HOMELAND SECURITY UPDATE

Colorado takes a vigilant stand against illegal immigrants getting rebates for low-flow toilets.

(Thanks to Connie Younkin)

UPDATE: In a closely related development, Lancashire cracks down on novelty socks.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Comments

[Olo Baggins of Bywater]

So the law is: Illegals must waste water.

[danceswithvowels]

"Mary Kelly's toilet" ~ "smelt like royalty."

[BLT]

Olo, that was my favorite quote, too: "I got exactly the reaction I expected: 'You've got to be kidding!' they said. But my 23-year-old daughter had the best comment," Younkin said. " 'If you're illegal, you're supposed to waste water?' "

Good grief!

[kittypaws]

Then we should all be illegals, because we hatesssss low-flow's.

[Hanna]

Am I the only one who has noticed how many "illegals" are out there buying all sorts of consumer goods, probably propping up our shaky economy? Why would we send them back? They work for peanuts and spend every dime they make on stuff. Not to stereotype, but I wonder if anybody has actually studied this? In an actual poll or something?

[Stevie W]

I read the news today, oh boy
Four thousand holes in socks and underwear...

[Wyo Cowboy]

Hanna, I took your message to heart, and asked my brother-in-law about illegal aliens. (Kind of a Wyo-style poll) He didn't answer, but he did hand me another beer.

I think I know now, why Zogby does what he does.

[Hanna]

Who is Zobgy?

[Suzy Q]

Well, the Martians will never come now!

[Punkin Poo]

...And though the holes were rather small,
We had to sew them all,
Nobody was really sure if toilets wasted water down the hall!
I'd love to flu-u-u-u-sh the-e-e-em alllllllllllll....

[Hanna]

back to the salt mine. Put inquiring mind on hold, assume professional demeanor.

[Chaz]

I want socks that say "Make seven" on one....and "Up Yours" on the otehr

[Wyo Cowboy]

Zogby is a polling firm. They ask a lot of questions.

[blurk]

Polling firms are capitalism at it's finest.

What a business plan!!

Pay us money and we'll ask people questions then tell ya what they said.

[Wyo Cowboy]

I'm in the wrong bidness, I think.

[ScooterRocky]

Yep, they are all daft!

[Clean Hands]

(Psssst... Hanna: Someone has.)

[Hanna]

'95? that's not reseeerch, that's hisssstooorey

[Clean Hands]

LOL... True dat, but I know that I've seen references to more recent studies that indicate similar results.

[Addicted to 24]

So they wont let them wear silly socks but they will let them walk silly walks.

[DRC]

So then if I prove I'm an illegal alien, can I get a toilet that works?

[blurk]

DRC, yes. And a welfare check, and free health care, and a voter registration card, and...

Sorry, am I ranting?

[kittypaws]

Addicted, yes, they can walk silly walks, but they must dress in a professional manner to do so.

[kittypaws]

Addicted, yes, they can walk silly walks, but they must dress in a professional manner to do so.

[kittypaws]

Wish I could get free health care, oh and dental too

[almne]

My mom wears those weird socks. Originally my grandmother bought them for me, but there was no way that an insecure high schooler is going to wear them. My mom started to wear them. So now anywhere my mom goes she gets a pair. Charleston, SC., San Diego, zoos, museums. It's quite a collection.

[Clean Hands]

Have a gumball, blurk. Imported, I betcha.

[eat_black_licorice]

Best quote: "As our procedural policy, we accommodate things that don't fit in the nice square box."

And with a low-flow, there are many things that don't seem to quite fit exactly.

[Wyo Cowboy]

kitty, all ya gotta do is commit a felony, and go to prison. not only will you get health care and dental, but three hots and a cot.

[blurk]

And cable, and internet, and porn mags, and conjugal visits, and...

Damn it...ranting again.

[Addicted to 24]

Wyo, not mention training in the growth industries of shank carving and self tattooing.

[insomniac]

my dad has socks with santa claus on them, he only wore them on christmas...

a memo to lancashire docs
be careful 'bout what's on your socks
it's not too terrific
to be non-soporific
and cure folks? so out of the box!

[Wyo Cowboy]

so these people call me the other day, say they want me to add a bathroom on the third floor

I'm wonderin' what the codes people will say if I try to slip in an old, high flow toilet.

[kittypaws]

Nope can't commit a felony, just not in me. Too honest.

Besides I'm really bad at shank carving. However I did watch MythBusters make a cross bow out of underwear, does that count?

[Wyo Cowboy]

Punkin' could make a catapult from her...

never mind.

[blurk]

It depends, Wyo. Are the occupants illegals?

Also, that looks like sumpthin' I used to build with Lego's.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Their translators say they have green cars. or something like that.

[Addicted to 24]

Wyo, my guess is they will hunt you down and torture you. By the way did you have to post the picture of my house. Just because I spent all of my money on the TV and the game systems doesnt meant I wont get to fixing up my own little fixier upper.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Addicted, my realtor friend describes that place as "stately."

[blurk]

Has that authentic "lived in" look.

[blurk]

The upside is one good sneeze and ya got about 30 more feet of empty lot next to the Lego house.

[Wyo Cowboy]

btw, speaking of game systems

blurk, you'll appreciate this one. Last week's prize.

[Siouxie]

YAY! I'm home!

and I'm a CLUE for the "Hunt"!! well part of one anyways and I get to wear a costume ;)

[Wyo Cowboy]

And, blurk, I think I posted this one. while you were away on vacation. also from this fall.

[blurk]

We need to go huntin, Wyo.

Siouxie, keep this place in line. I'm off to study up on heater repair and stripper pole installation.

[Siouxie]

huh?? I guess I missed much

[Wyo Cowboy]

Yay for Sioux! no, really!

[Wyo Cowboy]

good luck wit the stripper pole.

[Siouxie]

no sarcastic $$$$$???, Wyo??

actually, it'll be WAY cool to be part of The Hunt!

[Addicted to 24]

Wyo, those are two nice ones.

[Siouxie]

awwwwwwww...poor sheep, Wyo ;(

[Wyo Cowboy]

thanks, addict, I'll pass that on to the hunters. If they knew Sioux was part of the next hunt, they'd be packin' to head south. As it is, I ain't tellin' 'em, 'cause I don't need the competition!

[Wyo Cowboy]

Think of it from the sheep's perspective, Sioux. Better a quick one in the heart than starvin' to death, disease, or havin' a predator rip your guts out while you're still alive. That's how most natural game deaths occur. Nature ain't nice. Pretty, but not nice.

[Cheryl Howard]

"Many of our staff work with very sick or dying patients and the policy is intended to make sure that our staff present a professional image at all times." Whew. Good thing. Noone who is sck or dying wants to be around anyone with a sense of humor. Its messes up the ambiance. *Puts on Oscar glasses*

Also, it helps disguise me from the great white hunters.

[Addicted to 24]

It's ok Siouxie it was a evil sheep who was planing on taking out of our national treasures. On second thought poor sheep.

[Siouxie]

I guess a quickie's the way to go, Wyo.

[Addicted to 24]

Well I was going to go live in the woods but Wyo has convinced me to stay in the city and hunt the one thing I know how to a free parking space.

[Siouxie]

accccck Addicted! where's the bleach????

SHE BANG SHE BANG!

[Cheryl Howard]

I would starve if I had to hunt my food. People would come over and meet my new pet coyote and big mountain sheep.

I am a strict "it has to come prewrapped in paper" sort (aka carniverous hypocrite)

[Wyo Cowboy]

that's how we keep the population out here so small. btw, it's snowin like h3ll here right now.

[Siouxie]

awwwww snow....all pretty and fluffy and white...

Wyo, it's back to 80 degrees here...just sayin' ;P

psst...if you and Diane ever need to defrost...I got room at the Inn.

[stevie w]

Nice limerick at 6:09 p, insom.

Sometimes those bureaucrats can be such knitpickers.

[Guin]

Are they going to ban pediatricians from wearing Sponge Bob ties, too? Fascists. If I'm in an emergency medical situation, the last thing on my mind is what sort of socks the EMTs are wearing.

[estrogen centrale]

I'm back.

Siouxie,
Congrats on being part of the Hunt. I'll pray for no rain!

[Just Ducky]

Oh, give me a home
Where the illegals roam
And the sheep get quick shots to the heart
Where seldom fun socks
Are on Lancashire docs
And the Hunt gives our Siouxie a part.

Well, since I live in Austin, at least the first two lines fit.

[Cheryl Howard]

*insert wild applause here*

[Siouxie]

Thanks, ec...I'll be praying for a day like yesterday!

Ducky - *snork* very nicely done...

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

*dusts off harmonica to acompany Ducky
*makes hideous noise that scares everyone away
*puts harmonica away again

[Just Ducky]

That's ok, DPC, you can just hum.

[Punkin Poo]

Siouxie! What is your part of the clue? (You can tell me, no one is looking)

Oh - and was Dave there? Did you hug him for me?? (I forgot to tell you to put 2-litre bottles in your shirt so he'd know the hug was from me)

Did you get a Herald Hunt T-shirt??????????????

Huh? Didja???

[Wyo Cowboy]

i like harmonicas.

[Punkin Poo]

my cat's breath smells like cat food.

[Just Ducky]

C'mon, everybody, sing the refrain:

Low, low-flow commodes
Are the pestilence of our abodes
They never do flush
Water just doesn't gush
So the heck with those darn building codes!

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I like harmonicas also, but not when I'm the one playing.

I wont lick a cat if it smells like tuna.

[Wyo Cowboy]

ducky's on a roll. (tp roll, maybe)

[Just Ducky]

Where's a TPeaShooter when you really need one?

[Wyo Cowboy]

just breezin' through the want ads in near-by Cody:
Wanted: Experienced Goat Herders from 12/1/2006 to 11/30/2007 to tend/move goats grazing on range; prevent animals from straying; protect goats from predators and bad weather; and assist with kidding. Worker/s to be on call: 24/hrs. a day, 7/days a week, including holidays. Employer guarantees for 3/4 of contract period, starting with arrival at work site. Employer provides tools, supplies and equipment at no cost to worker; transportation and subsistence to work site upon 50% completion of contract and outbound transportation and subsistence to origin or subsequent legal employment upon successful completion of contract. Wages are $650/mo. plus room and board. Requires: Three (3) months experience, and one verifiable reference. Contact the State Workforce Agency, 1703 Edinburgh, Rawlins, WY 82301, (307)324-3485. Reference Job Order #23766109.

[Wyo Cowboy]

for those of you who are experienced kidders.

[Just Ducky]

ALL of the bloglits qualify!

[Just Ducky]

Verifiable references might be a problem, though. How about certifiable references?

[Wyo Cowboy]

*snork* Ducky's certifiable.

Certification available at justducky.com

[Just Ducky]

The way things have been going around here, Wyo, I think I resemble that remark!

You've been to my website?

[Just Ducky]

Hey, that's a great idea for a new career--certifying the certifyable! I'd never lack for clients (patients?)!

[Just Ducky]

*grabs y and inserts i*

[Wyo Cowboy]

too true. I have been to look at your profile page btw, and... well... Hmmmm...

should you ever wish to reveal a bit more... you'd be welcome to join us.

[Just Ducky]

*scribbles note to call Glamour Shots for appointment tomorrow*

Thanks, Wyo, I'll see if I can scare up a pic that's not too scary.

[Just Ducky]

I'd be honored to join such a fine, outstanding group!

[Wyo Cowboy]

grooviness!!

[Just Ducky]

Just let me know how to send said info to you.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Go here and click on "email me" attach said glamour shot, and include bio and link if applicable. no donation necessary.

[Just Ducky]

Will do, Wyo! (I love free stuff.) It may take me a day or two--I'm still up to my eyeballs in taking Mom to doctors and other various appointments. Right now, it's time to uncork the Pinot Grigio and have a little evening conversation with Mr. Ducky before the boychild (age 19) gets home from his part-time job. Wine and Whine: the second-best way to destress ;)

[Wyo Cowboy]

My best to mr. D.

[Siouxie]

*borrows El's zipper*

Punkin:

1) If I told ya, I'd have to have blurk shoot ya.
2) Yes he was...blue shirt and all.
3) Yes I did. Security didn't let me bring in the big 'guns' (iykwim).
4) Yes, got the shirt and it's WAY cool!

*zips out*

[O the U(manity)]

So ... they've got square toilets in Colorado? Or is it square turds?

(WTG, Siouxie! Betcha had fun, eh?)

[Stevie W]

Nice song, duck @7:14p.

"*dusts off harmonica to acompany Ducky
*makes hideous noise that scares everyone away
*puts harmonica away again"

Hey, dp -

You DO know that was an old Twilight Zone episode with Andy Devine, don't you? Or are you way ahead of me here?

[Stevie W]

Methinks they're taking the concept of "safe socks" a little too far.

[Tyler arnold]

Siouxie! What is your part of the clue? (You can tell me, no one is looking)

Oh - and was Dave there? Did you hug him for me?? (I forgot to tell you to put 2-litre bottles in your shirt so he'd know the hug was from me)
you may see here:
http://www.adult-video.in/natalie/natalie-spark.php
Did you get a Herald Hunt T-shirt??????????????

Huh? Didja???

[AmerinParis]

I should think the NHS patients could do with all the cheerful silliness they can get!

One of the things I loved about Europe when I first moved here (and still do) is that the corporate guys will wear funky ties -- not too silly for really serious business meetings with clients, but coming from the Burgundy and Grey power tie culture in the US it was a joy to see men wearing ties with Bart Simpson, Tweety Bird, or even just beautiful ties with jungle scenes à la Rousseau -- or something cute the kids bought Dad for his birthday.

[Punkin Poo]

Ok, WTF w/ "Tyler Arnold" bastardizing my post?????

He should NOT pi$$ me off before I've had my coffee!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Meanie the Blue]

That's pretty low, even for pr0n-spammers, Punkin. You might want to give Judi a heads-up on that.