BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Comments

[Juggler of Geese]

How is she going to have a baby if she gives up Nookie?

[Straw]

You frighten me, Juggler. I was just about to post something very similar to yours.

[24-aholic]

"Paris, who is releasing her first single "Stars Are Blind" this month, recently revealed she doesn't believe in one night stands - because they are "gross."'

Oh, and I suppose she made that video with the love of her life? What a hypocrit!

[Meanie the Blue]

I'd say it sounds like she's reading from a script of some kind, except we know she can't read.

[Juggler of Geese]

Snork

[Juggler of Geese]

Do you think she read the advisory too. Oh wait, Meanie said she cannot read.

[spankyospanky]

Do we keep our places in line or do we reform next year?

[blurkernomore]

On a financial note, Trojan (TM thingy) stock prices just crashed.

[Chaz]

I guess there will be no more nightvision movies for a while...unless its her with herself....

[Addicted to 24]

Someone needs to let Paris know that a year is 365 days and not 365 seconds.

[insomniac]

her new legal advisor, a Mr. William J. Clinton, has told her what activities may or may not constitute s*x...

[insomniac]

...and after careful consultation ,she realized she wasn't giving up cookies for a year...

[Brainy Jello]

...don't just hand it to them on a platter.

*shudders*

I'd hate to see "it" on a platter. Geez that woman is horrid. I don't know what other guys see in her.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

And the countdown begins. She's gonna be so sorry she said that.

[Chaz]

great topic for an office pool....I'll bet she announces when she has it again...or just video tape it

[queensbee]

she's giving up nookie, her pet iguana.
and who cares.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

BTW *snork* @ insom

[Sean]

If I gave up sex for a year, I'd find myself probably like twice a day..

[Nobody]

Wouldn't that headline be physically impossible without surgery? After all, if Paris is giving up sex, doesn't that mean it's "No nookie for Paris' boyfriend"?

Although, that does remind me of the song "Detachable Penis". Maybe Paris is going to do a cover/remake and call it "Detachable Nookie".

[Boo Augustus]

This would make a great digital countdown clock in Times Square.

[Sallyacious]

Do you think she called a press conference to make this announcement? Did her PR person send out a release? Inquiring minds want to know just how much pre-planning went into this decision.

[Susy]

On a positive note...no nookie for Paris means the gene pool is safe - for now.

[fivver]

She said, "One-night stands are not for me."

I think this just refers to the position, not the act...

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Sally-I know, it sounds like something the reporter overheard Paris say to friends during lunch.

But I guess that'll teach Paris to speak in public places.

[Mr. Completely]

Need I say it yet again?

[Sarcasmo]

Blurker, you took the thoughts outta my head.

Also, there's a bump in the inventories of antibiotics at the local pharmacies.

[beaniehampton]

Several things caught my eye here ...
(and she was not one of them)

"I think it's gross when you just give it up."
Uh, Paris, thinking of you giving it up is gross.

"Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter."
You're probably right, I couldn't want you less than if you were given to me on a platter! (speaking of gross.)

"If they want you, then they will wait."
And, if they don't want you, they will also wait - so they win in both cases (at least until someone gives in.)

"... or just want to be able to brag that they've been with you."
Uhmmm, sure, I would brag about that just like I would brag about being with Rosanne Barr. I can think of only two people I would "brag" to; my doctor for the shots, and my psychiatrist for therapy (preferably shock therapy!) I wouldn't even "brag" about it in a confessional!!

[Ford79]

There must be other guys who feel the same way I do...

There was a young heiress named Hilton
Who came with a damaged brain built-in.
Her promiscuous screwings
And unsavory doings
Have my manly desires a-wiltin'.

[OkieDokie]

Snork to pretty much everybody especially Ford (because I read it last and remember it best.)

Her parents are so proud!

[artchick]

Hey,Straw, you took my line! Anyway, why does the article start with "BANG"? Was the writer shooting himself becuase after all his dreams of journalistic glory he is reduced to writing about Paris Hilton's sex life (shudder)?

[blurkernomore]

A thought just occurred to me. The only way she can stop being a sl*t is to completely give up sex for a year?! Here's a novel idea, Paris: Find someone with a brain (preferably a brain and a half so you'll have two between you) who is not a total degenerate and has a job. You see, this is how most of us normal people (ok, some would debate me being normal) do it and it seems to work pretty well.

[TCK]

she is convinced abstaining from all carnal activity will help her "rediscover" herself

hmmmm - wonder if there'll be a video on the internet of her rediscovering herself

[Dan Rather]

Ford79, I wouldn't interview her with YOUR microphone. IYKWIM.

[Suzy Q]

Headline: "Paris Puts P*ssy to Pasture"

[Betsy]

Public announcements notwithstanding, this situation was covered in "Casablanca"...

[Betsi]

I bet she won't even last as long as that Italian guy (Berlusconi?)

[Bill]

This should lower the overall rate that people are having sex by several percentage points.

Oh and...BANG.

[blurkernomore]

Major *SNORK* @ Suzy Q.

[Suzy Q]

Thanks, blurker. It's been SO long since I've been snorked! I feel much better now. :)

[Rusty1]

TCK: Thank you for clearing that up. I initially left the "r" out of the activity thingy. I couldn't figure out if she was talking about the Suez, Panama or Erie or why she was learning about them in the first place.

[CJrun]

*snork* @ fivver.

[Betsy]

OK...Jeez. Ten points to whoever can supply the "Casablanca" quote.

[blurkernomore]

So, a year from now are we gonna be reading about the Sl*t heard 'round the world?

[PirateBoy]

"... or just want to be able to brag that they've been with you."

But what is she going to do with that "For Faster Service, Please Take a Number" machine?

[Glix]

Great!!! Just tack on a few more decades...

I think it's gross when you just give it up. Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter. If they want you, then they will wait. You have to make them work for it.

New spokesperson for celibacy? Encourage your children to be more like Paris! (Hack, hack, choke)

[Meanie the Blue]

"We'll always have Paris"

So what does 10 points buy, exactly?

[Meanie the Blue]

...besides a ticket on Geezer Trailways, I mean?

[Betsy]

...aaaaand the ten points go to...Blue! Bless your heart, I wish it could buy more, but you immediately grasped the rate of exchange.

However, I'll save the seat next to me; and we can reminisce about the days when sex was actually (sometimes, at least) a thrill, and not an annoying habit like gum-chewing-- something to do when you're bored, and is considered mildly antisocial because it leaves sticky little wads around where folks can step in them.

[Meanie the Blue]

Those bus seats, they recline, yes?

*Pops gum*

[Betsy]

Good news: seats recline. Bad news: seat belts required. Gum should be deposited in the nearest receptable provided for that purpose.

*blushes; slinks out to say several Hail Mary's for salacious repartee*

[Meanie the Blue]

I can't find a gum receptable, so I'm just going to wad it up with the other ones.

[artchick]

Of course I believe she'll be celibate. Oh look, a pig just flew by my window!

[catman]

Man, she won't have any male friends for a year with that comment. That's all she has to offer. It's not like someone's gonna "like her for her intellect" ya know....

[kat]

Reminded me of that Johnnie Cash song,"16 Tons".

[Stupendous Man]

Dang! Now I'll have to wait another year to see if these goat glands really work.

(Note to kat: Tennessee Ernie Ford, not the Man in Black)

[kat]

Tennessee Ernie Ford's grandfather was my grandmother's uncle. But that doesn't make me my own grandpa.

[PirateBoy]

Tennesee Ernie Ford got his start in radio as a DJ on KCKC 1350 out here in San Bernardino, Ca. Not long after, Lucille Ball cast him as the role of "Cousin Ernie" on "Here's Lucy", and the rest, as they say, is history.

(The previous bit of useless knowledge was sponsored by PirateBoy Enterprises, where a lack of sleep, combined with a cat napping on your chest can result in highly unusual mental processes.)

[John Salmon]

I love Paris for her mind, which she now can cultivate to her heart's desire.

[Betsy]

Hi, PirateBoy! I'm way familiar with the lack-of-sleep-with-nappping-cat-on-chest syndrome. The secret is to do this in a recliner, and then you can both catch your z's. Little known fact: A napping cat on your chest is the equivalent of 20 mgm. of Valium in the average sleep-deprived adult.

[Paula B]

In other news, the World Health Organization has just released new STD projections, with the rate of predicted new infections plummeting from their previous estimates.