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June 29, 2006

IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYBODY

(Also thanks to DavCat14)

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1st

"Hey, I've got an idea!"

Its past 2pm so my brain has shut down...all I have to say is it would be really cool to see him scoot his feet across the carpet and light up!!!

How Enlightening.

Had it been broken inside, it would be a very very complicated situation.

Not the brightest inmate, is he? Well, not any more...

"Light from Uranus could be Signs of Alien Life Forms"... (invading your bedroom at night and doing odd things to you)

Give him a burrito and see if he can fart Morse Code.

Watt the hell?

I wonder if it was one of those '3-way' nightlights. ;)

Abdul, I said a Bud Lite, not a Butt Light!

Well you see warden, I'd been asking for a new lampshade for a month an' I didn't get one, so we had to get creative..

"thanks to Alluh,I now feel comfort."
Pak Man from Pakistan

thats a shitty idea man...

Uncle Fester there got it in the wrong end...

Personally I think the guy just lost his grip.

This guy's dimmer switch couldn't be set any lower. His new prison nickname should be "Uncle Fester". (deepest, heartfelt apologies to Jackie Coogan).


I am not sure but something tells me he should leave Allah out of it. If he's in jail for making wine, I do not wanna know the penalty for that one.

I think I might remember having a light bulb shoved up my a$$! It may be an embarassing story, but I'd remember!


..."He swears he didn't know the bulb was there."

He did not know a light was stuck up his ass ?

Actually I'm amazed that he had the dexterity to do that.

My mom is a nurse and she told me once about this same thing: someone who had stuck a light bulb up his butt. She said that she used to see people doing this all the time with different kinds of objects – because it felt good. So gross......

I'll bet it was attached to a lamp on the way in....then, after getting stuck, he had to UN-screw himself...which is an Not offense to Allah I believe

*snork* @ Bill H.

Chaz - you may be on to something. This may be a loop hole in the good book.

Man, he's just lucky it didn't break! Not the sharpest lightbulb in the knife drawer, is he?

Abdul, I said a Bud Lite, not a Butt Light!

Posted by: Bill Hudgins | 03:04 PM on June 29, 2006

Bwaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!

Excellent.

Heard this one? How many Pakistani prison inmates does it take to screw in a light bulb???

Oh....never mind...

"I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners."

Not that I doubt that either of those groups could have done it, but I think he'd remember which it was, don't you?

Write the punchline challenge:

Q: How many imprisoned Pakistani bootleggers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A:

D'oh! Two simulposts on the same day on the same thread? Sheesh.

I have got to type faster.

what a re'volt'ing story! will SNL start doing "Pakistani Emergency Room" sketches?

well, i was gonna send this in, but i thought, sheesh, this is really crossing the grossout line. but i guess not. i'm guessing that despite this interaction, this guy was not the brightest light inthe house.................

"It was a one-in-a-million shot, doc."

(If we don't succeed at Lairbo's challenge, then I challenge the blog to come up with a Seinfeld line for EVERY posting ...)

Yooooou light up my.......um, never mind.

I worked at an ER while in college. I, too, met a man who said he accidently "sat" on a lightbulb with similar results. He, however, had it in bulb first and tried to screw the protruding end into a lamp in order to get a ...um ... grip on it. He, the lamp and his "roommate" all sheepishly showed up when the pain became too much. You do not want even to know the logistics and delicate task of getting a man out of a Ford Maverick with an entire lamp including cord dangling ... oh you have the visual by now.

And probably will for the rest of my life, CA.

Q: How many imprisoned Pakistani bootleggers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: We don't know. They can't find their ass with both hands. (Unless it is well lit of course.)

Q: How many imprisoned Pakistani bootleggers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two, of course. But ya gotta find a light bulb big enough for 'em both to fit in.

LOL at otis' link. I met the butthole surfers (the punk band) in philly in 93...wackos

at that point, you might as well come out of the closet...

Oh, BTW Dave, the title of this post...not to me, Pal.

I wonder if David Blane recently visited his prison.

Maybe he was looking for the gerbil?

What do you want to bet that the US somehow gets blamed?

That'll be the last time he has a light lunch.

Q: How many imprisoned Pakistani bootleggers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Depends on whether it's at home or at the orifice.

Of course, it could happen to anybody who was dumb enough to stick a fragile object up their butt.

I just don't understand people sometimes. Think ahead. Before you go inserting things into various orifi, consider what might go wrong. Come up with a Plan B. Like, maybe, not doing it at all.

*SNORK* @ Ford79

otis: thanks (I think)for the link. And maybe that explains something:

The literature contains many reports of such instances, particularly with respect to foreign bodies in the rectum. Objects reported include stones, coke bottles, plastic vibrators, pencils, sticks, a baseball, knives, screwdrivers, the U-bend of a sink, a sponge rubber ball, glass tumblers, a pickle bottle, and a beer glass.

Maybe that's why she was so afraid of pickles!

If someone says, "Go into the light," don't.

Judge at the big bear decision:

Go ahead and whack it off.

No wait! That's not what I meant!!!

It would help if I posted on the correct thread.
(right there with ya, Steve)

*Snork* @ Blurk for 'two.'

Dated a proctologist. She took me to a convention in New Orleans ['Keeper!']. Funniest stories, evar. My favorite?

Child's flashlight/ toy with the face of a clown at the lamp end. Endearments written all over the battery cover, including 'Mr. Happy.' Motorcycle accident. Puzzling X-ray. Bwahahahaha!

Two things. Then I gotta go wash out my brain.
1. There is a slideshow with the story?? I don't need to see a slide show on this story. Thanks. I'm good. The mental imagery will be plenty.
2. This is not a joke: (I lived and worked in Pakistan for 2 1/2 years.) A common Pakistani family name: Butt. (honest. not a joke.)

That so reminds me of the part in Jackass where Steve O put a hot wheels up his you know and went to a doctor saying that his you know hurt. The Dr took a X RAY and said "That is not supposed to be in there".

He was "shocked"????

I'd say!

let me get this straight: some of you are doubting his honesty in saying he had no idea how that bulb got in there?

How many Pakistani Doctors does it take to screw out a light bulb?

*snork* at Judi ...

Well, if this didn't wake him up, I'll bet he'll be a LIGHT sleeper from now on.

*snork* at self. :-) (It's bad form to self-snork, isn't it. Forgive, please ...)

How long had he been in prison? 'Cause now that I think of it, the manufactured hooch might have had something to do with both the insertion of the object in question and his cluelessness in how it got there.

*snorking* AT Cheryl WITH Cheryl.

Any bastard sick enough to serve alcohol in blatant defiance of everything Allah hold sacred is surely just the kind of monster who would also take sexual pleasure from stimulation of his anus.

Next thing you know, they're letting chicks run around barefaced. Then they get to vote, and from there it's all downhill.

--
Words of the Sentient:

Every genuine boy is a rebel and an anarch. If he were allowed to develop according to his own instincts, his own inclinations, society would undergo such a radical transformation as to make the adult revolutionary cower and
cringe. -- Henry Miller

Yowser! and I just dropped down here to free-up Cheryl for the self *snork*. Even I don't get my comments sometimes. On the other hand, my good friend will sometimes commence a body quake then let out a 'heh-heh.' I learned a long time ago he just told himself something funny. Don't ask.

OtU: it takes three: 1 to twist the patient, 1 to twist the bulb, and 1 to film the slide-show.

It takes an old ex-Marine to know the difference between "Bud Lite" and "Butt Light."

Kat: Nothing personal, but I'm pretty sure I disagree. On so many levels.

This is very easily explained. "You see Mr. Warden we were just casually drinking when............"

*snorks* at AnnieWBH and everyone. Loud snorks. Long, hearty, loud, guffaws.

I can't read this blog at work, and now I'm laughing so hard at home that small children are drawn like moths to a flame...I am blog-doomed.

CJr' --

Tnx 4 clearin' that up ... personally, I woulda guessed more in the area of five or six, includin' at least one to narrate the film with an incomprehensible accent and one to repeatedly thank us for watchin' ...

CJrun,
ask the marine that submitted that item to the blog

OK Wesson is right, WHAT a 'KICKIN' funny job you all did with this, THANK YOU!

I just had to check the blog before bed and o,boy! it's great!

Grammaw loves and appreciates all you wild bloggers,
YEEHAW

Sally, if he has been in prison long enough, the ol sphincter tone may be a little loose if you know what I mean. Maybe he's telling the truth.

I don't know, Jazzzz. I mean, regardless of muscle tone, I think I'd remember at least the act of dropping trou. Of course, I'm assuming that people in prison wear pants.

I admit I'm at the mercy of the media. I just assume Hollywood portrayals of prison life are accurate. (Though now that I think of it, this sort of thing didn't happen in The Shawshank Redemption. Lightbulbs, I mean.)

Gives new meaning to: There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

My previous profession was a Surgeon's Assistant. This is far more common than you might think. The list of objects is incredible. We also had a woman with one of those long, slender fish tank light bulbs in her neighboring orifice and it broke. Complicated situation indeed. After 2 hours of picking out glass I asked the surgeon if he thought we'd gotten it all. His response, "If not we'll be seeing her husband tomorrow."

I wonder how many watts the lightbulb was, perhaps he got confused at the tanning beds! With that I leave you with a little ditty, Burn baby, burn, disco inferno.

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