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August 29, 2006

GIRDING UPDATE

Here in South Florida we are continuing to gird for Tropical Wave Tropical Storm Hurricane Tropical Storm Moth Fart Tropical Storm Potential Hurricane Ernesto. We are so girded that our loins ache. The TV people are already hoarse from standing outside gas stations, supermarkets, Home Depots, massage parlors, etc. informing us that we are all girding. On the fuel front, every man, woman, child and household pet in Florida currently possesses -- counting vehicle tanks, generators, and gas cans for generators -- at least 350 gallons of gasoline. God help us if anybody in this state lights a match. Here in Miami-Dade County school has been canceled until Halloween, just in case.

In case you were wondering -- and we know you were -- Walter is ready:

Walter_girds

Comments

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Yay! Walter's on the job!

It must be such a relief to know that Walter is holding down the fort!

better drink that beer quick, walter, before the power goes out and the beer goes warm!

Dave, I've got rescue standing by!

Walter IS the fort...

well good news...I got the obligatory 2 cans of tuna, one can of Dinty More stew and a candle.....and I did my duty waiting in line for gas to make station owners weathy for the week.

I also removed all items from my balcony

anyone that needs any help preparing, let me know...for I am an expert

Only one beer? poor, poor Walter.

But Chaz, do you have toilet paper? After that beef stew, you're gonna need it....

I feel safer already...

Dave, I think it's been downgraded to Tropical Burp Ernesto...

i hope Walter got that beer before ernesto visited the DR or it's likely to be a bit watery.

Hey, Chaz. I didn't bother to clear off my patio, whih is, of course, against the rules! Wanna come over?

It's good to know that Walter always stands at attention whenever trouble rears it's ugly head.

But seriously, he needs a lot more than one beer to stay in that position guarding the home.

Where's Walter's rain hat and slicker? Did he outgrow them?

I think he must have, Suzy. Somehow he looks taller than the last time I saw him.

Or maybe I just need to get more sleep at night.

Walter shows why walri always wear long, untucked, baggy shirts. Well, the guys, anyway.

Has Walter been thru enough hurricanes to have achieved any sort of cult status in Miami? I'm just wondering if it is common for the news reporters to say, while standing in front of girded massage parlors, something like, "Well, I'm no walrus penis bone, but I'd have to say we're in for quite a storm."

If not, what can I do to help bring that about?

C-Bol: But a lot of them in fact are walrus-penis bones.

Seriously, good luck, Dave and all you SoFla bloglits - may you never experience a hurricane season like last year's.

Of course, Dave ensured that any future hurricane will miss Miami, 'cause he now owns the biggest generator this side of ConEd.

Here is the most VITAL item in a storm.

I, for one, am stocking up.

Suzy...I have to get TP first, which might tale 2.25 hours...but then I can!

i heard a rumor that Dave himself might throw a bloggit party....,

WYO, that's one beer, but you have to remember that Walter is 1.5 stories tall, so it's a BIG beer.

Stay safe, you folks in the path of that thing.

The hurricane, I mean.... Not Walter.

....OK, Walter too.

I agree with the reporters being penis bones...they almost look disappointed.

Oh it's JUST a Tropical Storm now...although I'm sure they're milk it for all it's worth!

Can the news penis-bone-teams just use stock film footage from the other million storms in recent history?

That way they can clean their patios and lengthen the gas lines like the rest of you intrepid Floridians.

yeah. walter could get wet. there could be shrinkage.and we wouldnt want that.and dont forget a couple cans of campbells chicken noodle soooop.

Chaz, I've got plenty of TP. Bring your own beer!

Dave: could you post a picture of a local perky news team beside a picture of the big box 'o baculum that you received on your last strumptrek so that c-bol and I could compare?

Inquiring minds, you know.

*Miami News 24*

"In sports, Duante Culpepper and Dwyane Wade are in a spelling grudge match to benefit the Make a Better Wish Foundation, which provides happy finishes for homeless massage parlor patrons. But first, we go to Chase Tungston, with a weather update."

"Thanks Dash. I'm standing just a few feet from Montezelmo's Gumbo and Dentistry Emporium, where as you can see the girding has been elevated to loin throbbing levels. Wind-Sock Rippler Ernesto is expected to pass through this already weather beaten neighborhood sometime in the next 36 to 450 hours, unless it doesn't. Still, the grim citizens somehow go about their lives. We even saw a guy eating a burrito earlier, though we don't have video of that." *glares at camera*.

"Gripping, Chase. Tell me, with all your storm chasing experience, just how devastating can we expect this pestilance from hell to be?"

"Well, I'm no walrus penis bone, Dash, but I expect all human life to cease, at least around here, unless Ernesto bends his death plague to the north, or south, or just fizzles out, or is downgraded again, or something."

"Great job, Chase. Next, we'll take a look inside a real Kinkos, and discover the secret to producing a working copy of almost any document. But first, a look at traffic with Zip Teal, after these messages."

*snork* at C'bol

*snork* @ C-bol!

that's just about right too...

Dave,

Good point. And I suppose "Although I am a walrus penis bone, I don't know anything about this storm that wouldn't properly be chategorized as idiotic blather! Still, my teeth can be seen from space!" isn't likely to catch on.

Wait, it already has, hasn't it? I really need to get TV.

Excellent, C-bol.
While reading, I had a very good visual of Anderson Vanderbilt VIII Cooper!

I am the walrus penis bone, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.

C'bol. Spitting on my monitor, here.

All the attention is making me blush, stop it guys.

Class 5 *SNORK!*@ C-Bol and Dave.

*climbs aboard the C-bol snork train*

OOSIKS CAN BLUSH!?!?!?

Well, I s'pose ... all the blood rushes to the ... um ... nevermind ...

southerngirl...dont you mean a CATEGORY 5 snork...

on that ashford and simpson scale...

why, yes, Chaz...I think "category" would have been more appropriate. however, I think you meant to direct that question to Blue. ;)

and *snork*

I wonder what happens if a walrus fractures his bone and (because of not heeding the advise of his osteopathic surgeon, obviously) it heals not quite as straight as it once was? Is he forced to engage in kinked sex?

Dave:

What kind of beer is that? Is it any good?

sorry...had to blog quickly, as the bosses are wanding around today

Is it hot as h@ll in Miami? It's hot as h@ll and extremely humid here.

Also, throw Walter in the pool. It will keep him from blowing into the neighbor's yard with the lawn furniture.

Glad to see that Walter T. Baculum is well girded.

Up here in the northeast I'm well stocked with Cheez-Its, cheeze in a can and beer, getting ready to sit back and watch on the TV every walrus penis bone the Florida media outlets have, standing in the middle of Ernesto, telling us that it's windy and raining.

"It's windy here in Miami, Phil and Melissa."

"How about Hollywood, Brook?"

"Yes, it's very windy here in Hollywood, Phil."

"Now let's check in with Robin in Ft. Lauderdale."

"Well, Phil and Melissa, here in Ft. Lauderdale the weather word of the day is - windy."

They do the same thing with the snow up here. Idiots.

*SNORK* at every-frickin-body! Y'all just made me laugh for the first time in a day from work-related hell.
And Layzeeboy's right: In the late 70's we had a winter of snow that stayed seven feet deep along the sidewalks for months. Since then, they cover every damn flake that falls with the same intensity: "WeatherWatch 06: In the Path of Disaster!".

ISIANMTU: My cousin was a cameraman for the local ABC affiliate. Their Crochety-Yet-Beloved Iconic Weatherjerk sent The Team out to find falling snow. When they called in that they couldn't find any in the entire metropolitan area, the Icon lost it completely and screamed, "Well, buy a f*cking box of detergent and throw it around!!! J*sus!!! What kind of idiots are you?"

Oh, Betsy!

That's FUNNY! I don't care who ya are ...

Dr. Doug....YES. It also increases his chances of being elected president.

Ernesto's a dud - all that girding when all you needed was some hunkering.

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