NTTAWWT POST OF THE DAY
Shocking Key Quote: ...many animals, including humans, engage in sexual activities more than is necessary for reproduction.
(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)
UPDATE, thanks to Loren Bosshard
« October 2006 | Main | December 2006 »
November 17, 2006
November 16, 2006
IS IT JUST US
...or is this kind of creepy?
ISN'T THAT, LIKE, CHILD ABUSE?
Dear Dave,
I work at a junior high school teaching 7th grade science. I have a sweatshirt with the name of the school on it, and adults look at my shirt and ask "is that really the name of your school?"
it's August Boeger Junior High School. That's right, one vowel away from Booger Jr. High. I've never heard any of the students saying this aloud, but I'm sure the rival schools are thinking it. Just thought I'd share. We're in the Mount Pleasant Elementary School District in East San Jose, and Mr. Boeger donated the land that school is on.
Pam Stewart
Santa Clara, CA
CALL YOUR TRAVEL AGENT NOW
AND THE SO-CALLED "UNITED NATIONS" DOES NOTHING
A potentially dangerous snake was seen heading in the direction of... celebrities!
November 15, 2006
EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT FOR FANS OF THE BLOG
The Blog has written a new book! He will be talking about it live at 7:35 a.m. EST Thursday on the Jim Defede show, as well as a plethora of other radio shows (at other times, you little smart-alecks). Check your local listings.
NEWSLIKE UPDATE
Puts one in mind of the Shakespeare classic "Like You Like It."¹
(Thanks to CoastRaven)
¹Credit for this goes to someone in email, but we can't remember who.
THE PROBLEM WAS THAT THEY FAILED TO DO IT IN A ONE-QUART, CLEAR-PLASTIC BAGGIE WITH A ZIP-LOCK TOP
(Thanks to CoastRaven)
GOOD TO KNOW
Today I attended a Thanksgiving feast in the classroom of my first-grade daughter, Sophie. I was reading her journal, and came upon this entry, for October 25:
I have an imaginary pet unicorn. I would teach it these rules: come, stop, be nice, listen and chew.
I also learned that the Skill of the Week is: Cause and Effect.
THE HOLIDAY SEASON
(Thanks to TC K)
November 14, 2006
JUSTICE IN TEXAS
It is swift.
ADVISORY TO AIRLINE TRAVELERS
As you know, the rules governing what you can and cannot take on an airplane are changed roughly every two hours, in order to make everybody crazy thwart terrorism. Currently the most important rule is this: YOU HAVE TO HAVE A ONE-QUART, CLEAR-PLASTIC BAGGIE WITH A ZIP-LOCK TOP. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this. If you do not have a ONE-QUART, CLEAR-PLASTIC BAGGIE WITH A ZIP-LOCK TOP, you cannot take your toothpaste onto the airplane. Don't ask why! It has to do with terrorism, OK?!? Just make damn sure you have a ONE-QUART, CLEAR-PLASTIC BAGGIE WITH A ZIP-LOCK TOP. That is all for now.
Update: Also, my book is still for sale.
A GIANT STEP FORWARD FOR HYGIENE
(Via Gizmodo)
FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE AND A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
November 13, 2006
MONTANA
Key Quote That This Blog Believes Needs Elaboration: "This is all on the heels of serious instances with guns and fights," said Messerli, who himself was suspended for six days last month after giving a student a wedgie.
Huh?
(Thanks to Leetie)
ADVISORY
Notice how I have gone several days now without mentioning that my book is still for sale.
COLOR THIS BLOG STUNNED
(Thanks again to Jeff Meyerson)
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE SOMEBODY APPLIES THIS CONCEPT TO UNDERSHORTS
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
UPDATE (Thanks to Claire Martin)
HUMANITY TAKES ANOTHER STEP
...toward the day when dogs rise up and kill us all.
(Thanks to chicomathmom)
REMAINDERS REMINDER
Thanks to lax law enforcement overwhelming popular demand, a fraction of the highly unskilled world famous Rock Bottom Remainders will be playing in the Miami area twice this weekend
CELEBRITY NEWS FROM CANADA
Pamela Anderson has found a worthy co-star.
WHEN SNAKES ARE OUTLAWED
...only teenagers will have snakes.
November 12, 2006
GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Key Quote: "By that time it had been in the tomato soup long enough to be dyed slightly kind of pink around the bum area."
November 10, 2006
THEY ALL SAY THAT
(Thanks to Jack and Sharon Brown)
UNLIKE HERE, WHERE THEY RUN FOR CONGRESS
(Thanks to RussellMc)
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, KEN
You have been replaced by Tanner the pooping dog.
(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)
UPDATE (thanks to Keith Jordan): It's an investment!
TOILET PHOBIA!
(Thanks to Bucket)
For the record, this blog has seen plenty of toilets that deserve to be feared.
WHY WE NEED GUYS
Guys are pioneers.
(Thanks to Jay Drew)
MEMBERS OF AUSTRALIAN PARLIAMENT DEBATE WHETHER TO LET IT MELLOW
Key Quote: Nationals senator Barnaby Joyce said it was a great idea if only one person used the toilet "But a bit on the nose if you share it with other staff," he said.
SQUIRREL TERRORISM
Now the little furred nutmunching bastards are attacking democracy itself.
(Thanks to Duffy)
WE CANNOT BELIEVE NOBODY THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE
(Thanks to Peter M)
(And now over to you commenters for the melon jokes)
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED?
You need a workout.
(Thanks to Beth Armogida)
November 09, 2006
URGENT THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY WHEN THEY'RE TALKING LOUD ON THEIR CELLPHONES WHILE THE PLANE IS BOARDING
"I had a tuna fish sandwich in the airport. Tuna fish. Tuna fish. TUNA
FISH. Yes, right, tuna fish. But they didn't toast the bread. No, no, they
didn't toast the... THEY DIDN'T TOAST THE BREAD. Right. They didn't toast
it."
SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING NICHOLAS CAGE
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
DAILY STRUMPET
Here's the link to the NPR interview I did about strange Christmas presents and (speaking of strange Christmas presents) my new book, which you will be surprised to learn is still for sale.
WHAT DAD NEEDS FOR FOOTBALL SEASON
Dad needs this.
(Thanks to Neil G.)
EDUCATOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Thanks to Stan Miles)
November 08, 2006
ATTENTION, WEST DES MOINES SHOPPERS
(Thanks to oneblankspace)
GOOD DATE MOVIE
(Thanks to Drew Harchick)
