WON'T YOU PLEASE, WON'T YOU PLEASE

Please won't you be my neighbor?

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard and many others)

Comments

[Clean Hands]

*Meow*

FIRST

[Clean Hands]

*Cheering for the old hag to be fed to the cats...*

[Clean Hands]

And, honestly, I think that some cop needs to have his welly wanged... by a lady T-rex.

[Clean Hands]

Ew. I simul'ed myself.

Oh, wait. Because I can.

[sthnbelle]

You must be pretty fast on the keyboard, there, Clean. I always get challenged by the sp@mbot if I try to post that quickly!!

[sthnbelle]

Oh, and to the neigbor-lady - GET A LIFE!

[Christobol]

ROGER THE SHRUBBER:
Are you saying 'meow' to that old woman?
LAUGHNER:
Erm,... yes.
ROGER:
Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'meow' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
LAUGHNER:
Did you say 'shrubberies'?
ROGER:
Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is 'Roger the Shrubber'. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
BEDEVERE:
Meow!

[Clean Hands]

The robot hates me. I can usually solve his puzzles, though.

This last time, he presented me with a quadratic equation to solve, which did slow me down considerably.

[sthnbelle]

SNORK to Cbol for the Python-ness.

[fivver]

I think they should replace their kitty with a couger. Meow this beyotch.

[Clean Hands]

"Roger the Shrubber" sounds like a painful act, rather than a trade name.

[24]

"This should never have been filed," Martin said. "This is not something that police should be wasting their time with or wasting the court's time."

I like wneh Mr. 24 gets dumb cases like this - makes for fun dinner talk

[Clean Hands]

Yes, but unlike Mr. 24, the cops in this case didn't tell the nasty neighbor lady that she really just needed the services of the shrubber.

[Alien8]

I just moved to the country to get away from an old bat like that. She said my cats were scratching her car windows. Her family apologized to me for her behavior, but then she put up signs saying HANDGUNS FOR SALE and we realized she was psychiatric. She told me the week I moved in that she didn't approve of living creatures, and that she was a widow. Well, my cats are gone, but I bet she's no happier.

[KAZ]

THIRTEENTH!

[Clean Hands]

Alien8, I used to have a neighbor like that, too.

However, instead of moving, I put in a hot tub in the back yard.

Without the privacy hedge.

Her living room window looks right out into my yard.

She put up the For Sale sign within a month or two.

[diverdowndoc]

Did she see your "huge throbbing purple man-missile"®?

[MOTW]

Alien8, I truly hope that you are happier now, with your faithful cats by your side.
Honestly, this reminds me of the neighbors who kept blowing leaves on to each others' yards.

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

[24]

My neighbor has an insane Golden Retriever who sounds like he wants to rip everyone's throat out. Yesterday, the dog assaulted a 6 year old boy and while the poor kid was screaming and shaking, my moron neighbor tried to get him to pet the dog.

Wonder how much therapy will cost for that poor kid?

[Clean Hands]

See, now, that's different, 24. Any animal - any animal, be he on four legs or two - who threatens my kid is headed for some imminent violence, most likely of the terminal variety.

That's what happened to my last rooster.

The new one seems to be a little less inclined to be personally obnoxious to the kids, though the hens kinda wish I'd do something, well, permanent about him, too.

[24]

Clean - if we didn't live in the city, the dog would be no more (pow pow). I'm waiting for someone to poison him.

[The Crib Chick]

Goodness, Alien8..."She told me the week I moved in that she didn't approve of living creatures..."

lol, um, being a 'living creature' myself, (most of the time)...that would certainly perk my ears up, and get me looking through the real estate ads. (!)

[PirateBoy]

Sorry, this isn't funny to me. Why should a bratty 14 year old kid (Encouraged by his mother) be allowed to harass and bully a 78 year old women?

I hope she wins her case.

[kitten]

PirateBoy - are you joking?

[Clean Hands]

If meowing at someone constitutes harrassment, I'd hate to hear what you think of my hottub installation...

[Adam-12]

If my neighbor did your hottub technique, and I had to look at them sans clothing (Which I assume was your point), I would call the local police, and swear out a complaint. That's not an accidental thing you did, you planned to do it as some type of revenge. Sorry, I'm not buying this.

[blurk]

I'm kinda torn on this one. The kid shouldn't be harrassing an old woman. But the old bat sounds like she needs another old bat to slap some sense into her.
And so the dilemma...

[Betsi]

dude, some people lose their sense of humor at a certain age i guess. all she needs to do is reply "come here, little boy, i want to eat you!" and she'll scare him off if it bothers her that much.

[kitten]

It's not like the kid chased her - he just said "meow". I would have a hard time stifling my laughter long enough to lecture the kid.

[Chaz]

I bark at my neighbors on a constant basis. For no reason...

[kitten]

don't really know why, but that visual is cracking me up, chaz

[PirateBoy]

For years I had to live next door to a family identical to this. The punk kids tried every trick under the sun to harass and bother each of the neighbors. We all tried to explain to the kid's mom that we were concerned about her kids, and asked if she would tell them to kindly cease bothering the rest of my neighbors, many of whom were elderly. She did nothing. Eventually, a few years later, she stood in her driveway, tears streaming down her cheeks, as the police lead her two darlings, handcuffed, to the back of a squad car. They had just stolen a large cache of money and guns from a neighbor's house. The neighbor caught them in the act, and chased them home. As the police car pulled away, she turned to us and said "I don't know where I went wrong!". Yeah, right.

Only these kids didn't meow at me, they used to make chicken noises.

Same punks, different story.

[fivver]

Chaz do you dig in their flower beds and cr@p on their lawns?

[blurk]

Chaz, you'd better you hope you don't wake up one day with a shock collar on.
That being said, that's funny as hell!

[Bobbi]

Meow.. ha, I think that's pretty good. Seems like a pretty peaceful way to respond to someone who made you get rid of your beloved pet. She should be glad that the kid isn't doing anything obscene.

[Clean Hands]

I could just as easily have sworn out a complaint for the design of her house, which was built decades after mine.

Pretty clearly, the law was on my side, as she was not shy about calling the authorities down on me for a myriad of other "offenses," including failure to mow my lawn in a timely manner.

To be honest, I never deliberately flashed her, but I certainly did consider painting an epithet and an arrow on the roof of my shop for the benefit of low-flying aircraft.

(Now I'm glad I didn't, as that would be difficult to explain to neighbors looking at my place on Google Earth...)

[Glix]

This kid sounds like the kind of imp that, to an extent, drove me out of teaching. Even so, I sympathize. She said she's been putting up with this for three years, so he was eleven when they got rid of the cat. Still kind of a kid. So what he probably remembers most is this grumpy person griping and then the cat being gone. I don't like to excuse his behavior, but then again, the neighbor already got what she wanted, and he only lost.

(Get between me and my cats and you're going down.)

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

**reads about the hot tub of clean hands, puts 'for sale' sign ouside of own house**

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

But if you think about it, the kid was most likely indeed a whippersnapper . . .

[kitten]

Clean - what was your address and when are you in the hot tub?

*puts Google Earth in her favorites*

[MOTW]

Geez, PirateBoy, that is one sad story (I'm sincere, here, not being sarcastic). Makes you bite your tongue trying not to say, "I told you so," doesn't it?
As I said on another blog, it's my duty to raise my kids to be responsible citizens. Whether I (or my kids) like it or not, whether it's easy or hard, I gotta do it. Unfortunately, some people wimp out when it comes to parenting.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

. . . or maybe even a stinker . . .

[Clean Hands]

This popped up in the Quote of the Day the other day, and it seems apropos to this conversation:

"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority."

Ralph W. Sockman

Let us strive to be courageously tolerant.

[MOTW]

MKJ, one might even go so far as to say he's a hooligan. *gasp*

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

MO: C'est juste. But the woman also may have been a slubberdegullion . . .

[insomniac]

Betsi - should she really say 'come here, little boy, i want to eat you!' to a 14-year old?
(that might be too traumatizing...)

years later...
"yeah, my first time was with my 78-year old neighbor... i meowed at her and she flirted back...it was pretty good, but now i can't perform with a woman who has all her own teeth!"

[kitten]

Insom - can you please come wipe up the pop I just spewed?

[Betsi]

insom--well, he started it!

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

But if she really wants to make amends, she could always offer the child a gift . . .

[Cheesewiz]

Maybe if the kid switched to snake hissing it would be better?

[Betsi]

for the record, i meant that in a Hansel and Gretel kind of way.

[Clean Hands]

*snork* @ MKJ!!

[Stevie W]

Next he'll be singing to her:

Felines. Wo, wo, wo felines...

[Somewhere North]

I think the older lady overreacted a tad, but the mother of that child should be teaching him respect for older people. Hey, my cat annoyed my neighbor by doing the same thing so I kept him (the cat) inside. I didn't use it as an excuse to let me kid be rude to her. My kid jolly well better be respectful when speaking with the neighbors. Whether they're being unreasonable, my kid is still going to behave.

However, if this is the highlight of the crime week in that fair town, I may move there.

[Somewhere North]

Of course, my neighbor on the other side is an unemployed 50ish guy who lives with his mother, collects cans, told me he loves me and freaks out if you step on his driveway. I've often fantasized about harming him in ways far more elaborate than mewing.

But I don't tell my kid.

[almne]

I think everybody has a whacked out neighbor. In our neighborhood we have a guy who lives in a house at the end of the court. We have never seen him. My family has been living in the same house since 1988, and we have not once seen the guy outside of his house. The guy pulls up to his mailbox in his car, drives into his garage and closes the door before getting out. All of the gardening is done by hired people. We've decided he is either in the witness protection program, or a drug dealer. But hey, at least he doesn't hassle us!

[Somewhere North]

Upon reflection, if I mewed at my neighbor (the crazy one) he'd probably think it was a come on.

[angene15]

Maybe the kid was just a fan of Super Troopers.
Meow listen here...

[mudstuffin]

Some of us here in Columbus are pretty un-tolerant of annoying teen behavior:

http://www.dispatch.com/news-story.php?story=207789

I myself am a member of Fathers Against Radical Teens.

[24]

mud - you should have heard the work debate I was involved in this morning over this story!

[Clean Hands]

Ehrm, does "ghost hunting" by any chance involve tresspassing, after dark, creeping around (or into!) someone's home?

She's lucky the homeowner's not a better shot.

[mudstuffin]

Yeah, clean. The lovely young ladies knocked on this man's door at 3:00 AM. According to him this was the third or fourth time this had been done to him.

I think the collective creative genius of this blog could help here, surely we could think of a way to get rid of PITA (pain in the ass) kids without getting into legal trouble. What do you think?

[Somewhere North]

Kinda reminds me of my mom when I was little and involved in something stupid and/or dangerous. "You get down from there! You fall and break your leg, I'm gonna break the other one before I take you to the hospital - y'hear??"

[24]

mud - I see both points of view - the guy could have reacted in many different (non-violent) ways; however, when you trespass on someone's property, you are taking a risk. I don't think either party in this scenario is completely right or wrong. I just really hope the girl is okay.

[Clean Hands]

Okay, thanks for the clarification, mud - as is so often the case, the facts of the matter change considerably what one might think of it.

I don't care how many times someone knocks on my door - this act puts me in no fear or danger for my life, and does not warrant a forceful response.

I hope this guy winds up in prison with a cellmate who has a teenage daughter.

[Punkin Poo]

The guy IS Norman Bates, for kripes sake! Who could not have seen this coming?????

And he DID chose to live in a haunted house, afterall.

(Is this the kind of help you wanted, Mud?)

[Clean Hands]

I wonder if this might have something to do with this case? Hmmm?

[Punkin Poo]

OH MAN! You guys are NOT going to believe this! JUST as I clicked to post my last one, the "Psycho" music came on the radio for a commercial!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERIE...............

[kitten]

don't take any showers soon, Punkin. It's better to be stinky than shredded

[Punkin (sponge bath) Poo]

That oughtta be a bumber sticker, kitten!

[Clean Hands]

Anyhow, back to the problem at hand... how to get rid of annoying kids.

Actually, there's been a fair amount of prior art in this field.

[Punkin Poo]

bumper.....*stupid fat fingers*

[Jeff Meyerson]

I think the collective creative genius of this blog could help here, surely we could think of a way to get rid of PITA (pain in the ass) kids without getting into legal trouble. What do you think?

mud, personally I'd recomend sending Lab over to knock on their door wearing his white thong with black trim, but that's just me.

If that doesn't get them to move, nothing will.

[mudstuffin]

I was thinking along the lines of rigging the porch with bucket of chum that you could overturn on the heads of anybody at the door via a rope or remote control.

The problem is that you would then have to clean up all the chum off your porch floor.

A hidden video camera might make that task seem less onerous, though...

[ldyadiva]

They didn't have to get rid of the cat, just bring it inside. There is no reason a cat has to go outside and torment the neighbors. I think the parents secretly wanted to lose the cat and used the neighbor as the excuse to the kid.

[pogo]

Geezer reporting for wisdom duty, as requested in future thread!

This is a tough one.

In ATL there was a recent case where 4 older teenagers broke into the apartment of an off duty cop. At least one had a gun, now alleged to be unloaded.

The cop and his son were in the apartment asleep. The kid with the gun raised it when confronted by the cop. The kid is now dead, another wounded others aprehended. Family of dead kid wails he shouldn't have been killed because the gun wasn't loaded.

Only comment from me - kids need to know that if they behave in what other people might consider a threatening manner, especially at night, bad things may happen. We have to teach them.

[Suzy Q]

Ok, I'm here because mudstuffin told me to come.

Now, what I am supposed to do?

[Chaz]

do yell...who wants a scooby snack occassionally...

but that is NOT at my neighbor...

[Johnny Urinalcakes]

that is precisely why our 5 year old is well trained in loading the .22

if you point it, you better be prepared to pull the trigger

JU

[Clean Hands]

See, now, pogo, that's a much clearer case, in my mind. The cop had every reason to fear for his life, and reacted to protect himself and his family.

Just because that kid didn't have his gun loaded this time doesn't mean that he deserved to life. Family of dead kid wanted the cop to be a clairvoyant? Nuts.

[Clean Hands]

Er, "to live..."

[Somewhere North]

The other day a friend caught two punks breaking into his van late at night. My friend is 6'5 and 270lbs. He picked the punk right out by the belt buckle and "subdued" him before calling the cops. Served the punk right. I'm sure the bruises will fade.

That being said, shooting them is perhaps a little much. But then we don't have guns up here in Canada so we rely more on baseball bats.

[mudstuffin]

I did not intend for this to become a serious brain-stretcher. Just looking for ways to get back at / rid of annoying teens without perpetrating a felony on them. (Recently a man in Columbus shot a teenage girl for ringing his doorbell at 3:00 AM.)

[24]

pogo - that is a no-brainer - especially considering the resident was a cop. They are trained to shoot to kill - a gun is a gun, loaded or not, the intention was very clear. I would have shot the SOB as well.

[Beppie]

"I don't like living things, and oh, by the way, I'm a widow..." Is anyone else creeped out by that woman stating these two facts in one sentence? I think she would be afraid the cats might dig up the backyard....

[Somewhere North]

Mud, you're taking away the whole felony thing? Well then, I'm just out of ideas.

[casey]

In my household, I have found the perfect way to make annoying teenagers disappear. Ask them to do dishes, or take out the garbage, or mow the lawn. Then sit back and enjoy the peace and quiet.

(Not to make light of the seriousness of the issues Mud has brought to our attention)

[Somewhere North]

Sigh.. guys, annoying teenagers is redundant. They are all annoying.

[kitten]

did you ever notice it's only the sweetest, most lovable, kindest kids that get themselves in these predicaments? I would love to hear someone say "oh, that's too bad. But, she was a back-stabbing beeyotch". That would really make my day, but I'm cruel like that.

[casey]

snorks to kitten.

Bad teen behavior
Cries out for stiff punishment
Mudstuffin smackdown

Ha, I said "stiff" and Mudstuffin in the same hiaku!

[mudstuffin]

amen, kitten, amen.

[Somewhere North]

"Poor baby! My Jonnny is such a wonderful child. Other than the 4 assault convictions, the 2 dui, and his penchant for abusing small animals and that one little incident of him burning down the pre-school - he's almost never in trouble. So just because he was beating the snookers out of an old lady while simultaneously robbing her and shooting indiscriminantly at law enforcement officials is no reason for police to throw my baby on the ground and arrest him! Police brutality!

And besides, he's traumatized from the time he saw Barney's wanger when he was 6."

[24]

per Mr. 24, in his professional opinion, children who abuse animals are almost guaranteed to become criminals as it shows a lack of morality and compassion

[Dr. Doug]

I think castration is the only solution -- it will stop the meowing.

[Clean Hands]

That, or at least move it into a register that only teenagers and dogs can hear.

[judi]

wow, that's a sad story, mud. sad for all concerned. scary to think of that guy in a prison, though, having read an article that talked more about him having always been an outcast. poor guy... poor girl being in the car... wonder who made the decision to drive around again? it will haunt them all, i suppose.

[Clean Hands]

Here is a more detailed version of the story mudstuffin referred to... makes it really clear that the shooter here just had no legitimate cause.

I agree wholeheartedly with judi - what a terrible, sad story.

[CandyT]

I'm on the kid's side...just shows what kind of little old lady I am...sheesh, they got rid of his cat, for cr!ssakes.
When my kid was that age we lived next door to some real prizewinners
*hums banjo solo from 'Deliverance*
She was an old nag and he pretended to be deaf, so if we were out by the barn and heard her yelling "ERNIE!" we'd yell back "WHADDYA WANT!" or "I HEARD YA, YA OLD BAT!"
SNORK still makes me laugh thinkin about it...

[Somewhere North]

Ah ha! Now we come to the real culprit! The cat! Its all the cat's fault!

*hides from wrath of the cat*

Why did they get rid of the cat? Couldn't they just have let Pussy know she's an indoor cat from now on?

[Leetie]

Sounds like a case for Atticus Finch.