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October 31, 2006
PYTHONS
(Thanks to chicomathmom)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 03:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (99)
EASY FOR THEM TO SAY
(Thanks to RussellMc)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 03:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (27)
TRULY EXCELLENT NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
(A big oink of thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (117)
FUN HALLOWEEN GAME THAT WE HAVE POSTED BEFORE BUT WHAT THE HELL IT'S HALLOWEEN
These two photos appear identical... until you look closely.
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (100)
WHY WE NEED GUYS ON HALLOWEEN
Without guys, there would be nobody to develop a gun that shoots candy.
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 09:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (51)
THIS CANNOT BE GOOD
(Thanks to NCoan)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 09:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (24)
CONGRATULATIONS!
This motorist had officially qualified for a Florida Driver's License.
(Thanks to Addicted to 24)
UPDATE: She could even drive a bus!
(Thanks to Gretchen DeJarnett)
UPDATE: This woman clearly resides in the wrong state.
(Thanks to muffles)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 09:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)
WHEN THE SMALL UGLY DOGS RISE UP AND DESTROY HUMANITY
....nobody will be able to say we didn't deserve it.
(Thanks to Nurse Tammy)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 09:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
SO TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE
(Thanks to DukeMom)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 09:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
ATTENTION ALL UNITS
Be on the lookout. Suspect may be vibrating.
(Also thanks to DavCat14)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 08:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (24)
SEMI-BIONIC TORTOISE OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Thanks to DavCat14)
(Yes, we know that "Semi-Bionic Tortoise" WBAGNFARB)
Posted by Dave on October 31, 2006 at 08:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
October 30, 2006
24
We continue to analyze the trailer for Season 6. As far as we can tell, it's going to be pretty much the same plot as the first five seasons take the show in a radically new direction, in which terrorists attack the United States, and Jack Bauer fights them, and a great many special effects explode.
Speaking of special, tonight we have a special treat, brought to us by The Amazing Steve in cooperation with Andy the TropicHunt.com Guy. They have somehow managed to unite 24 with the Herald Hunt. The bastard child fruit of that union can be found here.
Posted by Dave on October 30, 2006 at 09:00 PM in 24 | Permalink | Comments (24)
HOW GUYS CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN
They celebrate by carving their pumpkins.
(Thanks to DavCat)
Posted by judi on October 30, 2006 at 05:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (108)
HEADLINE OF THE DAY FOR THE INCURABLY IMMATURE
(Thanks to Don Adams)
Posted by judi on October 30, 2006 at 05:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (23)
WAIT JUST A DARNED MINUTE
Posted by Dave on October 30, 2006 at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (53)
FINAL HUNT UPDATE
People often ask me what kind of people participate in the Hunt. I would describe them as smart, attractive, focused and -- above all -- casually dressed.
Posted by Dave on October 30, 2006 at 04:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (40)
YEARS FROM NOW, WE WILL ALL REMEMBER EXACTLY WHERE WE WERE AND WHAT WE WERE DOING WHEN WE HEARD THE NEWS
Posted by Dave on October 30, 2006 at 01:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (53)
CALLING MR. CRUISE
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 30, 2006 at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (120)
A TOUCHING TALE FROM WHAPLODE (YES, "WHAPLODE")
Little Holly Pulling finds a friend.
Posted by Dave on October 30, 2006 at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (32)
HUNT WRAPUP
Whoa. That was fun. Beautiful day, big crowd, lotta craziness. The Herald story by Evan Benn is here; on the same page you can click on an excellent video by Chuck Fadely that covers the whole thing beginning to end, with extensive footage of me and Tom Shroder getting booed. As always, Andy the TropicHunt.com guy did a fine job of both participating in and chronicling the Hunt; his site, with many photos, is here. The CBS local-TV news story is here.
Thanks to everybody who came out, and everybody who helped. One question
we often hear is, "When the Hunt is over, what do you do with the
unclaimed body parts?" The answer is, we give them to Hunt Executive
Directrix Elaine Pasekoff, shown below in a CrapCam photo with Tom. So
if you lost an arm, please contact her. 
Posted by Dave on October 30, 2006 at 08:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (26)
October 29, 2006
HUNT UPDATE
It was great. Details to follow eventually.
Posted by Dave Barry on October 29, 2006 at 05:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (56)
TODAY'S THE DAY
Posted by Dave on October 29, 2006 at 07:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (35)
October 27, 2006
H _ _ _ O _ E E _ I S _ O M I _ _
(Thanks, a long time ago, to TCK)
Posted by judi on October 27, 2006 at 05:06 PM in Productivity Enhancers | Permalink | Comments (138)
FINALLY, A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR TOM CRUISE
(Thanks to Steve Olson)
Posted by Dave on October 27, 2006 at 02:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (74)
BA-DUMP.... BA-DUMP...
RIP, Tommy Johnson.
(Thanks to MOTW)
Posted by Dave on October 27, 2006 at 02:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)
HERALD HUNT REMINDER
The world-famous Herald Hunt will take place Sunday, starting at noon in downtown South Miami. Here's the official Herald Hunt site, which was down for a while but is now back up, we hope. And here is the amazingly thorough site maintained by Andy the tropichunt.com guy. Everything you need to know to participate in the Hunt is in the Miami Herald's special Hunt section, which will be in Sunday's Herald. (If you want a head start, you can get the early edition on Saturday afternoon.) So if you're looking for something fun to do in South Florida and enjoy being driven insane solving puzzles, come on out! Bring your medications family! We will see you there.
Posted by Dave on October 27, 2006 at 12:50 PM in Herald Hunt | Permalink | Comments (79)
FOR THE MAN WHO HAS A VERY SMALL BRAIN EVERYTHING
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 27, 2006 at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (98)
WHY CATS HAVE SURVIVED FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS
They are superb hunters.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 27, 2006 at 09:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (49)
SPEAKING OF TOADS, PART II
"If you want to hate me, cool, hate me."
OK!
Posted by Dave on October 27, 2006 at 07:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (64)
SPEAKING OF TOADS
(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)
Posted by Dave on October 27, 2006 at 07:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (29)
WHEN DOGS GO BAD
(Thanks to Mark Carlson)
Posted by Dave on October 27, 2006 at 07:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (31)
October 26, 2006
MONTANA EDUCATOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Thanks to Brian Tremblay)
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 05:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (34)
CREEPING FASCISM
Now they are trying to deprive us of our basic constitutional right to dress as Captain Underpants.
(Thanks to Matt Blackstone)
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 05:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (44)
HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Not to mention a great name for a rock band.)
(Thanks to Jeff Carrie's friend Jean and Janice Gelb, who sent in this version)
RE-UPDATE 1 (Earworm of the Century)
RE-UPDATE 2 (Productivity Enhancer of the Millenium)
Posted by judi on October 26, 2006 at 05:56 PM in Productivity Enhancers | Permalink | Comments (21)
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
It turns out that Sutton Pierce is actually Jayden James. This blog extends its deepest sympathy to those fans who already got Sutton Pierce tattoos.
(Thanks to pretty much everyone)
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 05:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
WHEW
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (94)
OKLAHOMA EDUCATION INITIATIVE OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Also thanks to Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 10:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (311)
YIKES! GIANT EARPHONE-WEARING HEAD AS SEEN FROM SPACE VIA GOOGLE MAPS
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 09:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (73)
WHY WE LOVE MIAMI
It's larger than life.
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 09:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (34)
CHILDREN'S MUSEUM OF THE WEEK SO FAR
"Fithi is still having her grand adventure."
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 08:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (24)
WHAT GUYS NEED
They need Woody's.
(Thanks to ubetcha)
Posted by Dave on October 26, 2006 at 08:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (29)
October 25, 2006
HOMELAND SECURITY UPDATE
Colorado takes a vigilant stand against illegal immigrants getting rebates for low-flow toilets.
(Thanks to Connie Younkin)
UPDATE: In a closely related development, Lancashire cracks down on novelty socks.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 25, 2006 at 04:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (101)
JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
(Thanks to Wendy Cloyd)Posted by judi on October 25, 2006 at 02:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (135)
JAPAN
(Via Gizmodo)
UPDATE: This item appear to be afflicted with Nonexistent Comment-Section Disorder (NCSD). I'm hoping that by pointing this out, I will somehow fix the problem.
UPDATE: It worked! I am going to move to India and work in Tech Support.
Posted by Dave on October 25, 2006 at 09:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (152)
WHY WE LOVE COLLEGE
Posted by Dave on October 25, 2006 at 08:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (1952)
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT
The Annual Holiday Gift Guide is coming. Santa and I have been road-testing a very special performance vehicle for guys of the male gender.
(Photo by Bob Eighme)
Posted by Dave on October 25, 2006 at 08:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (144)
October 24, 2006
SPORTS DAD OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Thanks to Annette Gaudreau)
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (117)
FASCISM
Now they want to take away our Vegemite.
(Thanks to Janice Gelb)
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 04:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (51)
ADVISORY
UPDATE: OK, I watched it. Here's what I learned:
1. Jack will get a shave.
2. Then, for the sixth consecutive season, he will almost certainly die.
3. Chloe has apparently dyed her hair.
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 02:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (105)
WHY WE LOVE THE ONION
Disturbing reports from the overpriced space Roomba.
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (59)
SHIP OF STOOLS
Stay off the poop deck.
(Thanks to Wyo)
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (38)
FIRE REPORT
(Thanks to Matt Blackstone)
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 11:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (29)
ADVISORY TO COMMENTERS
The comments thing doesn't seem to be working. We have absolutely no idea what to do are working on this problem.
UPDATE: OK, apparently the way to fix the broken comments thing is to post an advisory that the comments thing is broken.
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 09:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (64)
EXCITING NEWS ON THE SNAKE FRONT
Give it up for Dip Chiti.
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 09:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (27)
ADVISORY TO RESIDENTS OF CHINO
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 09:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT OF THE MONTH SO FAR
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 09:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
YIKES
Posted by Dave on October 24, 2006 at 09:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (57)
October 23, 2006
24
The trailer comes out tomorrow. But we don't need no trailer. We have Steve.
Posted by Dave on October 23, 2006 at 09:00 PM in 24 | Permalink | Comments (26)
FAIR PLAY
Since we posted one just for women, we have to post this Good News For Men also.
(Thanks to CoastRaven)
Posted by judi on October 23, 2006 at 05:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (56)
ATLANTA AIRPORT UPDATE
So I'm waiting to get on the plane, and the pilots arrive at the gate, and
as they walk past, one of them says to the other -- this is a direct quote
-- "Hey, it flew in, it'll fly out."
Posted by Dave Barry on October 23, 2006 at 05:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (37)
HERALD HUNT PREVIEW III: THE INFO
In response to many requests, we bring you the following important information:
"The main stage will be at Sunset Drive and 58th Ave."
Also:
On-street metered parking is available on SW 73 St and SW 74 St - east of South Dixie Highway.
There is a a municipal lot at SW 58 Ave and SW 71 St.
And, $5/day parking is available at First National Bank of South Miami, SW 73 St at SW 58 Ave
Posted by judi on October 23, 2006 at 04:35 PM in Herald Hunt | Permalink | Comments (20)
ADVISORY TO ANYBODY WHO IS THINKING ABOUT FLYING INTO OR OUT OF THE ATLANTA AIRPORT
Don't. Just don't.
Posted by Dave Barry on October 23, 2006 at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (84)
ATTENTION ALL BRITISH UNITS
(Thanks to AmerInParis)
Posted by Dave on October 23, 2006 at 01:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (43)
WORST HALLOWEEN-COSTUME CONCEPT EVER?
We report; you decide.
(Thanks to DavCat14)
VAGUELY RELATED LINK: Why Dogs Hate Halloween
(Thanks to Barbara Condenzio)
UPDATE: Now dogs are fighting back.
(Also thanks to DavCat14)
UPDATE RELATED TO THE FIRST ITEM AND HAVING NOTHING TO DO WITH DOGS: Worst Halloween-Yard-Decoration Concept Ever
(Thanks to Nachum "Nachum Hurvitz" Hurvitz)
Posted by Dave on October 23, 2006 at 01:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (35)
WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO EXPOSE ONESELF TO OTHER CULTURES
One can learn.
(Thanks to Neva Cheatwood)
Posted by Dave on October 23, 2006 at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)
A SHOUT-OUT OF GRATITUDE
...to the Daily Barometer.
(Thanks to Dan Traylor, editor)
Posted by Dave on October 23, 2006 at 01:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)
THIS BLOG'S STRICT RULE AGAINST MAKING FUN OF NAMES
...is observed with special rigor when the person involved is deceased.
(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)
Posted by Dave on October 23, 2006 at 01:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (23)
HERALD HUNT PREVIEW II
In which the s.b. reports that approximately 30 people are way smarter than we are (having solved the puzzle without receiving the solution from the people who created it). You too can still win a coupon and some other stuff. Just click the link, and do whatever it is that will solve the puzzle. (We would tell you what that is, but we lost the email with the answers, and we don't remember how it works.)
Posted by judi on October 23, 2006 at 12:53 PM in Herald Hunt | Permalink | Comments (11)
MESSAGE TO THE BLOG
Sir --
Thank you for going out of town. We are happy to be able to blog this item while you are away. Do not click the link, please, sir. You are already using fruity shampoo.
In grateful appreciation --
All the ladies of the blog
(Thanks to annette gaudreau)
Posted by judi on October 23, 2006 at 11:07 AM in WARNING: DO NOT OPEN AT WORK, OIYDWYMTTY(NY)G | Permalink | Comments (96)
WHY WE NEED GUYS
Guys have confidence in technology.
Posted by Dave on October 23, 2006 at 09:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (48)
QUESTION FROM A GUY IN A HOTEL SHOWER, SQUINTING TO READ SOME TINY PRINT
When the hell did shampoo become "Hair Wash with Thyme and Sage?"
Hair wash? With thyme and sage?
Posted by Dave on October 23, 2006 at 09:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (31)
October 22, 2006
DANG!
We are too late to bid on these official 24 thigh-shot pants.
(Thanks to Joe Wurdack)
Posted by Dave on October 22, 2006 at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (40)
SNAKE UPDATES
The Toronto snake is still missing. However, Slim has been found, as has a rental-van constrictor.
Posted by Dave on October 22, 2006 at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)
October 20, 2006
WAIT, WAIT, DON'T TELL ME
Be on the lookout for a special guest pundit on this week's show.
Posted by judi on October 20, 2006 at 02:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (248)
BABYSITTER OF THE MONTH
When this woman says it's bedtime, it is bedtime.
(Thanks to MOTW)
Posted by Dave on October 20, 2006 at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (93)
HEADLINE OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Thanks to Matt Blackstone)
Posted by Dave on October 20, 2006 at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (59)
AMERICA
Check out the specs on this baby.
(Also thanks to Claire Martin)
UPDATE (Via Gizmodo): The Bottom Buddy
Posted by Dave on October 20, 2006 at 11:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (36)
SOON TO BE A HEARTWARMING MOTION PICTURE STARRING JIM BELUSHI, UNLESS ADAM SANDLER IS AVAILABLE
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 20, 2006 at 10:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (38)
AND THE SO-CALLED "UNITED NATIONS" DOES NOTHING
Posted by Dave on October 20, 2006 at 09:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (42)
MEANWHILE, ON THE BRASSIERE FRONT
...we have these developments.
Posted by Dave on October 20, 2006 at 09:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (33)
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
(Thanks to many people)
Posted by Dave on October 20, 2006 at 09:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (23)
October 19, 2006
DON'T FALL FOR IT!
Posted by Dave on October 19, 2006 at 08:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (155)
ATTENTION, ADVERTISERS LOOKING FOR AN EXCITING NEW MEDIUM
Consider the Dog Toilet.
Posted by Dave on October 19, 2006 at 08:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (30)
UPDATE
The story about the Marquette University Humor Impairment Zone apparently made the news last night.
Update: Another story here.
Update: And here.
Posted by Dave on October 19, 2006 at 08:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (154)
FINALLY, A SCHOOL WITH THE COURAGE TO CRACK DOWN
No more tag at Willett Elementary.
Key Quote: "I've witnessed enough near collisions."
(Thanks to Brian Andrews)
Posted by Dave on October 19, 2006 at 08:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (82)
WHEN PEOPLE ASK THIS BLOG: "HOW DO YOU STAY IN SUCH EXCELLENT SHAPE?"
This blog responds: iGallop.
(Thanks to Sthnbelle)
Posted by Dave on October 19, 2006 at 08:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (48)
October 18, 2006
HERALD HUNT PREVIEW
The world-famous and sometimes terrifying Herald Hunt will take place in South Miami Sunday, Oct. 29, starting at noon. There will be complete instructions in that day's Miami Herald. If you're not familiar with the Hunt, you can find tons of information at the official Hunt site and at this amazing site, maintained by Andy Wenzel, a.k.a. Andy The TropicHunt.com Guy. (His nickname dates back to when it was known as the Tropic Hunt.) Thanks, Andy!
We know many of you Hunters are already deranged excited about this year's Hunt, and we decided to give you a chance to stretch your brains a little by trying to solve an online, pre-Hunt puzzle. If you solve it, you'll win a coupon worth a dollar off the official 2006 Herald Hunt T-shirt. You'll also get a chance to win four T-shirts, and a coupon from our sponsors, Bodies.
Speaking of bodies, here's a hint for solving the puzzle:
As you are no doubt aware (Ha!) this is a statue by the artist Botero. Seems a bit incomplete, doesn't it? Which brings us to the name of our online puzzle: In Search of the Total Man. To solve it, you need to go to the Miami Herald site, MiamiHerald.com. We've hidden four clues on that site; once you find them, you should be able to figure out the puzzle. Or not! Good luck.
Posted by Dave on October 18, 2006 at 04:59 PM in Herald Hunt | Permalink | Comments (137)
ONE MAN'S OPINION
Posted by judi on October 18, 2006 at 04:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (64)
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE ALL NEED TO LEARN CPR
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 18, 2006 at 01:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (136)
TESTICLES MAKING NEWS
If you are a man, do not click here.
If you are a male turkey, do not click here.
("Thanks" to DavCat14 and Siouxie)
Posted by Dave on October 18, 2006 at 10:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (177)
GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Posted by Dave on October 18, 2006 at 08:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (60)
THERE IS NOTHING LOWER
Posted by Dave on October 18, 2006 at 08:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (27)
October 17, 2006
BECAUSE OF OUR STRICT POLICY AGAINST MAKING FUN OF NAMES
We will be unable to provide a link to this item.
(Thanks to Art Chimes)
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 05:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (65)
ALSO, THEY DRIVE HUMMERS
(Thanks to RussellMc)
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 04:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (42)
WAIT! BEFORE YOU DISPOSE OF THAT SWINE CARCASS...
Get the facts.
(Thanks to Peter "Elegant Rap Fan" Flanagan)
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 03:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (53)
MOTORIST OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to Punkin Poo)
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 03:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (23)
WHO SAYS THE DAY OF THE GREAT MUSIC VIDEO IS OVER?
(Thanks to Dave Naithani from Germany)
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 03:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (48)
JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED
Yeah, okay, but don't you agree that anyone who eats this deserves exactly what he or she gets?
(Thanks to Janice Gelb)
Posted by judi on October 17, 2006 at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (36)
AND THE SO-CALLED "UNITED NATIONS" DOES NOTHING
(Thanks to Jeff Arch)
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (70)
EXPLODING COW UPDATE
Does this mean we lost?
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (79)
MYSTERY HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (25)
THE HOLY GRAIL OF TOILETS
This baby cleans itself! We think.
Key Quote: According to the company, as a point at the time of a user choosing a tongue KURESU toilet, the request about cleaning, such as "it can use always cleanly" and "being easy to carry out cleaning of a toilet bowl", supposes many overwhelmingly.
That is just so true.
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 09:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (35)
K-FED-RELATED QUOTE OF THE DAY SO FAR
"You're less talented than Paris Hilton!"
Is that even possible? Doesn't that violate some law of physics?
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 09:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (29)
SNAKES!
On the loose in Bromsgrove! In a taxi!
Posted by Dave on October 17, 2006 at 08:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)
October 16, 2006
24 REALLY BAD LIMERICK EDITION
Jack's still on a ship, we believe
While Audrey continues to grieve
Edgar's still dead
(Also very well fed)
We now turn you over to Steve
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 09:00 PM in 24 | Permalink | Comments (34)
HMMM
Could this be related to this?
(Thanks to David Waters and Chicomathmom)
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 05:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)
HALLOWEEN UPDATE
Walter has found a friend.
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 05:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (37)
IF YOU WATCH ONLY ONE VIDEO OF AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN DOING A TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON'S THRILLER
...make it this one.
(Thanks to DavCat)
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 03:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (40)
WE WANT A TIME MACHINE
So we can go back to our childhood Halloweens wearing this.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (41)
SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE
Attack of the Giant Savage Pig
(Thanks to Wyo)
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 01:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (30)
18-AND-OLDER NEWS STORY OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Key quote: The entire story
(Thanks to Lee Allen)
Posted by judi on October 16, 2006 at 11:27 AM in Unfit for the Office Unless You Work for the Osbournes | Permalink | Comments (78)
WHAT TIME IS IT?
It's... OVULATION TIME!
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (54)
THEY ARE WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE
And when we show any sign of weakness, they become bolder.
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 10:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
TOILET NEWS FROM ALL OVER
In Belfast, it's Bathroom Bingo! Plus: A major new award in Sarawak.
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (32)
PARTY ON, CHESS DUDES
Posted by Dave on October 16, 2006 at 09:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
October 15, 2006
WE CANNOT EXPLAIN WHY
But we want -- no, we need -- this.
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 15, 2006 at 10:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (80)
GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Posted by Dave on October 15, 2006 at 10:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (37)
October 13, 2006
THE ERRANT WALTER HALLOWEEN PHOTO
Here's the CrapCam photo I was trying to post here, which I somehow posted to Greg Cote's blog.
(Greg, if for any reason you wish to publish a photo of a walrus-penis bone, or for that matter the penis bone of any other mammal, on my blog, I will not stand in your way)
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 06:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (83)
WHY WE LOVE TECHNOLOGY
As you are aware if you follow international events, I have been trying to figure out how to post CrapCam photos from my phone to my blog. A short while ago, thinking I had it figured out, I posted a Halloween photo of Walter, the walrus-penis bone. I got an email message back saying it had been posted, but I didn't see it on my blog. So I looked more closely at the email, and I realized that somehow, Walter's Halloween photo got posted to the blog of Greg Cote, a sports columnist for the Miami Herald. You can see it here, until somebody figures out what to do about this.
It is a darned good thing I have nothing to do with Air Traffic Control.
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 06:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)
THIS SURELY WILL NOT WORK
Ignore this. It is another stupid test. Thank you.
UPDATE: Whoa. It did work. OK, I thnk we are getting very close to being able to post stupid, low-quality photos to this blog directly from the CrapCam phone.
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 04:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (60)
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
Posted by judi on October 13, 2006 at 02:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (56)
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT "THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH"
(Thanks to Wilma Nicholas)
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 02:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (36)
AGRICULTURAL QUOTE OF THE WEEK SO FAR
"We do not have a smoking cow at this point."
(Thanks again to DavCat14)
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 02:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (18)
RUSSIA
(Thanks to DavCat14)
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (26)
DON'T SAY WE NEVER GIVE YOU ANY GOOD NEWS
(Thanks to Josh)
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 01:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)
ASSAULT BY HAIRCUT
Haircut Rage WBAGNFARB.
(Thanks to Justin Barber) (really)
Posted by judi on October 13, 2006 at 01:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)
WELL, THAT'S A RELIEF!
(Thanks to Dogg Fish)Posted by judi on October 13, 2006 at 01:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)
WHEN YOU ARE TALKING SEXY
...you are talking the Nintendo panty.
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 12:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (35)
MAN'S NEW BEST FRIEND
(Thanks to Greg Anderson)
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 11:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (53)
WHEN PEOPLE ASK US WHY WE LIVE IN MIAMI
We answer: culture.
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (40)
WHY WE NEVER BUY FOOD AT A FURNITURE STORE
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (26)
IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY STARTED ASKING THE HARD QUESTIONS
Such as: Do snakes rub their heads after they eat earthworms?
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 09:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (43)
LOOKING TO GET SHOT?
Drive in Miami with this in your car.
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 13, 2006 at 08:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (82)
October 12, 2006
WAIT, WAIT, WE HAVE A GUESS
Could "a billion dong" have anything to do with it?¹
(Thanks to Jon Harris)
¹Can we say that?
Posted by judi on October 12, 2006 at 05:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (107)
THANKS FOR COMING TO OUR WEDDING
Time to cut the cake!
(Thanks to angene15)
Posted by judi on October 12, 2006 at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (81)
BULLETIN BULLETIN BADTVBULLETIN
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
Posted by judi on October 12, 2006 at 04:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (29)
NO THANKS! WE JUST ATE!
Help yourself to infected beetle larvae!
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 12, 2006 at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (88)
TASERS IN THE NEWS
(Thanks to Rachel R.)
Posted by judi on October 12, 2006 at 11:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (92)
A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Give it up for.... The Radioactive Snails!
(Thanks to Steve Pietrowicz)
Posted by judi on October 12, 2006 at 11:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (52)
TRAVEL ADVISORY
Be advised that this blog is traveling today and will be posting updates via the cell phone using that keypad typing system
where it tries to guess what word you mean, and it does not always segment the meat ukelele.
Posted by Dave Barry on October 12, 2006 at 10:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (103)
WHAT DAD WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS
Dad wants a Skycar.
(Via Gizmodo)
Posted by Dave on October 12, 2006 at 09:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (41)
SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE
Posted by Dave on October 12, 2006 at 09:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
FLYING BRASSIERE UPDATE
It's geting ugly.
(Thanks to Jeff Stocker)
Posted by Dave on October 12, 2006 at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (44)
ONLY IN CALIFORNIA
(Thanks to Andy the tropichunt.com guy)
Posted by judi on October 12, 2006 at 08:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (55)
October 11, 2006
POLITICAL UPDATE FROM WISCONSIN
(Thanks to Clean Hands)
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 08:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (38)
NOW WAIT JUST A DARNED MINUTE
Columnist Gina Barecca claims that her readers are, quote, "certainly better looking than Dave Barry's." Is she out of her MIND? My readers are HOT. All of them. Whereas Gina's readers are... OK, in the interest of not lowering myself to her level, I will just say they are not my type.
(Thanks to Amanda, who states, quote, "I propose war.")
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 07:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (119)
DOES ROCK MUSIC CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE?
We report; you decide.
(Thanks to ShadowKatmandu)
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 07:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)
WHY DOGS KILL THEIR OWNERS
(Thanks to Dan Thomas)
Posted by judi on October 11, 2006 at 06:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)
BUBBA THE LOBSTER
Now that's what we call an update.
(Thanks to Lee Allen)
Posted by judi on October 11, 2006 at 04:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (29)
DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH BRITISH JUDGES
Those dudes are strict.
(Thanks to DavCat)
Posted by judi on October 11, 2006 at 04:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (28)
HEY
Is this some kind of epidemic?
(Thanks to Russell Mc)
Posted by judi on October 11, 2006 at 03:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)
POLITICALLY INCORRECT LABEL OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 02:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (87)
TRAVEL UPDATE
I changed planes in Dallas, where by federal law you are required to change planes even if you are traveling from Boston to New York. Between flights I bought a Coke at McDonald's. I was drinking it when I was approached by a woman wearing a Homeland Security uniform. She said, quote, "Do you play that game?"
"What game?" I said, suddenly very nervous, for I am carrying a small quantity of gel deodorant, which is the type of deodorant favored by terrorists.
"That game," she said, pointing to my Coke.
"What game?" I said again, because I didn't know what else to say.
"With the stickers," she said. And lo and behold, there were stickers on my Coke.
"No," I said, hoping this was the right answer.
"Well, can I have your stickers?" she said.
"Yes," I said.
So she took two stickers off my Coke container and walked away. I don't know what that was about, and I don't want to know. I'm just glad I still have my deodorant.
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 01:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (57)
DUH
(Thanks to ShadowKatmandu)Posted by judi on October 11, 2006 at 12:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (26)
GOOD HEP IS HARD TO FIND
(Thanks to Justin Barber)Posted by judi on October 11, 2006 at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (74)
TRAVEL ADVISORY
Blogging from me will be light today, as I will be attempting to penetrate airport security with a small quantity of gel-style deodorant. I will resume later, assuming they have computers in prison.
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 09:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (137)
MEANWHILE IN OREGON
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 09:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)
IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME
Ladies: Trust us, men will go wild for this look.
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 08:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (60)
INCREDIBLE COINCIDENCE
That's the exact same place where WE were sitting when we decided that Kate Winslet wanted to be an actress.
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 08:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (20)
CANADIAN SPITTING COBRA UPDATE
It's still out there, somewhere.
Posted by Dave on October 11, 2006 at 08:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
October 10, 2006
SMITHEREENS UPDATE
The band The Smithereens is still together and still touring. Something smaller than a smithereen would be obviously one member of the band.
Going by their last names, Babjak, DiNizio and Mesaros, don't really work as names for a unit of measurement. But Diken, like Hertz, Volt, Watt, Angstrom, etc., would make a fine term.
Therefore, a unit of measurement smaller than a smithereen should be a "Diken".
You have the power to make this so.
Andrew Hoenig
OK, then.
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 05:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (129)
THIS BLOG HAS NO IDEA WHO MEISSNER IS
But we like his effect.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 05:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (60)
TERRORISM UPDATE
Now they're using jelly.
(Thanks to Jennifer Poole)
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (22)
HEY, PERP... DUDE
You're, like, under arrest, okay man?
(Thanks to Karen Little)
Posted by judi on October 10, 2006 at 04:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (44)
IT WILL NEVER REPLACE THE CRAPCAM
(Thanks to Schadeboy)
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 04:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
WE HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS
The good news is, there may be no need to pay off those pesky credit-card balances.
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (66)
ANOTHER GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Put your hands together for: Worms Under Stress!
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 02:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (219)
HUH?
(Thanks to Jeff Arch)
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (65)
GOOD NAME FOR A CERTAIN KIND OF ROCK BAND (THE KIND YOUR 15-YEAR-OLD SON LISTENS TO ON CRANKED-UP HEADPHONES WITH A TOTALLY BORED EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE WHILE THE REST OF THE FAMILY IS ADMIRING, SAY, THE GRAND CANYON)
(Thanks to Lord G)
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (89)
VOCABULARY QUESTION
Can smithereens be divided into anything smaller? If so, what are these smaller units called? Smitherettes? This blog needs to know.
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (69)
HO-HUM
Another slow news day in Nigeria.
UPDATE: Judi points out that she blogged this nearly a month ago. She will, of course, be fired.
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 09:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (31)
A DAY OF INTERNATIONAL REJOICING
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
A. BECAUSE THEY HAVE BRAINS THE SIZE OF PRUNE PITS
Posted by Dave on October 10, 2006 at 09:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (23)
October 09, 2006
24
Before we get to tonight's episode, we have an important announcement: According to the official 24 site, in a little over two weeks, we will be able to -- get ready to keel over dead from excitement -- WATCH THE OFFICIAL TRAILER FOR SEASON SIX!
Speaking of dead: Edgar still is. Audrey, tragically, is not.Meanwhile, Jack Bauer is still being held captive on a Chinese freighter, where he is being subjected to brutal torture in the form of being refused a table by this man. We now turn you over to the amazing Steve.
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 09:00 PM in 24 | Permalink | Comments (33)
THE NORTH KOREAN NUCLEAR-BOMB TEST: WHERE THIS BLOG STANDS
OK, this post isn't really about the North Korean nuclear-bomb test. This is actually another test to see if I can post from my cell phone. I just don't want it to look as though all I post about on this blog is whether I can post to this blog from my phone. But while we are on that topic: It appears that when I post from my phone, it has to give my name as "Dave Barry," whereas when I post from my computer, it gives my name as "Dave." Apparently nothing can be done about this, so if it bothers you, get over it, OK? Because there are bigger issues out there for us to worry about, such as, OK, this North Korean nuclear-bomb test. If any North Korean leaders are reading this blog -- and I know you are -- I am telling you here and now: CUT THAT STUFF OUT. You should be devoting your resources to solving real problems, such as how to grow more food, and how to blog from a phone without having to fill in the freaking "last name" box. You guys make me sick. Thank you.
Posted by Dave Barry on October 9, 2006 at 08:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (80)
TESTING TESTING
This is a test. If you can read this, I for one will be surprised.
Posted by Dave Barry on October 9, 2006 at 04:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (59)
URGENT ADVISORY TO PEOPLE WHO BRUSH THEIR TEETH
Be very, very careful.
(Thanks to Justin Barber)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 04:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (37)
FASCISM SLITHERS INTO SERBIA
Now they want to take away the fundamental human right to use snakes as car-theft deterrents.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 02:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (27)
ATTENTION ALL UNITS
Be on the lookout for a gang of really large squirrels.
(Thanks to DavCat14)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 02:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (24)
SUDDENLY, UNDERAGED CATS ARE GETTING SERVED IN BARS
(Thanks to Gil Graybill)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)
SPEAKING OF MOTORISTS
This one will receive a Florida driver's license.
(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 02:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)
THE PERFECT HALLOWEEN COSTUME
...For the geeky and desperate.
(Thanks to Peg Leg "Joystick" Pete)
Posted by judi on October 9, 2006 at 02:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (26)
DUH
(Thanks to Chaz Schlueter)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (65)
IN MIAMI, NOBODY WOULD EVEN NOTICE THIS GUY
(Thanks to Eleanor)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 12:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (50)
IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY PRODUCTIVE ON COLUMBUS DAY
Remember the helicopter game? Which you got so good at? OK, Mr. or Ms. Eye-Hand Coordination: Try your eyes and hand at this.
(Thanks to J.D. Harper)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 12:16 PM in Productivity Enhancers | Permalink | Comments (27)
BULLETIN BULLETIN BREAKING HOFF BULLETIN
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (44)
NATURE: COUNT THIS BLOG OUT
It is no picnic out there, despite the efforts of the hero hippo.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (24)
WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO TELL THIS BLOG THAT THERE ARE NO GIGANTIC VOCAL TALENTS PERFORMING ANY MORE
This blog has to laugh.
(Thanks to Lord G, who states this is a large hit in the UK)
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 09:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (32)
THEY NEED YOUR SUPPORT
Thailand brassiere makers unite.
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 09:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (29)
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
Posted by Dave on October 9, 2006 at 09:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (27)
October 08, 2006
JUST WONDERING
Anybody catch the Yankees yesterday?
UPDATE: The more I think about it, the more I see that it's just not fair, after all the money the Yanks spend to be the Best Team in Baseball, forcing them to have to play actual games against these clearly inferior teams. We should just give them special championship rings.
Posted by Dave on October 8, 2006 at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (123)
October 07, 2006
WHY WE LOVE LAWYERS
They are always fighting for justice.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
Posted by Dave on October 7, 2006 at 04:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (65)
WORRISOME NEWS FOR THE FUTURE OF HUMANKIND
Young people are not too smart.
(Thanks to DavCat)
UPDATE: Apparently, neither are older people.
(Thanks to Graeme St. Clair)
Posted by judi on October 7, 2006 at 03:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)
URGENT CHESS BULLETIN
Breaking news on Toiletgate.
In related news, we have this report from Albuquerque.
Posted by Dave on October 7, 2006 at 02:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)
FIGHTING CRIME IN DERBYSHIRE
Posted by Dave on October 7, 2006 at 02:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)
WEEKEND SNAKE UPDATE
They need to send this guy to this rooming house.
Posted by Dave on October 7, 2006 at 02:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)
October 06, 2006
ATTENTION, PETER PAN FANS
The official sequel to Peter Pan, Peter Pan in Scarlet, is now on sale. I haven't read it yet, but I very much look forward to it, because:
1. Geraldine McCaughrean is a terrific writer, and
2. The proceeds will benefit Great Ormond Street Hospital, a wonderful cause.
Posted by Dave on October 6, 2006 at 05:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (165)
THEME-RELATED HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to DavCat)
Posted by judi on October 6, 2006 at 03:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (70)
HMM
Surely our current national obsession could have been foreseen. After all, the letters in "Rep. Mark A. Foley" can be rearranged to spell "For a Perky Male."
But you knew that.jj
Not until just now.
Posted by Dave on October 6, 2006 at 02:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (74)
OK, THIS IS GETTING SCARY
Key Quote: The shop manager said people need to be aware not to put spiders in bags.
(Thanks to Christine White)
Posted by Dave on October 6, 2006 at 12:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (53)
IF ONLY HIS WIFE HAD FLUSHED IT DOWN THE TOILET
Man Injured by SUV-Dwelling Attack Spider
(Thanks to 24)
Posted by Dave on October 6, 2006 at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (51)
TRANSLATION PLEASE
We haven't got a clue what these people are talking about, but it sounds cool!
(Thanks to Sarah J.)
Posted by judi on October 6, 2006 at 11:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (60)
IN KEEPING WITH TODAY'S THEME
...we present this exciting employment opportunity.
(Thanks to Valerie)
Posted by Dave o