24

Here is the situation on the ground and in the air as of 2100 hours Eastern Perimeter Time:

Chloe is in a hotel bar with a laptop and a taser and a drunk named Ross, whom Chloe keeps tasering. This has been, hands down, the coolest action sequence of the season so far. We hope Chloe stays in the bar and continues tasering Ross and anybody else stupid enough to try to mess with her. We hope that by the end of this season, there is a large pile of tasered drunks surrounding Chloe, who is still pounding away on her laptop and uploading schematics, manifests, recipes, etc. to Jack's PDA.

Meanwhile, Jack is on a diplomatic flight with the Secret Tape Recording That Will Bring Down The President (STRTWBDTP), which Jack obtained via the clever tactic of repeatedly threatening to kill everybody on the plane. If only Jack can make the STRTWBDTP public, the president will be doomed, and the Evil Plot (whaever the hell it is) will be foiled!

(Many of you have asked why -- since Jack is in constant contact with Chloe, and he is an extremely high-tech individual, and he has a PDA that can do pretty much anything, including remotely detonate terrorists -- Jack doesn't simply transmit the STRTWBDTP to Chloe, so she can broadcast it. There is a simple, logical explanation for why Jack has not done this, which is: Shut up.)
   
So as we tune in tonight, Jack's plane is trying to land, but President Manilow, acting on orders from the Evil Bald Guy Puppetmaster of the Week, is about to order the Air Force to shoot the plane down, which means in a few minutes Jack could be DEAD. Also a race of giant Swedish-speaking oysters from Jupiter could land their spaceship in Milwaukee and dance the macarena.

In other plot developments:

The First Lady of the United States is stoned out of her gourd has taken some medication and retired to her room.

Edgar has embarked on a new career as an underwear model.

No -- Sorry! --  Edgar is still dead.

Audrey -- we are trying not to get too excited about this -- was missing altogether from last week's episode. Maybe the writers forgot about Audrey! We can dream, can't we? Meanwhile, we still are not totally 100 percent certain about the fate of Secretary of Defense William Devane, who drove into a lake two weeks ago, but may have figured out some way to survive.

So that's the situation, with four hours to go: Chloe in a bar; Jack on a plane; no coherent plot anywhere in sight. Just the way we like it.

UPDATE: We just realized that during tonight's episode we will also be monitoring the NBA playoff game between the Miami Heat and the New Jersey Sewer Discharges. So we will be busybusybusy. But that is why this blog makes the large dollars.

UPDATE: The Discharges have evidently bribed the officials.

UPDATE: At the end of one quarter, the score is: Miami 21

UPDATE: Ooooh! Jack broke his nose! Poor baby!

UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! DAMMIT!

UPDATE: Secretary of Defense Devane has survived two episodes underwater!

UPDATE: They are going to arrest Jack for the 362nd time.

UPDATE: "I know Jack."

UPDATE: Jack Bauer? ERRATIC??? WHO THE HELL ARE THEY CALLING ERRATIC????????

UPDATE: Point Magoo? Did Bill just say something about "Point Magoo?"

UPDATE: No biggie. I often land on the freeway.

UPDATE: Wait! When did Chloe leave the bar? WHERE'S ROSS?

UPDATE: "Everything's going to be fine," says Jack. Usually this means... DEATH.

UPDATE: Chloe is working on it.

UPDATE: He's not gonna make it!

UPDATE: Why do they need oxygen masks? They're almost on the freaking ground.

UPDATE: I believe this violates many California traffic laws.

UPDATE: I miss Ross.

UPDATE: "Thank you for flying the diplomatic flight. We hope you'll think of us again next time you need to nearly die eight different ways."

UPDATE: Two batallions of Marines against Jack? Those poor Marines.

UPDATE: Perimeter! Seriously, has one single perimeter EVER worked on this show?

UPDATE: Curtis! Making them stand down!

UPDATE: Uh-oh. Karen's gonna spill the beans to the creepster.

UPDATE: Wait... Isn't Bierko from the old Killer Kanister plot? Why's HE back?

UPDATE: Miami 54

UPDATE: They really need to do something about the lighting in the presidential retreat.

UPDATE: JUST PLAY THE FRICKING RECORDING, JACK.

UPDATE: Oh not Audrey again pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

UPDATE: It's over! Sure.

UPDATE: Suicide time?

UPDATE: Speaking of suicide: Miami STILL 54

UPDATE: Not now. The First Lady has a headache.

UPDATE: Look, just kill yourself, OK?

UPDATE: Lotta moping around in this episode.

UPDATE: Don't drink and shoot! Ask the vice president about that!

UPDATE: The creepster! That slimeball!

UPDATE: Taser him, Chloe!

UPDATE: Plotwise, this was a snorefest. Too much brooding, too much Audrey, not enough Chloe, zero shooting.

UPDATE: Next week Jack goes after the Evil Puppetmasters. Call me naive, but I believe that eventually a plot WILL evolve.

UPDATE: Miami 64.

UPDATE: Seriously, did anyone else hear Bill say "Point Magoo?"

Comments

[Marie in Kourou]

MAFG - I hated Rocket Romano. Everyone did. I felt no sympathy at all for him, even when he was in love with Elizabeth.
/end ER comment

[Betsy]

First ramparts gets annoying cellos instead of annoying violins...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

MARTY!?!? HER NAME IS "MARTY"?!?!

No wonder they've got problems...

[Suzy Q with a perimeter]

Sorry Gretchen! I must have gotten all the hot blog chicks messed...er...mixed up!

[Amy]

SuzyQ - I'm snorking myself silly over that download me comment. I think I nearly wet myself!!

[WoosterGirl]

There is WAY too much touchy-feely yadayada in this ep.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Hi Judi!

[Kathy P.]

Forgive me before I kill you....

[judi]

they all are, mrs. cleavage. they all are.

with a cynicism i don't really feel....

[sybilll]

When did Martha hire Avril Lavigne's makeup artist?

[Gail]

You go First Cleavage!

[Glow]

No nookie, I guess. Awww.

[Bucket]

Ah, well, don't worry, I'll be dead in a minute.

[Brad]

will he make her drink the special kool-aid?

[bizrey]

Not a friend in the world. Been there.

[Unrealious]

OK Dear but you are going to miss a big bang....

[Gretchen]

Is Manilow wearing a Cleveland Indians badge? What IS that on his jacket?

[Kathy P.]

Dam! Can't anybody kill somebody? This is getting monotonous - and I'll probably get hit by the ____robot again....

[Fred]

DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

[Suzy Q with a perimeter]

Ramparts is waaaasted!

[Glow]

He should have just gassed himself.

[wolfie]

He has 7 minutes to screw this up.

[Betsy]

Yer staaaaaaaaaaaaaaalling

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Great...he's going to get drunk...shoot...and miss...

WHATTA MANILOW!

[Amy]

MAFG - Tell your wife she's not alone. I thought Dr. Romano was HOT!!!

[FleaBailey]

Isn't it cute? He keeps his special suicide gun in a box.

[philintexas]

hahah...what the hell is he saving the whiskey for?

[slyeyes]

Booze in the bottom drawer.

Cue the cliche!!

[sybilll]

what a lightweight....THAT doesn't count as a SHOT......get it?

[Layzeeboy]

Black Lable? He's the Prez and he can't afford Blue Lable???

[bizrey]

Wait! My old pals Jack Daniels and Smith & Wesson!!

[Suzy Q with a perimeter]

Amy: Well, I'm still waiting......

[PoorMartha]

Can't a man kill himself in peace these days?

MILES YOU BASTID!

[Fred]

Remember, you cannot play Russian Roulette with a automatic.

[Glow]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Death Interruptus.

[Bucket]

Weasel!

[judi]

scumbucket calling.

[NY girl]

It's that little turncoat **stard!

[ldouthit]

KARPATHIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gretchen]

TOTAL douchebag!!!! HATE Miles!

[Kathy P.]

I knew- F*** - Miles....

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

GASP-Miles couldn't be trusted !!! OMG

[tropichunt.com guy™]

There's that lamp...I told you it was up to no good...look at what it's making Miles do!

[slyeyes]

It's Miles and he destroyed the tape.

[OhioNora]

Miles to the rescue??? Just let the guy shoot himself!!!

[slyeyes]

It's Miles and he destroyed the tape.

[Marie in Kourou]

To each his/her own, Amy... my personal ER lust objects are Carter and Luka... occasionally Doug, when he stops that annoying shoulder thing.

[NY girl]

What a little turncoat weasel!

[Kathy P.]

"Feels compelled to intervene" - there goes the friggin' tape!!!!

[Suzy Q with a perimeter]

"I feel compelled"? Feel your ownself up and stop helping Manilow, you weasel!

[sybilll]

I smell blackmail by the Will & Grace guy in 3, 2, 1.....

[Bucket]

Oh, good! NOTHING will be resolved. AGAIN!

[wolfie]

Chloe.. break out the tazer!

[Brad]

where is chloe with the damn taser when you need her

[Gretchen]

So...we have time to find out what the lapel pin is all about.

[WoosterGirl]

NO BULLETS!!! ARRRRRGHHH!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

TASER HIM! TASER HIM NOW!

[MaryContrary]

Toady weasel to the President! Miles' highest ambition is realized!

[Layzeeboy]

"I work under Kare Hayes." SNARK

[Suzy Q with a perimeter]

Yeah, what wolfie said!!

[judi]

wait, what'd he just DO?

[bizrey]

Miles just erased the tape!!

[mama jodeo]

Why couldn't Karen put Miles in holding??? Everyone else has spent time there.

[Glow]

Please don't tell me he pickpocketed our Chloe.

[FleaBailey]

Oh c'mon. Miles couldn't finesse his way out of a paper bag. What are we worried about?

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

This is torturous.

[Kathy P.]

Magnet, I'll bet....

[Jessica R.]

I am so glad that I am reading the blog instead of watching the show. Obviously, the blog is far more entertaining than the frustrating random plot generator which appears to be in high gear tonight!

[Marie in Kourou]

I keep reading Miles as Niles, like on "Frasier". Who knew he'd stoop so low to get Daphne?

[WoosterGirl]

Suzy, you need to break your perimeter and shoot to kill. I repeat, shoot to kill.

[mellio]

That smarmy little so-and-so. I hate him...

[Gail]

he erased the tape with some magnetic thingy!

[Gretchen]

Sybilll: Will & Grace guy? What Will & Grace guy?

[bizrey]

Or he scrambled the memory card on the high-tech recorder

[slyeyes]

See what happens when Jack sits and does nothing for a minute.

[Amy]

jAAARRAaGSDAfgadsaffsdAdfasDSAagb lkjvutioewroiuttoiurui;oe! ;oivnr jt

tRANSMIssiOn fAilEdd...

[Suzy Q with a perimeter]

NO ONE GOT SHOT TONIGHT! I'm just saying....why do we watch this? For the thigh-shootin'! And uppposedly "gratuitous violence." And what do we get? We get Manilow!

[Glow]

Chloe can demagnetize a magnetized tape, can't she? Can't she? Where is the Jane Bond music?

[mama jodeo]

This is getting a little hard to suspend belief about. Jack could have up loaded that thing a million times, including to his phone answering machine.

[sybilll]

Gretchen, Sorry, but, I see Sean Hayes ALL over that dude

[Bucket]

Chloe backed it up to Jack's pda! I just know she did! Who gets the handbag? Get it right!

[wolfie]

Please.. like Chloe hadn't already downloaded it and cleaned it up? By now it's so clear you can hear the moth behind Pres weenies head fart.

[Jessica R.]

I think that Miles needs to spend some time in the CTU hospital. What do you think?

[PoorMartha]

Yay!! Aaron's still alive! Yay!

[slyeyes]

aaarrroooonnnn!!!!!

[JT]

"You can't touch them...but they can touch you."

Terrorist lap dancers?

[homeybeef]

Hey, Aaron turned back to human form after spending a few hours as a cell phone

[Gretchen]

WHAT did they do to Aaron?!?!? And who is THEY??? And how many hours are left in this show anyway?

They must have a random plot tier-upper they're planning to use.

[KOW]

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

That is all.

[Suzy Q who doesn't need a perimeter anymore]

Well, at least it looks like Mike is bleeding next week. *sigh*

[daisymae]

LThey're torturing Aaron!

[Kathy P.]

Dam*, now I'm hooked and 4 hours into it. It's 10 pm - do you know where your children are? Probably waiting for the news to give him a behind the scenes look at 24...

[Betsy]

So...we have just enough episodes left for Miles to destroy the "only" copy of the tape...and then for it to be revealed that somebody -- maybe EVERYbody -- made copies: Chloe, William DeVane, Sherry, Jack, the Marines, the co-pilot, Aaron, Dedgar -- and then we'll need a new President. Any suggestions?

[Layzeeboy]

*checks TiVo for David Blaine....maybe at least HE'LL die*

[Middle Aged Fat Guy]

Oh brother. And republicans LOVE this stuff.

[Kathleen]

What a limey bastard, that Miles!
That's it, Logan. You can betray your cousin and endanger innocent lives all you want, but when you mess with Aaron...THAT'S where I draw the line.

[WoosterGirl]

Sly, I agree. Jack should NEVER have kissed Audrey's *bleah! ick! yuck!* sweatpants.

[Marie in Kourou]

So the guy Chloe tasered in the last episode is still lying on the floor of the bar, unconscious?

[mellio]

oh, come ON! Miles did not switch that freakin' tape RIGHT UNDER AUDREY'S NOSE!

STOP it! Someone shoot me in the thigh...

[Suzy Q who doesn't need a perimeter anymore]

Ok, so it's Aaron. Shut up. Can you keep up with all this sh*t?