WAIT A MINUTE....
So they're saying this is illegal?
(Thanks to Eleanor Silvers)
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May 25, 2006
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Firstidie-first-first!
Posted by: mUFFLES | May 25, 2006 at 04:14 PM
not to crow or nothin'...
*blushing furiously*
Posted by: mUFFLES | May 25, 2006 at 04:15 PM
"I think he just didn't like the way some of the rulings the judge was making was going yesterday morning,"
Ya think?
Posted by: obi wan | May 25, 2006 at 04:16 PM
I guess he's trying to atone for his life of crime.
Posted by: fivver | May 25, 2006 at 04:16 PM
Heh, at first read I thought it said the guys name was "Gnomes" and I thought, "That's ironic for a 6'11", 250lb man"
Posted by: mUFFLES | May 25, 2006 at 04:17 PM
Just how many durn Eleanors does this blog have now?
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 25, 2006 at 04:17 PM
Oops, 6'. Whatever.
Posted by: mUFFLES | May 25, 2006 at 04:17 PM
You can never have too many El's. That's all that matters.
Posted by: mUFFLES | May 25, 2006 at 04:19 PM
Is that what they mean when they say "Jumpin' the shark?"
Posted by: Mikey | May 25, 2006 at 04:20 PM
So if the lawyer tried to pull out of the case and the judge refused, can he (lawyer dood) now sue for violating OSHA safe workplace regs?
Posted by: CoastRaven | May 25, 2006 at 04:21 PM
Attorney, "Objection!"
Judge, "Over ruled."
Attorney, "GACK!!!!"
Judge, "Over ruled."
Posted by: Mikey | May 25, 2006 at 04:23 PM
it's only illegal in boston.
Posted by: puppytoes | May 25, 2006 at 04:25 PM
Nothing says, "I'm innocent" like strangling your lawyer.
Posted by: fudtheman (STBE, OIUNOATS) | May 25, 2006 at 04:31 PM
The following was excerpted from a later deposition with the accused:
Q: Why are lawyers like enemas?
A: You hate them until you need one, then you still hate them.
Posted by: herb | May 25, 2006 at 04:34 PM
Where's Boston Legal when you need em? They coulda got that guy off of the murder charge AND the strangling - and do it in under 60 minutes.
Posted by: Punkin Poo | May 25, 2006 at 04:34 PM
It's only illegal if it is unsuccessful.
Posted by: Olo Baggins of Bywater | May 25, 2006 at 04:39 PM
*snork*@herb I've heard that for research they are replacing rats with lawyers. Three reasons: there's more of them, the researchers and technicians don't get attached to them and there are some things a rat just won't do.
Posted by: fivver | May 25, 2006 at 04:40 PM
snork@fivver
Posted by: Kathy P. | May 25, 2006 at 04:44 PM
*snork*@fivver - One of the reasons I never watched Boston Legal was because of my feelings towards lawyers. I checked the show out on the recommendation of a friend, and it seems that the shows writers feel the same way I do.
Posted by: Rocket | May 25, 2006 at 04:44 PM
Eleanor, Leetie thinks you're swell!
Posted by: Leetie | May 25, 2006 at 04:47 PM
Yo, El, did you see the article about how lawyer jokes are unfair in today's SD Union? Page e12, I think.
Sorry, everybody, that wasn't the run-up to a joke.
Posted by: ScottMGS | May 25, 2006 at 04:49 PM
this is the Eleanor , folks, so you've got some nerve telling lawyer jokes, she'll be slapping y'all with a writ of 'habeas snorkus'.
Posted by: insomniac | May 25, 2006 at 04:50 PM
Ahhh, Boston Legal.
OH NO...I'm...being...choked. IF ONLY...I...could...reach...my...phaser.
*Alan Shore and Brad Chase materialize out of thin air, fire phasers*
*Gomes stumbles back*
*Denny throws a punch that obviously misses, but we hear "THWACK" anyway*
Posted by: fudtheman (STBE, OIUNOATS) | May 25, 2006 at 04:54 PM
Here's a link but you'll need to register to read it.
Posted by: ScottMGS | May 25, 2006 at 04:54 PM
Way to go, El. I don't suppose you told Dave that I sent you the article, did you?
I thought not.
Lawyers! (*mumblegrumblemumble*)
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 25, 2006 at 04:57 PM
What do you call a lawyer with half a brain?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Your Honor.
Congrats El!
Posted by: Sarcasmo | May 25, 2006 at 04:57 PM
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 25, 2006 at 05:00 PM
a good start.
Posted by: fudtheman (STBE, OIUNOATS) | May 25, 2006 at 05:01 PM
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One's a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavanger, the other's a fish.
Posted by: obi wan | May 25, 2006 at 05:04 PM
For El, a pro-lawyer joke:
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a proctologist?
A: A proctologist only has to deal with one @$$hole at a time.
Posted by: Sarcasmo | May 25, 2006 at 05:10 PM
*zips in*
HEY! HEY! HEY!
I didn't send this in to start a run on really bad, bad, bad lawyer jokes. I thought this blog was a little classier than that!
Toilet jokes, YES.
Booger jokes, YES.
Snake jokes, YES.
Bad Lawyer Jokes, NO, NO, NO.
See insom, above.
Posted by: FCDA | May 25, 2006 at 05:14 PM
Woman walks into a doctor's office and asks, "can you get pregnant from anal sex?"
Doctor replies "Of course, how do you think we get lawyers?"
Posted by: Neil G | May 25, 2006 at 05:14 PM
On the contrary counsel, I thought some of 'em weren't THAT bad . . .
Posted by: Sarcasmo | May 25, 2006 at 05:16 PM
Y'all are fussing about lawyer jokes 'n' stuff while the real question goes unanswered: Will the effin' judge let him withdraw from the case NOW??????
Posted by: Betsy | May 25, 2006 at 05:20 PM
If it had been in Baltimore, the lawyer would have been arrested for loitering.
Posted by: Boris the Spider | May 25, 2006 at 05:21 PM
Okay, while everyone was busy racking their brains for old li-yar jokes, did you happen to notice the story on the sidebar about the guy who got busted going through customs with condoms full of heroin hidden in jars of pickled fish? "herring, heroin - I get so confused officer...
Posted by: marfie | May 25, 2006 at 05:31 PM
marfie, was the guy's name Opus?
Posted by: fivver | May 25, 2006 at 05:37 PM
Let me get this straight - El, an attorney, sends in a funny attorney story, then gets upset when we post attorney jokes.
Your honor, this is a classic case of entrapment.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | May 25, 2006 at 05:39 PM
I had checked that out, marfie. I was a bit Huh?ing the phrase, "39 condoms of heroin" as if a condom is the common unit used for heroin. I mean, 39 condoms "filled with" heroin, I can see...
Posted by: obi wan | May 25, 2006 at 05:44 PM
Annie, you think a story about a client trying to strangle his atty is a funny story??? :)
Sarc, I like your pro-lawyer joke.
Betsy, that is absolutely the question. Sometimes the judge says, I'm sure you can work this out with your client, Ms. Atty.
Yeah, right, Judge. Any minute now.
And - I'm OK with lawyer jokes because I know they're not about the CDAs who represent the innocent, oppressed impoverished members of society, but rather about attys who sue for - ick - money - ick!
And I'm glad I gave everyone a giggle!
*big grin*
Posted by: Eleanor | May 25, 2006 at 05:55 PM
El - I've been involved in a divorce case now for 3 years. My sense of humor is warped. Healthy, but warped.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | May 25, 2006 at 06:35 PM
39 condoms of heroin in the jar,
39 condoms of heroin.
Take them through customs,
you knew they would bust 'em,
39 condoms of heroin in the jar.
Posted by: marfie | May 25, 2006 at 06:57 PM
My sense of humor is warped. Healthy, but warped.
That's what we like about you, annie.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 25, 2006 at 06:57 PM
Jeff - you do? you really do?
marfie - good one - I tried that tune, but I kept thinking of beer. Thank goodness it's finally Friday!
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | May 25, 2006 at 07:14 PM
Um...AWBH, not to burst your bubble, but it's Thursday.
Posted by: DimWitte | May 25, 2006 at 07:23 PM
Annie, have to "ditto" your comment, I too couldn't work it out either. {golf claps to marf}
Posted by: obi wan | May 25, 2006 at 07:24 PM
*applauds marfie*
Posted by: Eleanor | May 25, 2006 at 07:34 PM
Aw, shucks...I owe it all to my healthy (and therefore warped) sense of humor.
Posted by: marfie | May 25, 2006 at 07:39 PM
El: Hey, without lawyers who sue for money? I'd be out of a job. They're not ALL bad. No, I don't work for plaintiff lawyers anymore. WITH them, yes. On the defense side. ;)
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 25, 2006 at 07:43 PM
Whaaaat? It's still Thursday! It's my lawyer's fault!
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | May 25, 2006 at 07:46 PM
Great oxymoron there, Suzy Q!!!!
*snork*
Posted by: Eleanor | May 25, 2006 at 08:08 PM
I have to hand it to El and all lawyers. Anyone who can say with a straight face, day in and day out, stuff like "May it please the Court...." and "Your Honor" while making motions about their briefs is alright.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | May 25, 2006 at 08:14 PM
"Your Honor, the prosecution calls as its next witness, Bambi. And your Honor, I would like to request Bambi be identified as a hostile witness?"
Posted by: obi wan | May 25, 2006 at 08:16 PM
*Throws last post up to the next thread.
Posted by: obi wan | May 25, 2006 at 08:19 PM
Just because you guys have been such fun, here are some real-life genuine Stupid Lawyer Questions.
Enjoy!
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 25, 2006 at 08:37 PM
This one might be relevant to the case at hand:
Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?
Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 25, 2006 at 08:41 PM
Drunk? You make the call:
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 25, 2006 at 08:43 PM
I vote 3 to 2 for ELl!
Posted by: daisymae | May 25, 2006 at 08:57 PM
Jeff, my sister shared that list with me and my family one Christmas prolly 6-7 years ago and we laughed until we hurt. Excerpts from the books "Humor in the Court" (I and II), compiled by a court stenographer of actual court testimony (unfortunately, both out of print). Some of my other favs:
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: I've performed all my autopsies on dead people.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: But you are not an objective witness. You, too, were shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
I'll find the full list I have and post it to the blog in the near future.
Posted by: obi wan | May 25, 2006 at 09:08 PM
Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral.
Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. Yes, I have been since early childhood.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 25, 2006 at 09:37 PM
Oral.
ROTFLMAO
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | May 25, 2006 at 09:37 PM
First "LOL" I have ever (that's EVER) given on this blog goes tooooooo... Jeff!!!! DINGDINGDINGDING!!! Those were a couple I had forgotten...
Posted by: obi wan | May 25, 2006 at 09:45 PM
I'm laughing because Jeff looks funny rolling around on the floor like that.
Posted by: fudtheman (STBE, OIUNOATS) | May 25, 2006 at 10:03 PM
...or at least MOST of Jeff is.
Posted by: fudtheman (STBE, OIUNOATS) | May 25, 2006 at 10:04 PM
I've seen those Stupid Lawyer Questions before. The real ones are hilarious, but it's easy to get caught up in the moment.
Inside lawyer info:
When the judge is on the bench and court is in session, you call her Your Honor. But if you're talking to him in chambers or run into her in the Court cafeteria then you just say judge.
/end inside stuff
I always liked saying May it please the Court. "May I approach" is a personal favorite, but when the judge is p!ssed at you for something and there's a jury, and he says "NO." it's a little embarassing, to say the least.
So you say, "Thank you." like that's the answer you really wanted all along.
*snork*
Posted by: Eleanor | May 25, 2006 at 10:38 PM
Laughter is contagious.
Oral (grinning)
Posted by: daisymae | May 25, 2006 at 10:39 PM
39 condoms of heroin in the jar,
39 condoms of heroin,
take one out, pass it undertheevileyeofthecustomsman,
38 condoms of heroin in the jar ....
... And now for my other brother "Oral"!
Posted by: Kibby F5™ | May 26, 2006 at 04:09 AM
Can't resist...
What's brown and black and looks good on an attorney?
.
.
.
A rottweiller.
Posted by: Dylan | May 26, 2006 at 10:32 AM
testing testing 1, 2, 3...
Posted by: SW | May 12, 2007 at 04:36 PM