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November 17, 2006

THE HOLIDAY SEASON, RECONSIDERED

(Thanks to angene)

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Well, Hallelujia!

maybe they read the blog and are removing the batteries.

*will be standing in line to get my Talking JC*

Why would anyone want to play with a Val Kilmer doll that quotes bible verses?

How about a dead doe doll? Will the Marines accept that? Or the proctologist's interchangable anus 'doll'?

I'd rather have a Jesus doll that talks like Doc Holliday

Oh, DP Chris, now we're going to have to try that. How much was that proctology doll, again??

I can't find a price on any of their products. Will keep doing research...

Oh swell, I already donated a totally non-religious fun toy, when I could have bought one of them there dollies.
Can you imagine a donation box filled with those JC dolls???

We're looking for a few good toys.....

"talking JC...there's nothing com-parable"

says "blessed are the dollmakers, especially the chinese political prisoners who have no idea what this is supposed to be"

*delivers the parable of the wise and the foolish barbies*

I never understood the problem. Can't they just make sure these get to, say, churches? I realize it's an extra bureaucratic process to route certain toys to certain places, but really, how much of a headache can it be? Some little fundie kids might like 'em!

*snork* @ insom

Is it me or is it just a coincidence that this doll - from Beverly Hills looks like Val Kilmer?

"The short note on the Web site did not explain what it would do with the dolls."
Alright little kids, if you ever want to see Jesus again, you will behave! You will behave you hear me, or it'a a lump of coal for you! All the better for you to burn in hell with!!! I mean, they will probably find lovely homes for them.

oh, and watch talking JC deliver the Sermon on the Mount (Mount sold separately)!

re-enact events from His life (except for those involving water, as talking JC cannot get wet)!

and buy the talking JC breakfast cereal, full of sugar-coated loaves, fishes, and fatted calves! It's prodigiously nutritious!

so stop abiding in the fields and get one today!

(i'll stop now...)

Nothin' says "stay the course" like the bending to the tides of public opinion!

(OTOH, it could be a case of "Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome".)

Miraculously, the batteries never need replacing.

A co-worker (who is a Marine) told me that they are just the right size for the firing range.

I'm sure they'll be passing them out to all the Jesus loving boys & girls in Baghdad this Christmas... .

If it was a tub toy that could walk on water, I'd buy one.
If it turned water into wine, I'd buy two.
If it said "Pull my finger, and you will walk again," I'd buy three.

*wonders if the Talking Jesus doll comes with extra outfits*

Water-proof Baptismal cloak

Trout Fishing smock & net (with SPF15)

Last Supper Dinnerwear tux

*watches out for lightning*

I'm sorry Jesus!!!

Looks like where I'm going, it's gonna be pretty warm, but I'll have lots of friends there.

...kinda like Miami.

Caution! Step away from this thread for fear of lightening strikes!

If at first you don't succeed...

...so there really IS a second coming???

it's called a multiple, stevie.


Annie, I think we're gonna need a bigger handbasket.

Never heard of it :)

figures!

Wow, Jesus had such stunning blue eyes.

What you need is for the doll to say:

"What would I do?"

So glad to see Jesus is legal at Christmastime. Imagine that!

Speaking as a total fundamentalist, I'm awfully suspicious of this story.

I mean, how did the press get wind of the Toys for Tots rejection? Who stands to gain from the bru-ha-ha and the oodles of free publicity?

I can honestly say that I wouldn't want my kids to even have a Jesus doll. Shooting (or being shot by) GI Joes, making out with Barbie -- these are not exactly the types of things one wants a Jesus doll for. Having been I nine-year-old boy, I can guarantee that's how this figure will be used, however.

I'm sure Jesus will forgive.

BT - exactly - you know he's gonna end up in the sandbox with no underwear....

...I was talking about the doll, silly!

Things I wish the Jesus doll would say:
"Math is hard!"
"That Judas is a hottie, isn't he?"
"Ooh, cute shoes!"
"Why yes, as a matter of fact, I WAS born in a barn!"
"Just great - Dad traded the myrrh and frankencense for some 'shrooms, and Mom spend the gold on wine. Some birthday THIS turned out to be!"

or... "I did not have s*x with that Mary Magdalene doll"

See - this is why people vacation in warm places - all the fun people are there.

It will do with the dolls, what it should have done with them in the first place: Thorw them in a dumpster, and keep it a secret. No feeling are hurt, no angry Christians riot in the streets, and no poor kids get annoying, cruddy, toys.

Thatt guy above me has some letter for Santa, but I don't think you're supposed to send it to Dave. But what do I know, I'm a Jew.

The Jesus dolls are actually a lot of fun.

You take one and stick it in a co-worker's desk. Way in the back of one of the drawers, behind all the junk. Every time they move something in the desk they hear Bible Verses.

They get real pasty white and milk comes out of their nose. It is fun.

(PS)
I didn't know we could sell stuff on Dave's site. Is this an e-bay type thing going on here..??
Cause, I have about 50 Jesus dolls I want to sell. They all say the same thing: "You are going to hell. Have a nice day.."

you know, how is jesus expected to reach the cultural demographic of the current population if he only comes in caucasian? his marketers need to diversify. you know, hispanic jesus (pronounced 'hay-soos'), african jesus (aka j-'sup), and don't forget french jesus (aka jesouix; complete with black berret and disconcerting snarl). just thinking....
(probably not a good idea without *multiple* cups of coffee...)

I have to admit, seeing another blue-eyed Jesus is always annoying. Like he just flew in from Sweden or something.

(Antihumor alert! Antihumor alert!)

Imagine Mary gazing down at little infant Jesus and thinking, 'What an honor, 2000yrs after my baby grows up to fight for social justice, the rights of the down trodden, equality for women and is crucified for showing up the hypocrisy of religious fundamentalists and politicians, he will be made into an action figure, just like George W. What could be more wonderful?"


Oh! insomniac - *delivers the parable of the wise and the foolish barbies* - I just about inhaled my coffee and sprayed the monitor. Keep those little plastic oil lamps burning - batteries not included.

And what’s with the guy with all those shoes?

"Battery-powered Jesus" WBAGNFARB

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