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October 18, 2006

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE ALL NEED TO LEARN CPR

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

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EMS responds to EMU alert...

Film at 11

It's not very nice to speak of the dead like that.... who really knows if that emu was loose, anyway? Isn't that a rather old-fashioned, moralistic label, anyway?

EMS to do CPR on EMU ASAP.

I say, we use the paddles....worst that can happen is emu bbq for everyone!

*stumbles into this thread*

whewwwwwww...thank GAWD!!!

damn... I was getting an error for the longest time....

BBQ! my kinda thinking Punkin...

Where was Pamela Anderson when she was needed? She could run in slow motion for a while and everything would have been OK....

Is that road 1-1/4? or I-1/4. I have never seen a road number like that.

Yaaaaay, I can comment now...this reminds me of the time my hamster had a heart attack. Of course, he was in my dog's mouth at the time

From the next paragraph down:

"More than $500 in damages was reported to a vehicle in the 2600 block of U.S. Highway 6 & 50. More than $500 property was reported stolen from the vehicle..

A bicycle valued at more than $500 was reported stolen from the 2400 block of Highway 6 and 50..

More than $500 in damage was reported damaged at a property in the 2700 block of G Road.."

Do people in Grand Junction only have $500 bills, and no one can make change? So everything has to cost $500?

I noticed that too, muffles, lol

From a little further down:

Wayne Fenimore allegedly violated a protection order by making harassing phone calls from the Mesa County Detention Center.

That kinda stupid just speaks for itself.

pogo, that's just like "Platform 9 3/4" on the Harry Potter books...

blurk - even stupider - he was using the guards' cell ph.

and Darwin Lombardi, the 50-year old street racer, has an award named after his first name!

Also, muffles, there's an awful lot of "more than $500" in those reports.
I mean, $27,843 is more than $500.
Sloppy police work.

I didn't notice that, insom.

Just imagine...having the Super Bowl trophy named after you.

What an honor.

Also notice there's one of those "Wayne" criminals.

"Two vehicles were egged in the 400 block of Scenic Drive."


did they use emu eggs?? specifics please!

Doh! I didn't see the "first" name in your post, insom.
Now I feel as smart as Darwin.

i asked him he knew
what killed the emu
he of course replied
"heart attack implied,
it croaked, now pass the thighs."

gotta run!

Getting back to Punkin's BBQ. anyone wanna split an Emu leg. it can feed forty.

lol. Ah insom, you're my favorite

(I won't say WHAT you're my favorite of)

JofG, I prefer white meat...I'll go for the breastesses.

"Police Blotter....Albert Wayne Emu was arrested thursday after being identified as the vandal who
egged homes and cars on Scenic Ave, causing said Ave to become less than scenic. Damage was estimated at over $500. After being placed in wing-cuffs, Mr Emu suffered an apparent heart attack. Sherrif Knutz had EMS respond PDQ to give CPR. All efforts to revive Emu were unsuccessful.
In other news, the Police Benevolent Society will be holding it's first annual "Tastes Just Like Chicken" BBQ Fundraiser this Saturday, at Emu Memorial Park."

I love a good Harry Potter reference!

Emu breasts: The Punkin of the poultry world.

*doesn't know if she should be happy or insulted - chooses happy*

Happy...definately happy.

I note that we have yet another case of an individual who mysteriously expires of a heart attack upon being taken into police custody.

How many times did they taze the emu?

Did it help to tenderize the meat?

If you gnu emu
Like I gnu emu

Geezer Q:
Who was that Aussie comedian who had the emu act?

blurk - Ostriches are bigger (and have bigger boobs) than emus. They are also quite tasty.

I don't think I want to liken Punkin to an ostrich, though.

Well, on second thought, big bazooms and tasty...

What kind of wine goes with emu?

Thunderbird?

**If any bloglit gets that reference you're probably an MD 20/20 fan also. Aaaaaah...the teenage years.

Bleeeearrrrgh, blurk.

Oh, wait, that's just the Thunderbird talking again

What's the word? Thunderbird!
How's it sold? Good and cold.
What's the jive? Bird's alive!
What's the price? Thirty twice.

Gotta love a jingle like that.

Thunderbird Wine

(Just because I've seen that crap on the shelf doesn't mean that I've ever tasted it, by the way...)

CH, it's your story. Tell it as big as you want.

No, really. If I'm out to get plastered, I'll stick with Mr. Jack Daniels, or else a cheap vodka. But not Thunderbird.

CH - for cleaning paint brushes, nuthin' beats Thunderbird. There are at least 100 household uses for it, but drinking isn't one of them.

I never tried Thunderbird. I always splurged for the Morgan David or the Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

When I was MUCH younger the quality of hooch purchased was in direct proportion to the amount of change we could find in car ashtrays, under couches, in coat pockets, etc.

blurk, you forgot to mention the cheapest of the cheap bum wine - Bali Hi. A little harder to find than Boones Farm or T.J. Swan, but only half the price. Tasted like a mixture of fruit juice and turpentine, an acquired taste no doubt.

For those that are curious... or just need the comparison, here is a site that compares and contrasts the merits/drawbacks of a variety of cheap wines...

BumWines

I wasn't into the cheap stuff...MD20/20 or Cold Duck for me and my HS chums...

quality stuffs!

Speaking of being much younger; this is a little long but worth it.

IF you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning .. uphill both ways ...
through year 'round blizzards ... carrying their younger siblings on their
backs .. to their one-room schoolhouse, where they maintained a Straight-A
average despite their full-time, after-school job at the local textile mill
where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from
starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in
hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap! like that on kids .... about how hard
I had it and how easy they've got it!


But...

Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, ! I can't help but look
around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean,
compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it
but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet ...we wanted to
know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter .... with
a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox! and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go
to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around
all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the
beginning and f@#* it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You
had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the! 7-11!
Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone
and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy
Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It
could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you
didn't know!!! You just had to pick it u! p and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Play station videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space
Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little
square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels
or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the
game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium
seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat i! n front of
you and you couldn't see you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20
channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had t o
use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were
screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and
walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network!
You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning... .D'ya hear what I'm
saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

We didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up .. we had
to use the stove ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn ... we had to use
that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You're spoiled, you guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1980!

then we could only put 50 cents worth of gas...but hey...who cared huh??

Siouxie - you drank Mad Dog and lived to type about it? You are truly a tough one. Just the smell is enough to make me swear off alcohol.

I think you sent this to me once, blurk...but it's funny as hell! and OOOOH so true!

*loves blurk a quiet padded room and a Xanax*

yep, ww...I've always had a high tolerance for alkyhol...during my college years I switched to Southern Comfort (on the rocks)!

NOW I remember MOTW!! the emu puppet! lol

There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around
all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and f@#* it all up!

We didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up .. we had to use the stove ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn ... we had to use that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.

Blurk...those two had me laughing so hard at work. I wish they MADE that kind of popcorn still.....

Thanks, Siouxie ... I was beginning to feel v.e.r.y old indeed. I always thought it took a lot of practice for his routine, too, to make it that funny.

blurk, you forgot about having to haul your own water and heating it on a coal stove just to take a bath. Or maybe, nobody is as old as I am.

Oh, and text messaging was "For a good time call Jenny" spray painted on an overpass.

MOTW, I'm older than dirt...uh..if dirt were 45 ;)

Chaz - they do make and sell it.

One time when I was buying regular popcorn in a regular bag, the check-out clerk asked me how it was supposed to get popped. "Doesn't that plastic bag melt in the microwave or something?" *sigh*

My mother maintained that my sister and I had it SO easy since we had microwave ovens and disposable diapers. Yeah. It's been a running gag between my sis and I. Any time we've hit one of life's rockier paths, we perk the other one up with, "Oh, but you know it's so much better because you have a microwave!"

Stealing music... Trying to jam an LP into your pants. Saw it done; never tried it myself.

or in the boys bathroom, blurk...not that MY name was ever written on there with black magic markerso that the nuns couldn't wipe it clean...

How many of us have ever had our little darlings ask us what a "record" is.

We won't even talk about 8-tracks.

Oh, and Siouxie, I SWEAR I didn't know that was permanent marker.

MD20-20, and jiffy pop, Good times, or at least it was in 1973. :)

My kids don't need to ask. I still have and listen to my record collection.

sure blurk, that's what they ALL said...

sigh. i miss jiffy pop.

blurk, that was hysterical!

I have a great record collection too LP's and 45's...but I need to get me a turntable.

ok...this friday...lets all get some jiffy pop and watch animal house

toga...toga...toga

The only good thing about (c)rap is that they have forced manufacturers to make turntables again.

this isnt over until WE say it over...

Chris,

"Audio-Technica Hi-Fi 3-Speed Fully Manual Direct-Drive Stereo Turntable with S-Shaped Tone Arm"

I think mine just said "Sears and Roebuck" or sumpthin.

Chaz, you know that Classic Rock station here BIG 105.9?? they're sponsoring a toga party at the Hardrock THIS friday and they're featuring Otis Day and the Knights!

I still buy and use Jiffy Pop when I'm camping... drives my neighbors NUTS. :-D

I was listening to a song a while back that had a sound effect of a rotary-dial phone being used in it. My daughter looked at me quizzically, and asked, "Dad, what's that sound?"

I let her live.

Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!


sorry, I quoted wrng before

ROAD TRIP!!

haha blurk- over 30? I'm only 23 and feel old compared to some of the youngsters these days. Sure, I had a microwave and remote control (with VCR!), but internet was a long time coming, and I often spent freetime OUTSIDE! Oh, and I totally had a plastic Fisher Price record player for a while

...and we wanted to learn monty python word for word we could only watch it once a week, not watch a DVD for 32 hours straight!

I can't even remember what brand/kind I had to begin with, but even Sears doesn't sell no-frills turntables any more.

Brief On-thread Jack:

Cardio Poultry Resuscitation?

Back Off Topic:

And another thing, our skateboards had metal wheels and we had to kinda jump up and down to even get them to roll down a steep hill.

CH, how fun was it to get to the last digit in a phone number and screw it up.

AAARRRGGGHHH!

Am I the only one here who had local FOUR-digit dialing? Made dealing with the rotary dial a little easier...

How about the tall 16 oz. glass pop bottles that came in an 8 pack carton.
You got a 10 cent refund for them suckers.

My first fast food job, the cash register had NUMBERS on it, not pictures of the food. And we had to count out the customer's change, too.

CH, you are NOT the only one who had four digit dialing.
And let's don't forget party lines.

Chris, I'm thinking of getting something similar to those "nostalgic turntables".

arrrrrrgh I hated having to count out the change and those adding machine type registers.

For those of you along on this journey of the Wayback Machine who are real audiophiles, tube components can still be found.

Didn't have a party line at my house, though I suppose some folks in town had one.

I recall as a kid collecting bottles on the roadside and buying candy bars with the proceeds, but I think that this was before any bottle bills. Texas, 1970s?

blurk, thank you! I was afraid to mention party lines, figuring I'd have to 'splain the concept.

West Virginia, 1970s.

And one we are all forgetting: phones with CORDS on them. Our phone was on the wall by the kitchen table. Try to sweet talk your puppy love with mom standing there making dinner sometime.

*had a pink princess phone*

remember those???

For the benefit of those who are unfamiliar with said party lines. Imagine blurking except with a telephone. Learn all kinds of interesting things about your neighbors.

Heh. Phones you couldn't buy, but LEASED from the phone company.

hmm, perhaps many of these are still before my time, but I also grew up with the rotary-style phone complete with cord, and also grew up in WV, blurk

Gotta go pick up my little darling from school. They get out early today.

Back soon.

When I was a kid, we NEVER got out early from school.

We were either in school for the day, or we had the day off completely. And we sure as hell didn't have to dodge bullets while we were there.

*sigh* I miss early release days, and snow days, and threat of snow days...

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