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November 27, 2006

WISCONSIN

Where men are men.

(Thanks to Mike McNelis)

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and the venison is nervous.

and the women are FIRST!

...and everyone is cold.

Hey, that's it. Maybe this guy was just trying to keep warm.

his dear momma must be sooooo proud.

Is there a party somewhere that I'm missing?

hey, crossgirl - 'his deer momma.'

I'll bet he's thrilled to have his picture posted, too.

There is another tidbit about this gentleman left out of this article. He has a previous criminal record for killing a horse he intended to have sex with. I can't imagine why he can't find a good woman...

I just threw up a little bit....

Okay, mammals are out, how about reptiles?

You know, if he just bought the Cruzn' Cooler with the optional Vibra-massager, he wouldn't be in such trouble in the first place.

Ok..his argument is this:

"If the line is not drawn at the time of death, defendant asks at what point of deterioration of the carcass is it no longer an animal within the meaning of the statute. Does it qualify when it's just skin or bones?"

Does it matter?? What's the judge gonna say? "You can screw it when it starts to smell??"

This guy is one sick dude.

I am very truly sorry: *hides*

I love you truly, truly deer,
life with its sorrow, lacks only beer,
run into streams when you feel me near,
for I’ll catch you truly,
truly deer!

A love 'tis something, to search for your tracks,
Ah yes, 'tis challenging, if you try to hide,
gone is the pulse, gone are doubt and fear,
for you love me truly,
truly deer!

Yes, but was it in season?

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deer Judge, er...Dear Judge, the deer that no one held dear died then was dearly loved by my deer er..dear client....

snork @ Lairbo

*snork* @ Lairbo and DtR.

I think I'll put off dinner just a bit tonight...

WD - a littie queezy there???

Is it just me or is he kinda smiling in his photo (which I assume is a cropped mug shot)?

Dunno if that was your save or mine, Siouxie, but thanks just the same! Y'know, for as long as I've been hanging out here, that's the first time I've pulled that goof. Guess I was overdue.

Did anyone aske whether he kissed her first?

WD - we had a simul/save so all is good with the blog world. Good teamwork!!!

K0W - I think that's an old wedding photo from when he married the mule. He looks happy...

Reminds me of this limerick:

A mortician who practiced in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
"How could I know, Judge?
She was cold, did not budge---
Just the same as she'd acted in life."

Meanwhile, also in Wisconsin....

LOL jamester

Dang, CJ. I thought I had a good crop of arm fur, but I can't hold a candle to that.

Major *snork* @ Annie

You know, if he just bought the Cruzn' Cooler with the optional Vibra-massager, he wouldn't be in such trouble in the first place.

cj, you are a sick, sick man.

and yet i feel inspired now!
with apologies to trout fishing in america:

We weary deer live in fear, weary deer,
For we fear that we hear the perverts near.
With a tag for the toe of dear John and Jane Doe.
Oh no! We are wary, weary deer.

pogo, if yours is even close, DO NOT try to hold a candle to that. *Ouch*

CJ - one word - hair extensions.

Anybody else get a sense of déjà lu?

déjà lu = already read

déjà vu = already seen

Hey, Blankety-blank - this is what's known as an update.

PS: cg, you made me do it with 'dear momma.'

Coming soon to theaters near you:

The Deer Humper

DPS as the Judge:
"Fine. It isn't an animal once it's dead. It's a corpse. And we have laws here about abuse of a corpse. Next."

Doe'only you can think my world is right
Doe'only you can blink in my headlight
Doe'only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my lame sick brain for doe'only you

Doe'only you can make a man of me
For it's true, I'm bucking destiny
When you're venison
You are well done, that magic that you do
My wet dream come true
My one and doe'only you

Small rant:

Isn't there an island where we can put people like this, along with child molesters? He's only 20 -- what will he graduate to? Ugh. The world needs more eunochs (ichs?).

/rant

P.S. I don't chew gum, but thanks anyway.

Oh, - and he should be castrated because anything he procreates doesn't stand a chance.

DPS: fine point. I gather it's 'S' for the season.

CG and the local State's Attorney: CG did not actually make me do it with her 'dear momma.' That didn't come out right.

Siouxie - got the book -- you're a deer! So look out.

cj, i repeat. you are a sick, sick man.

and so, with no further ado,
apologies to the jackson 5:

The game of lust
Is such a beautiful game
If you've got time, little doe
I'd like to explain
All the do's and don'ts
All the wills and won'ts

So Lend your rear, darling deer
(Sweet darling dear)
Do be sincere
And true love will appear
Don't draw flies
Or love will pass you by
If you will
My heart you may steal
If you don't
Then in the ditch you'll lie alone

(Darling deer)

LOL *snorks* all around...all these talented poets...

*ahem*

Doe a deer a female deer....

and a lovely Beatles tune:

Deer Prudence....

thank you.

ubetcha - I'm glad you got it!!!! (got yer ck - thanks!)

Annie - Be proud of me...I GOT THE TREE!!!!

Nice job, ladies. *opens cellphone*

Update: Now I understand! She had a nice rack!

cj, must i say it again?

Some people have to make things up and call in sick, if they want to be lazy. I can forward a link to this thread to my boss for documentation!

Cj - no need to do that. I think your boss is already familiar with this blog.

What happened to picking up girls at the bar? Maybe he saw #21 and 23 from yesterday and decided does, even dead ones, were better.

Stupid is as Stupid does.

I can't imagine a female ugly enough to make me prefer carrion.

Maybe I'm wierd that way.

Annie: yes, well there's that too.

Off topic alert:

Time to sell that sluggish stock you're holding in Lear Jet or Gulfstream; it's all over now. Presenting, the new Honda. Just under 500 mph and, of course, more efficient. Whaddaya wanna bet it's quieter, too!

what would be a good pick-up line for this situation?
"heeeeyyyyyyy there, good lookin'... your ditch or mine"?

Maybe it was a blind date...

They never listen - "Doe means no!"

DPS--if you're wierd (and I won't presume that either way), that isn't why.

If it was a Blind date, why did they meet in the ditch instead?

What, now it's illegal in Wisconsin to play with your food?

*snork* @ Lairbo!

Maybe he's tired of his Blind dates [tree] standing him up.

Reminder to sad people that have gotten hooked on [with?] House: 5-minutes.

He was a man of great venison.A Real Doe-r, not just a talker.His Daughter, Bambi, told authorities that he never was home much(during hunting season), he was the kind of dad you could always count on to ditch you . Sevices will be held at The Deerfield Funeral Home and Taxidermy.

He was a man of Great venison. A real doe-r, not just a talker. His daughter, Bambi said he wasn't home much(especially during hunting season) and you could ALWAYS count on him to ditch you. Funeral services will be held at the Deerfield Funeral Home and taxidery.

oops

D@mn. I missed 69 with a dead deer.
I got distracted by Dr. Cameron.

I end up at 70 instead.

*whistles*

Oh Yeah?! Take that:

LITTLE HOUSE IN NEW JERSEY

9:01
Fifteen year old church healer collapses, gasps, ‘I need a doctor.’ Can we all groan, ‘irony?’ Amen, brothers and sisters.

9:06
Preacher tells Cameron Buzzkill that Gawd told him she was kind. Reworded, the color blue has been hailed as indigo. Buzzkill will be tough to live with.

House decides to talk to the Preacher/ patient. After all, Gawd talks to him and, ‘it would be arrogant of me to assume I’m better than Gawd.’

Preacher, lays hands on Wilson’s fading patient, Grace. Wilson is the Oncologist buddy; most of his patients don’t make it.

9:13
The crew puzzles over what might be wrong with the Preacher. ‘Isn’t it interesting that religious behavior and crazy are so similar.’

The Preacher tells House, ‘Gawd wants you to invite Dr. Wilson to your poker game.’

9:23
Grace tells Wilson that she asks herself, when she sees a movie trailer, ‘will I be here when that’s out?'

It’s tumors, not grace, in the Preachers head. To correct the hallucinations, they have to carve the Preacher.

Wilson gets to go to the poker game, but has to bring pretzels.

Grace’s tumors shrink. Maybe not good.

9:31

If Grace is getting better, the Preacher will die. After all, if the Preacher healed Grace, then Gawd will cure the Preacher. Solution! Kill Grace to convince Preacher he’s dying.

Play poker, Geiger Grace’s apartment and find DA DA DUMMMMMM! Wilson’s clothes!

9:37

If Wilson is sleeping with Grace, then somehow everything makes sense. If not, House points out that Gawd knows where House is, if he wants to squash him.

9:42
The only possibility seems to be that Wilson is sleeping with Grace and he doesn’t play poker well. That, and that the Preacher has herpes and is a ‘garden variety religious nut.'

9:48
Herpes, Garden Variety Religious Nut, given to Grace, put her cancer in remission.

To get permission, when no one will sign a consent form, House tests Preacher boy for herpes, pointing out that, ‘I’m on a mission from Gawd.’

Test is positive. To prove it and display lesions in front of Dad, Wilson points out that ‘Gawd said no medicine, no procedures. He didn’t say don’t take off your clothes.’

Busted.

9:55

Cocky House brags to Wilson.

Wilson says, ‘House, Gawd made you.’

....there's a show called 'House?'

CJ! that was a great recap!!

Annie, there is a show called House..it's not about 24 all the time!! (btw...how are the Christmas decorations going?? I hope by now you have them UP and that there are no blackouts in SoCal)

My tree is here and waiting for the decorations. I am proud of that!!!

CJrun ... why did that doe-with-a-rack story appear in a Pennsylvania newspaper when I din't even see it printed here in Nodak? I useta live about 10 miles from where this "event" took place ...

Of course, the fact that I seldom read the local rag or the equally scabby (nearest) daily might have somethin' to do with my missin' the story ... after all, the PA paper hadda pick it up off the wire from SOMEplace ...

Siouxie - we are decorating it tonight. The boys are deciding where each and every ornament should go. (This should only take a few months) Congrats on getting your tree! If you don't feel like decorating it, tell everyone the tree needs at least a day for the branches to 'relax,' or spread back out.

We can do without him and his elk.

well my west coast friends...it's been a long day for me...(funeral today) thanks for the laughs...helped me get through it!

Annie, my tree is 'relaxing' for a while...good luck with yours!

hugs!

stevie - very a-moose-ing.

(((Siouxie)))
[christmas tree]
-yes, I'm a tree hugger.

...and apparently a thread killer.

Maybe its time he got a deer john letter...

Or to get rid of the evidence, a John Deere.

And here's to you, Mrs. Venison
Bryan loved you more than you will know
Doe doe doe
He pressed and squeezed you, Ms. Venison
Now Judge Lucci's ordered him away
Hathaway
Hey hey hey.

What did the judge's wife say when she returned from work?

Lucci, I'm home!!!

Hmmm...fascinating legal ruling...

*scratches raw liver off shopping list*

*snork* at stevie w.

I have to ask, how did the raw liver get on your shopping list? Were you gutting animals near the notepad again?

"I have to ask, how did the raw liver get on your shopping list?"

Lol, but I have to admit it was a mistake. I meant to put it on the chopping list, along with the onions and the eggs.

"Were you gutting animals near the notepad again?"

Yes, I was fixing my signature haggis-menudo stew. A traditional holiday dish.

Guess no one around here likes chopped liver.
Last post.

Nope ... I wuz merely "relaxing" ... restin' up fer another day ...

Besides which already, stevie w ... I know chopped liver, and that wuz no chopped liver ...

(merely bruised a bit?)

Braised! That's whut I meant ... yeah ...

LOL stevie & Annie!


Morning All!

coffee & donuts anyone?

Tnx fer Rx of coffee, Siouxie ... whut kinda donuts? (Should be somethin' better'n Krispy Kremes™ fer such a formal gatherin' ... eh?)

... and now, I'm off to werk, so I'll have my donuts later ... TYVM ...

DOE(s) he have to register as a sex offender?

OtheU - Any "doe nuts" ya want!

Mornin', all! Our fearless leader has the top Quote of the Day on Google:

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
- Dave Barry

Woohooo! Go Dave!

Can I put in a request for some fresh beignets? Mmmmm. Never got to New Orleans, but I did make these myself a coupla years back.

Dangit, now I'm drooling in my coffee.

CH, sheesh..take it or leave it! DOE NUTS!!!

Uh, if the doe has nuts, (s)he probably has a rack, too. Pass.

I guess I'll have to make myself some beignets this weekend. (Along with continuing to cook for a party next weekend where I'm expecting somewhere between 50-75 guests...)

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