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November 23, 2006

NO THANKS!

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I couldn't read past the first headline. Ugggggggg! But maybe for the ladies...

I'll have six eggs, please, but I only plan on eating one.

Ummmmmmmm yea I think I will pass as well.

Hope this doesn't give Twitney any ideas.

a timeshare with chuck and camilla
the toilet seat cover's chinchilla
though let it be said
their tastes are 'white bread'
the only ice cream is vanilla!

Happy T-Day!

Anybody else engage in fisticuffs with their 78 yr old mother-in-law????

No? Just me then.

Worst Thanksgiving EVER.

punkin, i guess you didn't win.....

((((punkin)))) - so sorry. That's a tough battle to win. If you knock out her teeth, she just dusts them off and puts them back in. If you get a good jab in, she won't feel it anyway. And those old bats are crafty enough to play martyr when they're losing -"Help me, she's beating up a defenseless old lady!" Or so I've heard.

If it's any consolation, it sounds like a future Dave story.

AWBH - THANK YOU for that MUCH needed snork! Yeah, as the hag was clutching my arm and trying to shove me down the stairs (ISIANMTU), what you wrote above is EXACTLY what went thru my mind! So I let her just act like a loon and figured I take the high road and let her insane actions speak for themselves. (Plus - there were 15 witnesses....damn.)

I just feel sorry for my hubby, who is the only sane white sheep in that family.

But ya know what I'm thankful for? Without a moments hesitation, hubby came to my defense, and apologized all the way home for his family. To have a man chose you over his MOTHER is truly a Thanksgiving Miracle!

And to know that I could come to the blog and just feel the love, is also what I'm thankful for.....oh, and for rum. Lots and lots of rum.

Wimps! I sat with someone else's mother in law. Oooof, my sides hurt but from food, not jabs.

Punkin Poo, the answer is no, I did not beat the hell out of my 78 yr old MIL. Just my 85 yr old G-Ma on my mom's side.

Beppie - We should compare notes to see which is more satisfying - beating family or in-laws.

Well, g'nite, friends.....gonna get all liquored up and let hubby take advantage of me.

Talk with y'all tomorrow!

Charles and Camilla running a bed 'n' breakfast sounds like a harebrained update of Fawlty Towers.

Pnkn: Be thankful, too, that hubby isn't named Oedipus, and when faced with the choice between his wife and his mother, didn't ask "Can't I have both?"

You may all go 'Ewwww' now.

{{{Punkin}}} At least it's over! For another year anyway. I for one, discovered a wonderful secret this thanksgiving. Taky your roommate's pug to Thanksgivign dinner with you. They are the clowns of the dog world, and people can't help laughing at them. This one spent the last two days sitting on my 94 year old grandmother which had two pleasant side effects. 1 - she couldn't get up, and B - she spent the whole time laughing. I think it was the best thanksgiving in years!! I share this with you out of love. Feel free to try it yourself. (If you don't have a pug handy, a rottweiler would work in a pinch. They're heavier, and could easily eat an old person if provoked.)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!!

{{{{{Punkin}}}} So glad you weren't injured!

My 78-yr-old mother lives with us, and pulled a similar hateful stunt today (too long a story to tell). Mr. Avid should get hazardous duty pay for what he puts up with around here.

Hooray for Mr. Punkin! What a keeper.

My 200 lb. grandmother, who could crush beer cans in her hands (the old thick kind) would suddenly turn dainty and insist that I help her across icy streets. She'd latch onto my arm, leaving deep, distinct bruises.

...*cough*...so I guess I'm thankful she doesn't do that anymore.

I'd like to pee
Like royalty
In Camilla's and Prince Charles's commode
We would walk in
Exchange a grin
Then go race to be the first to drop a load

So this is how it feels to sit
Upon a throne, and take a sh*t

I'd like to pee
Like royalty
In Camilla's and Prince Charles's commode

Punkin, I hear you on the rum.

This thread brought back to mind my wife's (fiance' at the time) parent's aniversary party last year. I'm sitting minding my own business, when her 87 year old grandmother plops down on my leg, grabs the old tool kit, and says that I'll do, before telling me she had to check it out since men marrying into the family were expected to service all the women in the family, and she wanted to make sure I was up to the job. In front of the everybody no less.

I cracked open a bottle of scotch, and proceeded to put the brain cells responsible for recollecting that particular horror story out of my misery.

So, guess what story got told in excruciating detail at dinner by my mother in law?

Well Matt, as Dave always says, "A todo chulo se le cae un moco de su lapa."

{{Punkin}}

"It won't be available when they're home, so you won't find heirs in the bed!" he added.

Or heirs in the drain. Or heirs on your plate. And what kind of heirs, anyway? Eeeewwwww.......

Punkin - Sorry for your misery. Hope the hubby makes it up to you in spades.

Also, thanks for letting me know I wasn't alone. On the drive over, I kept repeating, "I love you, Mom. I love you, Mom." My mantra and the answer to the barbs she inevitably chunked my way.

Family. Nothing like it! At least we get to choose our friends. Oh, and yes, Rum helps. Zanax is good too. :)

Punkin, sounds harsh. The only thing worse than a nasty ole lady is a nasty younger one. Here in Canada, we celebrated last month, but the memory is still with me. My older sister (48) was there with her husband and 5 kids. Everyone was there. Over dinner, my sister stands to make an announcement. She blurted out that she was leaving her hubby (who sat there stunned), and was running away with their parish priest (whom she had been celebrating more than mass with for quite some time), - well all hell broke loose...and it hasnt settled yet!

Hugs to Punkin and the others who had to endure family nightmares today. I'm suddenly VERY thankful for dinner at Black Angus!

Christmas will be another story.

Love ya punkin, and Mr. punkin's a good man.

(((Punkin))) I thought our Thanksgiving was going pretty well, til my MIL took my youngest aside and said "I hope your Mother has learned her lesson about how to raise you, after your brother killed himself." Daughter freaked out and ran to her older sister, who waited til the old bitc...uh, bat...had left, before telling me and her dad. Dad's on his way over right now to find out just what the hell THAT was about. Yeah, the sad thing is, neither of us doubt for a second she said it. My son's been gona 7 1/2 years, and up til last April, she didn't even know where his grave was. Which is in the the dinky town she lives in, that has about 150 folks in the cemetary. Thank God I have you guys. Show me the funny side.

(((((((Punkin & bali))))))))

*Thankful she doesn't have a mother-in-law anymore*

Siouxie, wish I was you. Ah, well, makes me work at being a GOOD MIL. I have the sweetest DIL ever, and I treat her like the miracle she is.

{{{{{bali}}}}}

Here's an early morning toast -

*raises cup of irish coffee*

"May those who love us, love us,
And those who don't
May God turn their ankles so we
shall know them by their limping!"

CHEERS, FRIENDS!!!

Yay, Punkin! *raises mug'o'Job (as my daughters used to say)* Or my fave MIL toast "Here's to you and here's to me, but should we ever disagree, to hell with you and here's to ME!"

Geez, Kat, that was exciting! Like one of those Lifetime movies. Does your sister look like Jaclyn Smith?

LOL! Thanks to all of you for your crazy family stories. I feel much camaraderie with you now! MY G-ma decided to tell the neighbor who came over that I had just locked her outside and threatened to kill her with a knife. I only *thought* about doing that. She reads minds, I tell ya!

Sometimes when I think things, I actually say them out loud. I'm always surprised how people Kreskin-out my evil plans for their demise and disposal.

((((((bali, kat & punkin))))))

And here I thought I had a rough evening, with my MIL and her three adopted kids. I have NO IDEA how Mrs. Hands turned out as wonderful as she is, other than that her father was a much better parent than her mother.

Hell, he was a much better person in general, if I may baldly state my opinion here. We lost him last year to a liver disorder, in spite of his valiant efforts to take good care of himself. MIL, who suffers from the same disorder, smokes like a stack, eats crappily and in general looks to be ready to last another twenty years. Il n'y a pas de justice.

:-/

Ain't that just the way, CH? The ones we can spare never leave early enough, and the ones we love never stay long enough.

And, by the way, if I have to spend Christmas with MY MIL, I plan to DEVELOP a liver disorder.

I think I can avoid Christmas with my MIL... apparently, I was insufficiently warm and effusive in embracing her lifestyle (living well on various forms of the dole) and her children ("special needs" kids who, in my opinion just need some consistent parenting) yesterday.

*sigh* At least nobody tried to shove me down a flight of stairs.

Well, there's that, then. No stairs for CH.

{{{{{bali}}}}} I guess you know what to get her for Christmas - this.
To save on gift wrap, use the obituary section of the newspaper. Save on shipping by throwing it at her. Then find a quiet moment during the holidays to murmur, "I hope you learned your lesson about having innappropriate chats with my kids...because we were looking at retirement homes for you, and they're quite pricey."

Maybe we need to have an annual 'worst turkey day ever' contest. We've got some doozies already.

Oh! Oh! *raises hand and waves it furiously*

If there's a trophy involved, I'll go back next year and tar and feather the beyotch! And then pour her own turkey's gravy on herself.

THEN, I'll tie her legs shut and set her on a platter with an apple shoved in her mouth.

AND I'll take pictures.

Think I'd have a shot at winning? (Before they cart my ass off to jail, where I will go happily because there are no mil's in jail!)

*needs serious eggnog*

*loves punkin some eggnog, the SERIOUS kind*

*Needs a new bottle of rum now...*

This is exactly why on a day that we count everything we are thankful for... we spend it with our friends. Sharing good laughs and good food with great people is the best!

Rarely does family get invited. Although I am blessed with a wonderful MIL.

My poor husband though, he is such a peaceful sort but it was all he could do not to smack my mother. She’s the perpetual "victim”, her bad decisions are always everyone else’s fault. I finally gave her an arse chewing two years ago and haven't heard from her since. Never has my life been so peaceful.

Who says you can’t pick your family?

((Hugs all around to everyone who needs them))

bbescuela: "To all insolent one a snot of his falls to him lapa" (WTFBBQ?)

All: Wow. Just wow. My MIL is nuts, but not violent. One of the many blessing of growing old is that your MIL is always older. Mine's old enough now that she won't travel to my house. So, I only have to see her when I want.

A tradition in my house is to invite refugee families to dinner on Thanksgiving and Christmas, sort of a "welcome to America, see how much food we got?" party. Often our guests will know very little english. A couple of years ago, we hosted a family from a country whose culture was, shall we say, a little more patriarchal than our own. I had set a buffet on one table, and chairs and place-settings on another. Using a lot of hand gestures, I explained to our guests that we were to get our food here, and then proceed to the dining room where we would eat. I then gestured for the ladies to go first, then took the men to the dining room, and poured them some wine. A few moments later, the women came back from the buffet table and presented us (the men) with plates of food, apparently thinking that I had asked them to serve us. Oh well, as Borat would say, "cultural learnings" - I'm sure the fact that I was doing the cooking threw them for a loop to start.

mud--thats very cool. Our refeguees are typically friends who don't (or don't want to) make it home for the holidays.

I can't imagine the look on the your guests faces when they finally understood "ladies first".

That's funny! And I'm still laughing about Annie's recommendation to wrap a present in the obituary newspaper section. Making a mental note of that for future "gifts".

mud, according to Dave it means "Every pimp drops a booger from his lapel." I think it's an idiom.

Wow, folks! I just came back to read the updates since I was here last night. I can't get over the stories. I'm feeling more thankful every minute. I am now very thankful for my MIL. She is stoic and rural, but I can't imagine her ever saying or doing anything the offend anyone. My mother, bless her heart, has, in her later years, begun channeling her mother. Some see the glass as half full. Others see the glass as half empty. My mom sees the glass as something that is likely to break and hurt someone.

I love my family. But there is a reason that I moved 2500 mile away from them.

My submission for Worst Turkey Day Ever: I married the ex on Thanksgiving.

{{layzeeboy}} - that's gotta be some sort of prize. What were you thinking? I mean, getting married during football season?!

"A todo chulo se le cae un moco de su lapa."
Roughly translated - "In every life some snot must fall."

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