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October 30, 2006
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You're kidding! First?
Mare
Posted by: Mare Imbrium | October 30, 2006 at 04:08 PM
"Warming the testicles - for example by taking hot baths, wearing tight jeans, having a sedentary job or using laptops on the lap - is known to cause temporary losses in fertility, but these can be quickly reversed."
With what, ice cubes?
Posted by: ubetcha | October 30, 2006 at 04:09 PM
I've got two kids I'm happy with. Can I have more coffee now?
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 30, 2006 at 04:12 PM
Hm. I suppose that I'd better start treating small furry animals with more respect. Looks like they'll rule the world someday.
Mare
Posted by: Mare Imbrium | October 30, 2006 at 04:13 PM
figures.
Posted by: puppytoes | October 30, 2006 at 04:15 PM
Ubetcha...I have found the reversal for that...a cool breeze. It can be (wo)man made or natural...infact sometimes I let the boys hang out the car window....
Posted by: Chaz | October 30, 2006 at 04:15 PM
I can say with all confidence that:
- I can out-fertilize any hamster any day.
- My testicles are bigger than any hamster's (with the possible exception of the male hamster we had in our classroom when I was in 2nd grade...he had cajones the size of grapefruit)
- Warm Testicles might, in certain situations, be an OK name for a rock band.
Posted by: Scott | October 30, 2006 at 04:15 PM
so if we cut out coffee we will have ...
life without coffee...
and tons of kids
i dont see the problem here
Posted by: Dave_no_not_THE_Dave | October 30, 2006 at 04:16 PM
Have more coffee,Normal children would have zero chance at surviving todays world.I mean,think about it.
Posted by: ron | October 30, 2006 at 04:16 PM
It's not the coffee.
It's the "Non-Dairy" Petroleum "Creamer" with artificial amaretto flavoring, and the two packets of "Equal", in each cup. Please remember that we're speaking of a polystyrene (chemical) cup or else one coated in (dioxin-containing) plastics.
All consumed whilst sitting in the Starbucks, in close proximity to their microwave oven, gabbing on the cell phone while surfing the internet with that overheated laptop.
It's not the coffee itself. It can't be. Please, God, don't let it be the coffee.
Mare
Posted by: Mare Imbrium | October 30, 2006 at 04:17 PM
"American Society for Reproductive Medicine"
There really is such an organization?
I hate to bust their bubble, but I've got a cousin who drank coffee all day long, and fathered 5 kids, however, that was before the days of laptops and cell phones, and coffee back then (70's) probably didn't have as much caffeen as it does today.
Just saying.
Posted by: billinbossier | October 30, 2006 at 04:18 PM
When you have kids, massive doses of coffee are MANDATORY.
Take it from me.
Of course, I'm also done having kids, so it's academic for me. I will admit that the last time, when we were trying, I cut out the coffee for a couple of weeks and WHAMMO, one try.
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 30, 2006 at 04:23 PM
Billinbossier: The ASRM is the official association of docs (i.e., urologists and andrologists) who deal with sperm counts, male fertility issues and related stuff. I worked with them frequently back in my days with Urology Times magazine...and as I've said here before, yes, such a publication exists.
Posted by: Scott | October 30, 2006 at 04:24 PM
The blog is actin' stranger than usual. Somebody must have been singing the old saw "I am my own grandpaw???"
Posted by: Hanna | October 30, 2006 at 04:26 PM
*Offers Scott a cup of coffee and directs him the the excersize wheel*
Posted by: Cheryl Howard | October 30, 2006 at 04:30 PM
Hey, I just got back from web surfing on my coffee break, and boy, are my testicles warm. Did I miss anything?
Posted by: Lairbo | October 30, 2006 at 04:35 PM
Quote: Drinking just three cups of coffee a day decreases men's ability to father normal children
Um...why does this study presume we want 'normal' children? Normal kids are the ones you see running, screaming, etc. I want my kids to be sensational children, listening to classical music, astronauts, etc. There's no way I was going to settle for normal!
THANK YOU STARBUCKS!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | October 30, 2006 at 04:35 PM
*stays FAR away from Scott, just in case random fertilization occurs*
Posted by: Suzy Q | October 30, 2006 at 04:38 PM
scott could pollenate someone from across the classroom it seems
Posted by: Chaz | October 30, 2006 at 04:51 PM
Scott, that mag is at the obvious web address. Fascinating series of articles this month.
Posted by: Olo Baggins of Bywater | October 30, 2006 at 04:52 PM
"Drinking just three cups of coffee a day decreases men's ability to father normal children..."
1."Normal child" is a cruel myth, right up there with 'perfect man.'
2.They fail to mention that the statement was edited because of space constraints, and originally read: "Drinking just three cups of coffee a day during sex decreases men's ability to father normal children."
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 04:58 PM
Zikes...how about this link.
Posted by: Olo Baggins of Bywater | October 30, 2006 at 04:59 PM
"The Humble Banger" WBAGNFA one-man band. (It's one of the article links (har!).
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 04:59 PM
"Warming The Testicles" WBAGNFARB.
Posted by: Beppie | October 30, 2006 at 05:13 PM
yo! my name is k-fed, i'm a real gangsta jamster
keep your hos away, i'm as potent as a hamster
am i real or a fraud? i'm a-gonna keep you guessin'
gotta stop me know for my hamster wheel lesson!
Posted by: insomniac | October 30, 2006 at 05:22 PM
now not know (stupid k-fed!)
Posted by: insomniac | October 30, 2006 at 05:24 PM
*snork* @ insom. that's f-ked!
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 05:29 PM
So all I had to do was keep drinking coffee, and I would never have had to be treated to a weekend on the couch with an ice pack?
Oh well, they gave me good drugs that day. When you can look at a blonde causing a puff of smoke to rise from your nether regions and calmly ask her, "So, are you cauterizing the vas deferens now?", you're on some good drugs.
Posted by: WriterDude | October 30, 2006 at 05:42 PM
WriterDude, I composed the following before I saw your message...
Low-count haiku
Declining sperm counts
Attributed to coffee.
I drop my latte.
Consider the choice:
Better awake or virile?
Pour me another.
Hamsters have us beat:
One hundred million more sperm.
A vas deferens.
Posted by: Ford79 | October 30, 2006 at 05:51 PM
All I can say is, if you can drink coffee during s3x, my hat is off to you...and so are a few other things.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 06:02 PM
Either all the boys are busy on their hamster wheels, or I just killed the blog with my sultry comment.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 06:13 PM
sigh....coffee, anyone?
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 06:51 PM
AWBH: Tall, Grande or Vente? And, ya want foam on that?
Posted by: Lairbo | October 30, 2006 at 07:12 PM
LOl Annie
Posted by: Cheryl (Maiden name Hanson) Howard | October 30, 2006 at 07:18 PM
Black, please, Annie. Have I ever mentioned what I can do while drinking coffee?
Posted by: WriterDude | October 30, 2006 at 07:19 PM
Oops -- I forgot *major snork* (promoted from lieutenant) to Ford79. Haiku and pun. My
ice packhat is off to you!Posted by: WriterDude | October 30, 2006 at 07:26 PM
Annie - Oh my.
W'Dude - No, what?
Posted by: Mr. Completely | October 30, 2006 at 07:26 PM
Um Lairbo, are we still talking about coffee?
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 07:35 PM
Lairbo.....why are you looking at me like that?
Was it something I shed?
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 07:49 PM
Well, Annie ... if you're talkin' about gettin rid of your Ex (and if he was a golfer), I say you shed a teer ...
Posted by: OtheU(manity) | October 30, 2006 at 08:15 PM
AWBH:
http://tralfaz-archives.com/coverart/A/Alpert/herb_alpert.html
Coffee, yeah, sure. Coffee.
Posted by: Lairbo | October 30, 2006 at 08:56 PM
Major snorks to Ford79!
Caffeine, huh? Well, the current bunch of twenty-somethings grew up on Mountain Dew, Red Bull and myriad other high-octane soft drinks.
I just read that America's population just reached 300,000,000.
And the countdown begins....
Posted by: Cat R. | October 30, 2006 at 08:59 PM
Hey, Mr. C! Haven't seen you in far too long. Refer to Annie's 6:02 post for what I was talking about.
Okay, just checking in. It's back to finishing the stairway to
heaventhe bar/home theater in the basement. This job has gone on so long, whenever people come over any more I say to them, "Welcome to The Home of Perpetual Remodel".Posted by: WriterDude | October 30, 2006 at 10:29 PM
Lairbo -
right back atcha, sweetie!
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | October 30, 2006 at 11:16 PM
I'm sorta partial to pasta moi ownself ...
Posted by: OtheU(manity) | October 30, 2006 at 11:32 PM
"Modern lifestyles, and exposure to chemical pollution, are blamed for a precipitous drop in sperm counts in men worldwide....
Warming the testicles - for example by taking hot baths, wearing tight jeans, having a sedentary job or using laptops on the lap - is known to cause temporary losses in fertility, but these can be quickly reversed."
Yet another negative consequence of global warming.
Posted by: Stevie W | October 31, 2006 at 02:23 AM
High-larious album covers, y'all.
Pat Cooper sure looks young there. Heard him interviewed recently. The guy's a crack-up ("WHO TOLE YA DAT?").
Posted by: Stevie W | October 31, 2006 at 02:36 AM
My coffee has made me infertile
You could say it has made my cream curdle
After too much caffiene
My reptilian ween
Looks less like a snake, more like a turtle.
Posted by: Stevie W | October 31, 2006 at 03:09 AM
I just want to know two things...
Posted by: Baron VonKlyff | October 31, 2006 at 07:05 AM
stevie w - I find that I'm makin' that observation quite often lately ... about people in movies 'n' such lookin' "much younger" ... e.g. Susan Sarandon in RHPS ...
Baron VK - better to be compared to them mammals than to snakes or lizards or rats ... merely sayin' ... (well, a rat is a mammal, but a rather dethpickable one, eh?)
Posted by: OtheU(manity) | October 31, 2006 at 08:36 AM
A better NFARB would be Rearranged Chromosomes.
Posted by: Layzeeboy | October 31, 2006 at 10:44 AM