24

Here is the situation on the ground and in the air as of 2100 hours Eastern Perimeter Time:

Chloe is in a hotel bar with a laptop and a taser and a drunk named Ross, whom Chloe keeps tasering. This has been, hands down, the coolest action sequence of the season so far. We hope Chloe stays in the bar and continues tasering Ross and anybody else stupid enough to try to mess with her. We hope that by the end of this season, there is a large pile of tasered drunks surrounding Chloe, who is still pounding away on her laptop and uploading schematics, manifests, recipes, etc. to Jack's PDA.

Meanwhile, Jack is on a diplomatic flight with the Secret Tape Recording That Will Bring Down The President (STRTWBDTP), which Jack obtained via the clever tactic of repeatedly threatening to kill everybody on the plane. If only Jack can make the STRTWBDTP public, the president will be doomed, and the Evil Plot (whaever the hell it is) will be foiled!

(Many of you have asked why -- since Jack is in constant contact with Chloe, and he is an extremely high-tech individual, and he has a PDA that can do pretty much anything, including remotely detonate terrorists -- Jack doesn't simply transmit the STRTWBDTP to Chloe, so she can broadcast it. There is a simple, logical explanation for why Jack has not done this, which is: Shut up.)
   
So as we tune in tonight, Jack's plane is trying to land, but President Manilow, acting on orders from the Evil Bald Guy Puppetmaster of the Week, is about to order the Air Force to shoot the plane down, which means in a few minutes Jack could be DEAD. Also a race of giant Swedish-speaking oysters from Jupiter could land their spaceship in Milwaukee and dance the macarena.

In other plot developments:

The First Lady of the United States is stoned out of her gourd has taken some medication and retired to her room.

Edgar has embarked on a new career as an underwear model.

No -- Sorry! --  Edgar is still dead.

Audrey -- we are trying not to get too excited about this -- was missing altogether from last week's episode. Maybe the writers forgot about Audrey! We can dream, can't we? Meanwhile, we still are not totally 100 percent certain about the fate of Secretary of Defense William Devane, who drove into a lake two weeks ago, but may have figured out some way to survive.

So that's the situation, with four hours to go: Chloe in a bar; Jack on a plane; no coherent plot anywhere in sight. Just the way we like it.

UPDATE: We just realized that during tonight's episode we will also be monitoring the NBA playoff game between the Miami Heat and the New Jersey Sewer Discharges. So we will be busybusybusy. But that is why this blog makes the large dollars.

UPDATE: The Discharges have evidently bribed the officials.

UPDATE: At the end of one quarter, the score is: Miami 21

UPDATE: Ooooh! Jack broke his nose! Poor baby!

UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! DAMMIT!

UPDATE: Secretary of Defense Devane has survived two episodes underwater!

UPDATE: They are going to arrest Jack for the 362nd time.

UPDATE: "I know Jack."

UPDATE: Jack Bauer? ERRATIC??? WHO THE HELL ARE THEY CALLING ERRATIC????????

UPDATE: Point Magoo? Did Bill just say something about "Point Magoo?"

UPDATE: No biggie. I often land on the freeway.

UPDATE: Wait! When did Chloe leave the bar? WHERE'S ROSS?

UPDATE: "Everything's going to be fine," says Jack. Usually this means... DEATH.

UPDATE: Chloe is working on it.

UPDATE: He's not gonna make it!

UPDATE: Why do they need oxygen masks? They're almost on the freaking ground.

UPDATE: I believe this violates many California traffic laws.

UPDATE: I miss Ross.

UPDATE: "Thank you for flying the diplomatic flight. We hope you'll think of us again next time you need to nearly die eight different ways."

UPDATE: Two batallions of Marines against Jack? Those poor Marines.

UPDATE: Perimeter! Seriously, has one single perimeter EVER worked on this show?

UPDATE: Curtis! Making them stand down!

UPDATE: Uh-oh. Karen's gonna spill the beans to the creepster.

UPDATE: Wait... Isn't Bierko from the old Killer Kanister plot? Why's HE back?

UPDATE: Miami 54

UPDATE: They really need to do something about the lighting in the presidential retreat.

UPDATE: JUST PLAY THE FRICKING RECORDING, JACK.

UPDATE: Oh not Audrey again pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

UPDATE: It's over! Sure.

UPDATE: Suicide time?

UPDATE: Speaking of suicide: Miami STILL 54

UPDATE: Not now. The First Lady has a headache.

UPDATE: Look, just kill yourself, OK?

UPDATE: Lotta moping around in this episode.

UPDATE: Don't drink and shoot! Ask the vice president about that!

UPDATE: The creepster! That slimeball!

UPDATE: Taser him, Chloe!

UPDATE: Plotwise, this was a snorefest. Too much brooding, too much Audrey, not enough Chloe, zero shooting.

UPDATE: Next week Jack goes after the Evil Puppetmasters. Call me naive, but I believe that eventually a plot WILL evolve.

UPDATE: Miami 64.

UPDATE: Seriously, did anyone else hear Bill say "Point Magoo?"

Comments

[Joeltron!]

So, when Curtis came into Audrey's room and said, "I have great news..." did anyone else out there REALLY want him to say, "I just saved a bunch of money on my insurance by switching to Geiko!" ? I sure did!

But on a more serious(er) note, does anyone know the name of the actress who was the main (and, it looked like, only) flight attendant on the plane Jack Hijacked? Or at least tell me what else she has been in so I won't be driven INSANE by pondering over this?

Thank you.

[Bob-24]

It's become the anti-reality show:

1. Working at 2:00 am, but no one loosens their tie, ever. Or takes off their coat.
2. Working at 2:00 am, but no caffine in sight. Or vending machine snacks.
3. 21 hours of constant talking and downloading on Jack's one cell phone battery.
4. No loss of cell service in malls, closets, HVAC ducts, airplane holds, etc.
5. a CTU SUV can drive 100 miles away from LA faster than a plane can fly same distance towards it.
6. Audrey needs to be running triathalons - she loses pints/gallons of blood (after being drugged around dinner time i think, but now sits up in bed at 2:30 am with no IV. i guess she drank her replacement blood.
7. I can't walk in though the exit of a Home Depot, but an imposter can walk into CTU using an ID of someone already in the building. Do those badges come with the purchase of a lb of coffee at Starbucks?
8. Jack's backpack/ManBag has an unlimited supply of bullets for his never empty gun.
9. Service to your country is easily forgotten if you somehow go missing - No one notices the missing Secret Svc agent Aaron or the First Lady's Lady in waiting, nor her young daughter. Are they alive or just in makeup for the big finale?
10. the most technological savy folks in the world have never heard of backing up data, even after LOOSING it and re-acquiring it.

[limber]

Evil Bald Guy actually is conrolled by another higher up Evil Person and so on to infinity and beyond. This will cover the three year contract by Jack. In some ways this makes more sense than what is happening.

[Mike Antonucci]

The flight attendant is Stephanie Erb.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0258632/

[Mike Antonucci]

By the way, the guy who played Adm. Kirkland also played a Secret Service agent in the movie "Murder at 1600," in which Ronny Cox played the President.

Ronny Cox also appeared, of course, in....

ROBOCOP!!!

AAAAAAAAAaaaahh!!!......

[mellio]

So lemmesee if I have this straight for...next season, which I'm imagining already (because I'm SO over this one, I think they wrote themselves into a corner this year and couldn't get out of it gracefully):

Bill Devane as the new President

Jack and Awwwdrey (sorry, she ain't dying, they can't possibly be so cruel as to do this to Jack Bauer again)

President Handbag

(if they take away this comic relief, I will cry, even though he is total scum as President--and I also am gonna go out on a limb here and predict that First Lady Ramparts will pull a Jimi Hendrix in the next 3 hours of this season)

Curtis

Bill, who will both fall in love with AND lose Madame Haig (Creepy is gonna get her before he gets got himself) before *this* day is out

Chloe, who is Wonder Woman, and that's that, they absolutely cannot have another season, EVER, without her

Vice President Laura Palmer's Dad (no relation to David Palmer)

"Red Foreman" as Attorney General

Now lessee...who would make a good First Lady to a Manimal?

[timothy Skrastins]

Point Mugu State Park, located in the Santa Monica Mountains, features five miles of ocean shoreline, with rocky bluffs, sandy beaches, sand dunes, rugged hills and uplands, two major river canyons and wide grassy valleys dotted with sycamores, oaks and a few native walnuts. There are more than 70 miles of hiking trails. The beach also features swimming, body surfing and surf fishing. The park includes the jagged pinnacles of the Boney Mountains State Wilderness Area

[Allen at Division]

Ann & Amy: Yes, it was Emily Latella in the great SNL skit, but remember to use the entire phrase: "SAX and violins..."

I've always thought the sax was more important! *G*

And besides, despite the beginning disclaimer, there WASN'T any stinking graphic violins on this episode, was there?!? This show is such a tease...

[taddic]

Now that Alias is ending, 24 should hire some of their out-of-work writers. That way, next season Edgar could return, although we watched him die this season. Maybe even Michelle, Tony, David Palmer, Jack's wife...?

[Johnnie]

Look up PROMS, EPROMS and EEPROMS on the 'Net (http://searchsmb.techtarget.com/sDefinition/0,,sid44_gci213928,00.html). This may shed a little light on what the device was that was used to erase the recording (it was almost assuredly not with a magnet; it was most likely some kind of digital recording, not on magnetic tape).

[Cecil]

>BTW "Point Magoo" (actually Mugu) is a naval base >north of L.A.

>Posted by: bbescuela | 10:14 PM on May 8, 2006

More like west of LA (at least the Valley portion of it). Up the coastline about 80 miles. Home of a honkin' annual air show. They actually shoot air-ro-air missiles off.

[steve d. (not that Steve--my first post)]

Dave and Bloggers:
Your posts and analysis of 24 eposides/plot/aand tabloid
gossip and amazing and the funniest thing(s) I've read in
two months on the web!

I do take exception to Dave's characterization of President
Turdgan as President Manilow...he neither looks like or
sings like or smells like (from what I hear) Barry
Manilow. I do find an amazing resemblance to a former
president called Tricky Dick. His actions, demanor and even
the "praying scene" suggest that he is a caricature of
the ENTIRE Nixon white house --including lets just call them
"Dick" and "staff" --all "rolled into one". Remember
outspoken Martha Mitchell and her husband AttyGen John
Mitchell?

You forgot to mention Chloe's sending Jack's PDA her nude
photos from an early but embarrassing PLayboy fiasco
in an attempt to entice him into intimacy. However Jack
finds this sickening because he realizes Chloe was once a
man. That's why he is always angry and yelling at people,
dogs, PDA'S and Pink elephants (yes he had a drinking
problem.)

Because he lost so many brain cells to alcohol, Jack can no
longer think logically. That's why he doesn't transmit
the recording to Chloe. In addition Jack accidentally hit
the record button on digital recorder and taped some rather
private things he said to Audrey and doesn't know to delete
that part. He did realise that whatever his embarrasment he
must both save the ratings and the country so he handed it
over to Chloe. Now she took it back to CTU but even though
she is technically saavy, she didn't make a backup copy of
recording. She even tried to play some Barry Manilow chips
on it when Frank Burns came in and zapped it!

I also think we should ask the other Steve to keep us informed of
plot developments this summer after this season's finale!
Where else can you find that hkind of rivetting excitement
on TV or the web?

A loyal reader

[Cecil]

>Admiral: “Right now they’re over the desert, but…”
>CUT TO COCKPIT, showing lights, buildings, roads, ?>and heavy population…

Not necessarily a contradition. The desert areas around LA have been filling in as the population pressure and search for affordable housing pushes people further and further out. Victorville, Palmdale/Lancaster, and Palm Springs (desert areas northeast, north, and east of LA respectively) all look like this these days.

[MONGO]

OK, MONGO had time to reconsider my previous post. It might have been a tad hysterical. The plot doesn't stink, it SUCKS! There had damn well better be some new, mysterious, out of the blue, what the hell kind of plot twist heading our way. If not, what was once my favorite show might take a back seat to 7th Heaven reruns on my TIVO preference.

[Fizzgig]

Hi all, I was wondering if anyone has the Hour 3 Summary by our fearless Dave impersonator Steve. I have a friend who has been taping the whole season and now wants to get started with the Bog summaries while he watches each episode. If you have it can you please email it to me at tsanbornca@yahoo.ca?

thanks

[Johnnie]

Mike Antonucci, if Palmer comes back does that mean "The Unit" was pulled?

Melio, don't you know that brothers can't last more than 1.75 seasons on "24"? Curtis (and David Palmer's brother) is doomed, I tell ya'!

[Steve]

Fizzgig,

"Dave impersonator Steve"? Dave's one of a kind, and I don't think anyone could match him. I could never even come close to Dave. (He has bodyguards).

Anyway, I didn't start doing those summaries until Hour 4.... so there is no Hour 3 (or 2 or 1). Sorry!

Steve

[Steve]

Fizzgig,

"Dave impersonator Steve"? Dave's one of a kind, and I don't think anyone could match him. I could never even come close to Dave. (He has bodyguards).

Anyway, I didn't start doing those summaries until Hour 4.... so there is no Hour 3 (or 2 or 1). Sorry!

Steve

[Mike Antonucci]

I'd like to put in a good word for Steve's blog - magiclamp.org.

And if I didn't do the embedded link thing right - just cut and paste magiclamp.org

Steve's all over the details of "Lost" as well as "24."

[Kevin Freels]

http://www.405themovie.com

Me thinks the writers had a little help....

[Joeltron!]

Mike Antonucci, thank you!

It's The Ring! I recognized that flight attendant from the movie, The Ring!

Now I can rest. Thank you.

[mellio]

Wayne? He's been around since Season 3, hasn't he? Plus, well, unless something happens to his flight in the next three eps, at last check, he's busy accompanying President Allstate's body back to DC. Sooo, he could come back next season (thanks, I forgot about him!)

My rationale for keeping Curtis was pretty basic. Jack needs another 'trustworthy-agent-actionhero-partner-type" for next season, since the writers killed off Tony.

[Mike Wilkerson]

24 in just over 60 seconds!
http://www.2guystalking.com

[the REAL Wolfie!]

Sure am glad I didn't have to follow Edgar up the stairs..

*tazer 'im, Chloe!!!*

>^,,^<

[tradewind]

Way late, but...

The 727 landing on the Fway really got to me, as my roommate from F/A school was a survivor on a DC-9 that had to try the same thing near Atlanta long ago....unfortunately, they clipped a gas station just before they would have been safe. Both pilots killed, most of the px, but both F/A's survived.

What a nightmare that was.