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May 26, 2006

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to chicomathmom)

Comments

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Almost as bad as my coworker that robbed a bank with his employee ID still on his chest.

Old retired guy? Must have been a Playboy or golf magazine.

Which, of course, he reads strictly for the articles; doesn't ogle at all those naked...clubs.

Maybe he was really interested in Janet Jackson's weight loss secrets.

Maybe he only read the first part of "Bank Robbing For Dummies" and forgot to read about actually leaving with the money

Maybe he was paralyzed with fear by a copy of Entertainment Weekly. You never know when you’re going to pick it up and see Tom Cruise’s huge head staring at you with teeth bared, like he’s going to jump out of the magazine cover and eat you with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

"Man Allegedly Robs Bank, Reads Magazine"
They need to say he 'allegedly' read a magazine? Just goes to show that all libel lawyers have their common sense surgically removed before they are allowed to qualify.

Come on it had to be a dare,

Retiree #1 "I dare you to rob that bank, wheez."
Retiree #2 "I double dog dare you!"
Pathetic retiree now in handcuffs "I'll show you!"

or, uh

Perhaps he's working on his insanity defense ahead of schedule?

My dad has a friend who was a police officer in San Francisco and has tons of great "stupid criminal" stories. One of my favorites was the bank robber who wrote a note demanding money on the back of a personal check with his name and address on it. When they showed up at his house and asked if he recognized the guy in a photo from the bank's video surveillance he said no, even though he was wearing the exact same clothes as in the picture.

Hey, it takes time to get those "Mad Fold-Ins" lined up exactly right.

So the point is this is wrong? Drat!

Maybe he's a retiree who can't afford to pay the electricity bill and is trying to find a place with air conditioning to spend the Texas summer. Jail should fit the bill.

Maybe he was really playing MadLibs and couldn't think of a fitting adjective at the time. That can be troubling.

The word "stupid" may have later come to mind while sitting in a jail cell.

Or "penis."

Scott...since when is jail air-conditionned?

Good point, Daisy. Maybe he's just... lonely?

Maybe he wanted to be housed, fed, and given medical care for the rest of his life so as not to be a burden on his children.

Or, maybe he watched the Sunshine Boys over and over and thought this would impress Jodie Foster (or at least Walter Mathau and George Burns).

He was reading Reader's Digest "I Am Joe's Prostate"

Spinner*'s got the right idea. I've worked with many individuals who've had no other means of survival than to commit a crime and spend their days with "three hots and a cot."
Some institutuionalized folk find the structure so satisfying that they have difficulty thinking for themselves out in the real world.
then again, the guy may have seen one of Dave's columns and, like most of us here, dropped everything else to read it.

I gotta agree. Sounds like his retirement plan to me. But if he wanted to stay a while, he should have had a gun, and demanded that someone sit beside him, constituting kidnapping.

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