HOMELAND SECURITY UPDATE
Colorado takes a vigilant stand against illegal immigrants getting rebates for low-flow toilets.
(Thanks to Connie Younkin)
UPDATE: In a closely related development, Lancashire cracks down on novelty socks.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
So the law is: Illegals must waste water.
Posted by: Olo Baggins of Bywater | October 25, 2006 at 04:33 PM
"Mary Kelly's toilet" ~ "smelt like royalty."
Posted by: danceswithvowels | October 25, 2006 at 04:34 PM
Olo, that was my favorite quote, too: "I got exactly the reaction I expected: 'You've got to be kidding!' they said. But my 23-year-old daughter had the best comment," Younkin said. " 'If you're illegal, you're supposed to waste water?' "
Good grief!
Posted by: BLT | October 25, 2006 at 04:39 PM
Then we should all be illegals, because we hatesssss low-flow's.
Posted by: kittypaws | October 25, 2006 at 04:39 PM
Am I the only one who has noticed how many "illegals" are out there buying all sorts of consumer goods, probably propping up our shaky economy? Why would we send them back? They work for peanuts and spend every dime they make on stuff. Not to stereotype, but I wonder if anybody has actually studied this? In an actual poll or something?
Posted by: Hanna | October 25, 2006 at 04:39 PM
I read the news today, oh boy
Four thousand holes in socks and underwear...
Posted by: Stevie W | October 25, 2006 at 04:46 PM
Hanna, I took your message to heart, and asked my brother-in-law about illegal aliens. (Kind of a Wyo-style poll) He didn't answer, but he did hand me another beer.
I think I know now, why Zogby does what he does.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 04:46 PM
Who is Zobgy?
Posted by: Hanna | October 25, 2006 at 04:48 PM
Well, the Martians will never come now!
Posted by: Suzy Q | October 25, 2006 at 04:50 PM
...And though the holes were rather small,
We had to sew them all,
Nobody was really sure if toilets wasted water down the hall!
I'd love to flu-u-u-u-sh the-e-e-em alllllllllllll....
Posted by: Punkin Poo | October 25, 2006 at 04:50 PM
back to the salt mine. Put inquiring mind on hold, assume professional demeanor.
Posted by: Hanna | October 25, 2006 at 04:50 PM
I want socks that say "Make seven" on one....and "Up Yours" on the otehr
Posted by: Chaz | October 25, 2006 at 04:50 PM
Zogby is a polling firm. They ask a lot of questions.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 04:52 PM
Polling firms are capitalism at it's finest.
What a business plan!!
Pay us money and we'll ask people questions then tell ya what they said.
Posted by: blurk | October 25, 2006 at 04:56 PM
I'm in the wrong bidness, I think.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 05:00 PM
Yep, they are all daft!
Posted by: ScooterRocky | October 25, 2006 at 05:02 PM
(Psssst... Hanna: Someone has.)
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 25, 2006 at 05:05 PM
'95? that's not reseeerch, that's hisssstooorey
Posted by: Hanna | October 25, 2006 at 05:11 PM
LOL... True dat, but I know that I've seen references to more recent studies that indicate similar results.
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 25, 2006 at 05:30 PM
So they wont let them wear silly socks but they will let them walk silly walks.
Posted by: Addicted to 24 | October 25, 2006 at 05:31 PM
So then if I prove I'm an illegal alien, can I get a toilet that works?
Posted by: DRC | October 25, 2006 at 05:33 PM
DRC, yes. And a welfare check, and free health care, and a voter registration card, and...
Sorry, am I ranting?
Posted by: blurk | October 25, 2006 at 05:35 PM
Addicted, yes, they can walk silly walks, but they must dress in a professional manner to do so.
Posted by: kittypaws | October 25, 2006 at 05:36 PM
Addicted, yes, they can walk silly walks, but they must dress in a professional manner to do so.
Posted by: kittypaws | October 25, 2006 at 05:36 PM
Wish I could get free health care, oh and dental too
Posted by: kittypaws | October 25, 2006 at 05:37 PM
My mom wears those weird socks. Originally my grandmother bought them for me, but there was no way that an insecure high schooler is going to wear them. My mom started to wear them. So now anywhere my mom goes she gets a pair. Charleston, SC., San Diego, zoos, museums. It's quite a collection.
Posted by: almne | October 25, 2006 at 05:49 PM
Have a gumball, blurk. Imported, I betcha.
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 25, 2006 at 05:50 PM
Best quote: "As our procedural policy, we accommodate things that don't fit in the nice square box."
And with a low-flow, there are many things that don't seem to quite fit exactly.
Posted by: eat_black_licorice | October 25, 2006 at 05:52 PM
kitty, all ya gotta do is commit a felony, and go to prison. not only will you get health care and dental, but three hots and a cot.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 05:57 PM
And cable, and internet, and porn mags, and conjugal visits, and...
Damn it...ranting again.
Posted by: blurk | October 25, 2006 at 05:59 PM
Wyo, not mention training in the growth industries of shank carving and self tattooing.
Posted by: Addicted to 24 | October 25, 2006 at 06:06 PM
my dad has socks with santa claus on them, he only wore them on christmas...
a memo to lancashire docs
be careful 'bout what's on your socks
it's not too terrific
to be non-soporific
and cure folks? so out of the box!
Posted by: insomniac | October 25, 2006 at 06:09 PM
so these people call me the other day, say they want me to add a bathroom on the third floor
I'm wonderin' what the codes people will say if I try to slip in an old, high flow toilet.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:10 PM
Nope can't commit a felony, just not in me. Too honest.
Besides I'm really bad at shank carving. However I did watch MythBusters make a cross bow out of underwear, does that count?
Posted by: kittypaws | October 25, 2006 at 06:12 PM
Punkin' could make a catapult from her...
never mind.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:15 PM
It depends, Wyo. Are the occupants illegals?
Also, that looks like sumpthin' I used to build with Lego's.
Posted by: blurk | October 25, 2006 at 06:15 PM
Their translators say they have green cars. or something like that.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:18 PM
Wyo, my guess is they will hunt you down and torture you. By the way did you have to post the picture of my house. Just because I spent all of my money on the TV and the game systems doesnt meant I wont get to fixing up my own little fixier upper.
Posted by: Addicted to 24 | October 25, 2006 at 06:20 PM
Addicted, my realtor friend describes that place as "stately."
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:26 PM
Has that authentic "lived in" look.
Posted by: blurk | October 25, 2006 at 06:27 PM
The upside is one good sneeze and ya got about 30 more feet of empty lot next to the Lego house.
Posted by: blurk | October 25, 2006 at 06:30 PM
btw, speaking of game systems
blurk, you'll appreciate this one. Last week's prize.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:31 PM
YAY! I'm home!
and I'm a CLUE for the "Hunt"!! well part of one anyways and I get to wear a costume ;)
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 06:31 PM
And, blurk, I think I posted this one. while you were away on vacation. also from this fall.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:33 PM
We need to go huntin, Wyo.
Siouxie, keep this place in line. I'm off to study up on heater repair and stripper pole installation.
Posted by: blurk | October 25, 2006 at 06:33 PM
huh?? I guess I missed much
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 06:34 PM
Yay for Sioux! no, really!
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:34 PM
good luck wit the stripper pole.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:35 PM
no sarcastic $$$$$???, Wyo??
actually, it'll be WAY cool to be part of The Hunt!
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 06:36 PM
Wyo, those are two nice ones.
Posted by: Addicted to 24 | October 25, 2006 at 06:37 PM
awwwwwwww...poor sheep, Wyo ;(
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 06:38 PM
thanks, addict, I'll pass that on to the hunters. If they knew Sioux was part of the next hunt, they'd be packin' to head south. As it is, I ain't tellin' 'em, 'cause I don't need the competition!
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:39 PM
Think of it from the sheep's perspective, Sioux. Better a quick one in the heart than starvin' to death, disease, or havin' a predator rip your guts out while you're still alive. That's how most natural game deaths occur. Nature ain't nice. Pretty, but not nice.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:43 PM
"Many of our staff work with very sick or dying patients and the policy is intended to make sure that our staff present a professional image at all times." Whew. Good thing. Noone who is sck or dying wants to be around anyone with a sense of humor. Its messes up the ambiance. *Puts on Oscar glasses*
Also, it helps disguise me from the great white hunters.
Posted by: Cheryl Howard | October 25, 2006 at 06:44 PM
It's ok Siouxie it was a evil sheep who was planing on taking out of our national treasures. On second thought poor sheep.
Posted by: Addicted to 24 | October 25, 2006 at 06:47 PM
I guess a quickie's the way to go, Wyo.
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 06:47 PM
Well I was going to go live in the woods but Wyo has convinced me to stay in the city and hunt the one thing I know how to a free parking space.
Posted by: Addicted to 24 | October 25, 2006 at 06:50 PM
accccck Addicted! where's the bleach????
SHE BANG SHE BANG!
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 06:51 PM
I would starve if I had to hunt my food. People would come over and meet my new pet coyote and big mountain sheep.
I am a strict "it has to come prewrapped in paper" sort (aka carniverous hypocrite)
Posted by: Cheryl Howard | October 25, 2006 at 06:51 PM
that's how we keep the population out here so small. btw, it's snowin like h3ll here right now.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 06:51 PM
awwwww snow....all pretty and fluffy and white...
Wyo, it's back to 80 degrees here...just sayin' ;P
psst...if you and Diane ever need to defrost...I got room at the Inn.
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 06:56 PM
Nice limerick at 6:09 p, insom.
Sometimes those bureaucrats can be such knitpickers.
Posted by: stevie w | October 25, 2006 at 06:59 PM
Are they going to ban pediatricians from wearing Sponge Bob ties, too? Fascists. If I'm in an emergency medical situation, the last thing on my mind is what sort of socks the EMTs are wearing.
Posted by: Guin | October 25, 2006 at 07:08 PM
I'm back.
Siouxie,
Congrats on being part of the Hunt. I'll pray for no rain!
Posted by: estrogen centrale | October 25, 2006 at 07:12 PM
Oh, give me a home
Where the illegals roam
And the sheep get quick shots to the heart
Where seldom fun socks
Are on Lancashire docs
And the Hunt gives our Siouxie a part.
Well, since I live in Austin, at least the first two lines fit.
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 07:14 PM
*insert wild applause here*
Posted by: Cheryl Howard | October 25, 2006 at 07:21 PM
Thanks, ec...I'll be praying for a day like yesterday!
Ducky - *snork* very nicely done...
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 07:23 PM
*dusts off harmonica to acompany Ducky
*makes hideous noise that scares everyone away
*puts harmonica away again
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 25, 2006 at 07:58 PM
That's ok, DPC, you can just hum.
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:09 PM
Siouxie! What is your part of the clue? (You can tell me, no one is looking)
Oh - and was Dave there? Did you hug him for me?? (I forgot to tell you to put 2-litre bottles in your shirt so he'd know the hug was from me)
Did you get a Herald Hunt T-shirt??????????????
Huh? Didja???
Posted by: Punkin Poo | October 25, 2006 at 08:12 PM
i like harmonicas.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 08:16 PM
my cat's breath smells like cat food.
Posted by: Punkin Poo | October 25, 2006 at 08:18 PM
C'mon, everybody, sing the refrain:
Low, low-flow commodes
Are the pestilence of our abodes
They never do flush
Water just doesn't gush
So the heck with those darn building codes!
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:20 PM
I like harmonicas also, but not when I'm the one playing.
I wont lick a cat if it smells like tuna.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 25, 2006 at 08:22 PM
ducky's on a roll. (tp roll, maybe)
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 08:27 PM
Where's a TPeaShooter when you really need one?
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:29 PM
just breezin' through the want ads in near-by Cody:
Wanted: Experienced Goat Herders from 12/1/2006 to 11/30/2007 to tend/move goats grazing on range; prevent animals from straying; protect goats from predators and bad weather; and assist with kidding. Worker/s to be on call: 24/hrs. a day, 7/days a week, including holidays. Employer guarantees for 3/4 of contract period, starting with arrival at work site. Employer provides tools, supplies and equipment at no cost to worker; transportation and subsistence to work site upon 50% completion of contract and outbound transportation and subsistence to origin or subsequent legal employment upon successful completion of contract. Wages are $650/mo. plus room and board. Requires: Three (3) months experience, and one verifiable reference. Contact the State Workforce Agency, 1703 Edinburgh, Rawlins, WY 82301, (307)324-3485. Reference Job Order #23766109.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 08:39 PM
for those of you who are experienced kidders.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 08:40 PM
ALL of the bloglits qualify!
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:43 PM
Verifiable references might be a problem, though. How about certifiable references?
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:44 PM
*snork* Ducky's certifiable.
Certification available at justducky.com
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 08:46 PM
The way things have been going around here, Wyo, I think I resemble that remark!
You've been to my website?
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:49 PM
Hey, that's a great idea for a new career--certifying the certifyable! I'd never lack for clients (patients?)!
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:50 PM
*grabs y and inserts i*
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:51 PM
too true. I have been to look at your profile page btw, and... well... Hmmmm...
should you ever wish to reveal a bit more... you'd be welcome to join us.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 08:53 PM
*scribbles note to call Glamour Shots for appointment tomorrow*
Thanks, Wyo, I'll see if I can scare up a pic that's not too scary.
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:56 PM
I'd be honored to join such a fine, outstanding group!
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 08:58 PM
grooviness!!
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 09:00 PM
Just let me know how to send said info to you.
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 09:02 PM
Go here and click on "email me" attach said glamour shot, and include bio and link if applicable. no donation necessary.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 09:09 PM
Will do, Wyo! (I love free stuff.) It may take me a day or two--I'm still up to my eyeballs in taking Mom to doctors and other various appointments. Right now, it's time to uncork the Pinot Grigio and have a little evening conversation with Mr. Ducky before the boychild (age 19) gets home from his part-time job. Wine and Whine: the second-best way to destress ;)
Posted by: Just Ducky | October 25, 2006 at 09:16 PM
My best to mr. D.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | October 25, 2006 at 09:20 PM
*borrows El's zipper*
Punkin:
1) If I told ya, I'd have to have blurk shoot ya.
2) Yes he was...blue shirt and all.
3) Yes I did. Security didn't let me bring in the big 'guns' (iykwim).
4) Yes, got the shirt and it's WAY cool!
*zips out*
Posted by: Siouxie | October 25, 2006 at 10:27 PM
So ... they've got square toilets in Colorado? Or is it square turds?
(WTG, Siouxie! Betcha had fun, eh?)
Posted by: O the U(manity) | October 25, 2006 at 11:17 PM
Nice song, duck @7:14p.
"*dusts off harmonica to acompany Ducky
*makes hideous noise that scares everyone away
*puts harmonica away again"
Hey, dp -
You DO know that was an old Twilight Zone episode with Andy Devine, don't you? Or are you way ahead of me here?
Posted by: Stevie W | October 26, 2006 at 12:59 AM
Methinks they're taking the concept of "safe socks" a little too far.
Posted by: Stevie W | October 26, 2006 at 01:00 AM
Siouxie! What is your part of the clue? (You can tell me, no one is looking)
Oh - and was Dave there? Did you hug him for me?? (I forgot to tell you to put 2-litre bottles in your shirt so he'd know the hug was from me)
you may see here:
http://www.adult-video.in/natalie/natalie-spark.php
Did you get a Herald Hunt T-shirt??????????????
Huh? Didja???
Posted by: Tyler arnold | October 26, 2006 at 04:40 AM
I should think the NHS patients could do with all the cheerful silliness they can get!
One of the things I loved about Europe when I first moved here (and still do) is that the corporate guys will wear funky ties -- not too silly for really serious business meetings with clients, but coming from the Burgundy and Grey power tie culture in the US it was a joy to see men wearing ties with Bart Simpson, Tweety Bird, or even just beautiful ties with jungle scenes à la Rousseau -- or something cute the kids bought Dad for his birthday.
Posted by: AmerinParis | October 26, 2006 at 05:44 AM
Ok, WTF w/ "Tyler Arnold" bastardizing my post?????
He should NOT pi$$ me off before I've had my coffee!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by: Punkin Poo | October 26, 2006 at 08:43 AM
That's pretty low, even for pr0n-spammers, Punkin. You might want to give Judi a heads-up on that.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | October 26, 2006 at 09:38 AM