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July 31, 2006


Aquí están los diagramas esquemáticos del perímetro en fecha novecientas horas de tiempo del este del terrorismo:

Están sosteniendo a Gato "manija" Bauer del granjero en limbo brutal del hiato del verano a bordo del carguero chino "argumento secundario de los mares." Audrey se está ocupando de estas noticias llorando, que es cómo ella trata de bonito mucho todo que le suceda, incluyendo salida del sol. Edgar, aunque aún es muerto, auditioning activamente para otras partes, incluyendo el plomo en la película próxima: "Shamu, los años." Ahora le damos vuelta encima a nuestro Steve regularmente programar.


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Last Time:

Ex-President Manilow auditioned for a role on a TV show, but was turned down because he didn’t make a convincing enough President. RoboEdgar ate a giant crop circle into a cornfield, and is now flying with Chloe to San Francisco to meet Jack and Curtis. Audrey has been kidnapped again, and is currently duct-taped and roped to the side of the Golden Gate Bridge. The kidnappers have giant speakers duct-taped to the bridge and a microphone duct-taped to Audrey’s mouth, and are threatening to turn on the speakers to destroy San Francisco unless they get their ransom.

4:00 pm – Jack tells Curtis that the person with the ransom demand must be close to where they are, because they knew who and when to call. Curtis tells Jack that he really needs to get a new unlisted phone number. Jack tells him that he’s locked into his current rate plan, and that it’ll cost a lot of money to get out of the contract. A man comes up to them and tries to interrupt them. Curtis suggests that Jack just pay the fee, and start with a new contract and a new carrier. The man says “Excuse me!” Jack says that he really likes his JackPhone. Frustrated, the man yells at them and asks if they know anything about the woman up on the bridge. Jack says, “Oh, right!” Curtis and Jack start climbing up the hill towards one end up the bridge.

4:03 pm – Traffic is non-existent on the bridge, but there are a lot of people on the other end, and they’re headed towards Jack and Curtis. The people are carrying a sign that says, “San Francisco Kumbaya Art Festival”. Jack is looking all around, trying to figure out where the ransom caller is hiding. Jack looks farther up the steel beams, and sees someone. Jack says, “It’s Marwan!” Curtis tells Jack that Marwan can’t be up there, because he’s dead. Jack agrees with Curtis that Marwan did die, but says this is probably a form of dead that they were previously unfamiliar with. Marwan swings down onto the ledge near Audrey, but hides behind a beam.

4:05 pm - Marwan is making his way around the cabling above Audrey, who is desperately trying to chew her way through the duct-tape. Jack pulls out his gun and points it towards Marwan. Curtis tells Jack that if he shoot Marwan, he better shoot him in the thigh, because if he doesn’t, no one will believe that Marwan was really alive. Everyone will think that he and Jack just dug up Marwan and were using him for target practice. Jack agrees that not only is this plausible enough for people to believe that, it’s also one heck of a good idea and wishes that Curtis had mentioned this idea before.

4:07 pm - Curtis tells Jack that he better be quick because the crowd is almost where Audrey is, and if they hit a civilian, they’ll be lots of questions, paperwork, notes of apology, etc. Jack tells Curtis that he can make the shot, and shoots! We hear a loud “KaChing!” Marwan just laughs. Marwan yells, “Protective thigh armor, Mr. Bauer!” and swings over the edge, just as the people approach the middle of the bridge.

4:09 pm – Jack and Curtis run to where Audrey is duct-taped. As they’re running, a woman at the front of the parade, stops at Audrey, loudly announces “Congratulations! You’ve won Second Place in the Performance Art category in this year’s festival!”, and slaps a ribbon on top of Audrey’s head. This jars some of the duct-tape that had been holding Audrey to the bridge, loosening both of her head and hands…but not her feet. Audrey swings down, and is now facing head down, towards the water, feet hanging from ropes that are duct-taped to the bridge. Audrey looks a bit surprised and unhappy at this turn of events. Marwan can’t be seen. Jack reaches the edge of the bridge, and starts to climb down to reach Audrey, despite Curtis’s pleas not to go down there.


4:13 pm – Jack reaches Audrey, and tells her that everything is going to be OK. Audrey’s really screaming now, but it’s pretty muffled by the duct tape. She’s nodding her head towards Jack. Jack tells her to stop moving around so much, and to quit ticking. Jack stops and thinks about this for a second, realizing that of all the noises he’s ever heard Audrey make, ticking was not one of them.

4:14 pm - Jack turns his head in the direction of the noise, and sees a bomb that’s been duct-taped under the bridge, just out of reach. The bomb is labeled “Bauer-Away! Get rid of the pesky Bauers in your life.” It has a note that says “Goodbye, Mr. Bauer”.

4:15 pm - Jack swings to the beam, takes out a knife and cuts the bomb loose from the bridge. It falls into the water and explodes.

4:16 pm – Jack swings back to Audrey, grabs her, and starts to climb up. When they reach the top, the people in the parade applaud, and the woman that gave Audrey second place comes up to Jack and hands him the first place ribbon, apologizing for not waiting until the end of the performance. Police cars arrive.

4:18 pm – Curtis says that something is wrong with Audrey, and Jack realizes that Curtis is right. Audrey isn’t making any sort of noise whatsoever. She just has a wide-eyed shocked look on her face. Jack calls Bill, and lets him know what happened, and Audrey’s current state. Bill congratulates Jack for finally figuring out how to shut Audrey up.

4:19 pm – Several ambulances arrive. Two men get out of one of them. It’s the two drivers that had previously tried to take Audrey to the hospital. They take one look at her, and run back to the ambulance and drive away. A couple of the other medics arrive, put Audrey on a gurney, and put her in the ambulance. They drive away. Just as Curtis is congratulating Jack, they hear a huge explosion to the south. Jack flashes his CTU ID to one of the police officers. The officer says that he loves the show, and tells him to take the car. Jack looks at Curtis and Curtis shrugs. They jump into the car, headed to the sound of the explosion.


4:24 pm – Hollywood is on the phone, arguing with Janosz. Hollywood is really mad that with all the effort they’ve made today, Jack is still alive, AND they have Marwan running loose on the streets. Hollywood tells Janosz, that he better find a good way to control Marwan, because he’s afraid that Marwan is just crazy enough to get Jack AND the rest of them. Janosz says he has just the plan to get Marwan AND Jack, and tells Hollywood that he’s headed for Golden Gate Park.

4:25 pm – Jack and Curtis arrive at a tourist area, just outside some kind of chocolate store. People are running and screaming in every direction. As they get out of the car, they see Chloe emerge from the building. She sees Jack and she tells him that RoboEdgar is inside, and that it’s all her fault. While they were traveling back to the West Coast, she said something about wanting a piece of chocolate, and RoboEdgar headed straight for Ghirardelli Square. Jack tells Curtis to go inside, find RoboEdgar. He tells Curtis he wants RoboEdgar to fly back to CTU and wait for further instructions.

4:28 pm – Bill calls Jack tells him that the “KaChing” noise that Marwan’s thigh armor made is manufactured in the China Town area of San Francisco, and the “KaChing Thigh Armor Emporium”. Curtis returns to tell Jack that RoboEdgar is in no mood to go back to CTU, and that he wants to stay with Chloe. Chloe goes back to talk to RoboEdgar, who for some reason is signing autographs for people who are a lot less hysterical than they were a few minutes ago. Chloe convinces RoboEdgar to fly slowly behind the car that Jack is driving. They head to China Town.


4:31 pm – Janosz arrives at the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. He finds a secluded area, and pulls out three stones from his pocket which he puts into a triangle, and starts casting a magic spell, asking for help in getting rid of Jack Bauer, and getting Marwan under control.

4:34 pm – Jack, Chloe and Curtis feel a really strong rumbling noise. Jack thinks it might have been RoboEdgar screwing around, and tells Chloe to tell him to stop doing that. Chloe leans out the window to yell at RoboEdgar.

4:35 pm – As they head for China Town, Jack tells Chloe that he’s been noticing something really weird going on, and that people have started to recognize him. Curtis said that the same thing is happening to him. Chloe says she noticed the same thing about RoboEdgar, and that someone had asked her to “not taser him”. Jack tells Chloe to connect to the computers at CTU, and see if she can figure what’s going on.

4:37 pm – Another rumbling noise, and they all turn to look at RoboEdgar, which was probably a bad idea, because Jack was driving. Fortunately, Jack doesn’t hit anyone.

4:39 pm – The car arrives at the KaChing Thigh Armor Emporium. Chloe asks Edgar to wait outside, and not get into any trouble. Curtis and Jack go inside, while Chloe uses a laptop computer inside the police car to connect to CTU.


4:44 pm – Jack speaks with, Ching KaChing, the owner. Another, stronger tremor hits, and Ching says that it’s nothing to worry about since earthquake tremors happen in San Francisco all the time. Jack questions her about the orders for thigh armor they get. She explains that there are quite a few orders from all over the country, with a surge of them on Tuesday mornings for some reason. Curtis asks if there are any good Sushi restaurants in the area, and Ching tells him that this is CHINA town, not JAPAN town.

4:47 pm - Jack asks if Ching has filled any “strange” orders lately. Ching says that they get a lot of strange orders in this town, but the weirdest lately was a request for armor for “Prince Vigo the Carpathian” from someone named Janosz Poha. An even stronger tremor hits, knocking over a few thigh armor displays. Ching looks a little concerned.

4:50 pm – Chloe runs into the store, and tells Jack she found something. She said that the computers at CTU didn’t show up anything at all, but that something really weird was happening down in Los Angeles on one of the television studios.


4:56 pm – There’s a loud crash outside. Jack tells Chloe that RoboEdgar must have seen a restaurant, and they better go get him before he causes more damage. Curtis yells, “GODZILLA!” Ching hits him in the shoulder, and tells him that not only is Godzilla, again a JAPANESE monster, but saying stuff like this is not the least bit funny. Curtis is shakes his head and points out the window. The only thing you can see out the window is a giant foot where their police car used to be.

4:57 pm – Jack receives a phone call from Bill, who says that they’ve traced some kind of massive disturbance which appears to have started around the Japanese Tea Garden at Golden Gate Park, and is currently somewhere in China Town. Jack tells Bill, “Thanks for the tip”, and hangs up.

4:58 pm – Jack, Curtis, Chloe and Ching all run outside. It’s Godzilla, all right. Ching takes one look at the monster, tells the rest of the group that it’s been nice meeting them, but that she has to go. She runs back inside, slams the door shut, and shutters the windows.

4:59 pm – Many of the buildings on the street are destroyed, and people are, in general, freaking out. Curtis and Jack both take aim at Godzilla and fire their guns, but it has no effect.

5:00 pm – Time’s up!


¡Finalmente! ¡24 en español!

The word "lead" ("...including the lead in 'Shamu, the years'") was translated to "lead" as in "metal." (Rhymes with Fred.)

Muchas gracias, Esteban.

¡¡¡¡Eeepa eepah eepah!!!!

I'm savin' these, 'cause I'm still in season three. Can't wait to enter Steve's 24 world, in the mean time, Jack just wasted Nina.


It's about F'ing time!

Geezzzz...finally, a "24" episode script that makes sense and is actually entertaining...

Per Babelfish:
Here nine hundred hours of time of the east of the terrorism are the schematic diagrams of the perimeter in date: They are maintaining to Cat "handle" Bauer of the farmer in brutal limb of the hiatus of the summer on board of the Chinese freighter "secondary argument of the seas." Audrey is taking care of these news crying, that it is how she deals with pretty much everything that happens to him, including exit of the sun. Edgar, although still is dead, auditioning actively for other parts, including the lead in the next film: "Shamu, the years." Now we give return him above to our Steve regularly to program.


Yunkhan wanhi cha u keyapi.

Bumble, I simply pasted the prelude to Steve's post in Babel Fish to automatically translate his spanish, and the above posting was the result.

"KaChing Thigh Armor Emporium" *snork*

Steve, how do ya do it??


I know every single spanish word in the prelude and I still didn't understand sh!t!! or as we say here in Miyami.. *mierda*! and I'm cuban!

Steve, wonderful as usual. I am usually glued to the computer Tuesday morning, but decided I should probably do some real work at work.

BRAVO, Steve!! excellente como siempre!

Jack Bauer es MUY macho!!!

Steve est muy macho.

Wyo~ Yes, I got that. I was just saying ¿Qué? in general; not at you. :-)

Prince Vigo the Carpathian....Ghostbusters II!?!

Wow Steve, I will forever more have Jack Bauer, Bill Murray, and the sound of thigh armour linked together in my mind.

Tonight, Steve, you have outdone yourself!

Bard of 24
Steve, creates awe and laughter
We are not worthy.

Y'know...here in the Netherlands...that DOES make sense now...contrary to what y'all said... :) Of course...maybe 'cos it's in Spanish...

Great job, Steve!

Steve-brilliant as usual. Dave-great picture of Audrey.

*Curtain Call for Steve!*

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Let me repeat what I said last week: Steve, it's going to be a real let-down in January when we have to go back to the so-called "real thing."

Your plot makes SO much more sense.


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