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May 25, 2006

IS THERE ANYTHING LOWER?

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one-th

SO are they saying noone ever really intentionally purchases BM music, that it is all a subliminal plot to take over humanillowity? Hmmm - I like it!!

eeeeeewww. I was concentrating so hard on my hamster mantra, I stepped right in the testosterone path!

Well, Dave's humor has been forcing me to log in daily, nay, many times per day, to get my giggle fix. If he starts selling anything besides books, I'm in Big Trouble. :)

I take it that Manilow does NOT play in the testosterone paths ...?

Quote for the day:
"Supermarket chains ought to pay Barry Manilow billions in royalties for all the extra purchases his music playing in the background of their stores has provoked."

We always know Barry Manilow was a diabolical plot. Now we know!

"Barry Manilow and his ilk"! WBAGNFARB

Of course, as long as Barry Manilow was not actually IN it.

Barry Manilow would not recognize a testosterone path if one came up and bit him in the a....or p........., for that matter, given the blog's recent postings.

"I came to a fork in the road and I took the path less traveled. And it made all the difference."

Robert Frost

"Upon coming to the aisles in the grocery store it was a choice of the Testosterone Path and purchases; or the Barry Manilow tunes and the madness. And it made ALL the difference."

kibby F5

oops

!!!

My neighborhood supermarket is even more insidious than that...

Items "on sale" are rigged with a small electrical shock, forcing you to purchase higher priced, name brand product.

The little food samples (crackers, cheese, sausage) etc. handed out by the "sweet" little old ladies are laced with a hallucinogenic which makes you think it's the end of the world so you really load up on stuff.

There are subliminal messages in the Muzak making it pretty clear that your entire family will be murdered in their sleep unless you buy the complete set of ginsu knives being offered near the checkout lane.

And that aroma wafting over you from the bakery. Yep, it's high grade marijuana. Within minutes, you will be spending your entire week's salary on raw cookie dough....

Other than that, though, it's a cool place to shop. Especially on double coupon day.... That's when they sacrifice the virgins...

♫Her name was Lola, she was a show girl . . . ♪

♪ ♫
At the Copa, the Copacabana ♫ ♪

Now I hate Barry Manilow as much as the next guy...but like every good American I have that same dislike for all the other mushy hearthrob types of that era.

The question is; why does Dave specifically dislike Barry so much, singling him out over Donovan, Cat Stephens, the Bee Gees, et cetera?

I think the answer is one I've already touched upon:

Barry.

Barry Manilow starts where Dave Barry ends.

Dave Barry Manilow.

Manilow completes Dave, via Barry.

It's self-hate.

--
Words of the Sentient:
There's something about Marxism that brings out warts-the only kind of growth this economic system encourages. -- P. J. O'Rourke

*puts hands over ears*

LALALALALALALA....
I am NOT a hamster, I am NOT a hamster...

Hey El, you started it.

"I'm Spartacus."

"I am not a hamster."

Doesn't have quite the same ring, does it?

I noticed this at the bottom:

"SixWise.com is the home of the no-cost 'Be Safe, Live Longer & Propser' newsletter, now the #1 most subscribed to personal safety & wellness newsletter on the Web."

Would you read a personal safety & wellness newsletter written by people who can't even spell "prosper" in their press release?

Important quote to remember...

We all know where supposedly innocent tasting and touching can really lead ...

tasting before touching? hmmmm.....

Is that why he still expects to sell his 2005 calendar? Using his hypnotic abilities?

"Ken Lay" is the answer to Dave's question, "is there anything lower?", by the way and/or in case anyone wondered and/or and/or gives a sh*t. (i'm just sayin'...)

apparently i'm headin' up the Department of Redundancy Department and/or and/or the Redundancy Department of Redundancy. *blush*

I am human !

Isn't he using BM's name to sell his own article?

-- Why consumers should avoid interacting with store employees whenever possible

Let me count the ways....

And ever time I wander the store muttering "I am NOT a hamster" I am escorted out by burly security guards. Which is one way to both save money and meet new men.

Funny, I never hear Barry Manilow in the stores, although I am occasionally subjected to the Supremes (cringe) or the Bee Gees (double cringe) or Stevie Wonder (triple cringe).

Kathy P - when he goes shopping, BM is very quiet.

Maybe it's just that his initials are BM.

Actually, you'd think that'd endear him to Dave...

--
Words of the Sentient:
A neurotic, according to Freud, is a man dominated by unconscious memories, fixated on the past, and incapable of overcoming it; the regular condition of human communities. --Lewis Namier

-- Why consumers should avoid interacting with store employees whenever possible

Let me count the ways....

My main reason to avoid them is that the store posts a sign saying:
"Please ask our competent associates for help"
...and I can't figure out which one(s) [being generous here] fit that category!

I often wish more shoppers would follow that little rule...

Unless it's Dave of course, I'm still waiting on him to come in my store and buy balloons or cupcakes or something...

What does Barry Manilow music sell? ear plugs?

"Buy, buy, love,
Buy, buy, happiness..."

Soapbox moment - What is with the weirdo obsession of store employees to make blazing, Stepford eye contact and say 'hello'? I'm here to get bread and milk and something else which I've now forgotten since I'm so freaked out by this crew of superficially hyper-friendly store clerks.

subversive subliminal manilows. wbagnfarb.

AWBH, if you shop at a store like the one I work at, they probably have those "secret shoppers" and have been told to make eye contact and greet every customer that comes within _____ feet of them or else they will get a bad report.

I personally don't like to be noticed when I'm buying groceries, but the company I work for thinks most people do.

(I hope this doesn't go through twice... I've been having a hard time around here tonight.)

annie...their jobs are on the line. They've been browbeaten in various Inservices and Seminars that they VILL be friendly because this IZ a friendly store; and, furthermore, they have, in many cases, been given a "scripted" line that they must use, or risk demerits, bad evaluations, torture, etc.
During one particularly stupid era in a hospital where I worked, the nurses were "scripted" to stop when leaving each patient's room and say, "Is there anything else I can do for you now? I have the time!" (SMILE!) 90% percent of the time it was a blatant lie: they were understaffed, but it didn't matter if people were going into cardiac arrest and fires were breaking out and oxygen lines were exploding and alien monsters were crawling out of the Clean Linen closets: they STILL had to SMILE and say "I have the time" SMILE.
And every employee in the service dept. at my Toyota dealer today made EyE Contact and said, cheerfully and/or grudgingly, "Hello!!!" as if I were their long-lost best friend. It's EVerywhere, but don't blame the employees: blame the corporate consultants and image managers who believe in Enforced Excellence at All Costs!
/rant

*snorks Betsy

Dudd'n matter where you work, it's (not its) the same all around. A few weeks ago, my supervisor took a call for one of the case managers on our team, and I overheard her tell the client, "You have to be NICE to your case manager." Everybuddy within cubicle-hearing distance was snorking all over their computers, keyboards, everything else... (not to mention, wishing MY supervisor would talk to some of THEIR clients...)

Betsy - I know it's not the employees - it's obvious they're in pain doing it. I'm just saying that it's painful to watch as well, and hello, employers - IT DOESN'T WORK! Like calling your HMO to inquire why they haven't a runaround, and the call center person has to end with a cheerful "Is there anything else I can do for you today?" They know you're peeved, cheerfulness is totally illogical, but they have to do it anyway.
Faux friendliness really irks me -forcing someone to be like that is even worse.

"Hamster Mantra" WBAGNFARB!

Annie -

I'd sooner shop @ a place where they ask if they can help me, and actually try to ... than try to find somethin' in a strange (as in "new to me") store, where the so-called help is so bubble-gum-air-headed that they don't have a clue how to even tell you which way is out-the-door ... and besides that, management (?) has two checkouts running (when 20 are sitting there, not bein' used) with 87 people waiting at each one, for the bubble-gum-airheads to release the prisoners ...

Sorry about the rant, but that's my view of the difference between SoCal and most everywhere else ... and "management" in SoCal does it that way 'cuz less expenses (for taking the customers' money) mean bigger bonuses for the "manager" ... here in the Great Plains, the clerks are actually trained to ask politely if I'm ready to check out, and then they lead the way to their station ...

Yep, that's one thing about SoCal I'll never miss ...

They probably use his music to encourage you to purchase this.

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