ODE TO 24
By President Handbag himself.
(Thanks to "Doug")
(Spoiler: If you too find yourself waiting for the line "And the dog ate mother's toes," don't bother.)
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May 30, 2006
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That is collossally terrible. Epically.
Posted by: gfunksizzle | May 30, 2006 at 02:33 PM
Why, Mr President, that's a long one....
Posted by: Dr Acula | May 30, 2006 at 02:34 PM
Gregory Itzin deserves an Emmy. And, apparently, a Pulitzer.
Posted by: MJ | May 30, 2006 at 02:35 PM
I do believe I just heard a Vogon vomit!
Posted by: CoastRaven | May 30, 2006 at 02:35 PM
I mean, why would he admit to writing something like that? And then SEND it to people.
Posted by: gfunksizzle | May 30, 2006 at 02:40 PM
The Commander-in-Chief's quite a rhymer
As well as a vicious two-timer
And although we all know he's
Got less balls than Chloe
The First Lady got him to climb her!
Posted by: insomniac | May 30, 2006 at 02:42 PM
President Handbag...
Er, President Manilow...
Oh, just forget it.
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 30, 2006 at 02:46 PM
He used the old " alcoholic pentameter" method..
Posted by: Sean | May 30, 2006 at 02:47 PM
What a craptacular piece of literary idiocy
Posted by: Sarah J | May 30, 2006 at 02:54 PM
He should keep his dayjob...no, wait a second.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | May 30, 2006 at 02:54 PM
2:56 - Gregory Itzin's publicists discover too late that his poetry has broken through the firewall.
Posted by: mikey | May 30, 2006 at 02:56 PM
"Sorry, sir, but it was dead long before the cannisters got to it."
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | May 30, 2006 at 02:59 PM
That's weird.. I was posting a little poem about this and I had the words Nixon and vixin in it and when I hit "post" it went to some GOP site ..No kidding..
Posted by: Sean | May 30, 2006 at 03:02 PM
I was under the impression that the poem was *intentionally* bad. I mean, with lines like "I am the President of the United States / So get the hell out of my way," how could it NOT be a joke? Also it's called "An Ode to '24'," which in and of itself seems like a dead giveaway that it's not intended to be serious...
Anyway, if that's what it is, it's brilliantly done. If not, we may need Jack back for one more thigh-shooting.
Posted by: Debt-Wren 10 | May 30, 2006 at 03:15 PM
Where's Marwan to take out the President when you really need him?
Posted by: Ann | May 30, 2006 at 03:22 PM
snork @ sean
Posted by: Laura | May 30, 2006 at 03:24 PM
An "Ode to 24" Haiku:
President Handbag
Your poetry sickens me
I read, I vomit
Posted by: Punkin Poo | May 30, 2006 at 03:45 PM
*I* thought it was funny
Posted by: Betsi | May 30, 2006 at 03:59 PM
SNORK at CR!
Posted by: Renee (the First) | May 30, 2006 at 04:00 PM
Idle hands are the devil's tools. If ever there were an argument for an immediate start to Season 6, this is it.
Posted by: Mike Antonucci | May 30, 2006 at 04:40 PM
I told you Jack should have shot him!!!
Posted by: Kevin in Jacksonville | May 30, 2006 at 05:37 PM
Insom and Punkin, excellently done. You've left me no form to work with except straight poetry.
Ode to "Ode to 24"
The Prez picks up the poet’s pen
And tries it on for size.
Jack Bauer takes his gun in hand
And shoots him through both thighs.
With taser drawn, fair Chloe thinks
Behind a scowl unswerving,
“Why waste a charge on poor old Ross
When this guy’s more deserving?”
And Aaron, Martha at his side,
With blood upon his face,
Says, “Charles, that’s just one more way
Your office you’ve disgraced.”
I’d rather be aboard a ship
By Chinese thugs confined
Than have that piece of doggerel
Run rampant through my mind.
Posted by: Ford79 | May 30, 2006 at 06:18 PM
Didn't Richard Nixon write poetry, too?
Posted by: mellio | May 30, 2006 at 06:21 PM
mellio - I heard that too, but most of it was erased.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | May 30, 2006 at 06:27 PM
*snooorrrrk* Annie! Throw in a cymbal-crash for good measure ;)
Posted by: mellio | May 30, 2006 at 06:28 PM
I should have you all disemboweled.
-President Logan
(P.S. Of freaking course this was a joke... Written April 2006? Puh-lease. President Logan had no idea how the season ended before it aired. Only the producers did, and they keep it all confined to their bluetooths.)
Posted by: President Logan | May 30, 2006 at 06:28 PM
How appropriate that this was posted at "ew.com".
Posted by: Mr Death | May 30, 2006 at 06:50 PM
Scoring recap:
AWBH gets a ba-dum-dum.
Ford gets a *snork*
Back after this message...
Posted by: CJrun | May 30, 2006 at 06:51 PM
I thought it was rather snappy!
Posted by: Val | May 30, 2006 at 08:44 PM
I thought it was vaguely embarrassing...like The Three Stooges.
Posted by: daisymae | May 30, 2006 at 08:57 PM
His scansion is scandalous ... his meter is off -- by several feet ... his rhyme has no reason ... his sense of rhythm is typical of a WASP politician ...
I say these things merely to be polite ...
(Annie -- ya beat me to that one ... mebbe we could get him to go back to the day job, and then un-elect him? Hey, NEthin's possible, in TV-land ...)
Posted by: O. the U(manity) | May 30, 2006 at 09:36 PM
Looks like Gregory Itzin is a 24-obsessive, too. Or he really wants to "go back to his day job"...even if, next season, his day job will look more like Prison Break than 24...
And I thought I was going through 24 withdrawal symptoms 'til next season...
Posted by: Wes S. | May 30, 2006 at 10:06 PM
Aww come on guys, its funny! :P
I for one like it... and its obviously meant to be taken tounge-in-cheek.
Either way, he can rhyme better than I can, so i'm not complaining :)
And regardless of anything, the man deserves a freaking Emmy :D
Posted by: Mel | May 31, 2006 at 04:29 AM
Bravo, Mel, I agree!!
Posted by: Val | May 31, 2006 at 04:58 AM
Maybe K-Fed can set it to rap for him ...
Posted by: Pablo | May 31, 2006 at 01:23 PM
Funny stuff! Bad poetry. But funny!
Have I ever mentioned that I once spent a little over a week with Greg? Nice guy. Good actor. Bad poet.
Posted by: AlanBoss | June 04, 2006 at 02:03 AM