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April 25, 2006


Blogging from me will be sporadic for the rest of the week, as I'll be joining the World Famous But Not Necessarily For A Good Reason Rock Bottom Remainders, who are  beginning a massive three city-tour. We will be dashing from city to city, playing "gigs" and trying to evade our groupie (this should be easy, as there are 10 of us, and we have just the one groupie, and she is pretty slow) and helping ourselves to the hotel shampoo and just generally leading a wild rock-star existence. I will try to post photos of Amy Tan naked, but this is not always possible. Stay tuned.


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*is extremely jealous of ASK and MOTW, who will take turns being The Groupie on Wednesday*

*hopes that Dave poses with bloglits for multiple crapcam pictures and posts them immediately*

*wonders if ASK will wear pants*

*Is envious of everybody named above, and more besides*
*considers Fed Ex-ing underwear to MOTW and ASK for proxy-tossing on stage; checks underwear drawer; changes mind*
*considers telling Dave to 'break a leg', but is reluctant to tempt fate*

Break a toenail, Dave!!!

Pro'lly been asked before, but does she have Amy Tan Lines?

OHHHHHHHH!!! Thanx for reminding me KDF - We get the first pictures from the New and (sort of) Improved CrapCam this trip!! I am all atwitter!!

Honestly had not considered the question of whether or not to wear pants.

Snork @ CR

I know you'll be in Los Angeles this Saturday, unfortunately when we went to get tickets, your session was all booked up already. :(

Looking forward to the double-live album/DVD/drink coaster set...

Hey, howcome Steven King isn't playing this gig???

His lovely wife Tabitha didn't pull a dreaded "Yoko", did she???

I have a lighter. I have underwear (washed). Can I get a ticket?

The RBR are all world famous for very good reasons. That these reasons do not involve music is beside the point.

Mikey, I'm pretty sure you're gonna hafta check the underwear at the door. No open containers, no drawers.

Do the RBR's amps go to 11?

Posting photos of Amy Tan naked is ok, I guess, but I'd rather Dave put his clothes on and post photos of naked Amy Tan.

Will Judi be hawking tickets at the door? Will Ted "The Mullet" H-G be wearing a yellow jacket with "Security" written on it, and glaring towards the mosh pit? Will there even be a mosh pit?

KDF - I'm still considering the pants - are you now saying that I will have to remove my underwear at the door?

pssst, Hugh, don't pick on the Pulitzer Prize winner's sentence structure or we'll have to open up a can o' whoop@ss

ASK, I am merely the me$$enger.

Dave, We New Englanders will just be sitting here. Alone. Listening to nothing. Weeping silently.



(Anybody else in New England got a deck of cards or something?)



Here ya go KDFgirl.

I have a deck of cards... Go fish anyone?

Dave and the other remaining 9 rock bottoms

I will have my laser tag set with fully charged batteries. You cannot evade me very long. All your bon mots are belong to us.

Mwa ha ha ha ha!

I don't have any cards, but maybe this would help?

What? You don't have an 8-track player?

I used to have that 8-Track ASK, but when I looked inside for the lyrics, the tape fell out all over the floor. I could never QUITE get it reloaded correctly. Do you have ANY idea what BM sounds like in reverse?

about the same - slow and sappy?

I will have the very handsome Mr MOTW with me and I think he would frown upon me tossing any panties at an RBR member ...

I have my propeller beanie and bon mots (and earplugs), however, so I feel equipped for the concert.

ASK, Dear - do you want to provide the linkie for the one-liners here or not? It seems to have slowed to a stop, contribution-wise.

ASK - You are not allowed to pick the music.

You're in charge of coats.

Oh......anybody got Twister?

I am already finished with that part of my plan for world domination, so I guess not.

Dave, as long as Amy Tan stops posting the naked pictures of you, I'll be ok with it.

You'll have to handle your own coats - I'm going to be occupied.

Anybody within a 100 mile radius of Boston wanna form a RBR support group?

We could maybe be the "Rock Bottom Remainders' Remainders"

I think we should meet at a Neutral location. How about Kellys of Revere. We can drown our sorrows in Clam chowder and Roast Beef sandwiches.

*sneaks in and swipes KDF's gin and tonic*

i'm in upstate ny. no cards, but i gots a monopoly set. perhaps we will have to use these as diversions. and when is the DVD coming out?

Hey, Poo, How about

The Rock Bottom Remainders Reminders? (WBAGNFARBof Old Farts)

(♪ Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho,
It's Off to Work I go♪ )


Nick Burns - As I understand it, Dave and the RBRs will be playing twice at the LA gig on Saturday.

The show at 2:30 at the ETC stage is free, no tickets required.

Then there's the Fancy Gig at 8 p.m. (VIP reception at 6:30 if you have that kind of cash...) with Conversation, Debate, Special Guests and whatnot.

Screw it, I'm going to the free one. See ya there!

Hey Punkin ...

Yep, Connecticut needs support. NO RBR, no nuthin. But I'm not sure what happens to someone who lives in Miami if they travel north of Philly. Dave probably shouldn't risk it ... :-p

Nigel, Let's hope the amps don't go to 11, and let's also hope thay have no armadillos in their trousers.

Maybe a proper send off would be, Break Like the Wind.

RBR VIP reception!?

*insert witty comment here*

ASK, don't worry about pants. i think you should were a plastic bag bra though.

*zips in*


Isn't it just a teeny bit early for gin and tonic? It's not even 8a.m. PDT. And don't tell me It's 5 o'clock somewhere because that doesn't work.

I think this is what KDF meant. :)

eleanor you are absolutely right, it is not gin and tonic time, it's bloody mary time. silly kdf!

Ok.....we meet at a neutral location. Not Kelly's, though....all I think of when I hear Revere Beach is that Whitey Bulger liked to "whack" people there.

How about Kowloon's? Easy to find - great scorpion bowls!

If we can decide on what to call ourselves, I'll make the T-shirts and membership cards!

Then we just pick a date.

All in favor?????

Oh, and El ~ Here on the frozen Northeast coast, it's ALWAYS time for a drinkie poo. How else do you think we stay thawed?

*joins the East Coast people in playing card games* I'll provide the local fruity rum so we can get totally smashed while bemoaning the fact that we're not at the concert.

Welcome MARIE!!!!!!!!

Here, sit next to me!

MiK - welcome! You get smashed, ASK and MOTW will be wearing ear plugs. Hmmm.

Don't we get to get smashed too?

And, so far, it appears that earplugs is all I get to wear.

Count me in Punkin, I need a scorpion bowl right about now. The new moon is two days away and I can feel the effects through my end-users now.

groupie #1: (lifts shirt) Look, I got Ridley Pearson's autograph!

Groupie #2: (does same) Well, last year, Stephen King wrote a short story on me, it's going to be a major motion picture!

#1: Who's that guy hanging out with Dave Barry?

#2: Ted something, he says he's a roadie, but he spends too much time on his hair for that.

#1: I tried to get with Dave, but he said he had a bad case of "writer's cramp" and he kept repeating "I swear I am not making this up."

#2: this is much more fun than Wellesley!

nominally on topic (since I'm wayyyyy to far south to join the remainder's remainders....)

""and helping ourselves to the hotel shampoo and just generally leading a wild rock-star existence."" (quote is really in invisible italics)

dave, dave, dave.... REAL wild rock-stars would also help themselves to the mini-soaps.... sheesh

I just spotted the RBR's official groupie - she's modeling her latest beachwear

Anyone planning on throwing undies at the RBR's - I believe the proper tradition is to throw boxers. Big, old, loud boxers. Not the dogs, but the underwear.
Anyone who has never been to the LA Times bookfair before - parking is a complete nightmare - tons of people. Leave early and bring your xanax.
Also - you don't need tickets to see the RBR's on the Etc. stage at 2:30. The tickets are for Dave and Ridley's discussion in the morning.
Please join us at 2:30 in the mush pit (at our age, it's 'mush', not 'mosh').

Ok.....so anyone interested in meeting in Boston and having our own wild fling - which we will take pictures of to make Dave jealous - just email me.

I'm thinking Mid May? (When IS scorpion bowl season, anyway? TRICK QUESTION! It's ALWAYS scorpion bowl season!)

if we had a big, old, loud boxer dog, could we bring it to throw anyway?

crossgirl - sure, if you have the arm-strength. I find chihuahuas much easier to fling.

*goes in search for his Emotional Support Boxer to throw at the concert*

Dave might need one ....

Speakin of Bloggie-get-togethers, I am still planning on being at Phillips Harborplace this Sunday to see a great local(ish) band if there are any other Bawlmer Bloggers who wanna get together. Great excuse to drink Cuervo and listen to some cool music. Drop a line or lemme know here if yer interested.

Weasel and I will be in the LA Mush Pit. We couldn't get tickets to see Dave and Ridley read Peter and Starcatchers though. You can also line up to talk to Dave and have things signed immediately following his talk. Hopefully all the ticket people will be inside and those of us with restraining orders can line up to be FIRST! for the signing portion of the day.

I'm too far east for LA, too far north for Texas and too far west for the New England Support Group ...

Y'all have fun ...

Poor O.

Maybe you can support your own self.

Yeah, Punkin' ... mebbe I can adapt some plastic shoppin' bags ...

O the U...If you can extend your sympathies to Chicago, we can form the Rock Bottom Remainders Remainders-in-Exile. Or maybe Adjunct Remainders? It's not fair that those of us in the middle of this great land get ignored by all the coasts.

(They think they're so smart, but they don't know how to deal with five or six different seasons in a single day, the way we do.)

are tickets sold out for that panel?

I'm in the Boston area, and also very sad that the RBR's won't be up here. I'm usually a blurker because I've been blocked at work (stupid work). You guys always crack me up though!

Betsy - we do too know how to deal with 5 or 6 seasons in a day - MOVE.

Yeah, Annie ... to the place where your season labels are based on disasters, and not precipitation rates or temperature ...

To Wit: I recall ... oh, about last November ... I think it wuz somebuddy from Ventura County or thereabouts, sayin' that they were glad to be movin' out of the brushfire season, into the mudslide season ... or somethin' like that ...

( ... and, BTW, where [I might add] it's always earthquake season ...)

Merely observin' here ...

Bets' -- good idea, but too far ... I'm plannin' on drivin' a Rent-A-Trash to Fargo for the weekend, to help my son & his family move to their new home ... mebbe we can work somethin' out for Sioux City or Des Moines in a week or three ... or mebbe the TC?

Nah ... too busy ... hafta wait until July or August, now ... or else go back to the work shift in SoCal ...

O the U...'s ok...a spiritual group will do. All of us in middle America (geographically, that is) just need to pause for a moment when the RBR curtain goes up, and think of BARRY MANILOW.
(can you tell I'm bitter??)

And *wild applause* for your excellent defense of our homeland. Yeah, there was some slush on my windshield this morning, but at least nothing was crumbling, or trembling, or flaming, or oozing, or erupting, or exploding, or whirling, or carrying any kind of visible pestilence. And it didn't have snakes, either. So there.


I just remembered -- today, as I wuz drivin' from werk -- there's another thing Nodak does NOT have, (besides lotsa crime, panhandlers on every corner and in every parking lot and a constant state of apprehension for one's own safety) that every other state has ...

Parking meters.


They're illegal (on public property) in Nodak.

Ya don't hafta pay, for the privilege of goin' into a business emporium, to spend your money ...

(Bets' -- this is not actually addressed @ you ... merely a general comment ... lotsa folks make fun of what Nodak does NOT have ... well, here's another one ... merely braggin' ...)

Has anyone actually seen Steven King play with RBR? I mean anytime this century?

O the U...Wow, dude! No parking meters? NoDak sounds like a little piece o'heaven!

We don't have snakes, etc, but we have meters aplenty, along with obscure parking restrictions that are all plainly marked with lengthy signs barely visible to the naked eye, and created by the Bureau of Traffic Management and Quantum Mechanics: "No parking on Tuesdays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. between April 1 and October 15 between signs. No parking when more than 2" of snow on ground or 1" of ground is on the snow. No parking when moon is full, unless Snow Route restrictions have been waived by a plurality of authenticated proxy-holders under the Illinois Traffic Trafficking Act...VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED" etc, etc, etc.
So is there some way I could park in Nodak, and continue to live in Chicago?

... um ... yeah, but it's a heckuva commute ...

Ackshully, perty much a major portion of the state is a parking lot ... if you don't mind a little off-road travel ... merely sayin' ...

(I'll send you the "details" of the story of why we have no parkin' meters, if you're interested ... HOWever, don't tell me here ... if ya wanna read a medium-grade blah story, email me and I'll answer ...)

Betsy, when I lived in Chicago we heard rumors that in Minneapolis/St. Paul they had electrical outlets in the meters to plug in a heater for the car battery so it would start when those temperatures were 50 below. Like Minnesotans really knew how to do cold. I think it was just a rumor.

We had to take out battery out of the car and stow it in the basement, so the car would start in the morning. Of course, that would only be after spending two hours digging it out of the snow drift.

I swore when I left Chicago I would never live anywhere that cold without a heated garage and a snow blower. I guess another solution would be to scrap the car and get around by public transportation.

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