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September 27, 2006

SNAKES ON PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING

Here is more from the KIFI Local News 8 Team, which remains perky in the face of the mass snake-itude.

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Every Breath You Take

Every breath I take
Every move I make
Every bond I break
Every step I take
Ill be clutching you

Every single day
Every word I say
Every game I play
Every night I stay
Ill be clutching you

Oh, cant you see
You belong to me
my poor butt snake
there is no escape

Every move you make
a couple ribs I’ll break
Every smile you fake
make no mistake
Ill be clutching you


Since you’ve chosen to invade my private place
I decided to keep you you waste of space
you try to leave but your steps you can’t retrace
your cold-blooded but I give you a warm embrace
and keep applying the peristaltic squeeze...

Oh, cant you see
You belong to me
my poor butt snake
there is no escape

Every move you make
a couple ribs I’ll break
Every smile you fake
make no mistake
Ill be clutching you

Every move you make
my dear butt snake
Ill be clutching you

the seller offered to refund their money when he found out about the infestation.
======

well, that sure is kind of them

Jeeze, mud, do you have a collection of these all written and ready to fire upon "need?"

Yep. Gotta be ready.

I can smell a wood fire though I cannot see the smoke
quietly along a stone path among sycamores and oak.
The wind sifts through the branches and softly the wood sings
of fallen leaves and nuts, a crunching orchestra of strings.
In the distance light flickers from the window of my friend
my spirit swells within me as my journey nears an end.
A pause to shift the burden from left shoulder to the right
Some clothes, some shoes, a corkscrew and a bottle of delight.
I walk a little faster now as I see the sun hang low
And the moon shines in counterpoint to field of pumpkins below.

A good friend is forever and this one’s better than most
We’ll hug and joke about our gray hairs and then we’ll raise a toast
To friendship, long life and the years that oh, so quickly passed
Then he’ll laugh himself hoarse about the snake that’s in my ass

I wonder if they're expecting many trick-or-treaters this year.

(It's been a few days)

DAYAM mud, that was almost a preemptive strike on the snake...

"Reptiles are a protected species..."

Say, what? Reptilia is a class, not a species. And garter snakes form a whole genus, representing a number of species.

The snakes must be watching the news too and getting their weather reports for the latest hibernation news from the VIPIR weather radar.

Looks like what they meant to say was "The reptiles are a protected species...," and some damnfool editor screwed it up.

CH, I'm just having a problem with the fact that snakes ARE protected...class, species, genus, fungus...who cares!

Tragic taxonomic illiteracy rears its ugly head yet again... don't they teach any science in j-school anymore? (Or economics, or history?)

The only species left in America that isn't protected is insideous "right wing Christian".

I say, just incorporate the snakes into your home decorating scheme. They make lovely drawer pulls and curtain tie-backs....

Pity they're protected -- I bet you could make a great soup with them.

I'm with Siouxie here - ick!

CH - good catch! Right on.

Turns out the property was a winter snake sanctuary, likely a snake den or hibernaculum where snakes gather in large numbers to hibernate for the winter.

Surreal. Truely bizairre.

Hmmm. I didn't know that snakes could grow mullets.

"the seller offered to refund their money when he found out about the infestation."

I find it hilarious that the property owner would even suggest that he or she was unaware of the fact that there was a giant "ball" of snakes hibernating in the home prior to selling.

aieeee! and in case you didn't hear me the first time... AIEEEEEE!!!

I believe the ball of snakes was a "big ball of dead snakes in the basement". Not that a big bal of dead snakes is any better than live ones... Shudder....

sounds like they need an exorcist (or possibly a nuclear bomb) to me.

Toss an l up there to make that a big ball of dead snakes redux

CH - That's snake-headed mullets not mullet-headed snakes. I'm thinking they look like Medusa.

Ohhh, okay; my error. I'll keep looking for a good snake soup recipe...

The guy who sold out to L. Hepworth
Was the eagerest seller on Earth
Most buyers recoil from
a hibernaculum
And give balls o' snakes a wide berth!

Did anyone else notice that a member of the perky news team looks like she was Photshopped© in?

♫Which one of these
is not like the other...♫

oopsy poopsy, add an "o" to make that "Photoshopped". I thought that looked weird

This story, for whatever reason, makes my teeth hurt! Probably from all the chattering.

Lyman Hepworth.

Frankie Lyman and the Teen-agers dated Audrey Hepburn and Rita Hayworth? (Dumb, I know. The name is just so damm interesting).

I hope Jay Hildebrandt (perky newscaster to the far left) had on his hip boots when he read the story. (I'm a local. The only time I've ever spotted J.H. in person was when he was in his front yard, in his newscaster suit and a pair of hip waders, watering one of his trees. Seeing that kind of thing just takes the magic out of the local news. . .

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