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September 21, 2006


Put Dick and his team to work for you!

(Thanks to Paqo)


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But we're not making fun.

"Dick's soft sell approach and uncanny ability to make people feel at ease is one of his strongest attributes."


No Dick Payne No Gain?

I'll go for the 'no gain' part.

No Payne, no game....No d\Dick, no...wait, I'll be right back

See Dick run. Run, Jane, run!

I could have sworn Clean Hands saw this guy down at the free clinic.

"If you experience Dick Payne for more than four hours, or if any swelling occurs, contact your physician."

I think my motto should be " no pain no brain" after the typo's on the last post..I need to pick up a good crack habit, at least then I'll have an excuse.


A shot of pennicillin (sp?) otta fix that right up.

Snork @ Casey

CH, that should be CJanerun

Hey, at least he speaks English. That's a bonus these days....

An extra mile? Even an extra meter would be impressive.

What if I overwork Dick? Will he have to change his name to Stub??

"Dick works with a team of specialist who go the extra mile for you."

Dick will never need an extension cord.

And you will overwork Dick how?

A plug at both ends would definitely be a suicide wire, out there in Utah.

Punkin' he'd change his name to Bliss.

Does Dick have any condom...iniums for sale?

Jazzzz- I'd say "Flip this house!"

Simul with CJ on a Dick Payne thread. Now I'm off to the free clinic.

Prolly a good idea, Annie [whoohoo] as who knows where my evil-twin wondered on ITLAP Night?

"How does Dick keep his female customers so satisfied? Volume, volume. volume!"

Punkin'...that I have to see!

Dick Payne - location, location, location.

AWBH...stop it! yer killin' me :)

Abbott and Costello for the new millennium:

Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: What's the guy's name on second base.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second!

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: WHO'S ON FIRST?! (kicks Abbott in the crotch)

Abbott: Dick Payne!!

Dick's crack team of @ss-istants include:
Willy Turnenkov - leak specialist
Anita Ball - interior decorator

"...and it's two balls, one foul tip on Dick Payne..."

"one foul tip on Dick"

I think I need medical attention now. I snorked an M&M up into my sinus and it's stuck.

You WILL be the "dead" Pirate Chris if you keep that up. Sorry, didn't mean to say "keep that up" on this thread!

I see the evening crew's at full stride.

If Dick had gone into medicine, his motto could be, "Get relief from Dick Payne."

Well, it could.

And if he was a urologist... Dr. Dick the ____ Doctor

I'm not dead yet. Just fairly uncomfortable.
Wyo's making me snork again didn't help any, but I did manage to relieve myself of my candy congestion. Think Aaaaahhhhhnold at the end of Total Recall. Ow.

Sorry TDPC - better go see Dr. Cy Nuss Payne. And now I'm gonna call you my little "Sugar Snot."

That sugar will kill you every time.

For any wondering how he got his name:

"He enjoyes his work and it shows in his energy and enthusiasm."

typo theirs...

Note "Don't Panic's" 8:19 post here

You can call me anything you'd like, just so long as you never introduce me to any Utah real estate agents.

Sugar Snot, this is Dick Payne

Well... maybe just once

*Hands flower of peace to Annie in shameless kissing up style*

Thanks, Wyo - I'm allergic.

TDPC - just one question - the m&m, was it P(l)ayne or Peanu(t)s?

Yup, that's usually how it goes for me. Try to do somethin' nice, (even if it is self-serving) and face rejection again. Hmmmmmmmm.

*Offers Annie breath mint mojito* :D

Turned out to be p(l)ayne (yellow, if that matters). We keep them both mixed in a bowl, so it could have been worse.

Chris, coulda been a raisinette.

TDPC...did you use one of those gadgits like AAAAhhhhnold to cram up yer nose and pull it out?

Wyo, NO. It could NOT have been a raisinette. Blech.

Jazzzzz, I've actually got a grabber thingy like that, but I was too chicken to actually jam it up my nose. Just lots of forceful exhaling. Good thing the kids are out - they would have thought Dad shooting M&Ms across the room with his nose was cool.

Well h3ll yeah! I'd pay to see it.

Another bad name story--my best friend's grandfather is named Richard Hed (pronounced "head"). He prefers to go by Dick. He was in the Air Force and rose to the rank of Major. So, yes, he was known as Major Dick Hed. ISIANMTU!

Wyo - thanks for the mojito.

I have mixed feelings about causing someone to snork snacks up their nose.

wouldnt almost ANYBODY with that last name at least call themselves Richard???

Knew a sales rep once named Richard Head... He made it very clear from the start that he went by "Richard"

A hearty AMEN to Mo. This guy's nuts.

did somebody say "mojito"?

*waves at wyo*

that was a close one, cowboy. ;)

sorry I'm not quicker, sg, I was talkin to my ma on the phone.

I had a professor whose name is Richard Johnson. Guess what he goes by? When he introduced himself, it took a lot to keep from saying to somebody, anybody, "Isn't that a little redundant?"

actually, wyo, you were quicker. ;)

A woman at my work - "Inita Johnson." Great person, with a sense of humor, of course...must be wonderful meeting a guy for the first time - "Anita Johnson, hi."

Certainly you've all heard of that female basketball player Ivana Mandic. No joke.

And of course, the famous lady proctologist, "Ophelia Rass."

No, I really wasn't kidding. I just couldn't find a good link quickly. Still can't, but here:


Dick works with a team of specialist who go the extra mile for you.
They'll even work at night to earn those nocturnal commissions.

Yo Annie -

"Does Dick have any condom...iniums for sale?"
September 01, 2006
But we do think there should be a website for Realtors with Funny Unusual Names.
Miriam, can you put me into a nice condom, er, I mean, condo?

Posted by: stevie w | 05:31 PM on September 1, 2006
Hmmm....wmta? (warped, of course)

wow - that must have been subliminal. When I lived in the South Bay, a developer was building condos. He put a sign in front of them - "Ocean View Condominiums." Someone very neatly painted over the end of the word and added a neat 's' so it read 'condoms.' It was up fo 3 weeks like that before they noticed.

Well being a SoCalGal, I assume you've seen how the bumper stickers for In-N-Out Burger have been easily altered to read In-N-Out Urge. They've since redsigned the stickers. I thought it was very clever myself.

(Ok Ms. 800, I know there was a grammatical error in my first sentence, but I'm too lazy to fix it).

I almost signed a purchase agreement for an ocean view condom, but I changed my mind when I read the fine print and saw I'd have to make a large balloon payment.

(Sorry. Moth-to-flame kind of thing).

Yes, I've seen them. The bumper stickers AND your grammy boo-boos. But I was busy earworming the thong thread. Jeez, that sounds naughtier than it really was.

Dick Payne loves to sell those condoms yes he does!
Dick Payne loves to sell those condoms yes he does!
He goes in with hesitation
He has fun with reservation
He comes out with some frustration
Yes he does!

Oh, yeah - that was a "NO SNACK & SNORK ZONE."

"But I was busy earworming the thong thread."

Thong girl or thong dog? If you haven't seen thong dog, I respectfully request you cast an eye (ear?) in its direction. I managed to irritate a few folks a few times, so it was a good day.



Wath that a thong thung blue? Jutht curiouth.

Well I'm a bleeding
Ow, that dick payne
I din't know I'm black and blue again
It burns, when I have to go...

[Now that's just gross. BTW, 'no snack and snork?' No capeesh.)

NOW I get it...duh...That one is way up there, and I ain't just talkin' bout the wedgie.

(brain dump time)

His motto: "If you knew Dick Payne, you'd be listing too!"

Broker? I hardly even knew 'er!!

Dick's attention to detail will make your experience enjoyable

some guys could learn a little something from Dick...

just sayin'

Oh and Good morning Blog, judi and fella blogsters!

Dick already works for me. I dont need a new Dick.

Morning y'all

shall I play "the Thong song" this morning

"If you knew Dick Payne, you'd be listing too!"

I don't know him, but I do list a little to port IYFMD, not that it's any of your business.

You Better Dick Payne before Payne Dicks you

"Dick he enjoys his work and it shows"

No kidding - look at that silly grin.

My husband knew a guy in high school named Richard Payne. After graduation, he joined the army - with the rank of private. Yes, that's Private Dick Payne. I swear I'm not making this up.

snickers - did he ever make rank of Major?

*snork* 24 LOL

morning :)

or or or...when he was brown nosing?? He was a Payne in the butt..hehe

Brown-nosing, Siouxie? Or being a brokeback airman? NTTAWWT (although the UCMJ disagrees).

don't ask...don't tell, Clean

Snickers, is this your husband's friend?

Buenos dias, CH!

well that too, CH...no askie no tellie=no queery

&iexpl;Buenas dias!

Well, technical, no askie=no query.. :-D

Dangit. ¡

True story: I once had a boss named Richard Less. On my interview he told me never to call him Dick. My other boss at the same job was Fred Pill. ISINMTU

I find all these "Dick" jokes rather sophmorish.
Dickie Small
Head of Blow Molding operations
American Prophylactic Corp.

Dick's attention to detail will make your experience enjoyable.

Well I hope so.

Dick Payne will also give you two acres.

...but hopefully not also a mule

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