IT'S AN OLD HEADLINE

But dammit, it's a good headline.

(Sent in, via snailmail, by -- really -- Graeme McGufficke)

Comments

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Her FIRST?

[Jeannie]

Not to be confused with SECOND.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Next headline: "Homecoming Queen drafted into miliary as sharpshooter." *or at least that might be a better use of this talent*

Besides isn't it bad luck to shoot a bear that weighs exactly 333 pounds?

[obi wan]

"Nola's Group Bear" WBAGNFARB?

[Annie Where-but-here]

"We use all parts of the bear." Guess what? So did the bear.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

"Rooster" Luker and "Pudge" McFalls must be so proud.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Good point Annie! - A happy ending might be that she was chased up a tree by a pack of wild dogs.

[JT]

Not sure how old this headline is...but I'll bet anything that after it was published, she was part of the time-honored tradition of young female bear-hunters throughout America and was asked to pose for Penthouse.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Ooops my 7:15 post should have said "military." (Or y'all could just insert a word of your choice.)

[obi wan]

"There's no other feeling when your dogs tree a bear..." I've often said those very words. Of course, if your bear falls in the forest, and there's no one aro...um, nevermind.

[puppytoes]

because everyone knows bears are godless killing machines.

[O. the U(manity)]

"We don't just kill a bear for sport," said former homecoming queen Nola McFalls. "We use all parts of the bear."

... merely wonderin' whut uses she had for ... um ... the ... um ... whole reproductive organ parts ...

[obi wan]

OtheU- why, to create her VERY OWN penis-shaped matrix, of course!!!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Blackie, we bearly knew ye.

[O. the U(manity)]

Well, DUH!

Silly moi ownself ...

Tnx 4 the elucidatingizationisticalism, obi' ...

[obi wan]

O- The Force is with you, young padawan, but learn to control your feelings!

BTW, Graeme McGufficke anagrams to "crummie geck gaffe."

[Kid Charlemagne]

"Look out! The homecoming queen's got a gun! AAIIEEE!!!"---Julie Brown

[PeeJay]

I wonder if this particular bear did s#@t in the woods?

[slyeyes]

Anyone notice that bear has a guy's head growing out of his butt?

[Annie Where-but-here]

sly - that proves that the bear, at least once, shat in the woods.

[obi wan]

PJ- Personally, if YOU had been hit three times by a .44 magnum and lived (for a while), wouldn't YOU????

[obi wan]

AWBH- we were going to WORK on those bitterness issues, remember?

[slyeyes]

You know, I think the reporter could have mentioned just *one* more time that Nola is a former homecoming queen.

[slyeyes]

Annie, that could also be a hemorrhoid.

[Betsy]

I'm a city girl and not familiar with these social and recreational activities, but is a .44 Magnum a traditional weapon to use in bear hunting?

[obi wan]

Betsy, perfect weapon for a bear. Remember, this is a rifle, not the "Dirty Harry" version of a .44 handgun, (oooooohhhhhh, gotta say it...), "the most powerful handgun ever made, and could blow yer head CLEAN off. Now I knooooowwww what yer thinkin'..." (stopping now after AWBH chastised me for loitering in another post).

[CJrun]

I'm pretty sure that's [not shat's] my banker.

*scurries off to open mail*

[Ernie G]

But oh, what can it mean?
Is she a day-dream believer,
And a home-coming queen?

[Annie Where-but-here]

obi - no need for me to work on my bitterness issues - they're in pretty good shape already.

[obi wan]

*again, snorks Annie

[LucyVanPelt]

Ok, is the one with pigtails about 12 years old? And if so, does she have a cigarette in her hand?
And if so, where is the corresponding beer?

[TC]

OK, huntin' bear with dogs is cheatin' - just sayin'

i guess maybe it's OK for a girl

[LucyVanPelt]

Has anyone posted on the Jack Bauer (blown up ship) link recently. I think that it may be broken.

*Of course AnnieWherebuthere mentioned Dick Cheney in her last post, perhaps he shot the blog in retaliation.

[Stupendous Man]

I like this line: "But we're not like that. We give the bear a sporting chance." It brings a tear to my eye as I am reminded of the great Mississippi storyteller Jerry Clower. In his classic "A Coon Huntin' Story," Clower said he and his hunting partners practiced fair sportsmanship by making the coon jump from the tree "in amongst twenty or thirty dawgs." It was the belief of Clower and his cronies that gave the coon "the option of whuppin' all'em dawgs an' walkin' off if he wonted to." snif I wonder why there weren't any dogs, of the four-legged kind, in that photo?

[puppytoes]

and by "godless killing machines", i meant, of course, that they (bears) must be stopped. or not.

[O. the U(manity)]

Ahhhh ... Stupe' ... y'all recall Jerry Clower ... as do I ... FUNNY man ... his cousin, Marcel Ledbetter, is a favorite of mine ... and the story of Marcel's Talkin'
Chainsaw ...

Now, Marcel din't have nothin' on, between him and the Lord, 'cept this ol' pair a' overhauls ...

and, another "huntin' story is also a favorite ...

Knock 'im out, Jooooohhnnn ....

... Well, shoot on up in here amongst us ... One of us GOT to have some relief! ...

[O. the U(manity)]

Also, confidential note to Rose Hooper. (Even tho her story is ... old.)

Fairly huge mistake in your story.

No such item as a ".12-gauge" ... No decimal point. It's not a "caliber" or "fractional" measurement, as such. The proper term is "12 gauge" - which derives from the early practice of designating a bore size by the number of balls molded from one pound of lead would result.

12 balls = 12 gauge.

16 balls = 16 gauge.

20 balls = 20 gauge.

And so on ...

The only exception to this system in the sizing of shotgun bores is the .410 gauge, which is actually a measurement of the bore size, in inches. This bore is 410/1000ths of one inch ... merely sayin' ...

/TMI, after satisfaction that one more uninformed reporter has been chastised, in absentia as it were, but still, chastised ...

[marfie]

why did I hear "Dueling Banjos" when I read this? Listen! There it is again....

[marfie]

Oh, and "we give the bear a fighting chance"? With dogs and multiple hunters? What an ursinine comment....

[Eleanor]

*zips in LTTG*

But here nonetheless.

Did Toto make a disparaging remark about "OK - for a girl" in a tone filled with disdain?

Yes. He. Did.

It's too late tonight but action will be taken tomorrow.
Count on it, Toto.

*phony smile*

[marfie]

You GO, Eleanor!

[TC]

El - you go bear huntin' without dogs, and then we'll talk

*snork*

like that'll happen

[WriterDude]

TC: Why must you torment The Posse so? It seems they keep recruiting new members as a result of your taunts. Unless you invite that sort of abuse have figured something out... uh...

Never mind. Carry on.

[TC]

WriterDude - it's what i do

some people watch tv, some people read books, some people collect stamps, some people build those really little ships inside of bottles (what's that all about anyway)

me? i come to Dave's World and torment the posse

[queensbee]

guess we have to stop thinking of homecoming queens as wussy girls. hope she changed out of her prom dress first.

[slyeyes]

We don't have to kill a bear... look at all the times I've gone bear hunting and never killed one," McFalls said.

She must have finally figure out how to keep the tiara from slipping over her eyes.

[obi wan]

*day after SNORKS to SM and OtheU on bringin' in Jerry Clower!!!

*note to self: IMMEDIATELY upon getting home from work, pull out Jerry Clower CD, listen repeatedly

You guys remember when Marcel replaced the communion wine with green persimmon wine, and the congregation had to *whistle* the last hymn?

[KOW]

"The first thing people who are opposed to bear hunting think is that it is not fair for the bear when there is a whole bunch of hunters after him," she said. "But we're not like that. We give the bear a sporting chance."

What kind of hardware was the bear packing?

[Alien8]

By Dang! Ain't that old "Filthy" Luker?

[Stupendous Man]

OtheU, your "Knock'im' out, John!" quote is from Clower's A Coon Huntin' Story, the story to which I was referring.

obi wan, I remember the green persimmon wine story! Like everything the late Jerry Clower did, it's a classic! I am fortunate to have in my possession every recording Jerry ever made! Other great storytellers in the Clower tradition include Justin Wilson, Lewis Grizzard (may he rest in peace) and the man billed as "Texas' Best Good Ole Boy," Bob Murphy. Any one of those guys will make you *snork!* like a warthog in heat! (Hope I haven't offended any warthogs!)

[O. the U(manity) (MBE LP)]

Stupe' ... Yeah, I sorta dismembered that after I posted ...

Po' Marcel ... walkin' along with them gravels a-hurtin' his feet ...

Yeah, again ... any of those guys will get me in a better mood in a Mississippi minute ...

Whut kin I did fo' you ... ? ... ... I garoanteeee it!

[Layzeeboy]

She's been hunting bare since high school?