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December 18, 2006

BAD SONG SURVEY

The Yuletide Edition

(Blame Occam's Lady Schick)

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If it's gonna live in my head as an earwig (thanks, OLS!), it's gonna need new words...something about a wooden leg and a prenup....

Disagree -
As any former waiter in a mexican restaurant will tell you, the worst christmas song is "Feliz Navidad," hands down

AIEEEEEE!!!! Brain bleach!

That's not a survey, that's one person's opinion backed up by some random quotes.

Oh wait, I guess it does qualify then.

(let's see if this is my FIRST post in a while that goes through bot-free)

Sacrilege!!!!

That is the ONE Xmas song I could hear over and over again!

You guys and dolls are so dang lucky to have me around.....here's a little sumpin to get rid of your earwigs:

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...

Your so welcome! Please please, no applause, just tens & twenties...

so what's wrong with this song??

Simply haaaaaaaving a wonderful Christmas time....

at least it's not Manilow.

At least Yoko Ono never put out a Christmas album.
*shudder*

oh god fivver..bite your tongue!

oh but fivver she did! they just put lennon's name on it. my nomination for worst christmas song ever.... "so this is christmas" by john lennon - featuring the nagging, fingerwagging line "so what have you done?" everytime i hear this song i want to exhume his body so i can do bad things to it.

... um ... as to Ono (OOOOOOOoohhhhhhh, NOOOOOOOOOoooooo!!!) ... um ... do Buddhists or Shintoists celebrate Christmas? ... merely ... um ... curiously confused ... (so, whut else is new?)

This would have been a really nasty earwig, if I weren't already drowning out the yuletide musical frenzy with the tender musical stylings of Ween (wonderful songs like "Mister Richard Smoker" and "Japanese Cowboy" and "Mister Won't You Please Help My Pony (I Think His Lung is F$#&ed Up) and "Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down).")

The Japanese love Christmas! Its so commercialized that it makes ours look like a pious monk's mass.

"Wonderful Christmastime" is just fine. There are definitely MUCH worse - for example, ANY version of "Little Drummer Boy."

Rum PUM PUM PUM
Rum PUM PUM PUM
Rum PUM PUM PUM

If your (not you're) shelf is devoid of really good Christmas music, let me make a couple suggestions...

This South Park CD is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

This Brian Setzer Orchestra CD is rockin.

And I recommend this for that special brother-in-law.

Oh yeah...this Jimi Hendrix CD isn't his best work, but the cover is priceless.

WORST- Worse than McArthur Park, if that is possible - Momma Got run over by a Reindeer!

...Just waiting for the Barry Manilow christmas album to show up. Any minute now....

I hate Wonderful Christmastime, but I'll take it over that goddamn Christmas Shoes song any day of the week.

That would be a decent present for a brother-in-law, but for pure -in-law giving pleasure, only this will do.

I completely agree! I really detest this song. In fact, I've never been able to understand why ANYthing of McCartney's has ever been popular. His music, for lack of a better word, sux!

And the Baron wins!!!!!!!!1

I don't know, Wham's "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart..." seems to be on the friggin' Christmas tunes radio station every time I turn it on... And I am really, really, really tired of it...

oops - html burped....let's try that again - really bad Christmas earwig.

This cover of 'Grandma Got Runover" however is, IMHO, quite good.

Heck, anything Bob does is good.

Dear Lord Baron!!

BLEACH!!

here is the video of twisted sister performing 'o come let us adore him' on leno...

You are perfectly welcome Siouxie. Merry Christmas.

Carpenters = Merry Christmas Darling...

BLECH!!!

for you Baron ;-)

I like that Carpenters song....if only Karen Carpenter had eaten the sandwich that killed Mama Cass, they'd both be alive today. :(

Slightly OT, but I was just at the grocery store and "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" came on. I don't know the song much, so I was half listening, thinking it said "She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a pee.

And now for my new Favorite! Christmas song!

Hopefully you can hear the song here. (Look at the player on the right.)

Lyrics

On the other hand, on Saturday nite, my 13 y.o. daughter's chorus had a Christmas Music Feast where they sang a couple rounds, then served salads to their families, sang a couple rounds then served the entree, sang a couple rounds then served dessert. It was simply wonderful. My daughter who has an incredible voice (which she didnt get from me) sang What Child is This with 3 other woman-child chorus members. I cried. I love that song and to hear them singing, it was like angels from heaven. A truly wonderful evening.

Sorry ya'll, I'm just a proud momma, I cant help it!

Sad, but oh so true, Annie...

I could only take Karen Carpenter's voice in small dosages. Kinda like cuban music.

I dunno, I was in the car searchin' around the AM stations yesterday lookin' for a football game. I stumbled on a local radia station and a show called Bocci Alley. (This area has a lot of Italian-Americans). They played "Dominick the Christmas Donkey". Not enough brain bleach in the world.

My vote is for this one

*wishing that retroactive birth control existed*

On second thought, it might have been a radio station.

Now, really... here's the worst of the bunch. Enjoy

(And, no it is NOT Manilow)

Thanks, Annie. Just what I wanted. Chipmunk karaoke.

I go along with both former Beatles' Christmas efforts being in the top tier, and Little Drummer Boy is one of those songs that I crumple with dread the moment I hear it because I know it's just going to go on and on and on... Similarly, I've always found Springsteen's trying-too-hard at Christmas cheer grating. Leave us not forget, however, Cindy Lauper's "Christmas Rapping" which will cause me to leave a store if it's on their muzak loop.

Casey: a pox on your holiday season for the Horse With No Name earwig. Like I needed that on a Monday.

Actrually I quite liked this one

Especially the chorus...

Po' widdle Christmas songs. We've got a year's worth of bile saved up and nowhere to dump it, except those feeble tunes blasting in our ears as we spend money we don't have to buy things for people who might not even want them. Time to stop and smell the roses, even if they're frozen.

i love little drummer boy! would love to throttle bruce, wham and whoever wrote and sings the horrid shoe song.

insom, twisted sister should be a holiday classic! if anyone needs me, i'll be busy banging my head.

Csy: Your angelically voiced offspring is exempt from my previous holiday pox. Still, Horse With No Name. Gawd.

Let me also point out that other than that one song I pretty much like Cindy Lauper.

Randolph the red nosed wino
Had some very bloodshot eyes...

Manilow's had Christmas albums for years, I know because my mom LOVES them.
And I vote any song purporting to be a Christmas song has to actually be about christmas, and none of this "all we need is you and me underneath the christmas tree" type crap.

I'm with Guinn - I'd like to shove those drumsticks up his Rum Pum Pum Pum.

But right down there near the bottom of the barrel is an old country song about "The Last Christmas Tree".

And near the top is Porky Pig doing "Blue Christmas". It ain't Christmas 'til I hear that one.

In addition to Little Drummer Boy being unbearable on its own and even under the best of circumstances, the pairing of it with Peace on Earth in the mash-up of all mash-ups that brought Bing Crosby and David Bowie together to sing this duet is, quality of each song completely aside, the very definition of seriously creepy.

Beatles Xmas?

http://www.fabfourfans.net/Fan%20site/Audio/KEARTH4.mp3

http://www.fabfourfans.net/Fan%20site/Audio/KEARTH9.mp3

Oops, C and P please please me.

FAVORITE Christmas song--the medley of Little Drummer Boy and Peace on Earth with Bing Crosby and David Bowie.

And Annie, the sandwich crack made me spurt diet Coke out my nose. Thanks.

what songs are these
to make us say, "stop playing !"
in tones we're pleading
between old wings and manilow
there's no way our ears
will stop bleeding!

g-d save us from versions of
'jingle bells','drummer boy' and 'o holy night'
they make them mostly because there's
no one that holds the copyright...

this, this stops our christmas glee
to be held a captive to maudlin tripe
the only way it might be worse
is if hasselhoff makes a CD!

Wonderful Christmas Time, is one of the least annoying of Christmas songs! And after all the Chrismas songs getting played all day long from Thanksgiving to Christmas, and sometimes into New Years, they are ALL annoying by now. I wish there were some Jewish radio stations around here!

oh come on, the dreidel song is horrid!!

i guess i got an early gift this year. a power surge fried my sound card. i'm digitally/virtually deaf.

tra la tra la dee da

I remember the era before "The Little Drummer Boy" - it was written in 1958. Maybe if it had ended with just Crosby doing it, it would have been more tolerable.

Consider how welcome someone playing a drum would be to the mother of a new infant.

NMTU! I am now listening to:

Do they know it's Christmas time at all...

ACCCKKKK

Actually The Waitresses did Christmas Wrapping.
I agree with GDogg, I would rather put sharpened candy canes in my ear-holes than hear that sappily contrived Christmas Shoes song ever again! I mean, if you were a kid and your Mom was about to croak, would you be at Payless picking out shoes????!!!!

yeah siouxie that one particulary sucks. it always makes me sad that there won't be snow in africa this christmas.

Sorry Cindy.

My favourite this year:

I want a hippopotamus for Xmas.

Also my 8 year olds favourite. Which is why I have heard it approximately 67,922.5 times so far this season.

A special dose of Christmas cheer.

well, here's my list.......... here comes santa claus, here comes santa claus, right down santa claus lane ... [ker-pow]. and probly a tie with Holly Jolly burl ives. ewww. not crazy about Blue Christmas. everybody on this thread has contributed mightily to my earwigs. i gotta pah-rum-pum-pum back to work now.

Last week I experience some of the most surrealistic Christmas Muzak ever...

I was in Hong Kong Market buying bread and other necessities and over the market's speakers I recognized Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. However, only the "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" was in English. Everything else was in Japanese (or Chinese, I don't know which seeing as I don't speak either). Velly Weild!!!!

That was followed but Jingle Bells, and Little Drummer Boy and several others. All of which had the same theme... Title/tag-line in English and the rest in Asian.

Not only was that the worst Christmas Music I have ever heard, it was also the funniest.

A heartfelt apology to all retail workers forced to listen to the same holiday tunes over and over and over....at least I can leave the store, but if I had to work there all day, I think I'd feign epilepsy just to get them to change the tunes.

I cannot believe this was not mentioned.
Burger king

Well then... this one is for Zoodle (and her daughter)

Geez, I really should get some work done, especially since it's my company...

Lairbo, thank you and you are welcome! I would much rather have pox than have to listen to some of those songs listed above. And besides, pox is yummy on a toasted bagle.

Annie, you are so right, I never thought about the poor public servants this time of year! No wonder all the sales children at the malls have such
SHI!!Y attitudes!

*Snork*

I have bookmarked that for my daughter. She'll love it.

Thanks!

Geez, i hope daily that that b!oody "Christmas Shoes" song won't come on. How contrived, trite and utterly obnoxioulsy dragged out.

But my second all-time most annoying Christmas song isn't "Little Drummer Boy", it's ...

"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

or anyone who thinks they need to change the words to "Winter Wonderland". (The original song is bearable if you don't have to hear it 8 times a day, but the "pc lyrics" versions really, truly suck rocks)

You're welcome Zoodle...for your daughter's info, the hippo is named Hazina. She was born in the zoo here in Vancouver (Canada) and is now about 2 and a half years old; the commercial was filmed when she was about 1 year of age.

I've had some problems in the last half-hour or so ... servers (both cable & wireless) down @ hotel ... so ... sans heinzin' ... I'll merely say that I like/enjoy (once or twice a season) Ray Stevens' Santa Claus is WATCHIN' you! ...

HOWever, my alltime favorite "Christmas tune" is Stan Freberg's Green Christmas ... (I'm merely cynical enuf about much of the season to enjoy it ... every time ...)

Sorry no linkies ... have not EVER downloaded Windows Media Player™ (33 minutes? I don't think so) ... therefore ... don't have the access y'all have ...

OK, it's somethin' my Mac can't/won't do ... and it's my choice ... your point is?

Oh, and the phone company paid Hazina $15,000 for her appearance in the commercial...

I have managed to avoid Christmas music almost entirely this year. I don't go to stores, and only listen to CDs in the car until it's all over. I like to listen to the old carols on public radio ONLY on Christmas eve. The rest is hideous (although I may have to check out the hamster one above when I get home to a computer with sound).

AND EVEN AS I KEY IN THIS POST, THE MUZAK HERE IN THE HOTEL LOBBY IS PLAYIN' LITTLE DRUMMER BOY ... RUMPAPUMPUM ...

AFKAT - thank you! that is the first chrismas song i have actually heard this year as i don't listen to the radio except NPR and i don't watch T.V (except of course "House"). kinda cute song, but the hippo is absolutely adorable. but then again i like snakes and spiders and all kinds of critters.

*Snork at the burger king song, that one cracks me up every time I see it.

Ugg, I never even heard that song at all, and it is now stuck in my head.

I'll toss in a vote against that appalling "Christmas Shoes" one too - is it new? I had the misfortune to hear it the other day because my son had changed my car radio station to the country one. Whack the kid over the head and steal his quarters so he can't buy the frickin' shoes.

Daughter is home from school...LOVED the hippopotamus commercial although she was disappointed that it wasn't longer.

Very impressed that Hazina is from Canada (so are we).

Has anyone ever listened to the Chipmunk Christmas song at half speed?

(It turns out that the trick used to create that music was that the same man who played Dave just sang the rest of the parts at half speed and then sped them up.)

It sounds like the same bored guy singing the song three times in slightly different voices, with the occasional inclusion of a scary demon voice praising/berating him. (Thanks for the idea, Patton Oswalt!)

I even have an mp3, but don't know how to post it... so if you want a copy, email me or something.

Tuck (& y'all ...)

Yeah, I knew that trick ... our music teacher (back in the days when the Chipmunk "song" wuz new) showed us a lot of stuff that could be done with his tape deck ... he was in a band, laid down the rhythm (gittar) track, then played lead ... their band wuz a drummer, and him ...

NEway, he recorded our guys' choir, and then played it back at double speed ...

It wuz even worse than the Chipmunks ... trust me ... altho, I gotta admit, we couldn't stop laffin' for the rest of the class hour ...

First off....

I'm actually not familiar with the McCartney song. I suppose that I should be grateful.

Guin... Come on!!!! Joan Jett and the Blackhearts did a version of "Little DRummer Boy" that absolutely rocks!

The song that irritates me, not because it's bad (thought it's not great) but because IT'S NOT A FREAKIN' CHRISTMAS SONG!!!!! *ahem* sorry.... is "A Few of My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. Why is it on so many Christmas albums and why do they play it in all the stores at this time of year? It has nothing to do with Christmas. Or even winter.

That is all.

Guin, I agree with you on the "Christmas Shoes" song. In fact, I'd have to vote for that as one of the worst Christmas songs ever, although there are others I hate more simply because they get more airplay. But "Christmas Shoes" is indeed bad!

Hi Alan! Long time no blog. I think that "Favorite Things" is somehow considered Christmasy because of the "sleighbells" and "packages" lines. NOT that I am advocating it rise to the same status as Jingle Bells.

********EARWIG ALERT*********
I realize I am late on this survey and I may ruin someone's idea of a 'great' Christmas song, but the very Worst Christmas Song has got to be "I Believe in Father Christmas" by Greg Lake.

********EARWIG ALERT*********
(don't say I didn't warn you...)

"They said there'll be snow at Christmas
They said there'll be peace on Earth
But instead it just kept on raining..."

"They sold me a dream of Christmas
They sold me a Silent Night
And they told me a fairy story
'Till I believed in the Israelite..."

"Hallelujah Noel be it Heaven or Hell
The Christmas you get you deserve."

(The ironic thing is Greg Lake is getting Christmas royalties he doesn't deserve.)

I agree on the Christmas Shoes. Ick ick ick.

But I do kind of like the Twisted Sister one...although I wouldn't want to hear it over and over and over again. And I'll probably be fighting off the giggles if that's one we sing in church Christmas Eve...thinking of Dee singing it.

I think there is a special place in Hell for Michael Jackson (apart from the obvious reasons) for cursing the world with "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus."

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