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December 19, 2006

CRIME

It is out of control.

And not just in Michigan.

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Can ya blame a girl? Where is your Christmas spirit?

"Ah, excuse me, but thats my frosty."

"The investigation continues to snowball...."

I love this line in the second story! lol!

At least I am not the only person that hates those inflatable monstrosities that people are littering our neighborhoods with.

And yes, I am a Grinch!

Frigid, eh?

Dear Baron von Grinch,

Lighten up.

How could they arrest these guys. They are our first line of in the war on giant, ugly lawn decorations. As far as I'm concerned, they're heroes.

"Three additional inflatable snowmen are being held at the Garden City Police Department for their owners."
yup, they'll be back again someday....

I'm with Edgar and Baron. Whatever happen to tasteful Christmas lights? A wreath on the door, candles in the windows and a spotlight does it for me.

So I'm a geezer and proud of it!

“I’m very relieved,” said Williquette, a packaging designer for Procter & Gamble.
“People can finally sleep better around here.”

Does anyone else imagine that, if this were said by anyone but the owner, there'd be a heavy dose of sarcasm in their voice?

Tasteful decorations are OK, I guess. But giant inflatable crap (I want a Mr. Hanky lawn ornament) (which look like used lawn cond0ms when not inflated) should be outlawed. I do NOT need a 12-foot psycho Frosty stairing in my (2nd-floor) bedroom window all night from my neighbor's yard.

Thanks Edgar and ubetcha. And DPS, those are my sentiments exactly.

My neighbor across the street has a daytime lawn condom that become creepy Santa looking through my front window as dusk sets in. I don't want to go to sleep seeing a leering monstrosity glaring at me from their front yard.

Tasteful ornamentation is fine. But when yards can be seen from space, it becomes a little bit of overkill.

/rant

For every inflatable crap puncturer you arrest, TWO MORE WILL TAKE HIS PLACE!

Seriously, my problem with the inflatable crap is that it's so uncreative. Christmas lights are not a decoration, they're a MEDIUM in which every house creates its own unique display. These inflatable things are just another example of how everything in our lives is exactly the same as everything else.

Baron & DPS: But...Giant Inflable Crap WBAGNFA Christmas Music Playing RB!

I bet they do a rocking version of "Wonderful Christmas Time" and "Christmas Shoes".

I do like Inflatable Biker Santa with sunglasses, however.


*ahem*

I happen to have a lovely inflatable condom Santa AND tasteful lights...etc.

*goes off to her lonely corner now*

Good morning GRINCHES darling bloglits!!!

Morning, Siouxie!

Although I cannot stand those yard inflatable eyesores, you just have to love the caption next to this one.

If not informed, I would have naturally thought that that was an integral part of the item.

Nothing screams CHRISTMAS like a blow-up Baby Jesus.

I need to find my old Daisy™ air rifle...

Hmmm...that must have been you the other night trying to shoot at my Santa with a b b gun, Chris...

nmtu! some punks actually tried. I wasn't too worried about Santa but the kids that were outside my house playing.

Santa made it ;-)

DPS' site also offers giant inflatable pink flamingos! We truly live in an wonderful age.

Removes the "N" from an and saves it for later...

Only slightly less annoying than the inflatables are those mostly formless wicker sculptures of deer festooned with lights. When you have a herd of those on a front lawn, all lit identically, all you see is an amorphous mass of white lights. You can't even tell when you are supposed to be looking at.

As I said... I am a Grinch.

Give me a couple of strings of lights, maybe a light globe or two hanging from a tree limb, and maybe a few festive lanterns adorning the walk and driveway. Yep... I feel like a fogey now.

Did anybody see the report (I think it was on CBS Sunday Morning) about a house in Utah and a neighborhood in Ohio(?) that have computerized lights and music? It was wild. And yes, it's very visable from space.

There are several houses in my neighborhood, where I am sure the decorating activity began with the phrase "Hey, hold my beer..."

ubetcha, I had a video clip last year of a house that had music and lights in sync...looked pretty cool. I'm sure the people had LOTS of spare time. I'm lucky if I have to go outside and plug my lights.

...if I have TIME....

...in a bottle...

When I was a kid we inherited the plastic almost life-size nativity from my grandparents. Someone stole the baby Jesus and one of the choirboys' heads.

The first thing I'd like to do...

You mean those inflatable things aren't targets?!

oh geez...

The Singling Bloglits...

Hammy, you're leavin' that rrreeeaaalllll wide open...

whoops...and the non-operational fingers

*grabs 'l' from up there*

I'm guessing that the inflatable frosty was anatomically correct?

...is to shoot every holiday decoration
because they remind me of you.

♩♪♬♫♩

*stands in front of her Santa*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You'll shoot your eye out!

Look, Siouxie, strappy shoes!

where??????

Over there, by the chocolate

Over here

Now that Siouxie is distracted, lets get the rest of those d@mn blow-up crap decorations!!

Ready

Aim

FIRE!!!

ooooooooooo

yummmmmmmmm

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm shoes.

All batteries, fire for effect!!

*pop*

So far I've offed a Rudolph, Santa, two angels (I'm goin' to hell), three sleighs and a really ugly penguin wearin' an scarf. (the penguin was wearin' the scarf, I'm sportin' snow cammies)

Somebody shoot that extra "n" outta there for me.

Phasers set to obliterate...

***bzzzooottttt***

(yep, my inner nerd supplanted my outer nerd)

did it use suppotting soil?

ya'll are sooooooooooooo mean!!! I can't believe you'd hurt a poor defenseless...ooooooooo...now, don't these sandals look purty on me???

blurk - are you on this thread yet?? Can you get us a crew-served weapon, or maybe even a napalm run? There are so many of these d@mn things.

DPS, cluster munitions have been approved.

Hammy, clusters are for sissies. JDAMs are on the way.

Siouxie - yes, we are; and yes, they do.

Napalm would probably work here, too.

My little girl just goes ga-ga over these things every time we see them in the stores.

"Look, a Christmas," she shouts, and we all have to troop over to stare at the styrofoam snowfall.

If I were to indulge her one fine day, and plop down my $100 for one of these, thereby making her little day, would you grinches really stoop so low as to make my little girl cry in order to express your aesthetic opinions?

Wouldn't your time be better spent burning a bocken in Gävle?

Clean Hands, you're a genius. Beating the bocken senseless with your daughter's prized snowman...

yes. they. would. CH!

CH, I would allow your little girl her 5 minutes of wonderment at the inflatable target decoration and then I'd treat her like my own daughter and teach her the finer points of breath control and trigger squeeze.

CH - is it big enough to see in my 2nd-floor bedroom window? Is it left deflated during the day to look like a used lawn cond0m? Does it have a bunch of tacky 'friends' also on the lawn?

If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes', then I would nuke it.

*extra points if she hits Donner in the eye*

you boys better be making this up to me with plenty of shiny...strappy and chocolaty things to keep my mind off poor deflating Santa...

um, i don't wanna pick a fight, being just a little snake and all, and personally i don't care for the asthetic of those monstrous balloons staked to the front lawn, but don't y'all have the least little compunction about telling your neighbors what they should and should not do? i gotta tell ya, if i were a teenage snake, and i had a choice between vandalizing a home with a 12 foot reindeer and the home of a bossy busybody... well, you know who'd get the burning bag of poop, now dontcha?

My neighbors can decorate any way they want to. BUTT, if their 12-foot Psycho Frosty is stairing in my window, I'll talk to them about it the same as I would if their mutt came a took a dump in my back yard. We're all cool with each other that way.

[My cube decorations are several pictures of Rudolph and Santa that I took to the range and shot. People who are just passing by think I am well-decoreated. People who know me and stop to talk look closer and realize that I really am me.]

Would you accept the loan of a Spectre, Blurk?

I'm not sure...

After seeing this:
http://tinyurl.com/cz2ef

I'm having a bit of an inferiority complex.

(Still not sure how to make a word into a link...)


Ladderless' linky

which, btw, is the link I was talking about earlier!

Absolutely, Hammy!! Them things are purty when the tracers start flyin' from all the guns. It's real Christmassy lookin'.

Linky that I suspect I will regret visiting in a moment.

too late, CH ;P

um...while you boys are still in the mood to blow sh!t up...would you kindly aim your big guns at the bot???

purty please??

Baron vonTwoYearOld is fascinated by those inflatable monstrosities... especially after he witnessed a lawn condom become erect and transform into creepy Santa.

Every time he sees that red smear on the neighbor's lawn he cries "Santa!" I hate to think that he will grow up admiring that kind of garbage.

Look, I'm sympathetic to the complaints of light pollution, aesthetic objections, etc., but I'm with Mud's snake 100% regarding the sanctity of other people's property.

I don't care for the inflatables, myself, and can't really see getting one, no matter how big and round my little girl's eyes would get. Furthermore, I live in a neighborhood where folks are generally quite creative with lights and eschew the blow-up dolls.

However, even if my next-door neighbor put up a giant Frosty that stared right into my bedroom at night, the only thing I might do is to ask him if he could shut it off around my bedtime. Being a good neighbor, he'd not only do so, but would doubtless be apologetic about the disturbance.

And if my neighbors want to have their daytime lawns littered with giant deflated condoms, that's their own damned business, certainly not mine.

Is that a tuppence worthy of a good gumball?

***Bzzzzooottttttttt to the Bot***

There ya go Siouxie.

Speaking of the goat, did anyone else notice that the ribbon over his back looks a bit smutsig?

much thanks, Baron von Grinch!

and well said, mud & CH! I turn my condom off at a decent time. Besides...the Griswalds live next to me and have decided to light up the entire 'hood'.

uh...that doesn't sound too good huh??

I have visions of a glow-in-the-dark condom turning on and off and on and off...

*clap on* *clap off*

Would that it were so easy Siouxie. Instead, all too many sad condoms must turn to V1agra, et cetera.

Lawn Condom V1agra WBAGNFARG

Siouxie, I thought them condoms were supposed to stop the clap.

Just sayin'.

I guess saying 'I blow mine up in the early evening' wouldn't sound too good either...

Christmassy things we say that sound dirty...

lol blurk!

um..no clap on my grass...

How about, "I blow mine up in the morning, too, for the early commuters to all see."

No?

Siouxie and CH are goin' to he!!
Even before me, I think.

speaking of guns and vandals...do any of you nra types know if the air guns they sell that shoot those plastic pellets can break windows? i know you can shoot your eye out but i'm really more concerned with property damage than blind kids.

Hey! my decorations went up with the first thing said being, "Pass me my beer!". lol, and I have several inflatable christmas decorations in my yard.

cg, the ones I had as a kid wouldn't shoot a window out but I don't know about the new fangled ones.

And it's good to know you have your priorities straight. ;P

now now blurk...you'll be there holding the fort...

btw, check yer email!!

YAY for DAVE!!!!!the RED!!! and LOL CH!!

well, as a jewish person of the hebrew persuasion, i can safely say that i have never blown up a santa, frosty, rudolph, or any other mythical holiday creature, put it on my lawn, and I dont plan to. i can tell you that i've seen inflatable dreidls - but menorahs wouldnt be too practical... i hope nobody will think inflatable latkes are a good idea.

Inflatable Dreidls WBAGNFA Bar/Bat Mitzvah RB

or some jewish poRn movie...

*sorry*

Mmmm, latkes. Mrs. H. made some this weekend. In spite of being of Italian extraction, and not being Jewish of any persuasion, they were AWESOME.

(Being non-religious, we observe traditions from many religions and cultures with equanimity.) I also made lussekatter (late, but who cares?) this weekend, though none of my daughters would wear the flaming crown. Chickens.

Queenbee, I saw an inflatable menorah, and no offense to my religion, but Inflatable Menorahs make ugly lawn decorations. Plus they're a pain to light.

Wow, Siouxie. Is there a Jewish Hell?

I'm sure there is, CH...thankfully, OJ won't be there. (he's still not a jew).

Hey CH, since you're not Jewish, you can get the ultimate fried food experience by serving latkes with bacon. What do you think?

I prefer the traditional apple sauce. :-) Or sour cream. I can never decide.

"flaming crown. Chickens.

yeah, a flaming crown of chickens would be pretty cool.

Tough enough to get them to stay on the crown, cg. But after setting them on fire? No way.

i'd suggest gluing their feet....

okay, y'all rant with me....

i am so tired of the neverending struggle against the temptation of all the chocolate, nuts, caramel covered popcorn, cookies, fudge, etc. etc. that has innundated my office for the last two weeks. last night we were down to maybe 2 lbs of chocolate and today by lunch time there is maybe a wheelbarrow full of chocolate right next to the coffee maker. i just walked over there to get a refill and someone has deposited a lage basket full of chocolate covered potato chips. i am not making this up. how am i supposed to keep my girlish figure with all this going on? why does our society praise and reward the thin, shun and punish the rotund, and simultaneously foist wheelbarrows full of chocolate covered potato chips on you? what kind of stupid world do we live in?

Excess-calorie foods are OK during this festive season. You need the extra energy to beat the bloody hËll out of the other shoppers who want the last Wii.

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