IN CASE YOU'VE BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK

Please see a counselor.

Also, you should know that this weekend is the Miami Book Fair, where the world famous Rock Bottom Remainders will be performing surgery sexually (well, we aren't sure what it is, but it certainly isn't music) publicly at 5 pm (or possibly 5:30; how would we know?) on Saturday, as well as (of course) at the Voices for Children event tonight.

Comments

[baligurl]

CH-A MISTAKE? She made a MISTAKE? A mistake is when you forget to take your paycheck out of your jeans before you wash them! Whutthehell??

[Cheryl Howard]

*pours glass of exceptional Chardonnay*

Sio--tell Dave to look sexy for the camera for us would ya?

[Clean Hands]

Sorry for the buzzkill. That story made me so mad I can't even see straight right now. Round of gumballs for the crowd. Better make them extra-strength.

[Siouxie]

OKIE DOKIE!!

I'll try my best girls! If not, I'll have CJ look sexy and smouldering ;-)

[jon]

Is Mark Foley coming out of rehab to take part in the Voices for the Children event, or will he be advocating from afar?

[Cheryl Howard]

CH--this could only make sense to me if it said 18 year old teenage son who-knows-absolutely- everything was tossed in canal. Now THAT I can understand.

[crossgirl]

siouxie, THAT'S IT!!! a shot of all three! (carl,dave and cj, not baileys, kahlua and vodka.)

[Siouxie]

Well folks! I'm off for a bit. (CH don't say it!!) LOL

[baligurl]

If it's a CJ photo, I'm gonna need a different frame. A pirate-y one.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Defense for other idiots who have been blogged: "But I didn't mean to bang a deer carcass. It was a mistake."

*Manfully unscrews bali's Baileys bottle*

[Siouxie]

a triple-threat pic!! got it!

[crossgirl]

waves forlornly at siouxie.

[Clean Hands]

Well, seeing as that she was 17 at the time that she murdered her child, that would have been difficult to arrange.

I guess this upsets me so much because I just love - LOVE - children, and babies are the best. The concept that someone could take a squirming, helpless baby, stuff him into a backpack, and pitch it into a canal makes me want to go throw up.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

It makes me want to go thow lead.
At about 2800 feet per second.

[crossgirl]

let's assume she was stupid and scared and in pain and she really did think the baby was stillborn. please.

[Clean Hands]

Still, cg. Probation? PROBATION???

[crossgirl]

'nother gumball?

[CJrun]

CH, just a geographic point. South Florida is a place unto itself. That is the central theme in most Hiassen books. I've been in the left lane of a 4-lane, divided road down there and had a park park in front of me, the driver then sauntering into a store! Once you get out of the Grove, Coral Gables, or the area adjacent to Biscayne Bay, you need a passport, IMHO.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I've been 16, stupid, scared and in pain. The response to my response to that situation was:
"9-1-1. What is your emergency?"

[Cheryl Howard]

Unfunny Alert (For CH) All others skip this.

CH. I understand completely. We lost a little one once. A couple of days later in the supermarket line I watched a (expletive) woman slap her little baby because it wouldn't quite crying. It was all (and I mean ALL) I could do not to snatch that baby away from her. I did however lose my composure and proceed to tell her exactly what I thought about her parenting abilities. I would have done anything to take that little one home that day. LIttle miracles are wasted on some folks. *sigh*

[Cheryl Howard]

Okay, now I need a drink. Perferrably without a rodent. Who has those gumballs?

[Punkin Poo]

*zips in after being out all day*

Hey! I just bought a talking Johnny Damon doll!

Gee, I didn't realize he was such a bible thumper!

[Clean Hands]

*chewing gumballs with great determination...*

[CJrun]

That's funny, my Kenny Loggins doll is the same way!

[Cheryl Howard]

Punkin, I adore you. You make me laugh at the most unexpected times. Cheers!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

CH-I don't have any children, so the thought of someone doing this to an infant is enraging.

I'm hoping it happened the way crossgirl described.

[Cheryl Howard]

*wonders how many gumballs one can stuff in ones mouth at one time?*

Hey, who drank all the Vodka?

[RollrGramma]

My daughter got pregnant at 15 and never, ever thought about getting rid of him. He has been a joy to us. She lost boy #5 in utero last April and is now expecting another boy in March 2007. She says she is done as they only have a 7 passenger van. She says that having this many kids is revenge for being an only child.

[Cheryl Howard]

*Is still willing to trade baby brother for a much wanted pony*

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Does that explain the half a boy? Still in utero? I was a little concerned that something had happened to Private Johnson.

[Cheryl Howard]

Ah. Now I understand.

[RollrGramma]

Yes, that explains it. We have Cain, Daytin, Ezekiel, Finnehas and the next one is Hewitt. We lost Greshom. She is not one for regular names as hers is Amy.

[wickedwitch]

DPC - i'll let you use any one of my arsenal. your pick. personally, i think that the ancient Chinese 'death by a thousand cuts' is more in line with what i had in mind for this creature. i don't even like children and i want to get in line to take a shot at such a monster.

[Cheryl Howard]

What, no tugs boats in Bellingham to select from?

Finnehas? Really?

[RollrGramma]

Finnehas Mordecai Harp. We call him Cai. He is going to have to be tough to live through school with that name.

[CJrun]

RG, I hadn't noticed Bellingham. I loves me some Bellingham! I lived there [when I was on land] for @ a year, back in the 80s. BTW, remember when you go to Australia, you have to skate counter-clockwise.

[Cheryl Howard]

I'd sign him up for karate lessons as soon as possible. :)

[Cheryl Howard]

CJ, do you live on a boat?

If so, am v. envious.

[wingpup]

PROBATION??!!??

Pass me a gumball.

[Cheryl Howard]

wingpup Here's 42 of them. Trust me, you'll need em.

[wingpup]

*stuffs mouth with gumballs*

ank-oo...

[Cheryl Howard]

el com

[estrogen centrale]

I have to skip, folks.

See ya' tomorrow CJ. Have a safe trip.

[Clean Hands]

I hope that it happened that way, too, LBFF, but the odds are strongly against it. Healthy 17-year-old women almost always give birth to hearty, healthy babies.

[blurk]

*sigh*

Is the blog bar open yet?

I could use a drink or three.

Long week.

[Just Ducky]

I'm back! Pass the gumballs, make room on the couch, and I'll take a glass of that exceptional Chardonnay, unless Cheryl finished it off already. Also, I think the 17-year-old should be stuffed into a backpack and thrown into a canal.

[CJrun]

Cheryl: not then. Then I stayed with my Great Uncle and Great Aunt, between trips to the Bering Sea for NMFS. After, I lived aboard a 40-footer for 9 years. Wonderful, but cramped. Now I am spoiled by large kitchens and appliances, which brings me to my Happy Hour Rant:

I want a special store that sells appliances just for guys of the male gender. Why do I have a clothes dryer full of wet clothes? Because my clothes dryer is purty! I can tell the starter switch has a leg out on the relay, so it starts when I press, but stops when I release. However, I can't do anything about it, easily, as my dryer is purty. Therefore, I have to pull the dryer out into the kitchen, releasing the vent hose, take the whole dang back off of it, etc. I want a clothes dryer where all the important stuff is right there where I can get to it! Who cares what it looks like? That's what closet doors are for! Alternatively [like just now] I can wait till it clicks over into wrinkle-guard mode and starts itself automatically, then run into the kitchen and spin the dial over into the normal cycle. Next time I will be more careful about running into the kitchen and trying to skid to a stop in socks. [OW!] I know it seems silly to pack dry clothes to go to Miami for a rainy outing, but.... I need another beer! How's everybody's mojitos?

[RollrGramma]

Cheryl,
Cai is also the smallest of her boys. But he can dish it right back at his brothers. One of them had to get 8 stitches in his eyebrow last week after throwing water on Cai. Cai grabbed a cup, filled it with water and threw the whole thing back. Problem was that it was a heavy wooden cup.

[Just Ducky]

Ah, the joys of boys. I asked my mother-in-law once how she survived having 4 of them (in a 6-year period) to raise. She looked at me with a straight face and said they had never given her a moment's trouble. Ain't mother's amnesia grand?

*waiting patiently for Chardonnay, but will be happy to accept mojito*

[Cheryl Howard]

I have to skip out too. Tis Friday and time for us girls to convene.

Ducky, Magnums my friend. Magnums.... ;-)

RG--*High five to Cai*

CJ--Will take rain check on beloved mojito. Looks forward to smouldering photo from Sios' crap cam. Also, was this *fingers piched really close together* close from buying a 65' Swan Sloop many years ago. Her name translated into the Drunken Boat (See RG, it coulda been worse...)

Also: Has teenager (above post) and throwing them in canal is not likely to incite same outrage. If so, is happy to send son to any of the bloggers till he's 25 or so.

For Example:

EC, CJ--What can I say except "Its not fair! Why can't I go? All my blog friends will be there! I hate this!" *slams blog door*

[Clean Hands]

Yeah, blurk, I showed them the picture. Tough luck about your cruiser; was the pilot okay?

:-)

[Clean Hands]

Sorry - this picture.

[CJrun]

*Pours Ducky a pond of Chardonnay, slides Blurk a 3-pack of ESBs*

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

CH-I know, you're probably right. When I see things like that I always think: She could have just given it to me, no questions asked. Better that than the choice she made.

[blurk]

How'd that d@mn jet get there anyway.

This is a flightline?

Oh...my bad.

[blurk]

Think my insurance premiums will to up?

[CJrun]

BTW, I think Cheryl's gone, but I also think she's crazy! She passed up a Swan 65? Possibly the greatest big cruiser/ racer ever made! Such a gal of the female gender!!

[blurk]

Or "go" up even.

CJ slide a few more of them ESBs over here please.

[Clean Hands]

Think those could have been a contributing factor, blurk? :-D

[blurk]

No, CH. I gave myself a field sobriety test.
I was able to do everything I asked myself to do.

[Clean Hands]

Oh, and blurk? We're noticing a pattern.

LOL

[blurk]

CH, I can't open that one.

Whut izzit?

[Just Ducky]

Blurkie, after:
1) braving the store's female undergarment section with the young female blurkling, and
2) actually DISCUSSING said purchase with said blurkling, not to mention
3) having your car smooshed, and STILL
4) staying on the non-smoking wagon--you should get an unlimited supply of ESB's, AND a gold star for Dad of the Year!

[Clean Hands]

It's the front of your truck (they blotted out the numbers on your Montana plate) with the Easter Bunny, his basket, and eggs embedded across the front grille.

[blurk]

Actually, I couldn't open the jet and the cruiser either but trust me, I've seen it a million times. It was not a good time to be an AF cop right after that accident.

[Clean Hands]

(psst. JD, I'm reasonably confident that's not really blurk's car...)

[Just Ducky]

psst, CH, I know! ;)

[CJrun]

Blurk, check your email for another 3-pack and a pdf of CH's link; it's hilarious!

[blurk]

Ducky, the bra shoppin' was nothin'. Last summer blurkette and I were on vacation back home in West Virginia. We were in a drug store (Rite Aid) when blurkette said she had to use the bathroom. When she came out she was white as a sheet. I asked what was wrong and she told me she just "started". That's right, the very first one. Bein' the all knowin' daddy I am I went straight to the feminine hygiene section and bought...one of each...of everything. When we got back to my parents house, mom took blurkette back to the drug store and got what she actually needed.
Hey, I tried.

[blurk]

Thanks, CJ.
It HAD to be Montana didn't it?

[Just Ducky]

*gives blurk points for trying*
*wonders what the drugstore clerk thought while ringing up blurk's purchases*

[CJrun]

Blurk, lucky you for a mom like that. Us runs swear we're adopted 'cause there's no way our mom ever did that! I remember when I was around blurkette's age they separated the boys and girls into different assemblies and us guys weren't very well occupied in ours. I asked the little gal I was sweet on at the time what hers was about and I was not very clear on it. So I asked my mom about it and she told me to look it up. I never did get what was so special about the gals having to have their own assembly about ministrations.

[ron]

Who hit who?

[ron]

Who hit who?

[blurk]

Believe me, CJ. I'd rather not have to learn all this stuff.

[blurk]

ron, if yer talkin' about the jet and the cruiser, the cop fell asleep. No kiddin'.
The damage was $1.8 mil if I remember correctly.

[ron]

I see now that in order to post comments I have to jump through hoops. See y'all later.

[baligurl]

Thanks,CJ, for opening the bottle. I finally found my way back from opening all the other bottles at the bar, that Hot Damn 100 ain't half bad! Hi, blurk!

[baligurl]

Oh, and RollrG, I grew up in Yakima! Say hi to my mountains for me!

[blurk]

Hey bali!!

[CJrun]

Ron, that's the "bot." You double-posted,by accidently hitting post, twice. The bot thought you were a sp@mmer. The bot also kicks in if you use certain words like sp@m, or c@sino, or ci@lis.

Bali, CH says you're welcome!

[RollrGramma]

OK Baligurl. They said Hi back at ya.
I could use a glass of Beaujolais right about now. Between last weeks and this weeks storms, my roof lost a lot of shingles, so my roof leaks and my fence is falling down. I decided to just leave the buckets in the living room for when it starts raining and blowing this weekend.

[CJrun]

RG, clearly you haven't figured out what boys are for. With 4.5 grandboys, your fence and roof should be spiffy! If he couldn't find anything else for us to do, my dad made us walk around the neighborhood with wheelbarrows full of rocks and dirt to fill in potholes.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Set me up, barkeep.

[Just Ducky]

*gives RollrG a glass of wine and an umbrella*

[Just Ducky]

Hi, Wyo! Name your poison.

[Wyo Cowboy]

blurk, lookin' at your flightline accident reminded me of the time one or our soldiers took a Howitzer joy riding from Ft. Carson toward Denver. Tryin' to get an off-post dispatch after that was troublesome to say the least. The military (term is loosly applied to the Air Force too) has a way of overreacting to any "accident."

[baligurl]

Oh, did CH get the lid? Am I gonna have to paint his house, too? Oh, wait, thatwas our little secret. Dang.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Hi, Ducky, Lagavoulin tonight. (It's Friday)

[Layzeeboy]

I just caught the tail end of a story on CNN. There were mobs of people outside a store today and the police had to be called to quell (believes that is the first time that word has ever appeared in this blog) the riot. I'm assuming it was a Dave book-signing/strumpeting.

[crossgirl]

blurk i can totally, almost, relate. i am often in the position of answering questions for my guys. i've done good so far. only one i couldn't answer for my little darlings was what it feels like to ejaculate. figure some things you gotta learn on your own. if i can be a great dad, i reckon you can be an awesome mom when you have to.

[baligurl]

Hey, everybody, I'm firin' up the grill. Sirloin, anyone?

[RollrGramma]

CJ, that reminds me of a story about my mom. She kept putting gravel down a hole in the yard, but it never filled up. A city works guy saw her and told her that it would take a very long time to fill it up as it was an air vent from the old coal mines that run under our neighborhood.
I would love to put the boys to work at my house, but they are never over long enough. If they want to continue paying for skating lessons, they are going to have to put in some time around my place.

[RollrGramma]

Thanks Ducky! baligurl, make mine medium rare with sauted sweet onions on the side. Wait...never mind that is what my husband is making for dinner tonight. Friday night is steak night at our house.

[baligurl]

CJ, my dad used to buy houses, fix'em up and sell'em. So he'd drag us kids out at dawn's ugly crack and make us do yardwork. Being the youngest girl of 7, with one younger brother (The Messiah) I got permanently relieved of yard duty following a dirtclod fight that left me with 6 stitches and a concussion. I didn't know I could throw it that hard, that close. Good times.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Make mine rare, bali, thanks.

been a long time since anyone added a picture.

Any new takers?

[Just Ducky]

Sorry, Wyo, had to make a quick liquor store run.
here you go.

[blurk]

Wyo, I won't take offense at the loosely applied "military".
That's exactly why I joined the AF.

Major problem in the army: No overhead cover on the foxhole and it's rainin' cats and dogs.

Major problem in the AF: The cable just went out.

[crossgirl]

someone say steak? rare please!

[Wyo Cowboy]

major problem in the Navy: we're out of coffee.