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May 31, 2006

SHOCKING HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to Sarah J. and Betsi Freeman)

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*scratches "space" off list of places to go*

haiku:

a non-sequitor
is a retail store in space
like one hand clapping

sometimes at Wal-Mart
I think I have crossed over
to fifth dimension

It's that song again
on the latex/muzak tape
beam me up, scottie

What's the big deal?

I mean, there's gotta be a Wal-Mart...

woohoo! I got blogged.

"Russian commander Pavel Vinogradov and U.S. flight engineer Jeff Williams will be doing a series of housekeeping tasks."

Jeff: "Pavel, you want to vacuum or sweep?"
Pavel: "I'll do both, but you have to clean the toilet. Where's the vacuum cleaner?"
Jeff: "Damn, I told NASA to put it on the next shuttle, but they forgot again."


"The missing items include a rubber bag with a clasp needed to hold a residue collection plate..."

Jeff: "And now for the offering, please be generous Pavel."
Pavel: "I gave at the office... No, REALLY."

So, Macgyver will be the next spaceman.

First Mate: "Captain, our nucleopercolatoriator is dead! What can we do?!"

Captain Macgyver: "No problem, Matey, *arrrrgh*, I have three copper paper clips, a pair of women's pantyhose and a hamster on a wheel in my pocket."

First Mate: "So you can bypass the system?"

Capt: "Uh, no, but the running hamster tickles, so THAT'S a plus!"

First Mate: *grumbling* Stupid fat fingered NASA

But how will you construct a mock statue of liberty and put a thong on it ?

From reading the intro, some numbnutz lost the keys to the space station?

But I bet if I read further, I'd find that's not the case. But I won't. It's funnier thinking of them looking for they keys and that someone is swearing he'll attach it to "The Clapper" after they find it.

"It's a lot like your house,"

Except for gravity, weather, oxygen, and beer, I suppose it is.

If they lost it, it's gotta be there somewhere. Floating around in the can, I'll bet...

As they are looking for the missing tools, Am I the only one picturing Oscar the Grouch?

Okay, let me get this straight. They can't find the actual, no-kiddin', bona fide space tools, but they have bungee cords laying around?

Awesome, Coast. That was the coolest. It could only be improved by the appearance of Slimey.

*snork* at obi wan.

That's all I have. The statement seemed a little obvious to me from the beginning.

Hmmmm, this gives me an idea!

Why don't they just ask their wives?-

"Honey, have you seen my rubber bag with a clasp needed to hold a residue collection plate?!!"

"Under the sink, next to the Russian foot-restraining device."

"Thank you!!"

Or...

"Honey, I'm going out for a little space walk."

"Okay, Pav, just don't forget your foot restraining device."

"Pav?"


"Pav?"

And upon further reflection some Canadians are paying them to hit a gold golf ball while up there? Speaking as a woman, what a waste of perfectly good gold. And for heaven's sake - finish fixing the d*mn thing before you go golfing!

blurk - good one.

Coulda been headlines:

"Toxic colostomy bag will be re-attached with bungee cords"

"NASA tells Canada to launch its own gold plated balls into space"

"Due to lack of restraint, NASA tethers Russian to end of 55 foot boom"

"Cosmonauts can't find their bag and are cautious about balls"

No Home Depot, but NASA reports having found a lot of lost airline luggage.

Thank you Annie.

Did everyone see that? I got a compliment from Annie on my very second post...ever!!!

*chest swelling*

"Also missing is part of a Russian foot restraint for holding Vinogradov in place at the end of a 55-foot boom. Vinogradov will use a U.S.-made tether for restraint."

astronauts are into bondage? who knew?!

Bed, Bath AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!

nice, otis.

You can't tell me they don't have duct tape up there.

Next week on this informative page: how to repair a space station.

BTW: Snork @ everyone, and welcome blurkernomore.

Jacki, thanks for the link. "Duct Tape is my life”- at last, someone who has LESS of a life than DB bloggers (self included, of course)!!!

*snork* at Lisa BFF

...you DO have, however, about as much chance of finding someone in an orange apron to help you.

Of course there's no Home Depot. If there were they wouldn't be floatin' around the room. Their a$$es would be glued to the toilet.

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