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July 25, 2006

ATTENTION, WAL-MART SHOPPERS

Be careful.

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Gee, Snakes at a walmart. Were they in the customer service area?

And then another snake fell down and ran underneath

is it just me, or does there seem to be a recent trend towards snakes with legs?

Yet ANOTHER reason not to shop at Wal-Mart!

(Picturing 89 yr old "greeter" with snakes wrapped around his arms and neck!)

I unpack tropical plants at work all the time. I've found lizards and giant spiders but, thankfully, never a snake. Yet.

*shudder*

There are way too many snake-related incidents for this not to be an extremely clever marketing gimmick by the SoaP producers.

OK, someone help me out here. I'm no gardner so please splain the need to reach into plants at Wal-Mart. Is this part of the buying process? And, if so, what purpose does it serve?

...and if you've ever been bitten in the garden department, you know how painful that can be...

I've found lizards and giant spiders

Okay, looks like I will be bringing home plastic flora from now on.

(Who am I kidding? I've only ever brought home plastic - I have a black thumb.)

blurk - sometimes you need to move all the merchandise around to get the best one. Sheesh, men!

Anyway, wasn't there a story about another snake bite at Walmart a while back? Is this becoming a pandemic?

that's why I just get the plastic, snake-less stuff...

24,
That's exactly what I'm talking about. How many is it gonna take before some genius finally says, "Gee, maybe I shouldn't put my hand in there"?

I'm telling you - it's a pandemic. What celebrity is going to whore themselves out for this cause?

I'm never goin' to Wal-Mart again. Well, I will because I'm cheap, but I'm not goin' near the garden department. Unless I need a new water hose, but I ain't goin' around those plants.

Blurkie - Hose wearing out??? :)

Possibly the K-Mart people are planting the snakes in the Walmart plants, so people will shun Walmart? HMMMM.....(I see conspiracies everywhere)

Punkin, that would be the pharmacy.

"Mart-Wars"

Apparently, Walmart snakes have legs so you're not safe anywhere.

so tired of snakes story

Buy one rattlesnake, get one free!

"Pygmy Rattler" Shouldn't that be "horizontially challenged rattler?"

good one meanie! but i havent shopped in walmart in at least 3 yrs and i wont go in there, even if they were giving away [free!!] dave barry books.

kinda funny picture too - that hospital sign pointing towards the trash can..

Susy.... - that's the emergency entrance. Apparently the trash pick-up is quicker than the service at the hospital.

Or it could be the outpatient receptical

That would be the "Medicaid" entrance.

or for patients who lack insurance...see ya on thursday's pick up!!

Just one more reminder about how August 18th is just around the corner.

I can just picture the promos for the local newscast: "Is shopping at Wal-Mart fatal? Find out tonight on WESH news at 11:00."

It comes out Aug 18th? Dang, I better wait until after the weekend to go see it. I'm flying to NYC that weekend and I really don't want to be imagining snakes everyrwhere.

Me: Yeaarrrrrghhh!!!!!!

Flight attendant: What?! What?!

Me: *points frantically at seat* S...sn...snaaaake!

Flight attendant: Ma'am, that's your lap belt. *walks away shaking head and mumbling* MF-in Snakes on a Plane!

hey Chaz--what do you think this IS?! ;-)

"It was an isolated incident. We are taking precautions to make sure it doesn't happen again. Safety of our customers is our highest priority," a company representative said.

Well, if that was true they'd be making the clerks put their hands in all the plants (I didn't say bush, I didn't say bush!) to make sure the customers are safe. That won't be a problem, though, since they seem to care so little for their employees.

Wal-Mart spelled backwards is Tram-Law.

And the story has disappeared to the land of 404.

What's next? Target putting black widow spiders into K-Mart's bananas? Does K-Mart even SELL bananas? This sounds like another book concept for Dave and ... oh... maybe Greg Iles? Just work your way through the RBR, Dave...

I wonder who you'd have to bribe in order to get a pygmy rattler slipped into Madonna's loo?

The low-budget sequel to Snakes on a Plane -
"Snakes on a Plant."

If C-bol were here, he would have said it already.

where is c-bol?

yeah i haven't seen him on in forever!

Snakes. Why does it always have to be snakes?

From their track record, I'd say most of the snakes are in management.

By the way, where did the phrase "snakes on a plane" come from? I seem to be hearing it everywhere.

IJ - it's always snakes and it's always Florida.

Stranded, It's the name of a movie.

Stranded - and WANMTU! - coming up soon too!

This keeps happening at Wal-mart. Where the heck do they get their plants? And Sandford is just up the freeway from me too!

*packs leather gloves in car in case I have to go to Wal-mart*

The last time it was at a Depot in NC; although that could have been in Sanford as well.

Jamester, you show me the loo, I'll bring the pygmy rattler.

BTW, pygmies are the freakin' worst! Their rattles are soft and pretty much soundless and they are insanely camifl camisoled hard to see. That's usually against the rules in the venemous snake dress code.

CJ - yes, and they're very aggressive, just like pygmy guys (Napoleon complex).

Annie; late, but true enough. As a youngster, I trained under three amazing olders that dragged me through the woods; two botanists and a herper. Taking a tour group of elderly ladies through a swamp, one of the botanists was getting to show all the pretty flowers and receiving too much applause. The herper walked off into the woods and appeared on the trail, later, shirtless and bleeding from the four brown snakes he found and attached to his chest. The ladies were impressed!

Later we got to a spot where there was a pygmy lying in relatively clear view; we pointed it out so everyone could steer clear. And that's when I learned my boss had a glass eye. He was fine at most tasks, but had no depth perception. He couldn't judge the distance to the pygmy closely enough to avoid it and said, 'You folks go ahead, I'll wait here.' And nothing we could say would change his mind. He wouldn't go anywhere near a pygmy rattler, 'cause they are just plain the whirlwind Chihuahua of the snake world. Not as dangerous as a cottonmouth, but Napoleonic.

I had fun today being the oldster with a youngster digging up his first gopher tortoise burrow to move the critter to a preserve. As he slid his hand down the burrow, I asked him what he was planning to do with the rattlesnake [they can hang out in the burrows] that he was about to grab. He said, 'I better go get my gloves.' What a brilliant young idiot. Gloves. Tomorrow, I will show him photographs of what a rattler can do. They can break your leg [or arm], so gloves don't help much. Good times!

Dubiously fake-sounding quote: Safety of our customers is our highest priority ...

No profit motive in customer safety ... merely sayin' ...

I just hate it when a GIANT PINK TESTICLE jumps out & bites me on the hand.

I hate it when it happens a second time.

Oh.

Never mind.

CJ - ok, long scary snake story, just for you - As a teenager, I took a nap on a chaise lounge by our pool. When I awoke, I went to get up, but stopped when I heard hissing coming from under my seat. I peeked and saw FOUR little snakes, one of which had puffed and risen up like a teeny cobra! I saw another little snake crawling out from under the edge of our in-ground pool - a nest of them was hatching and crawling under my chair for shade! Did I mention I was only wearing my bikini? I screamed for help, but nobody was around. Every time I tried to get off the chaise lounge, the snakes would rise up like cobras.
Finally my brother heard me. He got a broom and swept the vipers into some empty coffee cans. They were hissing and puffing like crazy. We took them down the street to the local reptile institute (yes, really!) - Montfort's. The owner said they were clown snakes that acted like poisonous snakes but really weren't. I failed to see the humor. He was so delighted with them that he gave us a behind the scenes tour of his snake farm. Gah! As he demonstrated how fast his cobra could strike (I heard it hit his stick but didn't see it move), there was rustling in a box stacked near my head. The box said "DANGER - TIMBER RATTLER." I was afraid if I fainted, I would fall and knock open one of those boxes, so I did everything I could to stay upright and breathing.

Annie, I was in the first Gulf War. I have since been back to the middle east six times. I am absolutely ready to go back again and get shot at. That's part of my job.
BUT YOU WENT TO A FRIGGIN' SNAKE FARM VOLUNTARILY???!!!

Coming in LTTG (that does mean "late to the game", right?). That'll teach me to go to work all day.

True story, ISIANMTU: My brother used to enjoy bringing home pets when we were teens and not telling my mom. He used to keep them in various cages, well hidden in the basement. Mice, snakes, that kind of thing. One day his garter snake ran (slithered?) under the back porch and he couldn't catch it. After a couple of days, he gave up.

Lo and behold, my dad is mowing the lawn, and "THUMP!" and "ZING!" and Dad nearly has a heart attack when he sees what he mowed over. The odd thing was, he found the tail end in the grass, but the head half was never found. Of course, my brother couldn't 'fess up, because my mom would have slaughtered him, so he played dumb.

And while we're on the topic of Wal-Mart, here's a little JibJab movie that yours truly was in last year. My head can be seen early in the movie sticking out of the center car window in the scene right after the hero exits his car in the parking lot. My husband is a union steward, and once the local found out wifey was in an anti-box-mart movie, they did a write-up in the paper supporting the animated film. Sheesh. I was just trying for my fifteen microseconds of fame.

Cat R. Piiar- I LOVE those JibJab movies!!! I especially like the Matzo song.

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