24

We begin tonight's episode hoping desperately that a serious plot will emerge in time to be resolved next week, in the Big Two-Hour Season Finale.

What do I mean by "a serious plot?" I mean "a plot where at least one major U.S. metropolitan area is totally doomed." Think back to last year, when we had, as our arch-villain: Marwan. Now there was a villain. He shot down Air Force One, and then he almost caused nuclear reactors all over the United States to melt down, and all of that was just a diversion to draw attention away from his real evil plan, which was to launch a nuclear missile from Iowa (a known rogue terrorist state) at Los Angeles. Jack thwarted Marwan, of course, but not before Marwan thwarted Jack and the entire U.S. military about 17 times. He was a Thwarting Machine, that Marwan, and by God I miss him.

And what kind of plot do we have this year? For a while we had the Killer Kanisters, but they never seemed all that scary. Mostly they rode around Los Angeles getting Karsick. After the Kanisters got blown up, all we had left, plotwise, was: the Secret Recording. Ooooh! A recording! For weeks now, Jack has been chasing this recording around in a series of episodes in which the only truly memorable action sequence involved Chloe tasering a drunk named Ross in a hotel bar.

Anyway, last week, Jack finally obtained the recording that, if made public, would expose the president of the United States as a murdering scumbucket. But did Jack, having risked the lives of a planeload of innocent people to get hold of the recording, immediately make it public? Of course not! He rode back to CTU, handed the recording to Chloe, then wandered off to moon over Audrey.  Good going, Jack! Way to prioritize!

And as for Chloe -- a woman so technologically advanced that, simply by tapping on her keyboard, she can remotely defrost any given refrigerator on the planet -- did she immediately make the recording public? Of course not! She sat there, tapping cluelessly away, while Miles the Homeland Security Creepster, who might as well have the words "BAD GUY" tattooed on his forehead, wandered over and did something to the recording with a mysterious black plot device.

And so tonight we begin yet another episode with not much going on except for the president being puppeted via cell phone by the evil villain bald puppetmaster Graham, who has got to be the most boring evil puppetmaster since... well, since whoever was the evil puppetmaster before Graham.

The point is, something had better happen tonight, and it had better be something truly dastardly. It had better not be just the president ordering Jack arrested for the 283rd time this season alone. No,  dammit: We have sat through 21 hours of fake tension. The writers owe us something big.   

Speaking of something big: Edgar is still, as of this writing, dead. On the other hand, Secretary of Defense William Devane, despite having spent two episodes under water, is alive! Meanwhile the First Lady is still totally wasted resting.

Also be advised that a guy named "Bierko," who was the evil genius mastermind behind the Killer Kanisterzzzz plot, suddenly reappeared last week to be transported somewhere. He exchanged a Meaningful Look and a Nod with the van driver, so as to indicate to every member of the viewing public with an intelligencve level of rutabaga or higher that they are Up To Something.

That is where we stand as we begin tonight's episode. Time is running out. They need to turn this season around now, or else I swear I'm going to... OK, I'm going to tune in next week no matter what. But still.

UPDATE: Whoa. The president on Prison Break just died. But of course he was a different president.

UPDATE: So NOW Chloe figures it out.

UPDATE: They need to call Technical Support.

UPDATE: Man, Jack has gotten soft. He broke, like, zero of Miles' bones.

UPDATE: It's a TRICK, Jack.

UPDATE: Not the Kanisterzzzz!

UPDATE: Bierko just ripped his Band Aid right off. That is a manly terrorist.

UPDATE: The First Lady knows how to party.

UPDATE: Good old Aaron.

UPDATE: Aaron "Charles"ed him. Whoa.

UPDATE: OK, could this be moving any slower?

UPDATE: They're gonna take Jack out. Ooooh, we're scared.

UPDATE: So do we think Jack is going to end up saving President Manilow from Bierko? Wouldn't that be ironic?

UPDATE: If David Palmer were here, he would want Jack to buy some Allstate brand insurance, that's what.

UPDATE: I think they have started randomly showing scenes from earlier episodes.

UPDATE: Jack can't touch them? WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

UPDATE: Blah blah blah. Blah.

UPDATE:Wouldn't it be cool if Jack and Karen said, "Hey, we're famished! Let's order Chinese!"

UPDATE: Wasn't Audrey, like, nearly dead just a short while ago?

UPDATE: Ooooh! Henderson's dissing Chloe's 'puter!

UPDATE: Next up for the First Lady: Heroin.

UPDATE: Whoa! Chloe-like behavior from the FL! Martha and Aaron, sitting in a tree!

UPDATE: Perimeter!

UPDATE: I have no idea who Henderson is going to see, or why. Does that make me a bad viewer?

UPDATE: Seriously, was this guy on before? Or is he new?

UPDATE: SCANNER REPORT: "No weapons, but his prostate is the size of a grapefruit."

UPDATE: Does anybody know what the hell is going on? Does it matter?

UPDATE: OK, if they didn't trust Henderson to go in there, why the hell did they send Henderson in there? So they could have somebody else shooting back at them?

UPDATE: Chloe is on it.

UPDATE: I still don't know what's going on, but I'm glad to see Chloe is decrypting the files.

UPDATE: Aaron is hatching a plot! Good old loyal, bleeding-profusely-from-the-mouth Aaron.

UPDATE: Chloe's got it! A RUSSIAN FRICKING SUBMARINE!

UPDATE: They need to use EZ-on, EZ-off handcuffs for Henderson, the way they keep changing their mind about him.

UPDATE: We need to keep track of the gratuitous Audrey scene quotient (GASQ).

UPDATE: OK, that is definitely the last Killer Kanister, right?

UPDATE: It's a good thing the terrorists, despite being foreign, speak English to each other, so we know they're getting the missiles ready.

UPDATE: OK, at least now we have missiles. That's a definite upgrade over Kanisters.

Comments

[Allen at Division]

(Jack has Miles by the throat)
“I find your lack of faith—disturbing.”
***
(Karen slaps Miles)
If she had shot him in the thigh, she could have said, “Transfer THIS! Oh, dear, he’s wounded—take him to CTU Medical.”

Miles: “NOOOOO! That’s a death sentence!”
Karen: “Heh, heh, heh!...”
***
Robocop: “Because I’ll have your word, Jack.”
Yeah, ask German Spy from Lost about Jack’s “word”…*G*
***
(First Ramparts shoots Agent of Evil)
She was aiming for the thigh, but she doesn’t shoot often and the hand-cannon bucked. Too bad, for you, Agent of Evil!
***
Anybody else think Weapons Dealer’s apartment is MUCH more secure than CTU?...
***
“The Russian sub is docked in the non-military port.”
Because of course THAT’S where you want to do weapons inspections, where there’s no security…
“Vhere are your nuclear wessels?”
***
Jack: “Curtis, set up a perimeter.”
Curtis thinks, “Yeah, because THAT’S worked so well every other time!”
***
(Jack sets up suction cup microphone on convenient glass skylight)
“Curtis, move in!”
Yeah, Jack, or you could just SHOOT HIM THROUGH THE GLASS!”
***
Technically their perimeter didn’t fail, it got turned into a “phalanx” when they “advanced” and flung bullets uselessly around until Deadeye Jack arrived with his single shot…
***
"You can't touch them, but they can touch you?"
Yeah, I think all of us were hearing Hammer there…

[Allen at Division]

I'm at “Division”—which had the monopoly on taking over CTU and providing Red-Tape Plot Interference (RTPI) until this season—and it is in Birmingham, Alabama (which explains a lot).

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wavey: Following up on judi's comment, it's probably fair to say that not everyone commenting on the show is actually watching it at the same time...or has ever seen an episode.

[Steve]

TropicHunt.com guy,

Wait, wait, wait a minute...... There's a SHOW?

[Ken Gibby]

Not a Falcon! Nobody can break that!

[Laura]

I've been so indoctrinated by everyone on this blog that what I yell at the tv turns out to be something said by a blogger! It's a variation on simulposting.

(Jack has Miles by the throat)
“I find your lack of faith—disturbing.” I yelled, "Jack is Darth Vader! But in a good way..."

We all live in a Russian submarine, a Russian submarine, a Russian submarine. :)

[angstly yours]

Thanks, Steve, your recaps are awesome. That's a good thing because, with all the drinking done here, I can never remember the ending. At least I'm not drinking alone.

[middleageman]

Well, I don't care what you people say, _I_ think Audrey's CUTE!

Of course, I didn't say she could act - or that the writers give her an opportunity to.

-Mid

PS. Not as cute as Dina, Marwan's wife in last season

[rita]

Wavey...we're not so much fans of '24' as devotees of the watch-24'n'drink'n'blog experience. And actually, the drinking part is optional.

Posted by: Betsy | 09:28 AM on May 16, 2006

In my house, watching is optional.

But never the drinking part.

[Mad Scientist]

*snork* @ steve

Annie and Steve please email me your recaps of the final 2 hours as I will be on a plane (hopefully a Jack free plane, but I'll wear a hoodie of invisibility just in case) with no 24.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Mad - ok, but hopefully your computer can read braille - I'll be doing a very special closed-captioned for the blind.

[Allen at Division]

Laura--Always a pleasure to simulthink with you! *G*

And to all the bloggers who enlightened me as to the proper attitude for watching "24"--i.e., with adult beverages of choice--thanksh!

[Laura]

Simulthink! The phrase is now coined....

[Gretchen]

Betsy: What do you MEAN drinking is optional??? How can you watch the show without drinking?

[Gretchen]

God bless You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WshdonIA2Pw&search=Kiefer%20Sutherland%20christmas%20tree

Be warned - this video contains adult content.

[mellio]

Re: important question: What show are y'all going to until 24 comes back?!

Ya know, THG, last year, I turned off my teevee until football season. Once that started, it took me through the fall and winter months. And, football ends right around the time the next Jack-season rolls around.

Heh. Next season is gonna be OPEN-season on Jack, what do you guys think? Come next year, he can be on the run from everyone he didn't kill this year, who are no doubt quite annoyed by the fact that he's not really dead. Then the writers can retire the Random Plot Generator (which must have smoke coming out from underneath it by now), and just steal all the really good plots from "The Fugitive".

And just think, they could bring Chase back, say his hand-reattachment surgery didn't work, and voila! They'd have a One-Handed Man, too...

[Wavey]

Hey, thanks for the responses to my post. That's kind of what I thought, although I have to admit I never read *every* post in the 24 threads.

One of my main problems with the show, just speaking as someone who's tried to watch it and get into it (as opposed to watch it, make fun of it, drink beer and blog about it, which sounds like more fun), is that the show just seems to meander without a true idea of where it's going to go next. I get the feeling that the writers are just making it up as they go, one episode at a time.

You just can't do that with a serial that supposedly happens in real time and has a continuing, complex storyline. It would a lot more satisfying if the seasons were planned out in their entirety beforehand, with a clear arcing plotline that went through all episodes. Instead of an arc, this is more like a moth flying through swiss cheese. Of course, that might be exactly what you guys love about it...

[Val]

You know, I think I have it figured out. I know who the puppet masters truly are - garden gnomes. Yep. You can't touch them, but they can touch you! Yep. Garden gnomes (brrr - creepy).

[Master of the Obvious]

It's a good thing for Aaron and the First Lady that the Secret Service agent's body armor was being dry-cleaned that day. What luck!

I hate it when I run into a Phoenix 'poison pill' firewall and it causes my hard drive to do a cold start erase. Chloe needs to actually take a computer class. Well, whoever is writing her dialog should.

We don't trust Henderson, but we trust Henderson.

Weapons technology sharing with Russia? Riiiiiight!!!

I guess "securing the sub" by prairie-doggin' would not have been as interesting as actually securing the sub by closing the hatches.

I think I'll make it to the end of this season next week, but I think I'm done with "24".

[MONGO]

24 stinks. I loved it, i loved it, i loved it, and now it's digging to new depths of farcical. MONGO angry

[Gretchen]

Wavey: it's more about the cameraderie than the show for me at this point. I would've stopped watching in March were it not for the Monday Night Blog Party! The show is ludicrous, the plots are stupid and they killed off the only hot guy. But if it weren't so ridiculous, it wouldn't be as easy and as much fun to mock.

I have a friend who believes they only came up with 16 hours of plot and then threw in 8 hours of crap to fill in. And we're living in the crapfest.

That said, I'm looking forward to next Monday night with all my rowdy friends.

[Angela]

Further evidence that Jack deserves to be the next President of the U.S. is that he rescued me from alien invaders on Sunday night!

[Geno]

Why in the world did ABC put the series finale of Alias against the season finale of 24 on Monday night? I think it's a conspiracy!!!!!
http://catholictvguy.blogspot.com/

[Mike Wilkerson]

Thursday, 18 May 2006

I am happy to announce that both the teaser and the complete podcast of our most recent in-depth review of "24", hours 4am-5am is available online now!

4am-5am Teaser - The "24 in 60!":
http://www.lunchtimegab.com/downloads/shows/24-in-60-4-5am-teaser.mp3

4am-5am 2GuysTalking Podcast:
http://www.lunchtimegab.com/downloads/shows/2-guys-talking-24-13--5-17-2006-final.mp3

A Reminder to All Listeners: 2GuysTalking: 24 provides you with a very in-depth review of the events of the respective week's episode of "24" - as such it CONTAINS SPOILERS. Please be aware of this when listening to our podcasts and again our thanks for your support!

Remember that you can also subscribe to our Podcast via iTunes by subscribing with the following URL: http://www.2guystalking.com/2guystalking.xml

See you next time and thanks for listening!

[Val]

Over on the 24 Fanatic board they're all saying that this is the best season they've ever seen. Quite a contrast from what I'm reading here - lol! Also read a blurb for next week's show.

"the investigation takes an unbelievable turn in the two-hour season finale event"

Hmmm....wonder what the "unbelievable turn" is going to be?? Maybe Audrey is actually the puppet master behind the puppet masters!

[Robin]

Val, 24Fanatics also has lots of Audrey avatars (one person, five IDs, I think). IMHO Kim Raver or one of her husbands must own the whole thing - 24Insider, too, for that matter.

I HOPE Audrey is evil -- this will at least give her a personality that doesn't involve sniffling. And it almost means that character's end is in sight.