STRUMPDATE

Today Ridley and I head to Phoenix. At the moment we're at LAX, where security personnel alertly located, and confiscated, the deodorant stick I have been carrying on airplanes for two weeks now. Yes, I fought the law, and the law won. I feel like Bonnie and Clyde, whose luck finally ran out when lawmen ended their lawless rampage and took away their deodorant. The point being, if you come to see us strumpet in Phoenix, do not come too close.

Comments

[Clean Hands]

Stinky boogers.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Dave, they sell deodorant in Phoenix. Just sayin'.

[Clean Hands]

You know, Dave, I suspect that they sell deodorant in Phoenix, but I hear that underwear sales are surprisingly low there.

[Stevie W]

By the time Dave gets to Phoenix
He'll be schvitzing....

[Wyo Cowboy]

for some reason, I can't comment on snakes. comment linky no worky. Anyone else?

[wench]

Does this mean your blue shirt will soon be green? At least in the pit area

[queensbee]

ahhhhhh snork at stevie. and dave, you can buy some deodorant in phoenix. .. or you can schvitz........ dont be too surprised if a lot of people at your strumpdate show up with deodorant.

[crossgirl]

i was going to say p.u. but then i got to thinking about yesterday's alphabet lesson and got all distracted.

[wench]

crossgirl - if he doesn't freshen up his deo supply, he'll just be an I

[Artchick]

Hope you find one before your trip to Denver tomorrow! I'm going to try to drive up to the city, but this is the weekend we extract the honey from our bee hives, so I might be "stuck" at home.

[Siouxie]

Dave, you stinky outlaw you!!

[angene15]

Phoenix Sky Harbor...nice place. Confusing as hell, but nice. Enjoy the cusine.

[Artchick]

Somehow, I think stinky pits might be more of a lethal weapon than deodorant. Just sayin'.

[angene15]

*cuisine*

[leemedia]

*snork* to artc

"Stinky Pits" WBAGNFARB

[pepe]

as long as they don't wave to their adoring masses, it should be perfectly safe.
or maybe someone can calculate a minimal safe radius while lobbing deodarant sticks at them... just sayin'

[Chaz]

yeah but the deodorant on Phoenix smells like old people..

[Jessica R.]

I don't think pirates use deoderant.

Hey, I know, everyone who is going to the strumpdate go sans deoderant. That way no one will be able to tell that Dave is stinky. Of course, no one will be able to stand up, keep their eyes from watering, or breathe, but Dave won't be embarrassed.

Is that how you spell embarrassed? Hmmm, going to find dictionary...

[Schadeboy]

I thought I asked you guys to postpone your Phoenix trip until Friday? I can't get up there, today!

Ah, shucks.

[Clean Hands]

Jessica, you raise an interesting, if moot point. TLAP Day was Tuesday. If today were SLAP ("smell like a pirate") Day, I suppose that could work.

[Siouxie]

Not to be confused with the other SLAP (sh!t like a pirate) Day, right CH???

[Clean Hands]

Wouldn't that just be over the railing, Siouxie? I can do that, but the neighbors across the street might object.

[KDF]

But is the security guy savvy enough to know that Dave's Deodorant Stick might fetch him a few bucks on e-b@y?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Jessica
I believe it is spelled
in-bare-@ssed.

No wait - that was yesterday's thread.

[Punkin Poo]

Just slap a tuna sandwhich under each arm....then you can blame the sandwhiches.

[wench]

uh oh DPC - there you go again with your simuls

[24]

KDF - I smell a conspiracy

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

And I barely got any refractory period...

[wench]

well, we like to keep you on your toes (hence the K)

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

or on yours (hence the Q)

[wench]

either works for me

[Clean Hands]

Sheesh, get a room, you two! :-D

[wench]

Clean - there's plenty of letters that could include you

[Clean Hands]

*snork* Okay, I'm in.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

A is not my cup o' tea.
any other suggestions?

[wench]

well, how convenient for you that the only one left is H

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

What??
M
B
G
Z
...

[wench]

okay - I'll give you M (or vice versa) but the others involve 2 women

[Siouxie]

E.I.E.I.O.??

B.I.N.G.O.??

[wench]

Now, Siouxie, if you're in, that makes things easier - more options and less ick factor for the boys

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I was having a bit of trouble telling what bumps are where in those letters.

[wench]

Completely understandable, DPC!

[Siouxie]

wench, I can barely figure out half of those 'letters' let alone try ta bend that way...ouchie!

*signs up for Pilates classes*

[Prairie Dog]

Perhaps airlines should start giving away complimentary toilettries. Nothing huge, just a couple days worth of fresh. That will never happen though, as they no longer feed people fly domestically. Or you have to pay for a box lunch.

[wench]

you might want to throw in a Yoga class as well - some are a bit challenging

[wench]

never mind, Siouxie - looks like the boys have moved on

[Clean Hands]

No! No! I'm right here!

[wench]

snork, Clean...afraid you'll miss the party?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Sorry - I had to deal with annoying idiots who think their problems matter work.

[wench]

do they not realize you have bloggers waiting for you?

[Siouxie]

Hmmm sorry...I guess I saw something shiny...

what were we doing again?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Please don't get me started. Several of us have discussed having a bake sale to raise money to hire a hit man to deal with the situation. This group of people p!$$ off everyone in my office. (they're at a remote site)

Brownies for a buck.
Giant cockroach is only 2 bits.

[wench]

ooh...do tell DCP...need torture ideas?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Please do provide torture ideas. My favorite so far is to tie them up, cover them with Jell-o, and leave them in the wood to be eaten by rabid critters.

[wench]

Or you could slowly drive them insane - have you tried piping all Barry Manilow music into their Muzak system?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

They already are insane. They are trying to make us join them. We'd like a more permanent solution.

Being locked into a water-tight room, given all the food and drink they could want, and being left to drownd in their own waste is another popular option.

(Not funny - some of them have gone to jail for the cr@p they've been doing.)

[wench]

No kidding? Sounds like a good story............(prompting you for more dirt)

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

The {spit} government oversight agency for our industry is very specific about what you can and cannot do. These bone heads tend to interpret those regulations rather losely. Plus they are terminally (I hope) stupid about PCs.
Them - Your application crashed.
Me - No. It's a SmallLimp PC. Winblows wend Blue Screen. My application was working just fine until its operating system died.
Them - Huh??
Me - {Bang!!}

[wench]

glad I don't work with you - as soon as you started using those terms, I heard a buzzing in my ear...

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

SmallLimp?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

SmallLimp?
Winblows?

[estrogen centrale]

Dave, happy to hear that they didn't confiscate your lipstick, too...

[wench]

you're asking me, DPC?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I was trying to guess which terms caused the buzzing in your ears.

[wench]

you seem like a smart guy so I'm a bit embarassed to say pretty much all the computer lingo you said caused the buzz...forgive those of us a little further down on the IQ chain.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Not overly inteligent, no. I just remember most of what I've ever seen or heard. And I'm sure that you could drag out some jargon that would make me say "huh?".

[wench]

and probably blush as well

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Cool! Lets hear it!

[wench]

all in good time

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

OK.
I'll wait for the bell to ring before I start salivating.
You will ring the bell first, wont you?

[wench]

why? Afraid I'll take you down when you're not ready?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I'd like a chance to put on a bib to catch my drool.

[wench]

wow - and I haven't even warmed up yet

[wench]

DCP - I thought "ring my bell" was the man's job.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Huh? What? I got distracted by your Giselle's puppies.

[wench]

VS should pay us blogettes for the referrals we give them! I have some as well and they are the most comfortable bra ever made.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I'll take your word for it. I don't wear one -NTTAWWT for those (guys) who do.

[wench]

doesn't mean you can't suprise the little woman with one...we love that kind of stuff

[Mad Scientist Weasel]

Dave you could always check in your deodorant. Just the deodorant. don't put it in a bag or anything apply the baggage claim ticket directly to the deodorant bar. I'm sure it will show up in Phoenix by say Tuesday.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Um, no. She definitely needs to try those on before she suys them. And I'm not sure VS has her size.

[Jessica R.]

Isn't the book strumpeting tour still about pirates?

[wench]

wow - how big are your hands?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

My hands measure just under a D.
And, yes, there is some wasted.

I hadn't heard that there were pirates on this leg of the tour - except for the government security pirates pillagin' the deodorant, don't 'ee know.

[wench]

Oh - well, they definately carry her size then. That's smaller than me is how I know

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I thought the web site listed 38D as the top size. More research is required!!

[wench]

you have to visit a store to get bigger...but don't get too excited - I don't think they allow you to judge size by feel

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Mad Scientist-Or some security guards are really nice and let you keep the container, as long as they remove the suspicious contents. ;-)

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Shoot.
Then she'll definitely need to try on the first one. Surprises can follow after I know what to get.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Some travelers have accused the security contractors of being in cahoots with deodorant vendors that greet them when they deplane. This accusation came after one man’s purchase turned out to be the same deodorant that he had turned in to security when he boarded.

[wench]

well, you can feel her, not the saleswomen. Although the idea of you going into a store fondling the shocked saleswoman makes me laugh. I wonder if they'd let you to get the commission? care to try and report back?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I'll try anything (that does not get me arrested) once. I think I'll have to ask before groping.

[wench]

well, that takes away the dare part of the whole experiment!

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

I said "I think". I'll see if the sales girl looks willing when I get there and procede accordingly.

[wench]

I can't wait to hear the results! If you get injured, we can take up a blog collection for your medical bills

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

It'll take a few days - possibly this weekend. I'll be sure to update when there is something to update. You might need to take up two collections. If I need medical help because of the sales girl, you can be sure that after I recover I'll need more medical help because of my wife.

[wench]

hmmm..."honey, I did it for the blog" probably won't help, will it?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Odds are pretty good that that would cause her to Q me. Hard.

[wench]

{{{{I e-mailed you torture techniques. Gotta keep it on the down low around these bloggers}}}}

Should I send you ice packs now?

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Actually, now I need a titanium sports cup. Later I may need ice. I'll let you know. If she isn't too rough, it might be enjoyable...

Thanks for the email - a few of those could be fun - if that's what floats your boat.

[wench]

No problem!

I would wear the cup before attempting the fondling action, if I were you!