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July 25, 2006

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

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Words escape me.

She may be a freak, but if I were super-rich, I would also request fresh seats.

HA! DIDN'T CATCH ME LINKING!!!!

HA!

*struts around desk*

... must be on lookout for BM links ...

I thought it was part of a Kabbal ritual. like the one at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Without all the death.

Yes, it IS a "izzare" request.

(No proofreading at that mag?)

Madonna is Adrian Monk in disguise! Who knew?

Yet she didn't seem to mind how many visitors her assal area has had over the past 30 yrs!

It's for this very reason that I'm trying to invent the toilet seat that disappears when you try to sit on it. You just can't get any more sanitary than a toilet seat that you can't EVER sit on.

And it would completely eliminate the problem of hover-peeing.

Okay, maybe "eliminate" was a bad word choice. :)

Nothing so crazy about that. I used to play in rock band. I would demand free beer. Sometimes I got it, too.

Punkin, you and I are thinking alike. I'd want the toilet seat changed AFTER she uses it!

Kibby -- BM leaks? That was more appropriate than you know!

that's a little too much - if she's the only one using it in HER dressing room - afraid of catching her own germs then?? boggles the mind...

Whoops -- "links," not "leaks."

(Although "leaks" is even MORE appropriate, come to think of it.)

Five bucks says they're going up on eBay after she's done with 'em.

Mud - maybe your daughter can go into business? Looks like the perfect client right there.

Also, how does one apply for the position of "Madonna's toilet inspector"?

*snork*

After all those weird requests, I had trouble figuring out what a "love seat" was.

Ohhhh, a love seat!!! *snorkage*

she wants a clean seat to DEPOSIT germs

Suzy Q - I'm sure there's someone out there stupid enough to buy that dirty skanky thang!

SzQ 'n' SNUCC:

I'm not sure I believe this report since we've never heard of these Used-Only-Once-by-Madonna toilet seats for sale on eBay.

"She said: "Who wouldn't want a new toilet seat wherever they go."

and wherever they go they shall have a new toilet seat. why doesnt she just bring her own? grrr.

never mind, the puns on this are overwhelming.

but i can tell you, that the people working in the NYS thruway rest stops really couldnt get down with this idea.

Gee, I thought it was going to be another Brittany bulletin. You've got to specify with these bulletins.

Someone should super-glue her to one.

But but.... what if the commode splashes unpure water on her backside? Will she next require the entire commode be replaced?

she fills it up with Kabalah water??? blesses her @ss in the process...

She also requires three candles to protect her from negative vibes and mean-spiritedness, a relaxing foot spa complete with lavender and camomile body soak, plenty of Kabbalah water, and a love seat.

1. Obviously, the candles didn't work
2. WTF is kabbalah water, or is it what she deposits in her newly installed toilet?
3. A Love Seat WBAGNF Madonna's new toilet

Madonna is whacked. Has anybody compared her handwriting to that on the letters from the crazy person??? Cuz I couldn't blame Dave for wanting to shoot HER - and her "un-responded-to-request" was probably that she wanted Dave to replace her Miami Herald with each page turn!

Maybe she puts the Kabbalah water in her bidet so she can appropriately absorb all the religion has to offer...

Didn't this blog once alert us to an article on some other diva demanding her own throne on the road?

Like, maybe Janet Jackson (who seems to want to be known as simply "Janet") or Mariah.

No doubt these two are duking it out hoping that being known by a single name will make one of them the new Madonna Cher.

And, no, I won't go anywhere near Barry Manilow jokes.

24-aholic,
If Madonna (or anyone else) wanted to absorb all that Kabbalah has to offer, she needs only to fill her ear canal with Kabbalah water. Then again, given the space available between her ears, she may need a funnel to maintain a steady supply of the stuff.

"She also requires three candles to protect her from negative vibes and mean-spiritedness,"

Perhaps she wouldn't draw negative vibes and mean-spiritedness if she didn't make demands like a new toilet seat every night. Just sayin'.

I don't know about Mariah requesting her own throne on the road, but I do know that when she performed in San Jose a few years ago she demanded that the carpeting in her dressing room be replaced because she had to have it be white.

("Open Your Heart")
My requirements may seem a little high
A lot of 'em I do just to make you ask "why?"
If you were a star you'd also see
That most of y'all are here just to serve me
But you just keep buyimg tickets, now buy a clue

Kabbalah roses (whatever those are)
A brand new set of fixtures and KY by the jar!

I'm hoping I start to see
A new toilet seat when I start to pee
I'm hoping that you don't hear fartin'
'Cause I'll have you killed (for a minimal fee).


So there's some poor sod out there with a job to inspect Madonna's toilet seat before each show to make sure it is new?

You couldn't pay me enough...

What is Kabbala water?

I believe it is similar to this:

"Cows' urine source of lake trouble "

24 -She can have all she can drink!

Agreed.

Once upon a time I had a gig in the photo production department of an internationally known sports apparel manufacturer. When famous athletes needed to look sweaty during photo shoots, we were required to spritz them down with EVIAN water. No just plain tap water out of a plant mister for them.

Why does reasonableness often fly out the door when fame walks in?

maybe...in all her kabbalah-goodness, she's just trying to protect the rest of the world from her butt. After all, she's been around a few times, IYKWIM (and I think you do).

Annie - there ain't enough Kabbalah water in the world to cleanse that butt...

And I thought Jerry Lewis wearing brand new socks every day was the ultimate in self-indulgence. She doesn't need a seal on the toilet seat, she needs one on her naughty bits that are in proximity to said seat.

I was told that Red Skelton had to be (ahem) orally gratified before he went on stage for every show.

Now that's a perk!

Jeff - no, that's a JERK!

Gee I never thought Red Skelton was funny to begin with - now I wonder if it was because he was drained.... :)

*groan*! at El.

Funny, he didn't look flexible enough to be able to do something like that to himself.

A letter from a dinner party Madonna attended.

Dear Madonna,
I hope you enjoyed the Kabbalah water and candles we left in your room. However, if you sprinkle when you tinkle.... Well, I'm sure you know the rest.
Love always,
P.S. Would you please bring your own toliet seat next time you come over. We like the glittery kind.

Considering all the GIANT PINK TESTICLES she has let near her ass all these years...

Isn't that a bit like closing the barn door after...?

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