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September 20, 2006


Guys know how to handle animals.

(Sent in by everyone)

(Also, Ridley and I have landed in Los Angeles. It's nice and sunny. There's no precipitation, which is part of the cycle that water travels in. Water travels in a cycle, yes it does.)


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yay! I'm one of the senders. I loved the headline.
and a possible First. What a day!

Man Bites Panda WBAGNFARB, sort of along the old Ozzy Osborne-style.

One would think it would have also been newsworthy that it was a talking panda: "The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said."

Same here Okie, But I must have been one of the last ones. I loved that headline.

another man jumoed into a cage with puppies...but "puppies lick man, man lickes puppies" didnt make headlines....its on page 3

Donny, SNORK! Good catch!

I should hope they wouldn't punish the panda. Poor thing's been punished enough.

Don't you people watch Disney movies? ALL animals can talk! They just hide it from us so we humans can keep thinking we're "superior".

I sent it in, too! I'm #234,325,123,353, from what I understand.

Wonder how much 4 jugs of beer is?

About 1,500 yuan, DavetheRed.

thanks donny, you just made me snork instead of saying hello, when i answered the phone.

makes note to not read blog while answering phone at work.

rim shot for CH

maybe a "jug" is like a "pint" in Europe?

Anyone care to offer an Haiku? This story just begs for one. Still working on my verse.

Holy Chinese Beer Wrestlin' Winos, Batman!

......Uhhh..I mean bear wrestlin'."

Actually, I got that completely wrong. According to this article, "there are three beer price bands in China," with 5 yuan for a "large bottle" being a premium price, and under 2 yuan being the low end of the market.

So, it's more likely that four jugs of beer cost something more in the range of 10-20 yuan. Shockingly, this is $1.25-$2.50 - so beer in China is really cheap.

No wonder this fellow got into trouble.

so, how many of you guys are suddenly considering a move to China?

*Snork at CH :) now if only i knew what that means

oops this is what happens when you don't refresh before posting again

On the downside, it's probably crummy beer, by Pacific NW standards. Now, coming from OK, ya might not notice the difference. ;-)

When at the zoo in Beijing,
remember this one little thing.
Though four jugs of beer
may take all your fear,
please don't pet the panda; it stings.

Dave - we here in Los Angeles apologize for the lack of precipitation. However, it wreaks havoc with our botox injections, hair extensions, and reading scripts in sidewalk cafes.

But for your visit, we have arranged a roast - of about 90,000 acres. Hope you brought your wienies. For roasting, of course.

If you do happen to see any precipitation, it is not rain. It is not snot. It is soot. That is all.

Panda Bears----Durn Good Eatin'!

And for Esther:

Beer doesn't mix with
Chinese migrant workers. Nor
do pandas and zoos.

Bears black and white may
look very cute at first sight,
but yes; they will bite.

Yum! Tastes like chicken!

Bumble, yes, they will. Just ask Timothy Treadwell.

"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand"

Was I the only one troubled by this? Step away from the panda...

Thought as I sink teeth:
O beauteous black\white bear
Beer taste much better.

Bumble, you rock!

Esther, that was magnificent!

I wonder when they'll start offering Panda Jerky at Trader Joes?


Kudos to Bumble as well.

wow didn't know who Timothy Treadwell was till i looked it up just now wyo, the grizzly man movie looks like something i'd like to watch

belching, wandering
sudden urge, cauterized brain
rassle the panda

i did not bite her
was trying to do a "P"
letter, ociffer.

beer - 15 yuan
stiches - 100 yuan
on the blog - priceless

Snork @ mud!!

Nice, mud! You too, Esther!

Poor Panda. They sprayed it down with water to "get it under control." I'm thanking Zhang needs a good spraying. I bite too when someone wakes me up from my nap. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Panda deeply sleeps.
Drunken Zhang strokes fuzzy bear.
Pissed Ursus. Regrets.

**SNORK** @ mud - perfect!!

Thanks, Renee!

Thanks & *snork* @ Esther, and *snork* @ mud.

Did I get all that right?

Dave, interesting movie, but this guy was wacked.

1) Dave, welcome to L.A. Sorry I can't come see you tonight. I know you're heartbroken.

2) I too was studying the precipitation cycle last night. Also the carbon cycle, the nitrogen cycle, and the moped.

3) Gu gu ga joob.

SNORK to Mudstuffin.

"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand"

As opposed to touching the panda with his what- tongue, toe, trouser snake...????

Sorry to get all technical on ya Goat, but a panda isn't an Ursus - it's a Ailuropoda.

(Which, of course, poses an interesting problem for haikuists... Does Ailuropoda have five syllables, or six?)

so...AWBH...if I do ditch class do I get to meet you tonight?
will the Leetie head be in attendance?
gotta weigh all the pros and cons you know!

CH--too many syllables

Never let facts get in the way of ART!!!

"I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."

these excuses never work for me

Look at how the Chinese media shows a favoritism towards Pandas. Sure, a man bites one and they go on to detail how he previously had 4 jugs of beer. But the animal bit him first, and there is no mention whatsoever how much the bear drank.

No I'm off to ponder how a Panda would go about ordering a Black and Tan. . .

Chaz Offers all of you a drink at....

then we can touch my the Panda

You are right Wyo, I looked at another site that explained his death, and that of his girlfriend, it was pretty grizzly.


Is that what they're calling it now? I'm a fogey and therefore not into the new lingo.

Barb: "Where you goin, dear?"
Bob: "Oh, I'm just going to pet the panda."
Barb: "That's nice. Will you be long?"
Bob: "For about 30 seconds."

yikes my first groan, of course i have groaned at my own in the past, lol

Isn't there a medication for that, GT?

Oh, no, that's right - there's a traumatic treatment that involves a hedgehog. And yes, there is something wrong with that.

Hedgehogs are cute.

And in my world, euphemisms for m**********n are always funny.

Do you think that after 15 minutes, the Panda had a craving for more chinese?

*TLAPD is over....remember to change blog name....stoopid*

PSGG, that was *awful*. Snorkable, but awful. :-D

I would *never* mistake you for Cap'n Jack Sparrow, Punkin!

man + beer = stupid

here, here on the *Snork*- PS-G-G

Uhm, no, Suzy, man + beer = indiscriminate.

Me + Beer = blissful

female pandas
in heat just three weeks a year
gu gu was cranky

Me + beer = fat

There once was a drunk in Beijing
Who fancied a panda his thing
He gave it a hug
It acted quite smug
Guess Gu Gu's not gaga for Ming.

Getting touched by drunk
Not a nice way to wake up
That's why - Panda Fresh!

Betsi - sorry, I won't be there. I shoulda paid attention to the road trip schedule. Plus I have these things at home to attend to - kids. I bought them the Peter books (hee, hee!), but they saw a bad word in them so they won't read them. I don't get kids today - bad words always inspired me to read.

Instead, I will be here awaiting the results of CJRun's mind bait, er, blind date.

*Snork at annie, good limerick

Steve Irwin is turning over in his grave!

Did Dave say Walter traveled on a cycle? How does he hold the handle bars?

bunny - Maybe he just can't get "comfy" yet.

(Only 364 more days)

*slaps Brian*

(Somebody had to do it)

Well it's one for the money
Two fisted brew
Three to get ready now
Gu Zhang Gu
But don't you
Enter my Beijing Zoo
Now you pandu anything
But don't pester my Beijing Zoo.

stevie w - urine animal.

*Snorks* @ AWBH for Gu Gu's not gaga and stevie for the King from Beijing.

As for the blind date, I hearken to CH on the whole beer + man = indiscriminate thing. Apparently, not so much as she was rather nice. How the hell did I manage that? Maybe it was teaching the bartendress to make mojitos substituting Rumpleminz due to lack of mint leaves. All I know is I still feel like 80,000 acres of soot from Monday night and am grateful I cabbed that night!

"stevie w - urine animal."

Hm, Annie, not quite sure how to take that. I've been called worse, I've been called bladder.

stevie, I thought you were a liver, not a fighter...

just askin'

ok...I blame it on spending the whole day at the beach IN the HOT sun..

NOW it's in the right thread...so sowrrry...

steve - i'm sure she was just kidneying around...

sorry..I can't stomach any more of these jokes

someone stop me...

His bandages blood-soaked in red
He lay in his hospital bed
"I just got arrested
I panda molested
That Tsing-Tao went straight to my head."

stevie w - sorry, I over-reached for a pun and pulled something.

There once was a sot from Beijing
Blind drunk, he lost his 'bearing.'
He fondled Gu Gu
Who gave him a chew
So the drunk got a ticket -'panda-ring.'

Boy, do we make a pun couple or what?

Ha ha ha, cute. You can reach over here anytime you wish. And this time, the pleasure will be...hmm, we'll have to see.

What did you pull? I sure as he11 know it wasn't a punch - not your style at all.

Did I tell about the time a pulled a groin muscle really bad? Good thing it wasn't mine.

And yes we do. Imho.

Duty calls...

Over-reaching limerick:

Arrested molesting a pandy
They read him his rights per Mirandy
"You need not say a word..."
But he zhang like a bird
"All that Tsing Tao just made me so randy."

(Okay, so I only know one Chinese beer. So sue me.)

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