AND THE SO-CALLED "UNITED NATIONS" DOES NOTHING

Comments

[LaguitoMojito]

They've got to be somewhere. Check the frat houses

[Meanie the Blue]

If this keeps up, we will just have to prioritize. Erdinger gets first dibs, Co0rs goes last.

[billinbossier]

Have the Brits never heard of bottled beer?

[crossgirl]

no beer? say it isn't so!

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

Around here, there are quite a number of restaurants / micro breweries. Just go to one of these fine establishments and drink right out of the vat. That's what I do.

[insomniac]

...those Kardboard Kegs are hardly a replacement!

[Clean Hands]

This problem has hit the homebrewing craft hard, as well, since many homebrewers steal legally acquire kegs and convert them into oversized brewpots. Competition's driving up the cost of these grey-market brewing vessels.

I have one of these, but I don't use it much any more, after forgetting one time that the bottom rim was nearly red-hot. Did you know that the skin of your hand will actually sizzle like a good steak on a grill, if you grab something that's hot enough?

[Meanie the Blue]

Ooooh, ouch! No wonder your hands are so clean.

*Taps another*

[Clean Hands]

My hands have had a surprising number of incidents of this variety.

I was replacing the screen on a laptop one time, and discovered that the backlight has an impressively-powerful capacitor attached to it. I learned what the tip of my finger smelled like, vaporized. (Kinda like burnt hair, for those taking notes at home.)

Another time, I was at a party where adult beverages were being served to forced on me in substantial quantity, and someone thought it would be a good idea to hand me a firework to set off. No, I didn't stupidly hold it while it went off, but I did manage to grab hold of the fuse, above where I lit it. When it burned through where I was holding it, I threw it... which was probably a good thing.

[Meanie the Blue]

Do I want to know how you know what burnt hair smells like?

[Clean Hands]

What, you never had a stupid cat and a gas stove? (I swear that he jumped up there himself.)

[Clean Hands]

What I really hate is that first moment, when you realize that you've really hurt yourself, but the pain hasn't hit yet. And you did it in a particularly stupid way.

I can report that the thought that goes through one's mind at such a moment, is not (as widely reported), "Oh, sh!t," but rather, "Oh, that's going to smart."

[Siouxie]

So you were once Charred Hands??

[Meanie the Blue]

I know the cat wouldn't agree, but I am so glad to hear it wasn't your hair.

And do you mean like that instant when you're cutting carrots and you inch the carrot ahead another notch, only you inch it just a tad too far ahead, just before things start to get very, very red? That moment?

[Clean Hands]

Or the one where you stub your tow in the dark, reach down to assess the damage, and realize that your toenail is flapping loosely.

Yes, that precise moment.

[Clean Hands]

Oh, I wish it were just the once, Siouxie, I really do. I have all manner of interesting scars, including one that preserves the pattern of the steam vents on an iron. (That one's some 20 years old, so it's starting to fade get lost under newer scar tissue.)

[Clean Hands]

Tow? Try "toe." And some coffee. Sheesh.

[Meanie the Blue]

Or when you're loading the dishwasher, leaving the door down with the lower rack pulled out, and you step around the corner of the kitchen in a hurry to answer the phone call you've been waiting for, and you come back and end up sprawled across the kitchen holding your shin and howling as glassware starts to roll in several directions including toward the steps down to the rec room, just out of your reach?

That golden moment?

[Siouxie]

Ouchie to both of you...

I've done the tow toe stubbing PLENTY of times...I'm barefoot a lot. And the burning as I attempt to cook or bake.

[Clean Hands]

Yes, Siouxie, but have you ever completely lifted the nail of your big toe off of the nailbed?

They say that the uprotected nailbed is one of the most sensitive (to pain) parts of the body. Terrific for Jack Bauer; not so good for those of us who have experienced that pain. I wouldn't put it up against Mrs. Hands' ectopic rupture some years back, but it's probably the best I can offer as a man of the male variety.

I hope. Dear God, I hope.

[Siouxie]

OK you have me beat in the toe/pain department but I have given birth...so lets not GO there GIRLFRIEND!!

*snaps fingers while head jerks side to side*

[Clean Hands]

I already conceded that ground, Siouxie. Cheerfully, gratefully.

[Meanie the Blue]

I have said this many times. I am astonished that women can manage to endure childbirth, and my gratitude is endless that it is not I who has to endure it. What boggles my mind most is that women will voluntarily do it again.

[Joe Joe]

Jeesh,.... Pain, body parts, burning cats, burning sizzling skin... The blogs off to another terrific start . . . . .

and all from a beer article.

[Clean Hands]

Amnesia, Meanie. No, really.

[Clean Hands]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Joe Joe: the bloglits do not so much need a topic as an excuse.

[insomniac]

i've said this before, but my Mrs. tore her fingernail off a few days before giving birth to our son with no anaesthesia... she complained more about the fingernail!

[Siouxie]

CH, I agree...we really tend to forget the pain (at least those of us stoopid blessed enough to have a second child.)

[wench]

Hey, guys, I bet you wish you were this kid

(from the same website)

[24]

Clean - when I was a kid (and it was still legal to burn trash in the city), my brothers put a pipe over the hot embers in the burn can. I, being a moron, picked it up. Isn't it amazing just how long it takes for your nerve endings to tell you your skin is burning off?

[Siouxie]

not fast enough...24!

[Clean Hands]

You gotta listen for the sizzle, 24. That's an early-warning signal.

Wench, I think you just gave those of us who are males of the masculine persuasion grist for many happy nights of dreaming.

[Meanie the Blue]

We here at the Dave Barry Blog and Stream of Consciousness Testing Ground are proud to serve the needs of the psychopath community.

Please resume your normal usual Hey, give me that Elmo! activities.

[wench]

Happy to help all you boys get your week off to a good start

[Clean Hands]

Reminds me of the joke with the 99 giggling nuns. No, it's really not clean enough to retell here...

[crossgirl]

if anyone needs me, i'll be yakking under my desk. stop with the toenails already. please!!!!!!!!!!!! retch, blech, blah

[Kathybear]

Nothing compares to falling flat on your nose - on asphalt... I still have a scar from that encounter...

[Mr. Michael]

Me, I just like the fact that in the article they are using beer math. Or at least math affected by beer.

Cost of kegs/each? = 55 pounds
# of missing kegs? = One Million
Total cost to them? = 22.5 Million Pounds

Public Education ? = Priceless

[CJrun]

Belated *snorks* at the direction shift. The stories reminded me of helping out my buddy Davy Crockett, doing some welding. When I scorched my hand, this delightful man asked me "know how to tell the difference between hot and cold steel?" When I shook my head he said, "not like that."