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October 30, 2006

A TOUCHING TALE FROM WHAPLODE (YES, "WHAPLODE")

Little Holly Pulling finds a friend.

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I am moving to Whaplode just long enough to get mail there.

Punkin Poo
13 Shovingthem Downs
Whaplode, Crappington
UK 246810

First?

emkeane - No.

Fourth!

Sadly, no. It's easier to play "not first."

Little Holly is my heroine. Even if it's a coral snake, it has to lay-about and chew on you to cause a problem. Punkin' when you see the mailman, please tell him to put the cabinets back and look around the refrigerator compressor or radiator. It should be easy to spot, what with looking like a candy corn.

emkeane - You're first at not first.

I'm first at first.

Who's on second?

Well, I guess the kid could use a pet, but they need to find out if the snake is poisionous or not! I can't believe they don't know!

He said: "Nobody really seemed to care that there could be poisonous snake in the house with a three-year-old."

Someone call PETA before that snake is harmed!

"It looked like a tube of fruit pastilles and was obviously an exotic snake.

sounds veeeeeeeeeeeery exotic.

Dang, that evil serpent stole my Halloween costume - I wanted to be a tube of fruit pastilles!!!

*strips, goes to put on scarey Dave Barry costume*

(Now where did I leave that blue shirt???)

"We're still not sleeping easy, plus it is not paying rent to live here."

It's not the fact that there may be a poisonous snake in the house, it is that it isn't paying rent?!?!?!


Trick or treat! Lift the sheet!
See the snake head near my feet!

Give me something good to eat!
Or I’ll lift another two feet!

Punkin,

You're gonna need a mile of duct tape to strap down all that bazoomage to masquerade as the Daveness.

*rrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiipppppppppppppppppppppppp*

Dang! Why couldn't I masquerade as a guy with man-boobs?

That would be some serious man-boobs!!!

*removes CSI*

I'm off duty now.

... or so I have heard.

Good heavens, isn't it a little early in the day to be stripping, Punkin?

well, i am sure glad that we dont have silly place names here in the US of A.

from your friend, QB, here in Intercourse, PA.

QB - We've already done Intercourse to death.

a pretty little snake made his abode
with a beautiful young lady from Whaplode
she offered him to me
I said "No thanks, you see
I've already got me a crapload".

"It's not PAYING RENT!"

holly looks like Cindy Lou Who...

"I teased her by saying it was up in her bedroom." AWWW, what a sweet Daddy.

So, how much is the rent for a 16ins snake these days?

There've been numerous stories recently about snakes that refuse to make appearances when desired. Why can't science do something about a reptile dysfunction?

I was startled by the loud whaplosion outside my window.

Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort (who can both speak to snakes for you non-Potter fans) should just throw in together and start a snake-catching business. With as many of them as are apparently on the loose, they'd make a killing.

Which is what they want anyway, having vowed to kill each other and whatnot. :-)

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled through the kitchen and back again
You're cold it's true but you're a pal and a confidant.

And if you threw a party
Invited every snake you ever knew
You would see the biggest pile of crap would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

No, Punkin' ... sorry ... Who's on First, What's on Second ...

One of my good friends sublet his home to a "trustworthy graduate student."
The student failed to tell him about her pet boa
constrictor.
Imagine his surprise when he got a letter in the mail indicating "Fred" the boa had disappeared a week before he was to arrive home to reclaim his rightful title as King of the Castle.
They had some sleepless months.

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