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September 30, 2006

URGENT BREAKING CHESS SCANDAL FROM SEVERAL DAYS AGO

Toiletgate!

(Thanks to Justin)

Comments

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First to notice that they use three (3) different terms for the abode of the commode:

1. Restroom
2. Bathroom and my personal favorite
3. Relaxation room

Huh?

Kramnik is visiting the bathroom, which has no video surveillance, unreasonably often....
The careful study of the video recordings from the rest rooms done by the technical experts of the Bulgarian team revealed the following facts...

Is there is or is there ain't no video surveillance? Are we back to the era of doublespeak?

darn - reading from top to bottom, I was going for a 3 way first coup with myself. I got stuck cause I had to re-read this story several times and my only thought was "HUH????" oh well, at least I can still claim to be barry's 21st booger. now there's a title to be proud of!

I get restroom and relaxation room as the same space; a place to chill out, with video cameras. Bathroom is the commode spot, with no video. These guys need a real sport like hamster launching.

There's something fishy about this. I mean, that there could be a person who both frequents the DB blog and follows professional-level chess. I ain't buyin' it. Nope. Uh-uh.

Maybe he has colitis. Do they really want to know? I think the answer is, "Yes. Yes, they do."

16.04 – Goes out the bathroom
16.07 – Comes out for move 16

shouldn't he be having his movements in the bathroom.

i can't believe i'm the one to say that.

So is he in the relaxation room consulting experts, either online or in person, to see which move to make next? Is he anxious and pacing between moves? Or is Beppie right and he really does need to run in and out of there very quickly and very often?

There's an easy solution to this: install video cameras in the bathroom and relaxation room overnight.

"We are surprised by the fact that the window of Topalov’s rest room was open during play."

He cheated through the bathroom window
Claimed it was something that he ate
But still that sneaky Mr. Kramnik
He could check, but he could not mate.

i can't believe i'm the one to say that.

Posted by: crossgirl

why? ;)

well, see, i make the drinking jokes and sex jokes and can't get a man jokes. i NEVER make potty jokes prefering to leave that up to the men folk!

i see. but you performed admirably. :)

this is an ongoing thing... be sure to check out the rest of the story :) http://www.chessbase.com/

The logical question arises: How many times during a game does a player need to go to the bathroom and with what regularity?

The answer to the second question depends on how much fresh California spinach the guy has eaten in the last few days.

Brad - I guess it all depends on the player's regularity.

Hi, guys. Just visiting.

Oops - gotta go!


Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go....

Maybe he's reading Playboy's "Girls of Bobby Fisher" article.

Judi: I had no idea the Chess world was so controversial! You learn something new every day.

If this were an episode of Get Smart (which it may very well be), Max and 99 would figure out that Topalov, who works for a curiously unnamed but aggressive-sounding foreign power, is the true culprit. Kramnik, a mere pawn in Topalov's nefarious plan, is slipped a hearty helping of California Spinach (see ref. above) in the Bulgarian Wheatgrass Surprise he habitually drinks whilst playing, under the theory that "clear colon = clear mind."

After Krammy hits the john for the fifth or sixth time, the plot, amongst other things, thickens. People start saying to themselves, "What's the frequency, Kram?" and all eyes are turned on him as he heads for the head. Now the true rookery is about to begin.

Under the guise of stretching, Topolov adjusts his position so his back exactly obscures the single surveillance camera's view of the chessboard. Then he taps the chessboard, which is really a trapdoor in the table, and it opens as if by magic, dumping the pieces on the table. The head of Topolov's partner in crime rises through the opening and Topolov whacks him for scattering the pieces yet again. The partner is seen to be punching keys on a handheld version of Sargon II, and (after a tense wait) gives Topolov his next move. The partner drops back down, closing the trapdoor cum chessboard, and Topolov frantically replaces the pieces, finishing just as a temporarily uncrammed Kramnik returns from the "Kings' Room."

In the denouement, of course, Topolov goes through his routine, taps the table, and up pops 99 (they've previously arrested Topie's partner) who is completely distracted by Sargon's blinking lights. Tope grabs her and is frantically casting about for a likely escape route when Max throws something at Topolov's head. Tope throws his hands up in the air (allowing 99 to escape) and falls down flat on the floor. The camera pans in and we see that Max has tossed a chess King which has affixed itself in Tope's forehead with that same precision that made us fall in love with movies featuring Angus Scrimm.

Oh my, weren't those Get Smart shows wonderful?

Key quote from followup article:

"If the match continues Topalov won't shake hands with Kramnik."

I told him take the pepto bismol with you but does anyone listen to me.

"The logical question arises: How many times during a game does a player need to go to the bathroom and with what regularity?"

one of life's deepest mysteries.

a question that has plagued mankind for centuries.

i see this opening the door for sponsors. next year's players will be sporting immodium silks or patches or caps or something. the competition will represent charmin.

lol, addicted.

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