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August 16, 2006

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE, IDEALLY STARRING TOM CRUISE

The Romance of Proctology

(Thanks to Palindrome)

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the crypts and columns of the rectal outlet

FIRST of all, I didn't even know I had those....

What an a$$.

Dave - any plans for you and Ridley teaming up to write the prequel to this romance - Peter and the Proctologist?

Well what's more romantic than looking deeply into a beautiful brown eye?

Any man who tried to romance me in the rectal outlet had better step away slowly or I may go all Yesenia Ortiz on his winky.

Just sayin' - you blog boys don't have to run away that fast!

*SNROK*@GoatThumper.

MOTW - I heard it's going to be called Peter Bedpan.

I'm speechless. And I don't even want to know what "linear cauterisation" means!

*whips out digital eraser, inverts R & O in previous post*

Nothing to see here....

*wanders off, whistling*

"People who bought this book also purchased:

Colonoscopies: Tunnels of Love

Poems of the Pap Smear

Biography of Urethra Franklin

And

My Vibrator & Me - A Tale of Love & Hate

"...a proctologist by trade and by temperament."

I've had many an ex-boyfriend that I would describe as a proctologist by temperment.

LOL at Punkin Poo!

LOL at Punkin Poo!

*snork* @ punkin and casey

"Morgani is remembered by the crypts and columns of the rectal outlet

something to be proud of, no??

Is Blurk back yet? I can't believe he could stay silent on these recent threads!

"He claims he was the first (and possibly the last) to insert the whole hand into the rectum."

A whole hand? Holy cow, who was he working on? No chance w/ me, it's marked "exit only."

general SNORK.

*snork* Punkin!

kitten - he'll kick himself in the "rectal outlet" for missing these threads...

"He claims he was the first (and possibly the last) to insert the whole hand into the rectum."

Reminds me of this one...

What do you call an Amish man with his arm up a horse's a$$?

---a mechanic.

well, i should check amazon - what a great christmas gift for all my friends. saves me many trips to the mall.... farbeit for me to make any rectal or a$$ jokes. no, not me. all those types of jokes are behind me.

"Morgani is remembered by the crypts and columns of the rectal outlet."

I can never remember which ones are the stalactites and which are the stalagmites and which are the dingleberries.

and where is Wyo with some farm animal jokes?

"Mom...Tom Cruise wont come out of the closet..."

Alternate title for the tome:

TIPTOE ... THROUGH THE POLYPS

"Anyone who enjoys Blanchard's The Romance of Proctology can seek delight also in A Radclyffe Dugmore's 1914 classic, The Romance of the Beaver."

Hard to top that line.

People who bought this book also bought:
"Michael Jackson's Other Glove" - by Dr. Turninkof
"Anals of Improbable Yoga - How I Put My Head Up My @ss" - by Ann Coulter

Blanchard was a proctologist by trade and by temperament.

Well, it's like they say, some people are born to be proctologists and some people have proctology thrust into them...

"He claims he was the first (and possibly the last) to insert the whole hand into the rectum."

Not according to some ambiguously-labeled links I've stumbled across...

SNORK!@Clean Hands on Proctology thread.....

does this remind anyone else of this?

*SNORK!* @ stevie

again, CH?? did we not warn you about those links???

Teh intarwebs are a confusing and scary place sometimes, Siouxie, let there be no doubt about it.

May I be the first to say EEEWWWWWWW!

Thank you.

Protologist by disposition? Is that like being a gardener?

Major Snorks:
Stevie w's stalagmites
Dave's motion picture idea
All the rest of you who've brought me to tears...

Reminds me of the song about the colo-rectal song from the Smothers Brothers (I think) show:

Here's to the colo-rectal surgeon
misunderstood and much maligned
working in the heart of darkness
working where the sun don't shine

*SNORK* at Radclyffe Dugmore

*snork* @ Sarah J

begrudged *SNORK* @ Annie - even if her Spankees are evil.

note to Punkin - if you're interested, I posted a new version of Sinatra's "New York, New York" on my site. It's in honor of Mel Gibson, since he seems to have his head up his butt.

ISIANMTU:

A couple of years I thought about changing careers within the Air Force. I was going to be a flight engineer on a helicopter. As part of the application process I had to get a very thorough physical. After about 4 hours of being poked and prodded and generally looked over it came time for the very last examination. The doctor was a young guy and he kind of stood there just looking at me. After a minute I said, "Doc, I don't want your finger up my @ss any more than you wanna put it there." He said, "Sergeant Jarrett, you're absolutely right." He signed my paperwork and I left.
Whew!!!!!!!!

Oops, make that "A couple of years ago"

Stupid agos.

*snork* blurk!!

My ex had to have a rectal examination one time after his vasectomy (yes I made him have it) and he turned around and told the doc..."At least you coulda taken me to dinner first"

"The Romance of Pepperell, Being a Brief Account of the Career of Sir William Pepperell, Soldier, Pioneer, American Merchant and Developer of New England Industry, for Whom the Pepperell Manufacturing Company was Named, and the Towns of Saco and Biddeford in the State of Maine, Wherein the First Manufacturing Unit of the Pepperell Company was Established"

Wow.

don't knock the nasty exam, Blurk - my sister's husband had one (she forced him to before their insurance ended) and they found a large growth that had not developed into a tumor but most likely would have in the future...

/lecture

Ok - speaking as a guy, there's two words I don't want to hear together about my doctor - "Proctologist" and "Romance"

"So, you're the @ssman!"

kitten, I know it's a good idea to have the exam. I can reason this intellectually. I just can't get over the thought of some guy's finger shoved up my (EDDTPOC).

culo???

or Uranus?? *snork*

blurkie - find a female protologist, preferably one near a bar. Butt have it done. Who knows, maybe you'll find those missing keys, some spare change or even Jimmy Hoffa...

if it stars Tom Cruise...."Mission: Impassible"

Blurk, try having a cold metal object shoved into your privates and pry you open like the jaws of life. Fun times!

kitten - I feel your pain! I just had my annual checkup and it ain't FUN! No foreplay or nuttin'!

Hey, and don't forget, proctology is a game that girls can play, too! So they can be medically assaulted on BOTH sides. What fun!

Kitten and Siouxie, this is another of those instances where I am exercising UNBELIEVABLE restraint.

Mary, once again, you're welcome.

Blurk, please go ahead, if you can make the experience sound even remotely sexy, you are truly a talented man!

oh yeah, CH...loads of fun! NOT!

blurk, we thank your for your restraint... :P

oh and btw..I have something to confess...I've been cheating on you today...had numerous MULTIPLE simuls with other blog guys (including CH here). You shouldn't have left me all alone here...last night shoulda made up for it tho :)

Siouxie - I didn't know you swung that way (NTTAWWT)...thanks for keeping all probing tools away from me, though

kitten, I usually don't but sometimes it just works out that way :)

As far as the probing tools go...only the battery operated ones need apply...

like a pocket rocket?

or 'The Rabbit'

That's not a rocket in my pocket.
I'm just happy to see you.

Oh, Blurk, we're always happy to see you *wink*

http://www.therabbitvibrator.com/

LOL I know blurk can't see this ...for you kitten!

Must be good, Siouxie - I can't view it either.

*sticking tongue out at Blurk, who is bound to be pouting*

oh well...you get the jist of it...or go to the website later ;)

Hey Annie's back! Hi Annie! We missed ya.

Hey! I don't pout! Well, maybe I do but not...oh, hell...nevermind.

Siouxie -

Surprisingly, I could see that one. Now, if y'all could excuse me, I must go deletedeletedelete my internet history.

*snork* sorry....good thing they don't check MINE :)

don't worry, blurk...I won't be e-mailing you this link...;P


Thank you for your restraint, Siouxie.

I'm pretty sure they don't check mine (I still have a job), but better safe than sorry!

welcome, blurk...sorry I was on my way home :P

What a truly strange article.

Sarah J -- mememememememeeeee!

That wuz my first and only thot, the cr surgeon song, until I got to your link ... tnx for mentionin' it, so I din't hafta ...

ISIANMTU ... speakin' of havin' a person of the opposite gender-type female persuasion perform this procedure ... trust me ... it ain't any more fun than the other way ...

RIDDLE OF THE SPHINCTER

What flows freely in the morning, regularly during the daytime, and can't do crap in the evening without bran or prune juice?

Foghorn,

Yup, I know the song. It's called "Workin' Where the Sun Don't Shine" and is performed by a couple of Canadians named Bowser and Blue. I looked it up a while ago.

"A doctor he wanted to be,
For golf he loved to play;
But this was not quite what he meant
By 18 holes a day!"

Great song.


Mare

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