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August 30, 2006

ATTENTION, PEOPLE PLANNING A VACATION IN SWITZERLAND

Do not hug the cows.

(Thanks to Schadeboy and many, many other cautious travelers)

Comments

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Wow, Is Tipping still allowed.

So... if it's not manditory, it's forbitten?

Where is Gery Larson when we need him.

“The best practice is to maintain a fair distance and keep dogs on a leash,” he said.

How about keeping your frigging cows on a leash?

make that Gary.

have to say I have never had the urge to hug a cow...although I appreciate Switzerland's concern

Oh, right... cows don't bite. Right, blurk?

"Never caress a calf"

I dont think they need to tell us that.

I thought it was don't have a cow . . .

Poor Swiss gals - now that their calves are off-limits, where's a guy to start warming them up?

Keep the dog on a leash? In the wild? While hiking?

Next they'll forbid smoking out there!

COW HUGGERS!

*goes off to find a tree to chop down*

“Hikers lose reality about the cows. They don’t know how to react when a cow appears,”

Swiss peyote?

I've been around more cows than I could count and have never been bitten by one. I have been kicked, stomped, smashed, run over, etc. But never bitten.

also, never give a cow a reach around...

Lord, I appologize for that comment. I am in a weird mood today...


I believe the saying is "never buy a cow a glass of milk when it can drink for free..."


but, blurk, have you ever tried to hug one? Maybe that's what sets them off

It's difficult to bite someone with only an upper row of teeth.

Ask Grandpa.

MeThinks "Charging" and "Head Butting" are the problems.

Again, I've roped 'em, wrestled 'em to the ground, branded 'em, vaccinated 'em, and all sorts of other things. But never hugged one.

Roseanne Barr is gonna be starving for affection.

blurk, never practice Animal Husbandry on them either?

... just checking.

Could be a cause for "Cows gone MAD!"

you cud have knocked me over with a feather...

... and here we thought Mad Cow Disease was because of someone they ate...

Do not taunt happy fun cow.

Don't worry, Kibby. I like my wimmen of the two legged variety.

look a cow! Help, i've lost all sense of reality!

We all know what the real danger from cows is, don't we?

Tell it to Richard Simmons.

Fantastic, El -- thanks for digging that up again!

so 'copping a veal feel is out'?

hiker #1: Help! Help!

hiker #2: What's wrong?

#1: I've lost all sense of reality from the cows! And they stepped on my dog.

#2: Well, whatever you do, don't look them in the eyes!

(an alpenhorn goes off in the distance, in several languages you hear Step away from the cows!)

#1: This place is so terrifying, I can't wait to go home!

#2: Where's that?

#1: New York City.

Is this a real story?

Or a thinly disguised "Guide to Guys" Seduction brochure?

These people are cow-ards.

Mooove along, nothing to see here.

Udderly amazing.

(How much longer can I milk these jokes?)

Every now and then when we're doin' a big job at the ranch (brandin', vaccinatin', etc.) some of my boss' hi-falutin' doctor friends will come out to get the "real cowboy experience". Most of the time they show up in their preppy little shorts and sandals. They watch us cowboys work the cattle for about five minutes and decide they might just sit and watch and drink their imported beer. Or mineral water.
It's hilarious.

Or mebbe it was don't halve a cow . . .

I like that one a lot too, Clean! :)

I saw the article with this headline:
Mooove slowly and don't hug cows, hikers told

I bet a house cleaner from New York could tame them.

You know, a Jersey Maid.

YAY! Partner!

I'm not laughing. mostly.

well yeah, those cows don't wanna be hugged, they want the full pleasuring treatment from a few threads back. sheesh.

got nuttin to say about huggin' cows...

NTTAWWT, course...

(Apologies to the Drifters. And Carole King.)

Up on the hoof
Up on the hoof

When this old world starts getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I climb way up and start hugging the cows
And all my cares just drift right into space

Oh the Alps are full of supple meats
Oh Bessie come give me a little squeeze

Let me tell you now, when I come home craving Hires and beef
I go up where the air, it kind of reeks
I get away in the methane clouds
The smell of cow manure, it's kind of sweet

At night the cows get lonely and so cold
They're looking for a helping hand to hold...

Let's go up on the hoof...


Stevie W:

That one was so bad, it even made me cringe!

Where you just in the moo'ed to write worse verse?

All I can think of is Tom Lehrer's line:
"There is nothing more beautiful than the sight of a lone man facing, single-handedly, a half a ton of angry pot-roast."

I always give a stump broke cow a hug afterwards. They don't smoke.

having herded many a dogie since my father INSISTED on raising the damned things, I too have been sideswiped, stepped on, butted, partially trampled, and mooed at repeatedly. The most aggressive breed, according to my pops...is the Jersey....followed by the Brahma. We never had Swiss cattle which I guess is lucky. I'm not afraid of cows... it's squirrels I'll never turn my back on.

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