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October 19, 2006

DON'T FALL FOR IT!

The old "lost hamster" ruse.

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Um.....there are a VARIETY of deep dark places a hamster can get lost in....and I'm not feeling around in ANY of them!!!

Mrs. PirateBoy claims that "I've lost my marbles". May I search your house?

Punkin? Are you sure that's not a gerbil?

or a snake?

Darnit, all the best tricks get the public attention. First sharks delivering candygrams (SNL ruined this one), now this...

...guess I'll move onto other ruses..."sir, I've misplaced an 777 on your roof, may I go up there and get it?"

Wonder if it was the space hampster?

It's a sad commentary on the failed policies of the Bush administration that it has come to this: hamster ruses. I know, I know, nobody wants to hear an old guy talking about the "good old days" but dammit, there was a time in this country when the thieves used lobster, for God's sake. When I was a boy I had heard about some plumbers from the wrong side of the tracks that would use the "turkey ploy" but I never saw one, and certainly never took part in one. In those days, if you suggested a hamster ruse to someone, you were likely to get a punch in the nose for it. But now, thanks to draconian tax cuts from those godless repulicans we have to endure all manner of vermin in the trade. Mark my words, it won't be long till you hear about a "gerbil gambit" or God forbid, a "roach ruse". Well, I've said my two cents, so I'll just pay for my beer, er, say, is that a hamster in your pocket?

really mudstuffin, coffee spouting from both nostrils this early in the morning. you should warn us! but my sinus cavity has never been more open during allergy season. of course, i should never use the word 'cavity' in a hamster blog. sorry, back to pour more coffee to actually drink this time.

Hamster Blog WBAGNFARB, of course.

He was wearing a checked cap, fawn coloured bomber jacket and white jumper with two dark bands around the wrist.

Definitely a fashion statement for thieves...

This is why I keep a few extra hamsters in a jar by the door for just such emergencies. When conmen try that at my house, I just reach for it and ask them (the conmen) which one would care to bend over.

Oddly enough, nearly all of them have politely refused to accept it and bid a hasty and flustered goodbye. The one guy that didn't was very grateful and, I found out later, became a famous movie actor.

I hate hampsters...too much dark meat and you can choke on the bones.

Don't open the door Ma, it's the old lost hamster trick.

so I bought this new exercise chair, and now all my neighbors are comin' over lookin' for hamsters.

Meanie, you just solved my "how to be a little different on Halloween" problem.

"MA! the rat ate all my candy!!"

*snork* Meanie!

poor poor Brad Pitt...

A solution to this particular problem that all bloglits would expect from me:

When said conmen come to the door with this particular ruse just say, "That was yours??!! Sorry, guys I thought it was a big rat and shot the sonuvab!tch."

They will never darken your door again and may, in fact, spread the word to their conmen friends.

Every time something like this comes up, and I'm tempted to become afraid, I simply remember the words of a great philosopher, and things are put back into perspective,

As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.

(I certainly mean no one any offense!$$$)

I thought Richard Gere was the person with the hamster problem...

*googles*

you're not being sarcastic, are ya Wyo??? :P

never, Sioux. not me. nope. (btw, I sent you some chocolate)

yummmy! I saw! it's gorgeous. I want IT!

Canned Spam - Right actor, wrong rodent (gerbil, not hamster).

That is, RG was the actor, not BP.

BTW, a spokesman for the actor has vigorously denied these claims, although several spokesrodents have refused to comment pending the outcome of legal actions filed against the actor.

We the people of the of Dave's Blog, in order to form a more perfect union, free from hampster scams, establish justice, insure television tranquility, provide for the common defense against the hated squirrels, promote the general shooting of rodents, and secure the blessings of high volume toilets to ourselves, abolish snakes being everywhere, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Boogers.

Or something like that. lol

oops take the extra "of" out of there.

*was only joking about Brad Pitt*

I STILL don't believe it though ;)

Very nice, DtR!

So we have a Preamble for a Constitution, we have an army (with uniforms); I think we still needed a national airline, right?

Oh, and a beer - I kinda doubt we'll be able to find easy concensus on that point around here, but we may as well get down to research.

I'll be glad to start researching that right after work, CH!! :D

National Airline:

I vote for the one with the Hooters girls.

How about Virgin Airlines, CH??

just the IRONY would be perfect! and don't forget out TPeaShooter!

*Wonders how we might arrange to have our national beer be an import*

Oooh, I like that, Siouxie! Our new flag air carrier shall be Virgin Airlines.

And, of course, the army is not only clad in blue shirts, but is armed primarily with TPeashooters™.

Still have to work on a national beer. In spite of my own preferences, apparently some folks here are not in favor of a good chocolate stout... so what general style should we investigate?

Meanie, since we lack a territorial boundary, by definition any national beer will be an import. So don't let that trouble you...

Oh, and blurk, if it makes you feel any better, we can arrange for our national airline to be staffed along the same lines as the Hooters airline.

CH, that'll work just fine. That's what I call flyin' first class!!

hmmm that sounds good except that we blogettes need our own visual stimulation whilst flyin'. I suggest some HOT McSteamy-looking flight attendants for us as well.

*coffee, tea or ME*

Bloglits when contemplating our national beer please follow the following criteria as follows:

1. Cold
2. Wet
3. Contains alcohol

Other than that I'm pretty much open.

DIBS on first class bathroom for Mile-High Club refreshing my makeup!

Siouxie, all you have to do is look at the pilots. Ya know, the ones in the cockpit.

We could make it a choice of 4 different styles of beer, by color, or style of beer it is.

lager - budwieser, etc.
wheat - blue moon, etc.
porter/stout - Fuller's esb, etc.
flavored - lambics, fruit flavors, chocolate, etc.

just examples of the types, not an endorsement of brands in any way.

The one. Accept no substitutes.

*Prepares to become a rogue state if rejected*

Meanie that would be a good nominee for the wheat beer catagory. I like that beer also, but, I think Leffe gives it a good run for it's money.

*will drink anything light* OR wine! we need wine!

blurk, the cockpit is a bit too restraining...lots of buttons and knobs I can accidentally push, pull or sit on..IYKWIM

DavetR - if you're into specialty brews, try this. Very much an acquired taste, and not one for a long night of quaffing. Quite unusual, but far more appropriate in my mind than the fruit flavored contrivances.

It actually reminds me of bacon. (I said it was unusual, didn't I?)

(think Men Without Hamsters...)
you can look if you want to
for your hamster friend right now
listen for his 'yips' ,look for cedar chips
too bad you didn't lose a cow!

go through my stuff if you want to
for your tiny furry friend
check the toes of my boots for little hamster doots
and a hand i'll be glad to lend

you can fence if you want to
all the loot that you did find
'cause if truth be told , i'm gettin' kinda old
and i'm not exactly in my right mind!

and you can fence, you can fence
taking stuff from the old
you can fence, you can fence
(can used B*n-G*y really be sold?)
you can fence, you can fence
everybody check in their pants
you can fence , you can fence
everybody's taking the chance

it's the hamster dance!

excellent, insom! (visualizing the video)

Insom, that was amazing.

And Meanie, I do believe that you might have found a beer odd enough for this crowd. This might be another along the same lines.

Just wanna know what they meant by "They asked to look in the back garden for it."

Siouxie, I'm bringin' a case of Rhombauer merlot. That oughta hold us til the weekend.

We have "Texas Sux" beer here. I don't like it, but the hubby seems to. He's lived in Oklahoma his whole life, so there's that to consider.

I doubt anyone would reject this beer, but my personal favorite is from Kalamazoo but I'll be shot if I don't mention this local brew , which is very very good but only available locally.

With a hearty dose of skepticism, that'll go on my list of beers to try, CH.

I'll try anything once. (Except beet Jell-0)

Multiple muted St. Louis Library snorks all around, folks. I now know the misery (no pun) of having to stifle oneself while reading the lunacy blog.

On the plus side, I gets to have me some lunch with the legendary Slyeyes in about 35 minutes -- yay for me.

Oh, and GO CARDS!

I would need LOTS of Buck Naked beer to choke down beet jello, but Grams is in heaven now, and God's gettin' all the jello deliveries. heheheh. Let's see about that sense of humor NOW! *ducks lightening bolt*

bali - sounds good! I'll bring the case of chardonnay ;)

Nebbisk, i think that is what they are calling it now. 'back garden' sound so much better than 'nether regions' or whatever they used to call it.

Bali, though I regret to hear of your late Grams' lateness, I am very pleased that she took the unowhat with her.

And, with all due respect, that stuff would be a most unfortunate mix with any beer, IYCMD.

"one aged about 55[,] the other in his late teens.."

Must be a father and son outing

(OK I'm going to reveal that I'm somewhat of a booze snob.)

I'm with Siouxie, we need wine. Right now I'm real fond of Copolla's '04 Claret.

Also bourbon. (Any small batch will do.)

And Scotch. I'm partial to Islay Scotch - Laphroag comes to mind.

As far as beer goes, there seem to be too many worthy choices to narrow it down to just one. Why don't we simply name "beer" the national beverage and let it go at that?

I don't know why I'm speaking in italics - it's a little weird.

*snork*@Siouxie! And, meanie, tho I miss Grams, I don't miss her culinary forays. Some things should pass into the ether, and that recipe is one of'em.

Good to see mud finally took the wine/bourbon/scotch/beer goggles off. All them squiggly lines were makin' me dizzy.

'Course it coulda been the wine/bourbon/scotch/beer I had for lunch.

Oops did I type that out loud? Now you people will think I have a drinkin' problem. Well I don't! I drink, get drunk, fall down, no problem.

IMO gramma's beet jello needs to live on. Not that anybody needs to actually eat it, but someone in the family needs to keep making it. Cuz, eventually you'll find a nephew that likes it, and his parents can then buy the beer.

Umm, yeah, something like that.

We may as well bring the full-stocked blog bar...for those LONG red-eye flights. And just for mud, we'll leave the snakes behind. ;)

*Bars Olo from blog-kitchen*

I second that, Meanie.

so, exactly what is this family recipe for beet jello? sounds like the perfect thing for those 16 - 25 year old trick-or-treaters that come to my house dressed in gang colors. sounds like just the thing!

Er, gotta go now......

OK back from lunch (hic) and guzzled researched a couple of the national beers.

I had to do some reading and looking at the beer links, and I will have to do more guzzling research this evening.

Mud I am a bit of a beer snob, and somewhat picky about my tequila choice.

oops forgot to take the strike thru off

off

So it appears.

my nana is partial to coffee jello but sadly, woolworth's no longer has a lunch counter so she can't get the liver and onion special w/coffee jello for desert. :P

and if anyone cares, i'm in favor of beer.
wonders if beer jello is possible.

see what happens after too much research?

crossgirl, not sure of beer jello but I make some really yummy s3x-on-the-beach jello shots ;)

I'll make those for the trip...

Don't know if that would work too well alcohol-wise. Beer has fairly low content.

So, from Meanie we get bacony beer and Olo offers livery beer. Sio has a stiffy wine and CG has beer jello.

I'm thinking the national colors would have to be Black Flag. Which we would salute by standing at attention and singing 'The Hamster Dance.'

Yeah, the Jehovah's Witnesses tried that ruse. I told them the only hamsters in this house are the kind that burn in hell.

I'm sure that one could make a beer jello, or at least a beer blended with agar-agar, to make a version one could carry on a plate... must do research.

All this talk about beer has convinced me of what my next brew will be, this weekend: a rye rauchbier. Hey, it'll either be wonderful, or else I'll invite a bunch of friends over to drink it for me have plenty of slug bait for the spring.

Picked up a really neat-looking chocolate/chili pepper beer last night - can't wait to try that!!

Be sure to tell us what it tasted like! I am curious as to what chocolate beer tastes like, but not enough to waste my money until someone else tries it.

hmmm chocolate....let me know how that tastes, CH.

Oh, I've had a number of chocolate beers in the past, Beppie. Think of a good, dark stout, with just a hint of cocoa or baker's chocolatein the nose and aftertaste.

Generally, the sweetness ferments out, leaving the bitterness of the cocoa to interact with the hop bittering. Done well, it can be really nice. Sam Adams had a limited-edition one a while back, and I think that Rogue makes one, as well.

Young's Double Chocolate Stout is one where they've managed to keep it sweet enough that the cocoa content doesn't make for a lot of bitterness, and instead you get a really fine dessert beer.

A brewery in Oregon brewed up a batch of coffee flavored beer for the Too Much Coffee Man opera which played for a couple of weeks the beginning of this month in Portland. Alas, I can't tell you how it was, 'cause I live in NJ....Sigh...

Sounds like an interesting tasting CH, would like to try the chocolate/chili for kicks, I have tried the chocolate stout, but, because I prefer the belgium unfiltered wheat beers the most, it did not appeal to me that much. But, I keep an open mind and am usually pleasently surprized.

Quick checkin after lunch with WriterDude. Brave man, wearing a Bronco's sweatshirt within spitting distance of Ram's territory. But since we beat the Bronco's this year, we let him live. Good lunch, fun guy.

CH, I never had a dessert beer. I prefer mine to be the main course.

beer, it's what's for dinner!

beer, it's not just for breakfast anymore!

*lets out a scream/ snort @ Beppie, 2:18*

Off topic alert/
Here in FL there was an elderly man whose life may have been saved by the Steve Irwin tragedy. Up inside his boat a leaping ray got him in the heart. He got the boat to the dock to get his grandkids to safety and left the barb in. It wasn't thought that he would make it, but now it sounds as if he will. Big smile from me, thinking no one would have resisted pulling the barb out, prior to the news about Irwin.

end/

My favorite beer quote:

"Beer, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems". Homer Simpson.

*response to CJs off topic and is written in all sincerity and respect*

I ain't a particularly religious person but I believe Steve Irwin was and is one of God's miracles. This is just another example of his contributions to the entire world.

CRIKEY!

Well, CH, you make it sound like it would actually taste good. I'll have to go buy me some now!

My favorite beer quote, "Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy" Ben Franklin

Great site by the way Wyo.

Isn't a hampster what you put your dirty clother into?

And having no dirty clother, you would, of course, put your dirty CLOTHES into the hampster.

Matt: this is the hamster thread. The hampster thread is in the Department of Humor Impairment discussion.

Glad to be of service, Beppie. I've toyed with the idea of entering the Beer Judge Certification Program. (Don't snork - it's for real, and they take it very seriously!)

I have actually judged a couple of homebrew competitions, which can be very exciting...in all senses of the word. (Hint - when a fellow judge says, "Oh my God, get a whiff of this," do not take him up on it.)

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