"Sword-Wielding Santa Vandals" would be a bad name for a rock band.

Related story here, featuring hardcore video of Frosty, Pooh and, yes, Tigger.

THIS WILL NOT SEEM FUNNY TO ANYBODY WHO WORKS IN AN OFFICE

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

WAIT A MINUTE... IS THIS GUY SAYING 24 IS NOT REALISTIC??

Key Quote:

In the show 24, Jack Bauer calls his office to get plans and schematics for various buildings. Once these files have been transferred from outside sources to the agency's mainframe, Jack asks to have them downloaded to his PDA. And -- miracle of miracles -- the files are readable without any workarounds. (And download is far faster than is currently possible on the U.S.'s miserable mobile networks.)

What this so-called "expert" apparently does not realize is that the person sending the files to Jack is no ordinary office worker.

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER....

...for the Squid-Inspired Vortex Generators.

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

UPDATE: Whoops. This doesn't seem to be working.

UPDATE: Whoops. Maybe it is.

ARE YOU HAPPY TO SEE ME?

Or is that a scorpion in your jeans?

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

CRIME

It is out of control.

And not just in Michigan.

REALLY SCARY NAME FOR SOME KIND OF BAND

Penis-Burning Woman

SAD NEWS FROM BLANKET, TEXAS

It's the end of an era.

(Thanks to Lawnmower Racer Vinny)

YEARS FROM NOW, WE WILL ALL REMEMBER EXACTLY WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE AWFUL NEWS

Britain is running out of rhubarb.

(Thabks to DavCat14)

FOR THE PERSON ON YOUR GIFT LIST WHO ALREADY HAS WHALE VOMIT AND ANAL BLEACH

Give the most precious gift of all: an alligator head with original tag.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

AND THE SO-CALLED "INTERNATIONAL RED CROSS" DOES NOTHING

(Thanks to Siouxie)

THERE IS NO GIFT THAT SAYS "I AM THINKING OF YOU IN A VERY SPECIAL WAY"

...quite like this.

(Thanks to Scott Tucker)

STUFF PEOPLE DO IN COLLEGE

This blog also spent a fair amount of time on hands and knees.

(Thanks to garnetwhyte)

THIS YEAR, GIVE A VERY SPECIAL HOLIDAY GIFT

...give the gift of whale vomit.

(Thanks to Geoff Butler)

A HOLIDAY TRAGEDY WAITING TO HAPPEN

(Thanks to Kim Kristiansen)

BULLETIN BULLETIN WOOF BULLETIN

(Thanks to everyone)

THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS SITUATION

And there aren't even any pictures, so we definitely aren't going to blog this.

(Thanks anyway to John Regan)

BAD SONG SURVEY

The Yuletide Edition

(Blame Occam's Lady Schick)

FORGET THE GRINCH

Here is the feel-good holiday video of the season so far.

(Via Gizmodo)

LEGAL ARGUMENT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to Kaf Aleni)

WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO COMMENT

...if we know what's good for us, and we think we do. Thank you.

(And thanks to Eleanor)

IS THERE NOTHING ELSE TO DO IN SWEDEN?

They're after the goat again.

(Thanks to Valerie)

ATTENTION, SAMUEL JACKSON'S AGENT

Mice on a Plane

(Thanks to many people, with Ms. Wheezer first)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE AFTERNOON SO FAR

(Thanks to PhilinTexas)

ATTENTION, ANYBODY WHO HAS EVER EATEN AT A SCHOOL CAFETERIA

Do not even think about clicking here.

(Thanks to Onterrible and Nick Burns)

GIVE IT UP...

for Squid Juice.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

WHEN ANTLERS ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY DEER WILL HAVE ANTLERS

(Thanks to Gary Meier)

WISCONSIN: LAND OF LUNATICS

On today's menu: The Arachnideer.

(Thanks to many people, first among them marva mauthe) (Really.)

TODAY'S NATURE FACT ABOUT GIANT PANDAS

They're into clothes.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

NOTE TO PRODUCERS OF COMEDY-AWARDS SHOWS

Dump the snake.

TEACHER OF THE MONTH SO FAR

(Thanks to CoastRaven)

BAD NEWS, HOLIDAY SHOPPERS

The PTA store at my daughter's school is out of squishy balls and might beans.

"BOOMER, THIS IS YOUR FOOD DISH SPEAKING. STOP HUMPING THE SOFA."

Via Gizmodo)

JUST A DARNED MINUTE

I am getting sick and tired of hearing this guy Tancredo go around calling Miami a "Third World country." Listen, bud: We are a first-world country, and don't you forget it.

I'm sorry they rescinded his invitation to come down here. I think we should have let him come down, then confiscated his passport.

VERY STRONG NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Cave Snot

(Thanks to Michael Thompson)

TOURIST DESTINATION OF THE DAY SO FAR

Fjuckby, by way of Krakanger.

(Thanks to Just Ducky)

EXCUSE ADVISORY

I apologize for the lack of posting, but this morning I gave a commencement address at the University of Miami. Among those at the ceremony were UM graduate Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, a funny and extremely large man. I discovered that every time I mentioned him in my speech, the crowd would cheer. So whenever there was a lull, I'd just turn to him and go, "The Rock!" And there would be cheering. To his great credit, he did not pick me up by my neck and shake me like a large robe-wearing maraca.

WE CANNOT IMPROVE UPON THE GIZMODO HEADLINE FOR THIS ITEM

Dorks Read Vows....

ADVISORY TO AUSTRALIANS THINKING OF USING THE TOILET

Don't.

(Thanks to KC Steve)

THE WORKERS AT MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT HAVE A SIMILAR RITUAL, BUT INSTEAD OF A CAMEL, THEY USE YOUR LUGGAGE

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WHAT'S THAT BUZZING SOUND?

It's probably nothing.

(Thanks to Steve the 24 Guy)

UPDATE (thanks to Cheryl Howard): Maybe they were looking for a bomb.

REVIEW THIS

Several years ago¹, the s.b. and a friend went to a Chinese restaurant in Edinburgh. Reviews had been good. It was nicely decorated, and fairly crowded.

After we were seated, to our great fortune, said friend had to ... wash his hands.
When he returned, paler than usual, he insisted we leave.

The chef had been sharing the facilities, and.... well, let's just say the one thing he was not in there for was to wash his hands.

(Thanks to Lord Greg)

¹OMG. Years!

A BRITISH EDUCATION

Priceless

(Thanks to DavCat14)

TEACHER OF THE YEAR SO FAR

(Thanks to Valerie)

WHY THE TERRORISTS WILL NEVER DEFEAT THIS NATION USING TROPHIES

He should have broken it into pieces and put them into a clear, one-quart, zip-top plastic bag.

(Thanks to Robert White)

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS...

...you're talking about reindeer hot dogs.

(Thanks to DavCat14)

NUTRITION BULLETIN FROM MARS AN EXPERT

Soy is making our children gay.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

COMPUTER ACCESSORY OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Woof.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

THOUGHTS ON DANCING

This afternoon Mrs. Blog and I attended the annual holiday luncheon of a Miami organization, and, because it is Miami, there was dancing. At one point Santa Claus appeared on the dance floor, and the instant he did, the DJ put on a song that everyone, all over the world, associates with Santa Claus: "YMCA." So we did the YMCA dance with Santa. And if that does not say "Season's Greetings," I don't know what does.

On Sunday night we attended a Cuban-Jewish wedding in Miami. Mrs. Blog is Cuban-Jewish; there are thousands of Jewbans (as they call themselves) here, and they are all related. The thing about Cuban-Jewish weddings is, you look around the room, and you see a lot of older Jewish people, and if you don't know any better, you think they're a bunch of geezers settling in for a long sedentary evening. And then the band starts to play Latin music, and of a sudden the room just explodes with energy, with every single person, no matter how old, out on the dance floor just cooking. Because they are Jewish and Cuban, and Cubans -- I have yet to meet the exception -- love to dance, and are very good at it. We left at around 11, and they hadn't even got to the dessert; they were still gyrating wildly around the room in a Cuban-Jewish conga line.

The point is... OK, there is no point. But I really love this town.

UPDATE: The comments seem to be broken. I will attempt to fix this by putting this update in, which sometimes works.

NEWS FLASH OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to DavCat)

BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN'

Proud rhino unfortunately unable to keep on burnin'...

(Thanks to 87 billion concerned citizens)

THEY MUST BE STOPPED

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

CHRISTMAS IS COMING

Dad wants this.

(Via Gizmodo)

CHINA

Land of Mystery

EXCELLENT NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Give it up for the Sydney Mud Whelks.

YES

(Thanks to artchick)

(Also Reddsuss)

WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD LIVE TO SEE THIS DAY

The frog robot condom

(Thanks to Nelson Pitlor)

ATTENTION, MR. CHENEY

Texas wants you back!

(Thanks to Steve Lancaster)

WHAT MOM DEFINITELY DOES NOT WANT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, FOR CHRISTMAS, HANUKKAH, OR HER BIRTHDAY, EVER

(Thanks to Emma Case, who suggests clicking on the second image)

FORGET THE PLAYSTATION

Your child wants this.

(Via, needless to say, Gizmodo)

STRUMPDATE

The Amazon site now has a video of me groveling like a worm discussing my book, which incidentally is for sale.

WHY THE WORLD NEEDS GUYS

Guys are productive.

(Also via Gizmodo. This blog loves Gizmodo.)

AN IMPORTANT STEP FORWARD FOR ROBOTS

They've discovered beer!

(Fast forward to  58 seconds)

(Via Gizmodo)

MOTORIST OF LAST WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to Celine Chamberlin)

THIS JUST IN FROM SWEDEN

The obvious line is "Police have nothing to go on," but it has already been used, so we will refrain.

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON SO FAR

(Thanks to annette gaudreau)

AND THEY HEARD HIM EXCLAIM ERE HE DROVE OUT OF SIGHT

Hey, batta batta!

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

LATE-BREAKING REINDEER NEWS

(Thanks to Siouxie)

EXCITING NEW CONCEPT FROM ROMANIA

The sliding virginity scale.

(Thanks to Sharon Bower)

HUMBUG

(Thanks to Casey J)

FASCISM UPDATE

It's creeping everywhere.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

POOR CHOICE OF WORDS

Ummm... a headache?

(Thanks to Siouxie)

ATTENTION, PERVERTS BARGAIN-HUNTERS

(Thanks to Bill Q)

ATTENTION, WAL-MART SHOPPERS

(Thanks to DavCat14)

SPEAKING OF SHOPPERS: They definitely have the holiday spirit in Mentor, Ohio.

SPAIN...

....where men are men, and women are women, and squirrels are deadly.

(Thanks to CleanHands)

VINDICATION

At long last.

(Thanks to fellow "Sit up straight!" sufferer, Russell Mc)

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO SOMETHING

(Thanks to Siouxie)

ASBOS UPDATE, courtesy of Kevin McKinley)

IT'S A TIME OF MIRACLES

Ribbit

UPDATE: Oink

HEADLINE-AND-PHOTO COMBINATION OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON SO FAR

(Thanks to Paul Schnake, via Mr. Gene Weingarten)

FIRST THEY CAME FOR THE TRANS FATS....

...and then they came for the armadillos.

(Thanks to Geoffrey Butler)

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR, INDEED

(Thanks to annette gaudreau)

CREEPING FASCISM

Now they want to take away our right to toss pigs over hotel counters.

(Thanks to many people, starting with Valerie)

UPDATE SHOWING WHY WE LOVE BRITISH JOURNALISM:

1. "Hotel pig-chuck man"

2. "Criminal mastermind"

WHY WE LOVE THE IRISH

They know how to party.

(Thanks to -- Surprise! -- DavCat14)

AT LONG LAST

Paris Hilton's bikini waxer speaks out.

YOUR SNAKE-NEWS UPDATE

They're changing colors, and a Japanese woman is eating them in large quantities.

This has been your snake-news update.

THEY WON'T GET FAR ON FOOT

(Thanks to queensbee)

FASCISM UPDATE

Now they're taking away our right to eat suet.

(Thanks to Just Ducky)

SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT NORWEGIAN APPEALS COURT JUDGES

They know art when they see it.

(Thanks to Elon Weintraub)

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, GIVE THE GIFT THAT SAYS, "I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE UNNECESSARY PAIN TO LOBSTERS; I JUST WANT TO KILL THEM AND EAT THEM."

Give the CrustaStun.

(Via Gizmodo)

JUST WHEN YOU THINK "REALITY" TELEVISION CANNOT POSSIBLY GET ANY MORE UNREAL....

(Thanks to Angel)

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, PART TWO

(Thanks to Siouxie)

A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

...to this thoughtful motorist.

(Thanks, yet again, to DavCat14)

UPDATE: Also this one.

(Thanks to Addicted to 24)

TIP TO AIR TRAVELERS

Here's a new way to upgrade.

(Also thanks to DavCat14)

BUM SMELL UPDATE

(Thanks to Just Ducky)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

So you better watch out.

(Thanks to many people, starting with DavCat14)

DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER UPDATE

Dog is safe, for now.

NOT SUCH A GREAT NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Give a small amount of it up for: Swimming Cow!

(Thanks to the large and very perky KLTV News Team)

ATTENTION, SHOPPERS

Which reminds me: My book is, incredibly, still for sale.

TERRORISM ADVISORY

This makes sense to us. You eat enough of those things, and you could explode.

(Thanks to Carl Beevers)

ANOTHER SCIENCE BREAKTHROUGH BROUGHT TO US BY GUYS

ADVISORY: If your computer has a Smell Module, turn it off.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

GPS SURVEY QUESTION

This is a survey for those of you who have GPS navigation systems in your cars. For those of you who don't, I should explain that a GPS (which is an acronym for "Something Something Something") is an electronic map on your dashboard that knows where your car is, using magic

Anyway, the GPS in our car has two modes. One mode (which I will call "The Right Mode") shows the map with north always pointing up, and the little arrow that represents your car pointing in whatever direction your car is traveling. The other mode ("The Wrong Mode") has the arrow always pointing up, and the map shifting around it, so that if you're heading south, south is at the top.

I prefer the Right Mode, because when you look at a map, you hold it with north pointing up, unless you are some kind of communist. Whereas Mrs. Blog insists on using the Wrong Mode, because, as she explains it, the map should reflect which way the car is going. She claims that all of her women friends who have GPSs also use this mode.

So our survey question is: Why do women need so many shoes?

No, seriously, it is: Which gender are you, and which mode do you use?

SNAKE LOVERS

Do not mess with them.

LITERARY BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

RELATED BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN from the Giant Head Gossip Lady

ANOTHER DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

When men emit aromas, they are proud of it. Whereas women...

(Thanks to GW Wrangler)

TRAVELING TO CHINA?

Eat first.

(Thanks to Elon Weintraub)

THE NOSE KNOWS

....not to ride the bus.

Key quote, which we swear we took in the British way: "It's going to smell like cookies and bums."

(Thanks yet again to DavCat)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

Cheese Thieves

(Thanks to DavCat14)

UPDATE FROM SWEDEN

They got the goat.

(Thanks to Annette Gaudreau)

SOMETIMES I THINK THAT IF I TOOK GUITAR LESSONS, I COULD GET GOOD

And then I see something like this, and I realize there is no hope.

(Note: If you're not interested in guitar virtuosity, there's no need to click. If you are interested, wait for the solo.)

(Thanks to this  blog's younger -- and far more musically talented -- brother, Sam)

SCIENCE STUMBLES (BURP) FORWARD

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)

NOTHING SAYS "MERRY CHRISTMAS"

...like Santa's Butt.

(Thanks to DavCat14)

AND THE AWARD FOR MUNICIPAL OFFICIAL MOST IN NEED OF SENSITIVITY TRAINING GOES TO...

...whatever genius thought of this.

(Thanks to Poop Dogg)

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to DavCat14)

MEANWHILE, IN A STORY FROM SWEDEN THAT DOES NOT (WE SINCERELY HOPE) INVOLVE NAKED MEN

...they are guarding the Christmas goat.

(Thanks to Ryan Mason)

FLORIDA

....America's Playground

UPDATE: Whoops. Judi already posted this last week, while blog was freezing its earlobes off in Minnesota. We should have known, inasmuch as the story concerns a naked man.

UPDATE, not nudity-related, thankyouverymuch: Dave has written some books. Tuesday he will be signing them.

MAN

Greg is leaving the Wiggles. This blog will miss him. Everybody sing along:

Toot toot, chugga chugga big red car
We'll travel near and we'll travel far...

IT'S A WORK OF ART, AND A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Meat Chess

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

UPDATE ON BIRTHDAY GIRL WHO ATE GIANT OLD LOBSTER

A letter writer was disturbed by this story, as was this blog.

CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON

(Thanks to Jonathan Harris)

ATTENTION, PARTY-GOERS OF THE OUTER BANKS REGION

Stick with the potato chips.

(Thanks to jon)

A STAR IS BORN

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

IN KEEPING WITH OUR POLICY

We will not be linking to this.

(Thanks to Greg Lawhorn)

LEGAL ARGUMENT OF THE DAY

The Bingo defense.

(Thanks to xmnr)

MORE NUDE NEWS FROM 'THE NEW ANANOVA'

Metro.co.uk reports: If you were around the corner of Teriana and Wilson streets in Lismore on Monday morning, and happened to spot a naked woman romping with a horse, the New South Wales Police would like to speak to you.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT'S ABOUT TIME

(Thanks to everyone in the known universe)

RANT OF THE DAY

When did it become acceptable for adult humans to go to work when they are obviously sick, because they "have to pay their bills"? We'd just as soon not have to handle the salad-bar tongs after you've had your germy mitts all over 'em, thank you very much. We don't want to share the bathroom with you while you sneeze and hack in the cubicle next door. We're sorry you don't have any sick days left, but that's not really our fault, now is it? It's the fault of the other oh-so-thoughtful people who refused to stay home when they were sick, earlier this year. So hey, SnotGirl, FluBoy, take a hike! Tis the season to be jolly, and your bodily functions are leaking all over our holiday spirit.

UPDATE FROM MINNESOTA

This is the World's Largest Gingerbread House. It was delicious.

HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD

But do you think he knows that The Blog has a new book out?

(Thanks to Karen Willis)

WHOOPS

(Via Gizmodo)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

According to this published account, Britney Spears should stay on her tod.

MINNESOTA UPDATE

It's still cold here. I was thinking I would rather be in Hawaii. But now I am not so sure.