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August 30, 2006

BREAKING BARBIE UPDATE

Barbie has changed.

(Thanks to wolfie)

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Not a first

Can I name my daughter Ivory and not have her laughed at?

didnt, like, "Tickel Me Elmo" swear at some kids a while back?

Can you just hear Barb singing "Do you wanna touch me there?" kinda stuff...

that slut

She's been hangin' around GI Joe.

How exactly do you "take it off her?" I have a 7th grader who needs a few words taken off him.

Any ideas, blog stars?

med, short of a larynxectomy, no.

True story: When my oldest was a baby, she had a doll with a plastic head, arms and legs and a cloth torso. In the stuffing in the torso was a little electronic device that when pressed, would make a crying sound.

A friend of mine about the same time got a keychain type device that emitted things sounding like "duck shoe" "eat zit" "urine hassle", etc. Using a razor blade, needle and thread, we replaced the original device with the one issuing profanity.

The timing was perfect. The next day my wife's friend from Korea came for a visit with her 3 year old daughter. The girl picked up the doll and before long the doll was heard to remark "Duck shoe! Duck shoe! Eat zit! Eat zit!"

My wife tried to ignore it, but the woman asked "What does "Duck shoe" mean?"

That was fifteen years ago, and she's still pissed.

*snork* @ urine hassle!

HERE!

*looks for Boo, Cruise Directors, instructions*

Dang! Ok, wing it!

... careful not to upset the natives ...

She married a Fisher man and she claims to have standards?!

*goes off to read wolfie's story*

*wonders if there's a "personal" angle to it*

*finds wolfies phone number for text message - just in case*

Actually, I was thinking along the lines of a turkey sammich, but I totally held back.

So that is where the extra Twitney DNA went to...

mattel must be running low on career options for barbie if they've got her into phone sex.

Hey! What do you expect for a pound fifty ($3)? Spend more and she'd get the upgraded words!

Cheep Mum!

Primed, lubed, and stoked!

I ~heart~ leetie

*Loves Leetie a Little mayo*

sorry, I've never been able to hold that back.

*spreads out the slip-n-slide and greases it up*

Mad! You really gotta keep better tabs on that schtuff.

*looks to download Naughty Barbie ringtone to her phone*

Naughty Barbie and the ringtones WBAGNFARB

Fisher, that's a good thing.
*adds mayo to work up a froth on the slip-n-slide*

*looks at slip(e) and slide*

Well, primed and lubbed are covered!

*looks to Peri for the "stoking" part*

OOOOH! Gotta e-mail BigD about the trip!

Well Kibby we need to bribe Fluffy and Pliskin with some more snicker doodles to better guard the lab. Apparantly they let someone in to steal a corndog and egg salad.

urine hassle!
hah!
(took me a minute to get that one)

kibby also email Meanie the blue

Lab Specimen has very naughty thoughts.

Here with the hammocks and cabana boys!

I'd like one hammock and one well rested cabana boy please.

The egg salad recipe is top secret. Kibby might not have security clearance.

How about a ham hock and a ripe banana boy, wolfie?

Trill - it took me a while, too. must be the allergy meds.

or possibly two hammocks and one whipped cream covered fish.

But I can't tell you why I'd need both hammocks. At least, not until I'm ready to take the trick on the road.

*waves at everyone already here*

Naughty Barbie and the Ringtones sounds like a retro band with a swearing problem whose "synth" consists of several mobile phones.

But they do not do covers of that damn Barbie song.

Lab, would you please cool it with the dang vacuum? We're busy with cabana boys!

ok, who's got the e-mail notes? I just speed heinzed and couldn't find who's missing the linkie thingie to get here.

anyone? Eleanor?

Can we have a private demo of the double hammock trick, Wolfie?

No email needed, Kibby.

I've gotta hammock with some room to spare, Wolfie. And I've been practicing my slathering.

And then there's that whole urine hassle thing.

Well, I don't know, KDF, they might come in handy. I can think of something the cabana boys can do with the vacuum cleaners.

Barbie says bad word
Little girl sings barbie's song
Mum rings the paper

Potty mouth Barbie
lets six year olds practice now
for their teenage years

pink phones I like not
pink phones with foul language
would make me snork loud

This might be a hiku

Meanie, the Blue just posted. He should'a seen the linkie thingie.

*goes back for stragglers*

I'm a barbie girl,
in the barbie world
Life in plastic,
it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair,
undress me everywhere

*giggles and runs from thrown sock o'nickels(trademarkthingie)*

Is he ripe enough to peel bb?
(why does that look pervie?)

*starts undressing Wolfie*

*loads pillowcase full of nickels in the howitzer*

wOuldn't it be a bigger insult to be called urine hasslehof. Hof should so name his kid urine.

Wolfie, Shamrock and Chips Ahoy™?

HERE! Private (n sometimes in public) Kaf reporting for duty.

*streches fingers*

Whew, that jumping back and forth's hard. Glad to see ya Blue!

Got Roboted while back there so slightly delayed my return. Miss anything? Where's the locals?

Wolfie! Sign me up for the private showing too!

what exactly do you think the swear word was? Bugger? Arse? Yankee?

*drives up with a truckload of nickles for Leetie*

Barbie's had a hard life,*** dammit!

Wolfie.. ya need some butt butter to go with that Fish?

When Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

I went over to the gift shop, and all they have are phones with Barbie cussing and a dead parrot.

I hope Bangie shows up

It may be too late over at Bangi's, Sly. Not sure, but it's probably already late evening.

Mad, I'm not cleared for the Egg Salad recipie. But I'll see about getting more snickerdoodles to keep the bribes down ... They're a tuff pair though, and hungry.

I figure if Barbie "HAD" to dump Ken and packup with this other fella, she's due a few PC incorrect words.

*snorking at Leetie*

*Checks pocket for cash*

*Finds a bunch o' nickels to donate to Leetie's pilowcase*

*Finds roll of quarters ..... actually, no....*

*Is happy to see everyone*

*brings in extra whipped cream*

Can never have too much.

*wonders what wolfie will do with the hammocks and whipped cream*


Ohhh...

Here!!!!!

*wonders what Barbie's doing with a dead parrot*

She was way overdue for a few swear words, given Ken's *ahem* unfortunate, erm, condition.

Have any of you guys ever met someone named Barbie?

*dons appropriate t-shirt *

Leets, stop smelling the Hof's asparagus!

*ducks flying zeppelin full o' nickels*

Nope, but I knew a Fluffy.
And Whizzbang.

*digs hand into butt butter and comes up with a handful*

Okay, who's first? It's an essential part of the two hammock trick.

Well... not everything...

kibby dated a Barbie once - LOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG AGO.

knows a current one too - nothing happening though

*snork at mud*

*is also happy to see everyone*

MiK - no, but I met a nurse named Bambi (ISIANMTU) when my wife had knee surgery.

Should we be taking notes, Wolfie?

YAY!!! for butt butter, hold the mayo!

Here, let me introduce you to the mayo.....

I'll wait for the video to come out MiK.

I'm good at taking notes...

Sometimes.

If I'm not distracted by..oooh something shiny---->

whew, almost two hours later, i figure out "urine hassle" but i had to say it out loud a few times. now everyone is sidling away from me.

Midget goes into a bordello and orders a gal for the evening.

After going upstairs they undress.

The "lady" looks at his winkie and starts to chuckle.

He says, "What's so funny?"

She replies, "WHO you going to satisfy with that!?"

Him, "... me ..."

*smacks forehead* Now I get it!

Oooh, there will be a video? Lovely.

I found this while googling hasselhoff and pee. And I'm cracking up.

I figure while Ken was "lacking" he made up for it in other areas....

Can't keep a gal like Barbie that long without something...

Woooooooo hooooooooooo!! *lines up for buttering*

D'ya think if someone had buttered Barbie a long time ago, she'd be less bitter about it now?

My sister is a Barbie. Born before the other one.

OK, i'm late, but i'm here

well, actually, since i'm only a little bit late, and usually i'm a lot late, i guess i'm actually early

either way, i'm here

How does she feel about the doll usurping her name, Mud?

"Barbie buttered wasn't bitter"...that's the start of a tongue twister.

Thumper!!!

*grabs Thumper, ties him down*

You won't get away this time....

This is way better than watching "ER", Noah Wyle or no Noah Wyle.

Careful, Kaf, you'll make him late.

I found this while googling hasselhoff and pee.

There's a phrase you don't see every day.

*falls on floor giggling*

*butters the nearest butt*

Leetie, believe it or not, I was a bit of a smart @ss in school, but that's one I never thought of. LOL. Way too obvious.

Tippi! You're alive! You haven't been around in ages!

well, we're already more than double most of the posts for today. and we've only been here 1 hr, 5 mins.

*looks for stuff to put into the skeet shooter*

*wonders what happens if you pull The Hoff's finger*

..but bitter Barbie batters a buttered Barbie's butt.

Yea, I gotta give some credit to that student too! And who'd have thought that google combo would find a match?

*considers that maybe he's more than just a little bit late*

What I don't understand about this story is why the mother got a "similar" phone for the brother. I mean, I would be p*ssed if someone gave me a Barbie phone

It's a good thing I'm not cooking with butter tonight, or I'd have a hard time trying not to snork.

mmmmm.. battered barbie butt

Wasn't that the specialty act at the club down the hall? Man the things she could do on that pole... erm.. I've said too much again.

Here's another good one. I like the teacher's comment. :)

Leetie...I won't even ask why you googled Hasselhoff and pee.

I will wonder quite a bit, but I won't ask.

*gets in line for butt buttering*

(It's been a looooooong time)

Marie in Kourou: (way up there^)

Actually my sister's name is Barbie.

IANMTU

'Course I've got 7 sisters so you can pretty much pick a name and I've probably got a sister with it.

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