WHAT A MAN NEEDS

A man needs this.

(Via Gizmodo)

Comments

[blurk]

Men, would you put that thing in your pocket?

And feel safe?

[Punkin Poo]

Oh, dear, I see an ouchie waiting to happen.....

(Dave - That is the BIGGEST man-tool I have ever seen....way to go, Dude!)

[Clean Hands]

"You call that a knife? Now this is a - dangit, stuck in my pocket. Hang on a minute. No, really, wait'll you see this thing."

[Punkin Poo]

CH - Is that a knife in your poc....oh, yeah, it is....nevermind...

[Punkin Poo]

ok, ok....how's this.....

"It's not the size of the tool, it's how you use it."

Anybody? Beuller?

[Bismuth]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

[blurk]

Punkin, this is one time I will admit it's the size of the tool.

[spike]

Swiss Army Knife Design Guy: "Uh, boss, we forgot the bottle opener."

Boss: "Just throw a bunch of other cr@p on there, nobody will notice."

[Punkin Poo]

Alrighty then......gettin horny hungry. Better go get ready for nookie dinner....

[Clean Hands]

Sounds like a feast, Punkin. ;-)

[Flattman]

My Brain: "That's stupid! Ha ha!"

My Testosterone: "Yet still, I want one."

[slowlayne]

Don't you think the second key ring is overkill?

[Renee (the First)]

Dave, as one who heard your riff on Ridley's favorite ways to kill people, I am begging you: Do not let him anywhere near that thing.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Where do I attach the PTO from my Dodge Ram?

[spike]

Off Topic Yet extremely unimportant:

"Pluto assigned dwarf planet status."

In a related story.

"Goofy still screwing Minnie Mouse."

[stevie w]

It has EVERYTHING? Wait - Madin Azad Amin has a question...

[Wyo Cowboy]

Madin Azad, what you're looking for comes on the new matching Nokia cell phone/Ipod/laptop/personal massager/GPS/Fax/Printer/Copier.

Sony batteries not included.

insert copyrights as appropriate. or not.

[Pluto]

"Extremely unimportant."

I've just been dissed for the second time in one day... Shields up, bub - I'm gunnin' for YOU!

[CJrun]

OK, just *snork*, @ Dave and, for that matter, stevie.

Wyo, you're just being silly. Your Dodge does not have a PTO and now [as I tell my employees] I'm gonna get you a MSU shirt, 'cause you're just Making Sh!t Up.

[Suzy Q]

Wow! You could hack up a corpse with that thing!

[Wyo Cowboy]

actually it does, CJ, as well as a 5 speed manual. Used to have a PTO driven winch. See, ya don't know everything... quite. :)

[Clean Hands]

Suzy, shhhhhhh.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Can I still have the shirt?

[CJrun]

Well, off topic, but Wyo, I have never even seen a PTO winch, nor a truck with a PTO. Tractors, yes. I need to get out more; I expect they are not available in the southeast, 'cause if they were, my boss would have to have one. The 5-speed, I get that and have one. BTW, may the elk be with you.

[azred]

I want the knife AND the shirt both!!!!!

[Glix]

How many WPB's does it measure?

[Wyo Cowboy]

still off topic, if you're not CJ, ignore this post, and then we'll be BOT.

Most standard xmissions have a plate on the side where a PTO can be added. They're quite common out here for snow plows, RR maintenance vehicles, and some bigger winches. And thanks on the elk wishes. Just keep the d@mn grizzlies and wolves off it long enough to get it out of there.

btw, I'd git the poop kicked outa me if I tried to wear a MSU shirt. Unless it said "Making Sh!t Up."

BOT

[Clean Hands]

$1,200 for this thing??? And 8 1/2 inches?

Surely one can get 8 1/2 inches cheaper than that... just ask Madin Azad.

[Meanie the Blue]

THE Slowlayne?? No way. Not without a limerick.

[Clean Hands]

What do your fellow Wyomingans have against Missouri? ;-)

[Wyo Cowboy]

Glix, with the attached tape measure, it'll measure all the WPB's you can find. Gettin the Walrus to lie still while you dig that thing outta your pocket is your problem.

[Wyo Cowboy]

CH, Want me to Show You the whole list, or just the top ten?

[Wyo Cowboy]

MSU is also for Montana State University, btw.

[Clean Hands]

They're just mad that so many folks took off from St. Louis, headed West, and when they reached what's now Wyoming, said, "keep going..."

:-P

[Clean Hands]

Yeah, I knew that, Wyo. ;-)

[MoFaux]

What, no forceps?

[Wyo Cowboy]

We (I can say that only 'cause my family's been here since 1867) wouldn't have been mad if they'd all kept on going west to California and Oregon. Problem is, too many stayed here.

We had a good thing going with 98,000 square miles and 47 people. (Unless of course, you were lookin' for a bride.) Not even the Indians minded us bein' here, 'specially if we slipped them a little whiskey each fall.

[Wyo Cowboy]

and *snork* @ Mo

[CJrun]

Wyo, you have earned the MSU shirt and I'll be driving through Mississippi on Sunday and grab one. I don't get the BOT. When I was working in Waveland, MS a few months ago [where Katrina actually hit, contrary to popular belief] I had a day off and went to the beach, but first had to get a bathing suit. Plenty of MSU shirts, but no bathing suits. I finally found a suit in the husky boy's section that was nearly 3-feet in length [so it covered the important things]. Southern MS is an amazing place and I bought many MSU shirts at a tacked-together Wal-Mart, along with the suit. No looting, everybody helping each other, and the folks speak funny, even for the south. On Sunday I will arrive back in New Orleans where everyone will b!tch about the gumint. I begged my company to stage in MS where the real damage was, but they don't call it work, unless you dislike it. *happy to have had a chance to work in MS for a few weeks, loves NO, but is depressed to see so many people sitting on the porch while we work*

[Wyo Cowboy]

CJ, I bite my tongue about Katrina. Suffice it to ask, when did it become the gummint's responsibility to provide...

never mind. This is a humor blog after all.

BOT, (back on topic)

Which blade can we use to cut gummint red tape?

[Clean Hands]

Depends, Wyo. Does the red tape have a name & a face? *wicked grin*

[CJrun]

BTW, CH, I have been busy as cr@p, but not as you. How has everything gone?

[CJrun]

Wyo, I'm still waitin' on an update from CH. Does anybody else know how CH's impending Daddyhood went?

Wyo, I have a day and a half off, after driving back from SC last night and heading to LA on Saturday. Right now, I'm putting together those annoying political signs for a guy that will never win, before I pack and leave again. The reason I'm doing this is because I wrote my Senator a letter about something that was national, and he sent me a form letter about how successful he had been at taking tax dollars, washing them through the gummint and halving their value, then sending them down here to clean up debris. I sent him a polite letter back and explained that the next day, after the storm, I had my truck and trailer loaded, drove to the disaster area and actually helped real people. So I'm making stupid signs.

Stupid signs.

[CJrun]

CH, there you are. All good?

[O. the U(manity)]

Wowser, Wyo!

A PTO-driven winch ... I bet that thing'd pull the ... um ... nevermind ...

[bobo]

$1,200? That's all?

[alienmare]

CJ,

You are welcome in M'sip anytime - thanks much for the help. Hope you got your MSU shirt. (We aren't asking for g'mint handouts.)

[alienmare]

AND...we do wear shoes (don't we, CJ) and we do talk funny. But we don't see Jesus on the trees and in chocolate our stomachs. What's that all about anyway? Why is it always Jesus? I think it looks like the Unibomber.

[Clean Hands]

Doin' good, CJ - just holding on now. :-)

[CJrun]

Don't know what that means, CH, "holdin' on."

Been spotty posting and checking the last few days. Hope "holdin' on" means everyone is OK.

[Clean Hands]

Things are back under control - thanks again for your concern!

It really helps to know that there are folks out there holding good thoughts for us.

[Wyo Cowboy]

You're in my prayers, CH.

whatever that's worth.

[Meanie the Blue]

What the heck - throws a few encouraging vibes the Hands' way.

Keep hangin' in there.

[slyeyes]

!

b-o-i-n-g-g-g-g-g-g!!!!!

I did NOT see slowlayne posting, did I??

Please, 'layne, throw us a limerick, a useless word of the day, a VBBF story, a limerick featuring a useless word of the day AND a VBBF story. ANYTHING!

You've been missed.

[slyeyes]

*sob*

It was so sad. Nearly tragic.

slowlayne posted on the MB and, for all intents and purposes, was IGNORED!!!!

No one (except Blue Meanie) appreciated his brief presence.

But it was basically a drive-by posting; no limericks were wasted on the unappreciative.

It was on the scary swiss army knife thread.

[Meanie the Blue]

psssttt - Sly. Yer at the Swiss army knife thread

*Slips a little extra in Sly's meds for the night*

[Jazzzz]

CJ....I grew up in south Ms. not quite that far, but down there. Thank you for helping those folks. People helping people...That's what it's all about.

[CJrun]

I was born further south than Alien.

Alien, still waiting [after, well quite some minutes after he foolshly thought about his wife and child] on CH.

Meanwhile, I don't think we talk too funny. My buddy, Davy Crockett [no, not That Davy Crockett] is from Bougalousa, over the line into LA. I have been working in the absolute worst neighborhood in New Orleans for the last two years. There is no possible worse thing. Before Katrina. It'll take us just about 30-days, but we will turn this spot, as a team, into the spot you guys see on TV. Remember the Katrina shots: elevated overpass and the Superdome in the background.

Where the cameras were sitting, on the other side of the overpass, that's where I will be the next month or two. That's not the 9th Ward or Jefferson Parrish. That's the on-ramp to Highway 90 [not sure about that]. Rising hundreds of feet, crossing the Mississippi, to what is called the 'West Side.' The French Quarter did not flood. The CBD [Central Business District] did flood, but from what I have seen, only to @ 4-feet. The outlying areas flooded; the footage you have seen, apart from the helicopters, is the 17th and London Avenue canals. What America has never heard is that utilities flooded and that people from all over the world came and worked days and nights to keep your phones and internet and cable TV. Many people stood up during that time and said ' I don't think so.'

[Siouxie]

Hi guys! another flyby post. Still here in Sarasota and just said "goodbyes" to my daughter...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

carry on and see ya from Miami tomorrow!!

CH...glad to know the Mrs. is doing better! I'll have her in my prayers as well...smoochies all!

[Siouxie]

make that "my" goodbyes...geez

[CJrun]

Sioux; so all is well in th CH department?

[blurk]

I'm glad to hear that Mrs. Clean is still doing well.

[blurk]

Oh, and Wyo may get away with wearing a Mississippi State t-shirt (neighbors will just think he's wierd) but if he puts on a Montana State he may be lynched.
You know this, Wyo.

[Siouxie]

yes,CJ that's what he said here right?? I haven't had time to catch up...been busy ...

geez...blurk...no HI Siouxie!!!...or HEY I MISSED YOU???

how quickly we forget...hmmmpff!

[blurk]

Of course I missed you, Siouxie. I didn't think you were here.

[CJrun]

Blurk, there may come a day when you have to wear shorts, whatever is on the hem. The shorts aren't as bad as the shirts. There is nothing available in that area, to wear. The houses are concrete slabs. I have a photo of Brett Favre's family home if that helps, but I don't think it does.

What are you doing her after 1630 Mountain, changed shifts?

[Siouxie]

well I was trying to read a bit...find out about CH's wife...and the usual bazoomage/booger banter that goes on ...looks like I haven't missed much lol

[Daniel Frazier]

Siouxie....be careful on the return trip.

[blurk]

Didn't change shifts. Got the kids kicked off the home computer. Miracles never cease.

If you don't believe me just look at the Virgin Mary grease spot.

[neophyte]

Slowlayne sighting? For real? *gets out life book*

But how do we know it is the REAL Slowlayne? As they said before, Slowlayne, give us a limerick, wontcha, please? Or a useless word of the day? I liked the useless word of the day, and I REALLY miss the limericks.

[Siouxie]

thanks, Jazzzz (had to look you up...confused me there for a min).

It's only a 3 hour drive give or take...with good weather/traffic...so not too bad

[Jazzzz]

Sorry...For some reason, I did't catch that. Like, I'm inattentive. *see* ya tomorrow

[blurk]

Whut? No "hi, blurk" or nuthin'? hmmmpff!

[Siouxie]

I've missed ya'll too....I'll be ready for some laughs tomorrow...full time!! lol

[blurk]

Well, at least I got a simul before bed.

[Jazzzz]

Looks like I'm not catching a lot of things. *increases med dose*

[Siouxie]

awww more than that!((((((((((blurkiepoo)))))))))))

better??

[Eleanor]

What's a PTO?

[Siouxie]

wooo hoooo...now THAT made my day! thanks blurk *eg*

Jazzzz...wake up!

[CJrun]

And thanks to both Blurk and Siou, we don't know a thing about CH. We have all been changing some things.

I was not exagerating earlier, and I am stapling a livingroom full of signs. I trust the bloglits to take care of CH, but I have to be under the bridge in NO by late Sunday, so I also please ask bloglits that find it to watch 'Love Song for Bobby Long.' That's where I will be the next month.

[Siouxie]

El - I don't know...been outta the loop these last few days...sorry

[Siouxie]

good luck with the work, CJ!!! doing good!

[CJrun]

*zips in* Eleanor, a PTO is a 'power take off.' The idea that a machine was an idea. You get a tractor, or something with a PTO, you had no limitations. In Wyo's description, it must have powered a hydraulic motor to power the down-force and left-right movement on a snow plow, It's right there on the side of the motor on a standard truck.

A PTO is any inventor's power source. *zips over to grab a beer out of the fridge, given an entire day off*

[Jazzzz]

CJ ...CH said everything is fine at the moment. Hoping to make it a couple of more weeks before delivery(I think) Just hopes it's not an emergent situation.

El, Siouxie...PTO=power take off. Runs various attatchments, usually on a tractor. Wyo can explain much better than I can.

[slyeyes]

PTO: The all-new 2007 Dodge Ram 3500 Chassis Cab offers a six-speed automatic transmission (diesel only) with Power Take Off (PTO) capability or a six-speed manual transmission with PTO capability. PTO is used to transmit engine power to auxiliary equipment such as hydraulics for a dump body, generator or other types of specialty commercial equipment. An available electronic-shift transfer case is offered and a factory-installed exhaust brake option contributes to both safety and superior brake pad life.

I'll tell the truth, I lost interest after "The all-new 2007 Dodge Ram 3500 Chassis Cab"

[neophyte]

You lasted longer than I did, Sly.

[Siouxie]

men and their "power" toys....just tell me it works and I'm good!

[Jazzzz]

Yes, The size of the tool matters here.

[Siouxie]

anyways...nite all!

[slyeyes]

A couple of weeks ago, I rented a Chevy Silverado Quad Cab (I only know that 'cause that's what the paper said) when I was helping my daughter and son-in-law move.

OK, I'm 5'2" in heels. I had to take a running jump just to get into it. When an escalator is needed to get into a vehicle, it's too damn big. But then, I drive a Saturn, so what do I know from trucks.

However, I had to pry my son-in-law's hands off the steering wheel when I left.

[Jazzzz]

nite Sioux.....Me too..

[CJrun]

Yal'l miss the idea of a PTO. Someone can lift your car out of a tree, with a PTO, if they know how to use it. They can force wind down a mine or crank somebody out of a mine, with a PTO. My comment to Wyo, earlier, was that a PTO on a truck was not ordinary, where I am from. I have two electric winches, but what Wyo was describing was a take-off from the transmission. I got it.

Boogers.

[slyeyes]

Well, the next time my car is in a tree, I'll know what to do.

[insomniac]

"I bought The Most Incredible Knife and I was arrested for setting off the metal detector at the airport."

"Sir, we can't recommend you bring it aboard an airplane."

"I was at home at the time."

[CJrun]

Actually, Sly, yes you will. I can barely picture a PTO off of a pick-up truck, but Wyo thinks that's normal. Either way, you only need one friend/ neighbor that once saw a lesson on torque.

If you scroll all the way to the top, you'll see a question about accuracy, but me, I'll head off to the other side of the house.

Best,

[Clean Hands]

You can also put a car in a tree with a PTO - y'all have seen The Gods Must be Crazy, haven't you?

If not - run, do not walk, to NetFlix and grabbit.

The scene featuring the PTO at work makes me pee my pants, I sweartagod.

[Jazzzz]

Hey, CH ...Great movie. The PTO scene was hilarious. I read somewhere that the little African died recently.. (last year I think)

[CJrun]

ba dum dum. Insom, you're a blurker, sometimes.

[Clean Hands]

Sorry to hear that, Jazzzz -- he was about the best "straight man" you can imagine.

[Clean Hands]

Okay, just gotta say - ONE HUNDREDTH!

:-P