« March 2006 | Main | May 2006 »

April 30, 2006

LA UPDATE

The Remainders concluded their international worldwide three-city tour in Los Angeles with several performances that were stunning artistic triumphs, in the sense that nobody got hurt. We believe we are the first band ever to do a version of "Leader of the Pack" in which the Leader of the Pack -- played by Amy Tan's husband, Lou de Matei -- appeared onstage riding a Segway.

A number of blog persons showed up for the outdoor concert, including this group, who sat in the front row, which is why if you look closely at this exclusive CrapCam photograph you can see their ears are bleeding:
Bandgroup
Also on hand were Mike Weasel and Mad Scientist, who met on the blog and are getting married, and who presented me with a tasteful T-shirt featuring a booger.
Mikeandmad
Also Annie-Where-but-here came by with a massive bag o' cookies, which were excellent and lasted maybe 38 seconds.

Thanks to all who came out on the Remainders tour.

April 28, 2006

A RECOMMENDATION FOR DRINKING HEAVILY

Hey Dave, et al,

I really thoroughly enjoyed the show in Dallas. The music was well worth the
ticket price, especially once it had been matched by the bar tab. Anyway, I
figured I'd send you a few of my own crapcam shots I took during the show.

The whole set is here:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/sidehike/sets/72057594118293887/

Give Denver hell for us Texans,
Bo Nash

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: A story by ASK

REMAINDERS UPDATE

Last night we had a fine show in Denver, including an appearance by Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper, whom we love because he has many excellent policies, plus he owns a bar. There were blog folks in the crowd, and some of them, aware of the very real danger of kazoo injury, took the wise precaution of wearing forehead protection. One of these people was WriterDude, who can be seen with me in the exclusive CrapCam photo below, where we are demonstrating exactly how correct kazoo protection works.
Writerdude

In case you can't see it clearly: WriterDude is wearing an industrial-sized bandage that says FOREHEAD PROTECTION. This blog does not know whether he was wearing any other protection, and this blog does not WANT to know.

Today we head for Los Angeles. Be ready out there.

April 27, 2006

TOILETS MAKING THE NEWS

Thieves are stealing them! Ghosts are flushing them!

IT HAS TO STOP

Lobster abuse

A POLL OF MARRIED COUPLES

If Dr. Cresswell's exploration is successful, there will be no need for compromise.

Agree ______

Disagree _____

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

GOOD MORNING, L.A.

You're next.

REMAINDERS UPDATE

We had a fine show in Dallas. The crowd was intoxicated in a great mood, and we hit several correct notes. Monte Montgomery was absolutely amazing. The only flaw in the evening came at the end, when we did our signature closing song, the musically challenging "Wild Thing," at the end of which we traditionally hurl our kazoos into the crowd. One of the kazoos hit Monte's wife in the forehead, causing a cut. She was a good sport about it, but in professional music circles it is not considered a good thing for a band to inflict kazoo wounds on its audience.

Several blog folk were in the crowd, including ASK, formerly known as elfbrains, who gave me a T-shirt with a blog screen on the front. He can be seen below ogling Amy Tan, who is holding up the T-shirt to shield her nakedness.

Amyask

Today we fly to Denver, where we perform tonight to benefit Denver SCORES. Hope to see you there! Wear forehead protection.

April 26, 2006

ATTENTION, RESIDENTS OF DENVER

Your turn for the earplug run.

TORNADO MACHINE

VIDEO UPDATE

(Thanks to Rockwell, the creator, and Kathy Schrock)

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to ShadowKatmandu)

NEWARK

Be on the lookout for the usual suspects.

(Thanks to fivver)

IT'S A GOOD THING WE ARE SO BUSY THINKING AND TALKING ABOUT THE REMAINDERS

We aren't even tempted to blog anything against the rules.

(Thanks to Spambox55)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

Put your hands together for... umm... a good cause.

Really.

(Thanks to UbiquiTed)

UPDATE: Peter Metrinko, who as far as we know has not yet heard the band, suggests this might be appropriate.

SHAMELESS BLOG-PROMOTION

Whoa.

DO NOT READ THIS POST

Do not click this link. Especially if you're having lunch. If you do, don't blame the s.b.

Blame Susannah Nation.

FOOD-RELATED UPDATE: Here's the gas-free beans link, so you can stop sending it in now. Thank you so much!

ENOUGH WITH THE TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCES ALREADY

Just what we need: grown men, playing with their hamsters.

(Thanks to Artchick)

ATTENTION, DALLAS-AREA RESIDENTS

Tickets are still available for tonight's performance by the Rock Bottom Remainders. We are planning a hard-rockin' show featuring numerous chords, including, for the first time ever in our repertoire, a B-flat. There will be alcohol.
Also featured in the show tonight will be Monte  Montgomery, who is a fabulous guitarist, but has agreed to join us anyway. We will also have our regular guitarists, who are me and Greg Iles. Here's a little-known fact: At one time Greg and I formed a band in an effort to pick up women. For some reason we failed, despite the fact that we made an album with a really cool cover:
Greganddave

BULLETIN BULLETIN OHMIGOD BULLETIN

April 25, 2006

AS PROMISED

Amy Tan naked. Or, fairly naked. This  blog will continue to pursue this important literary effort.
Amy11

RULES ARE RULES

Thank goodness we know better than to blog anyone with a funny name -- especially not a judge, for heaven's sake -- or we could be in real trouble.

(Thanks to Sarah, and Susannah Nation)

GET BACK TO WORK

NOW.

(We apologize for the questionable nature of our posts this afternoon so far. But not in a believable way.)

(Thanks to Michael Ester)

WHILE THE BLOG'S AWAY...

It's the perfect time to get a little cleaning up done around here.¹

(Thanks to Sarah Christianson)

¹OK, so it's an ad. We don't care.

THE BIG APPLE

If you can make it there, you may very well cause a clog.

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TOUGH DOGS

...you're talking dachshund.

THIS BLOG IS SO VERY PROUD

We aren't rock and roll, we are an improvised music quartet. and thanks to your wonderful blog, we are now the Raging Hamster Quartet. here's a picture of the poster for our concert in Seattle.

Everyone in our quartet thanks you for the inspiration.
wendi martin

ADVISORY

Blogging from me will be sporadic for the rest of the week, as I'll be joining the World Famous But Not Necessarily For A Good Reason Rock Bottom Remainders, who are  beginning a massive three city-tour. We will be dashing from city to city, playing "gigs" and trying to evade our groupie (this should be easy, as there are 10 of us, and we have just the one groupie, and she is pretty slow) and helping ourselves to the hotel shampoo and just generally leading a wild rock-star existence. I will try to post photos of Amy Tan naked, but this is not always possible. Stay tuned.

April 24, 2006

24

I am not happy with Jack. And I will tell you why.

The week before last, an innocent bank manager bought the farm in a hail o' bullets after Jack kidnapped him to get the Secret Recording that would expose President Manilow for being behind the Killer Kanister Plot. OK, fine, we can live with that. Hundreds of innocent people have died for being so unfortunate or stupid as to be standing within 25 yards of Jack. That is the price that we, as a nation, must pay to be saved by Jack.

But then last week, having gone through all that hassle to get the Secret Recording, Jack HANDED IT TO HENDERSON. Why? Because Audrey was bleeding! Awww. Poor Audrey!

Sheesh.

So Jack, having totally blown it, is back to square one in his efforts to nail the president. Fortunately he still has Chloe, who would have had the gumption to keep the Secret Recording and let Audrey drain like a cheap wading pool. Chloe has relocated from CTU to a secret workstation, from which she no doubt has access to every database, schematic and missile-launch code in the world.

Meanwhile, Secret Service agent Aaron, who may or may not have been secretly servicing the First Lady, and who was going to spill the beans to her, is missing.

Edgar is still dead.

That is the situation. I will be monitoring tonight's episode and commenting when possible, but my efforts may be sporadic because the Miami Heat are in a playoff game against the Chicago Cow Manures, which means (a) I have to monitor that, also, and (b) I have to put my daughter to bed, which is not always an easy thing to get done before 9 p.m. Eastern Thigh-Shootin' Time. But I will do my best. I know you all will, too.

UPDATE: Heat 55, Manures 47

UPDATE: "Heineken Premium Light?" Light? What the hell have they done?

UPDATE: William Devane is not acting very hard.

UPDATE: Chloe is going to slip in through the subnet.

UPDATE: Chloe, dissing the man's computer. She needs a lot of gigahertz, that Chloe.

UPDATE: He hit a barn! How the hell many barns ARE there in Los Angeles?

UPDATE: The old we're-tracking-secretary-Heller line. Is Jack falling for THAT?

UPDATE: Jack has, like, 18 gazillion things downloaded on his PDA. Any minute now that thing is going to explode.

UPDATE: Secretary of Defense William Devane, realizing that the only alternative was to keep reading really bad dialogue, has driven into the lake.

UPDATE: Audrey has a lot of spunk, for a gal who recently lost 17 gallons of blood.

UPDATE: Wait! Who's the bald guy?

UPDATE: If the First Cleavage gets capped and Audrey lives, I... I just don't know what I will do.

UPDATE: Chloe's backtracing the route.

UPDATE: Jack doesn't feel right about this.

UPDATE: These Homeland creepsters apparently take Xanax by the pound.

UPDATE: Shari is going to get detention.

UPDATE: Somebody is definitely sleeping on the First Sofa tonight.

UPDATE: I think if they got rid of that red lighting, they'd all feel better.

UPDATE: Heat 76, Manures 65

UPDATE: This episode needs less Anguish and more Shooting, is my view.

UPDATE: Who are these guys? And does the bald one realize how stupid those earpieces look?

UPDATE: There is a Much Deeper Plot, huh?

UPDATE: The old Secretary-Heller-might-have-an-air-pocket line.

UPDATE: Curtis! Good old Curtis.

UPDATE: Chloe is on AOL. Bill has the optional $9.95-a-month schematics package.

UPDATE: Heat 85, Manures 69

UPDATE: Hey, that stuntman looked kind of like Jack, only taller.

UPDATE: The creepster figured out Chloe's node. That bastard.

UPDATE: The phone bill for this show must be like eleventy gazillion dollars.

UPDATE: I think Mike and Karen would make a cute older couple.

UPDATE: There better be shooting soon,

UPDATE: Jack is too heavy to be luggage! There's going to be a penalty for that.

UPDATE: OK, that was a lame episode.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack is the Flight Attendant from Hell.

UPDATE: Heat 95, Manures 76, end of 3 quarters.

BE READY

YES, THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT MOTORISTS WILL DIE

But dammit, Audi owners need their espresso.

(Via Gizmodo)

WAIT A MINUTE...

This was supposed to be a punishment?

(Thanks to SGT Sickler)

HOMEOWNER PROBLEM OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to Mr. Completely)

SCIENCE HEADLINE OF THE DAY

May we offer a few suggestions?

(Thanks to chicomathmom)

AS YOU SEARCH THE INTERNET FOR NEWS AND TRAVEL INFORMATION, WE BET YOU WANT TO KNOW

What's new with WANG?

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

WE'RE PROBABLY THE LAST BLOG ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET TO DISCOVER THIS

...but here.

(Thanks to Pam)

YESSSSS!

(Thanks to Southerngirl)

BRIDES: LOOKING FOR A SPECIAL, FUN PLACE TO HOLD YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION?

Look no farther.

(Thanks to Steve Hooley and Catherine Conner)

CALLING SHERLOCK HOLMES

The Case of the Petrified Badger

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

OURS IS NOT TO REASON WHY

Ours is but to ask a guy.

(Thanks to Catherine Conner)

UPDATE: Turns out this could be art.

(Thanks to Mike Antonucci)

THE ONGOING SQUIRREL WAR AGAINST INSTUTUTIONS OF HIGHER LEARNING

It keeps getting worse, and worse, and worse.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to Mew)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

ATTENTION, YOUTHFUL PRANKSTERS IN THE COLORADO SPRINGS AREA

You better watch out.

THE HIGH PRICE OF DEMOCRACY

If we understand this story correctly, Achankunju, presiding officer for Kidangamparbu near Alappuzha, was bitten by a snake while sleeping in a polling booth. Also the power was out.

April 22, 2006

ATTENTION, DADS OF THE U.S.

Time to start planning your family's summer vacation.

(Thanks to Ford79)

"MAYBE WE SHOULD ASK FOR DIRECTIONS"

"Don't be silly! We have a GPS!"

(Via Gizmodo)

UPDATE FROM COW ISLAND

There was an explosion at the gas plant. And these folks could not feel perkier about it.

THE LONE ADVANTAGE OF LOW-FLOW TOILETS

You can't do this.

MAYBE JACK BAUER WILL SHOOT IT IN THE THIGH

Reggie the Alligator is back.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Mullet)

April 21, 2006

TECHNOLOGY STAGGERS FORWARD

The self-cooling can.

(Via Gizmodo)

 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise