I am not happy with Jack. And I will tell you why.
The week before last, an innocent bank manager bought the farm in a hail o' bullets after Jack kidnapped him to get the Secret Recording that would expose President Manilow for being behind the Killer Kanister Plot. OK, fine, we can live with that. Hundreds of innocent people have died for being so unfortunate or stupid as to be standing within 25 yards of Jack. That is the price that we, as a nation, must pay to be saved by Jack.
But then last week, having gone through all that hassle to get the Secret Recording, Jack HANDED IT TO HENDERSON. Why? Because Audrey was bleeding! Awww. Poor Audrey!
So Jack, having totally blown it, is back to square one in his efforts to nail the president. Fortunately he still has Chloe, who would have had the gumption to keep the Secret Recording and let Audrey drain like a cheap wading pool. Chloe has relocated from CTU to a secret workstation, from which she no doubt has access to every database, schematic and missile-launch code in the world.
Meanwhile, Secret Service agent Aaron, who may or may not have been secretly servicing the First Lady, and who was going to spill the beans to her, is missing.
Edgar is still dead.
That is the situation. I will be monitoring tonight's episode and commenting when possible, but my efforts may be sporadic because the Miami Heat are in a playoff game against the Chicago Cow Manures, which means (a) I have to monitor that, also, and (b) I have to put my daughter to bed, which is not always an easy thing to get done before 9 p.m. Eastern Thigh-Shootin' Time. But I will do my best. I know you all will, too.
UPDATE: Heat 55, Manures 47
UPDATE: "Heineken Premium Light?" Light? What the hell have they done?
UPDATE: William Devane is not acting very hard.
UPDATE: Chloe is going to slip in through the subnet.
UPDATE: Chloe, dissing the man's computer. She needs a lot of gigahertz, that Chloe.
UPDATE: He hit a barn! How the hell many barns ARE there in Los Angeles?
UPDATE: The old we're-tracking-secretary-Heller line. Is Jack falling for THAT?
UPDATE: Jack has, like, 18 gazillion things downloaded on his PDA. Any minute now that thing is going to explode.
UPDATE: Secretary of Defense William Devane, realizing that the only alternative was to keep reading really bad dialogue, has driven into the lake.
UPDATE: Audrey has a lot of spunk, for a gal who recently lost 17 gallons of blood.
UPDATE: Wait! Who's the bald guy?
UPDATE: If the First Cleavage gets capped and Audrey lives, I... I just don't know what I will do.
UPDATE: Chloe's backtracing the route.
UPDATE: Jack doesn't feel right about this.
UPDATE: These Homeland creepsters apparently take Xanax by the pound.
UPDATE: Shari is going to get detention.
UPDATE: Somebody is definitely sleeping on the First Sofa tonight.
UPDATE: I think if they got rid of that red lighting, they'd all feel better.
UPDATE: Heat 76, Manures 65
UPDATE: This episode needs less Anguish and more Shooting, is my view.
UPDATE: Who are these guys? And does the bald one realize how stupid those earpieces look?
UPDATE: There is a Much Deeper Plot, huh?
UPDATE: The old Secretary-Heller-might-have-an-air-pocket line.
UPDATE: Curtis! Good old Curtis.
UPDATE: Chloe is on AOL. Bill has the optional $9.95-a-month schematics package.
UPDATE: Heat 85, Manures 69
UPDATE: Hey, that stuntman looked kind of like Jack, only taller.
UPDATE: The creepster figured out Chloe's node. That bastard.
UPDATE: The phone bill for this show must be like eleventy gazillion dollars.
UPDATE: I think Mike and Karen would make a cute older couple.
UPDATE: There better be shooting soon,
UPDATE: Jack is too heavy to be luggage! There's going to be a penalty for that.
UPDATE: OK, that was a lame episode.
UPDATE: Next week: Jack is the Flight Attendant from Hell.
UPDATE: Heat 95, Manures 76, end of 3 quarters.