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November 30, 2006

TRAVEL ADVISORY

It's 80 degrees here in Miami this morning, so my family and I are going to... Minnesota! Really. We have a family event there. We just got a call from our Minnesota relatives informing us that the temperature there is eight. Just plain eight. Mastodons are roaming the streets of Minneapolis. We of course have no clothing that works at eight. We won't get 15 feet from the airport-terminal door before the wolves get us.

The point is that blogging from me will be sporadic for a few days. I'm sure that judi will step in and post photos of naked men pick up the slack.

UPDATE: Actually, judi may be on her way to Berlin.

Comments

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8? My nose hairs freeze at 15. Wear ALL of your FLA clothes.

Are you going to visit your Pumping Station while you are up in the Great White North?

Good luck Dave! And remember - ice belongs in a glass surrounded by your favorite beverage, not running loose in the streets!

only for those with open minds and twisted senses of humor

Isn't that all of us here? Should we all go to Berlin?

"Tamino is a neurotic adventurer in tweed trousers, the Three Ladies are preening governesses, Papageno is a bitter and broken worker, one hand mutated into a bird's claw. Sarastro, in a wheelchair driven by lions, rules over a populace in straightjackets and a group of castrated priests."

Wow. All that and a giant pen1s with silver balls, oops, bells, who could ask for anything more?

Dave, take a scarf for your absolutely adorable daughter so she can cover her nose so her boogers dont freeze! I hate it when that happens.

EIGHT! Is that above zero??? SO WHAT! It isn't cold until the ducks get frozen into the pond and chew their legs off.

Oh, and have a happy trip. Unlike our Maine ducks, who, though they can fly south, can never land....

*wanders off whistling "Silver Bells"*

This is a show for grown-ups, though only for those with open minds and twisted senses of humor.

DPS, my thoughts exactly. A perfect, succinct description of life on the blog.

*loves Sophie some boots, mittens and a hat*

ahh. so its the magic winkie. i see. bring a sweater dave. and a hat.

Dave, I live in Wisconsin and work in Minnesota. It's not cold until it is below zero, at 8 it is just "Chilly". :)

However we do put our jackets on, but we do not button or zip them yet. :)

Dave, when the wolves attack, be sure to tell your wife she doesn't have to run faster than the wolves, just faster than you...

kittypaws - I'm still wearing sandals at 45 toasty degrees! Coats don't come out of the closet til 32 degrees and don't get zipped til zero! If you see us wearing hats & scarves, RUN!

I guess we can take pity on those thin blooded Floridians.

I hear 8 is the new 30. Something to do with global warming.

8 is a touchdown and a 2 point conversion, it is not a temperature.

lol to bbescuela.

I lived in florida for 8 years. The first winter I wore a flannel shirt on cold days. The second winter I wore a light jacket. The third winter on I could not wear enough clothes to stay warm. So there you have it....It takes 3 years to morph into Dave.

lance - In which year did you start wearing only blue shirts?

Did i mention I have a new book out?

*snork*

"The Morphed Daves" wbagnfarb

unfortunately, "The Lacquered Peni" prob. wouldn't

Have a Safe flight Dave. I myself will be making my way south this evening, I just hope Shmelta didn't do anything else to my itinerary. Like put my connecting flight departing from a different terminal and leaving an hour before I arrive from Boston. (they actually did this a month ago)

Dave, have a very safe trip and stay WARM!!!

8??? OMFG!!!

judi, can I go to Berlin with ya??

btw - many *snorks*

Put a positive spin on it...I am sure they were just trying to save you an hour, Juggler. And thanks for rubbing in that you are heading south.

born and raised in ohio
my skin the color of tallow
by the fire's pale glow
the temperature near zero

the moon in orbit is piebald
one side lit and one side cold
will the warmth of the sun ever gold
bore through to the back of that world?

steam rises from my hands
translucent before the fire
the flesh of my back is like a fish
alive, yet refrigerated

the dark side of the moon
my toes have swollen threefold
I have to pee but will be damned
before I will step outside

the wind beats and rocks
the little farmhouse
so I pee in a pop bottle
and go to bed fully clothed

frost on my blanket, I found
mouse turds in bed with me
so was I occupied
refrigerated meat preserving owl food

- winter, 1975


i agree with lance on what 8 should be.

"The pace is swift, the entertainment value high and the insights into the piece come thick and fast. "

sounds like more than a few of my dates.

remember that first warm day of spring when you were a kid and all the school books went out the window for the rest of the year? and you saw all the girls in the neighborhood with out their coats on for the first time? and got to see all their new "developments" that took place since the fall? That's what freezin your butt off is all about...

HR, I am counting on Sophie runnning faster than both parental units!

*snork @ 8 is the new 30*

Good luck in north country, Dave. At least you'll be reminded of all that's good in South Florida. And for God's sake, don't forget your one-quart, clear-plastic bag with a zip lock top.

the Pope has an IPOD? what's on the Pope's IPOD?

Come to think of it - now that MY copy is signed, if the wolves get him, does the value of the book go up?

tie a jelly donut to Sophie's back...Dave will keep up.

Snork at EC!

Mud, love the poem, it's very poetic like! Do you have a collection anywhere?

I can't even say eith...ete...arth...eign. See.

very good one, mud!

ec - I KNEW we shoulda gotten more books!!!

casey, mud has emailed me his "Snake in the butt" collection!!!

Yesterday morning it was 29 BELOW zero when I left for work. This morning it's 10 above zero and due to 45 mph winds I had to shovel the snow that had drifted in the driveway. I was wearing a T-shirt and no jacket (and before all 10,000 bloglits say it, pants and shoes, also). ISIANMTU

Mornin' everyone.

Maybe you can get someone to slip some hamburger into dave's pocket when he exits the plane.

Morning blurk.

I wasn't thinkin it but it's good to know there's no frostbite probs.

I won't say it but if you notice Dave's post...he mentions our wintery temps.

Siouxie, I went by to get another signed copy last night to take to a friend in the hospital.

*wondering whether I can sneak into her room at Doctors & steal it back*

blurk, pls clarify. You were or weren't wearing the pants & shoes? Just trying to get a visual here.

lance: ooooh, I like that thinkin'!!!

Oh sure Dave...you never go to the Upper Midwest during Mosquito Season. First Grand Forks during the Frosty Bobber and now this...

Confidential to Siouxie:

"The eagles have landed"

Thanks again!!!!!!

YAY Punkin!!! welcome ;-)

wait.

um...whut eagles??

did they take Dave's flight?

Thats ok Dave. Mt comments will also be sporadic as I have a family event here. Now the funny thing is my brother who lives in the real New York will be staying here to get the "real" New York experience lol.

Welcome back Punkin. Missed you.

Snow shovelin' uniform:

High-Tech Magnum® boots, Highly Polished, Black, 1 pr.

Socks, Winter Issue, Black, 1 pr.

Pants, Battle Dress Uniform, Woodland Camoflauge, 1 ea.

Underwear, Hanes®, Boxer/Briefs, White 1 ea.

T-shirt, Hanes®, black, 1 ea.

Dave, If things get really bad, a Zambonni will get you as far as McDonalds.

Dave, how 'bout a book signing while you're up here in God's country?

Ain't that your work uniform too, blurk?

oh wait...no hat?

wonders why blurk's undies are white while everything else is black.

blurk - woodland camo in the snow? Wouldn't this be more appropriate? Is the AF trying to get you killed?

Addicted, I was THERE a couple of years ago and rode that rollercoaster!! IT IS AWESOME!!!

Nice to be missed, LBFF!!!!

crossgirl, underwear is one of the few things we actually get to decide for outselves. I may break out the ones with the red hearts tomorrow.


DPS, this is the military. If something actually makes sense it's quickly outlawed.

so you get your choice of only one thing and you choose white!?! i'm assuming this is so when you strip out of the govt. issue gear and roll around in the snow, making angels, isn't that what you snow people do?, no one will see you.

"ouRselves"

More coffee = better spelling.

Silver Balls,
Silver Balls,
It's Mozart's play in Berlin,
We'll be online,
All the time,
To see Judi's undressed young men.

psst, blurk, if you ask real nice, judi will share some links for some more, ummm, interesting, skivvies.

Mmmmmm, boxer briefs. My favorite!

casey: Yes, what siouxie said. Just send an email to the address below and I will forward you all the butt snake poems. I do not write poetry anywhere else. I played in a band for a long time and wrote a lot of songs in the 80's and 90's. I gave it up when it began cutting into the time I wanted to devote to my kids.

Ahhhhh....the Holiday classics never die....

Due to possible shrinkage issues there will be no underwear-only snow angel making.

When I was in the USAF, stationed in Alaska, the only part of the winter uniform that was white was the "bunny boots" - special pressure-adjusting boots in a sickly off-white color.

Everything else was sniper-target forest green.

*SNORK! @ crossgirl haahaahaahaaa "a few of my dates" that was a good one

Hey, blurk, it's not a problem if you've had enough to drink. I've seen photos from parties in Alaska (parties I was not invited to) that started with Hefty bags and Wesson oil, and devolved to naked snow angels.

blurk, if you get those heart undies out?? can we get a picture???

*promises not to use for blackmail*

hehe

Uhm.... I ran with an interesting crowd in Alaska, I guess.

angels shrink?

You weren't invited, CH??? hmmmm...somehow I don't believe that. If anyone would have figured out what to do with Hefty bags and oil...it woulda been you. (btw...what the HELL do you do with that?)

I've "done" snow angels (fully clothed thank you very much). Fun Fun.

*noticed I was post #69*

don't they make flannel underwears? that might help with the shrinkage.

CH, how does a party START with Hefty bags and Wesson oil? I've never been invited to one of them either.


*promises not to use for blackmail*

hehe

Posted by: Siouxie | 10:35 AM on November 30, 2006

Translation: "I will post those on the internet unless I am paid vast amounts of money."

*asking innocent-like*

who me??? would *I* do that to you, blurkiepoo????

i've never done an angel

crossgirl, the angel I'd like to do is the one on MySpace (iykwim)

*wonders if his name is Angel*

blurk,
#1 For your sake, sorry I asked, buddy.

#2 Since I did and you responded so completely, you will have to provide photos of the red heart undies.

#3 You mean you don't have seasonal ones w/little candy canes, reindeer, snowmen, etc.? I'm willing to bet a certain signed book, that most of us do...

one word:
commando

I didn't get to see the pictures of *that* portion of the party, but I think they were playing indoor slip'n'slide.

Of course, oil would have stained any clothing involved, but, judging from the pics I *did* see of the snow angel portion of the party, this was not an issue.

Did I mention that I ran with an interesting crowd in Alaska? One fellow I knew slightly (a USAF NCO, ISTGIANMTU) referred to himself as a closeted lesbian. He had the most AMAZING collection of videos. In the pre-Internet days, this was, too. Amazing.

Anyhow, what were we talking about? Blurk shoveling snow in his valentine undies?

CH, video collection? I, sir, have absolutely no idea what you may be referring to.


And my valentine undies are being saved for...oh, who the hell am I kiddin'? I may as well shovel snow in 'em.

LOL closeted lesbian??? that's a good one!

yes and notice how Mr. HeartyPants has gotten sooooooo quiet.

Things that you have to go looking for in order to locate the (in)appropriate Ambiguously-Labeled Links to find, even now. Note that I did not say that it was a good video collection.

whoops....

Have a great trip! And remember, alcohol does not actually make you warmer, it just makes you feel like you are warmer, so it's totally worth it anyway.

ec, i have no festive holiday undies.

siouxie, i wouldn't mind doing anything in the snow with your angel.

and ch, i dated a guy who lived in alaska for a while and he had very interesting stories and he was a very conservative, pastor's son. i can't imagine what enlisted men's party's were like. well, yeah, i can. *fans self*

This was in the early BS age, too, CG, so you had that whole anonymity thing going, AND with the way the weather is there, there's not much else to do for six months out of the year.

I saw some wild things happen, and some spectacular blowups, as well.

I strongly suspect that fart-lighting was invented in Alaska, speaking of which.

Crap. I meant to type "BBS" - as in "bulletin board system."

8??? As in "degrees"???

from what i understand hot tubs are very popular.

cg, enlisted personnel parties are quite interesting. Not that I would know anything about that sort of thing.

*adjusts NCO-type halo*

(For you young'uns, it was kinda like the Internet, only on one computer, and you had to take turns dialing in directly to that computer with a modem. Really fancy BBSes had two or more phone lines, so that you could actually type live with someone, but there were only one or two of those in town. It all seems so quaint, now.)

Hot tubs featured in many of the parties, yes. Good times, good times.

ec, I have festive holiday undies, pj's, t's ..you name it!

*once bought the ex a couple of Christmas thongs with a signs saying "Deck the Balls" and "Kiss me under the Mistletoe" *

blurk?? what's your address?? (hehehe)

Val - actually, Dave wrote "...eight. Just plain eight." This implies that he is using the Kelvin scale, which does not have degrees as units.

Having grown up in Iowa just 3 miles south of the Minnesota border, I must ask Dave. What are you thinking, man?! There is no WAY you'd get me back to that neck of the woods at this time of year. Family can come visit ME!!

That said, I moved to the desert southwest and it is currently 41 degrees outside with wind that makes it feel like 35. This is a place where we don't drain our pools in the winter! Can I get me some of that global warming over here?

Siouxie, it's Sergeant. Oh...you mean where do I live. Well, that's different.

*grabs that extra 'a' from up there*

from waaaaay up the thread. snork at kittypaws "we wear jackets, but we don't zip them yet". This would be true. It was 8 degrees here yesterday morning. Wearing yoga pants and my ugg slippers and a tank top, I had to go outside so I threw on a polar fleece over hirt, un buttoned of course and proceeded about my business.

(Dave, you're gonna want a lot of polar fleece shirts--and they come in blue!)

DP Scrooge (now THAT sounds like a movie my friend would have had), I suspect you're right, having been to Minnesota in the wintertime myself.

Oxygen freezes into a metal with several interesting properties at that temperature, doesn't it?

um...Sergeant....sure.

*was just gonna send over some festive undies for to shovel snow with*

Cheryl, I am NOW wearing a sweater. It's FREEZING here in our office. Only thing is I'm also wearing a skirt and sandals. Go figure.

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